“Do you mind if I stop by? I’m nearby.”
“No I don’t mind at all.”
Ten minutes later, Mr. McMannus knocked on the door.
*****
24 hours later
I heard the knock on the door, but I didn’t answer it. I spent all day either packing or destroying everything in my townhouse. I didn’t feel like talking. I didn’t feel like seeing anyone. I just want to be left the fuck alone, I grumbled as I threw away the last of the items in a big box.
The doorbell chimed and I ignored it again, walking through the living room to drop off the oversized ottoman to the front hallway. My cell phone was powered off, but I could almost guarantee that if it were on, it would be ringing. I powered it off a couple hours after speaking with Mr. McMannus and I never turned it back on. I went to finish packing up my office when the doorbell went off repeatedly followed by insistent pounding on the door. Ashlyn pulled this shit yesterday, I thought angrily. I didn’t want to talk to her then and I for damn sure don’t want to talk to her now. You know what? Fuck it!
Storming through the house, I got to the front door and flung it open. Fully prepared to scream at Ashlyn or whoever it was, I suddenly found myself unable to speak. We both were unmoving, like statues, as we eyed one another. I felt the stinging behind my eyes so I had to look away from her.
Taking a step forward, Sahara placed her hands on either side of my face. “I’m sorry.”
Feeling my sense of control slipping away, I bit down on my lip and nodded. I didn’t trust myself to look into her eyes, let alone, talk to her.
“I’m sorry, love,” she repeated, backing me into the house. She closed the door behind her and I plopped down on the ottoman I just moved.
Still looking just above her head, I held on to the last shred of control I had over my emotions. “What are you doing here?” I managed to choke out, still unable to look directly at her.
“I couldn’t get in touch with you yesterday and I got worried. I talked to Emily this morning and she told me what happened. So I took the day off and booked the first flight I could to be here with you, for you.”
I dropped my eyes to meet her gaze momentarily and then I had to look away. The love I feel for this woman…, I thought as I closed my eyes, overwhelmed.
Clearing my throat, I said, “You didn’t have to do that.”
“I’d do anything for you, love. Anything.”
When I didn’t say anything, she begged softly, “Look at me.”
When I opened my eyes, the first tears I shed over the situation fell. “After all that, she’s not mine. I fell in love with that little girl the moment I laid eyes on her. And she’s not mine.”
Sahara kissed me chastely before wrapping her arms around me. “I’m so sorry this happened to you, but we’ll get through this. Together, we can get through anything,” she said as I pulled her into my lap. “I love you, Emanuel.”
“I love you too,” I whispered as I buried my face in her coconut scented hair.
Sahara’s Playlist
“To Build A Home” -- The Cinematic Orchestra
“Breathe Me” – Sia
“Trouble” – Coldplay
“Never Felt This Way” – Alicia Keys
“Fumble” –Trey Songz
“Gone” – Nsync
“Your Hands” – Marsha Ambrosius
“Any Time, Any Place” – Janet Jackson
“He Loves Me (Lyzel in E Flat)” – Jill Scott
“I Need Love” – Robin Thicke
“Don’t Speak” – Leela James
“Say Something” –A Great Big World
“Bitter” – Me’Shell NdegeOcello
“Fall For Your Type” – Jamie Foxx ft. Drake
“Stay” – Rihanna ft. Mikky Ekko
“Need It” – Half Moon Run
“Flaws And All” – Beyonce
“Doing It Wrong” – Drake
“When The Right One Comes Along” – Clare Bowen & Sam Palladio
“Like A Star” – Corrine Bailey Rae
“Safe & Sound” – Taylor Swift ft The Civil Wars
“Make You Feel My Love” – Adele
Back to December
Back to Life #3
Danielle Allen
Dedication
Dedicated to you. With love.
XOXO
Remember that person you thought you couldn’t live without?
Well, look at you living and shit.
Prologue
May 2nd
Thirteen Years Ago
Best friends since birth, I knew Sahara would stop harassing me to go out with her if I just agreed to go. I knew her better than anyone in the world. Our parents went to college together. Our dads were fraternity brothers and we were born a few months apart. Although we looked like opposites and had no blood relation, we were sisters in every sense of the word. Our parents’ best friend status sealed our best friend fate and for that reason alone, I knew that I wasn’t going to let her go out alone if she really wanted to go.
“Emily Marie Mills! I just finished the hardest final of the semester today and you’ve been done since Tuesday. I just want a night out to celebrate. And what better way than to go to the spring social at Beta Tau Beta Fraternity?” Sahara begged, pouting.
From the confines of my bed, I rolled my eyes. “Sahara Michelle Lee!” I called out, mimicking her throaty voice. You just finished the hardest final of the semester, huh? Isn’t that what you said about our Biology final on Monday when you wanted to go to happy hour at Bull’s Eye?” I pursed my lips as her pout became more dramatic.
I broke down and laughed first as her bottom lip twitched.
“Look, I don’t feel well. My head is killing me and I need to be well rested for the show tomorrow.” I closed my eyes briefly thinking about the stress of double majoring in education and dance. The more I thought about it, the more my head throbbed. “You’re Pre-Med. You should care more about my condition. And you are going to be nineteen in a month—stop pouting!” I threw a pink checkered pillow at her.
Sahara dodged the pillow as she squealed. “Throw pillows are not made for throwing!”
I pulled the comforter up to my chin and nuzzled my head against my pillow, fighting a giggle as I forced a yawn.
“This spring social is the biggest event of the year and we have attended almost every event at almost every frat house on campus. I’ve made sure our grades remained perfect. It is our right—nay, our duty to end our freshmen year with this party,” she said with mock seriousness.
I silently stared at her, keeping my face as neutral as possible.
Maybe going to this party tonight will be what I need to loosen up. I need to be loose tomorrow. I have to nail it.
I was confident in my routine. I knew I had the moves. I was nervous about my parents finding out I double majored and intended to pursue my passion. All I ever wanted was to dance. I liked the idea of teaching, but I loved the idea of spending my days dancing.
And I mean, what did they expect? Mom was a dance star in Lebanon. Pretty much all of the women on Dad’s side of the family taught traditional Samoan dance. Dancing is in my blood! I don’t understand how they could be so against me getting a degree in dance when that’s all I’ve ever wanted. And, if anything goes wrong tomorrow, I can forget about ever having their approval. I can forget about ever having their blessing.
That was a sobering thought because if school got hard and I had to choose between teaching and dancing, I’d choose dancing. And if the first two semesters were any indication, I would need to adjust my schedule for fall.
And I need to tell them after the showcase. Rip the bandage off. Be upfront. Let them know where their dollars are going. God, they are going to flip. Or worse, they are going to stop paying for school.
The disappointment I knew was headed my way would be crushing and the thought of it made my head throb.
Yeah, I need to get out of her
e tonight. I’m just going to stress myself out. Especially if Sahara goes to the party without me and I’m stuck here alone with my thoughts.
It was in that moment that I realized I’d missed everything Sahara just said and, most importantly, the reason for her barely contained excitement.
She fell silent with a look of hopeful expectancy in her eyes.
Shit.
I had no clue what she had said or why she was looking at me like that. My lips turned up into a slow smile as I held my breath, keeping the laughter in. I was just about to admit that I had no idea what she’d just said when she spoke again.
“We are obviously going to need to get the dresses we saw at Beck’s Boutique in order to go. I could go get them while you rest up in bed. My dad’s treat…”
She pulled out two crisp one hundred-dollar bills.
I cocked my head to the side and smirked. “Using the money from Uncle Malcolm as bait, huh? You are a real piece of work, you know that?” I shook my head at her and smiled. “I would’ve gone without you buying the dress.”
Letting out an excited screech, she launched herself across the room and threw her arms around me. “I would’ve bought you the dress even if you didn’t go,” she admitted.
I took an aspirin and slept for an hour and a half before I was awakened by Sahara carrying in Beck’s Boutique bags. With a new dress and a party to focus on, my headache stemming from the recital pressure had almost gone away. Once we did our hair and makeup and slipped on the Beck’s dresses, my headache was nonexistent.
Sahara was beautiful in her black, backless dress. It hugged her curvy figure, and paired with red pumps, made her legs look even longer. With her twisted hair hanging loose around her, her brown skin glowed with the confidence of a woman who owned her beauty.
Although there were times I wished I had an ass like Sahara, I loved the long, lean muscles of my slim, dancer’s physique. In my red dress, that complimented my olive skin tone, I felt beautiful. The formfitting, backless dress ended in a slight flair of my hips and the pert roundness of my ass. Whenever I caught a glimpse of myself from behind, I felt undeniably sexy. With my dark, almost black, hair pulled into a sleek bun and makeup that played up my grey eyes, I planned on leaving the party with at least four phone numbers.
I’m going to need the distraction to keep busy this summer once my family disowns me, I thought as soon as we walked into the frat house.
The bass in the music thumped, making the glass of the windows shake. It was the perfect tempo for dancing the night away. The music filled my soul and I couldn’t help moving my body immediately. And there were so many good looking dudes. Beta Tau Beta was known for accepting only the hottest men on campus. But apparently, their parties only attracted the best looking men in the Thomasville, Georgia area because as we moved deeper into the party, the eye candy got better and better.
The party was perfect. It was crowded, without being stifling. It was hot, without being sweltering. It was dim, without being too dark. The drinks were free, without using cheap liquor.
Tonight is going to be epic, I thought as I locked eyes with a sexy guy who had pretty good dance moves.
Two and a half hours later, I’d just danced circles around most of the people on the dance floor and I was feeling the alcohol in my system. I knew I was drunk, but it was the music that kept me upright and sane. Just like in life, the music held me together. I didn’t worry about my parents freaking out. I didn’t worry about the recital. I didn’t worry about how I was going to pay for school if my parents stopped supporting me. I didn’t worry about anything except how the music felt in my soul and how the beat moved through my body.
Sahara was sitting on the couch on her phone. She looked like she was having a good time as she maneuvered between dancing with me and sitting with whatever frat boy piqued her interest. She appeared to be as drunk as I felt because Sahara had a tell when she was really into a guy. And the sexiest guy in the place was the president of Beta Tau Beta and he was blatantly flirting with her and she was preoccupied with her phone. He tried for a few minutes before he got up and left.
I shook my head and continued dancing with the English grad student who actually had some moves.
“Why don’t we get out of here?” He asked against the shell of my ear after I finished the drink he’d gotten me.
Lifting my arms as the beat changed, I swayed to the music. “No, I’m good here. But if you’re leaving, have a good summer and be safe.”
Grabbing my arm, he twisted me around and dipped me like we were in the movie Dirty Dancing. I laughed as he pulled me back upright and did a spin move on his own.
“You’re pretty good,” I complimented him, staring into his dark blue eyes.
“You’re pretty,” he returned, spinning me around so that my ass was pressed against his hard dick. He started humping me. “I’d like to get to know you better. Let’s get out of here.”
I sighed. And you actually had a chance before that dick move.
Putting some space between us, I turned back around to face him. “I’m pretty drunk. If you want to get to know me better, you’d wait until I was sober.”
“It’s okay that you’re a little drunk,” he said, pulling me close. “That makes it even better.”
I cocked my head to the side. “For who?”
“Do you want another drink?”
I stopped dancing abruptly.
My eyebrows furrowed and my face contorted into what had to be a look of disgust from his reaction. “Do I want another drink?” I repeated his question with lucid clarity. “Do you think that another drink will make me want to leave here with you? Do you think that another drink will make it easier for you to sleep with me? Do you think that’s okay?”
“What’s going on here?” Sahara asked from right beside me. I hadn’t even heard her approach.
Looking over at my best friend, I saw the look of concern mixed with a fierce protectiveness on her face. I smiled. “You know the frat boy stereotype that they warn you about?”
Sahara nodded even though she didn’t take her eyes off of him.
I gestured to my dance partner in dramatic fashion. “Exhibit A.”
He grumbled something under his breath before saying, “Whatever, I’m out of here.”
Since I’d stopped dancing, the abundance of alcohol had a chance to settle in my system and combine with the anxiety. In addition to feeling exhausted, I felt woozy.
I closed my eyes and when I opened them, I was outside sucking in the fresh spring air. My skin had goosebumps from the cool breeze that skated over it. I had no idea how long we’d been outside, but it was long enough for me to cool down.
“Are we walking home?” I wondered aloud as I realized we’d made it outside. “Because my feet are not going to make it in these shoes.”
Sahara giggled. “No, we’re not walking home. Our ride just pulled up.”
My eyes closed. “You didn’t call your dad, did you? You know he’s going to tell my dad and I need my parents in a good mood for tomorrow.”
“I know. That’s why I used our backup plan,” she assured me, wrapping an arm around my waist and pulling me up. “What are you doing? Stop moving like that.”
I tried not to be dead weight, but I was pretty sure my attempt to help was making it harder for her. Suddenly, I was lifted up with relative ease. I inhaled and recognized the woodsy cologne I’d purchased for his birthday.
“Manny!” I exclaimed with as much enthusiasm as my tired mind and body could muster. I opened my eyes slightly, visually confirming what my sense of smell already knew. “Manny, you are the best big brother ever.”
He didn’t say anything as he put me in the backseat of his SUV. I felt myself being buckled in from the opposite angle and I looked over at Sahara. “You’re the best sister ever,” I told her and then paused. “But that’s kind of weird since you two…”
You two love each other.
My eyes closed and voic
e trailed off even though I knew what I was going to say. I was tired of Manny acting like he didn’t know how Sahara felt about him and I was tired of him pretending not to be interested. But more than that, I was just tired.
I let my head rest against the seat and my body completely relaxed.
I’m just going to rest my eyes for a second and then I’m going to call them both out.
Sahara had been in love with my brother since we were five. I remembered the day it happened because we’d watched some cartoon version of a fairy tale and Manny and his elementary school best friend, Cash Something-or-other, walked in. She was staring at my brother, but I was captivated by the boy who scurried to the playroom behind my brother.
I wonder what happened to him.
Cash went to a different middle school than Manny and their friendship fizzled out. And since I didn’t see Cash anymore, my crush also fizzled out. But Sahara always got moony eyed over Manny and lately, he’d been looking at her the same way.
They got a thing going on, I sang in my head.
I wanted to open my mouth and sing it out loud, but I was so comfortable… I dozed off.
Recital rehearsal rescheduled for six o’clock in the morning, I thought, startling myself awake and remembering the email I’d gotten earlier.
My head throbbed at the thought of waking up so early. My heart pounded at the thought of skipping the last on-stage rehearsal I’d have before the performance that night. My stomach turned at the thought of having the conversation with my parents.
I let my head lull to the side, resting against the cool window. Breaking the silence, I groaned, “I feel like crap, Sahara! You know you owe me big time. Big. Time. Why did you make me go to this party?”
“Ohhhh, so this is your fault, Sahara?” Manny quipped from the front seat.
My lips curled into a smile as I attempted to get my words together to make a joke about the way Manny said Sahara’s name. My mouth opened slightly, but snapped shut as a screeching noise pierced the air. The noise was deafening, but the pain that lanced my body was so intense that I couldn’t even scream.
Back to Life Series Box Set Page 64