Back to Life Series Box Set

by Danielle Allen

  “What’s wrong?” CJ asked, brushing his thumb across my damp cheek.

  Shaking my head, I spoke softly, “You don’t understand what your touch does to me.”

  With a sad smile, his hand dropped and he gave me one solitary nod. “Can I at least walk you to your car?”

  “You know I parked close. Just…I’ll text you when I make it to the hotel. If you wake up early and need me to come pick you up to go and get your car, let me know.”

  “I’d feel better knowing that you made it to your car.”

  “I’ll call you from the car.”

  He sighed and didn’t say anything. His face returned to the emotionless canvas that I’d come to associate with him. My stomach flipped.

  “Goodnight.” Tearing my eyes away from him, I turned and walked across the sparsely decorated living room, grabbing my clutch on the way. I turned the door handle and paused to look over my shoulder. Seeing that gorgeous man standing with the city as his backdrop, I knew staying to talk was not an option. “I’ll see you at the wedding.”

  He chewed his bottom lip. “Goodnight.” As the door was closing, he added, “Drive safe.”

  Chapter 21

  Saturday, December 2nd – 3:47pm

  “And I present to you, Mr. and Mrs. Tyree and Addison Barker!”

  I clapped my hands until they stung with pain. It wasn’t just the fact that it was my first post-divorce wedding, but it was the fact that there was so much love on display.

  Addison and Tyree’s wedding started at three o’clock and lasted for about forty minutes. Small, intimate, and heartfelt, it was a beautiful black, white and pink ceremony. Addison looked amazing in a custom-made white gown that fit her body like a glove. Tyree looked like he walked straight from a New York’s Fashion Week runway. Together they looked like perfection.

  Addison had CJ as her Man of Honor and Natasha and her cousin Anika, the soloist, as her bridesmaids. Tyree had Bennett as his Best Man and a couple of friends I didn’t know as his groomsmen. And the guests were about seventy-five of their closest friends and family.

  Their vows were sweet and sentimental. Monique was always one to have a witty one-liner, but even she broke down and cried when they read their personal vows. I knew how much they loved each other, but the words that they used, the personal stories, the passion they emoted made it clear that they understood what marriage meant. The way in which they declared their love in front of everyone ensured that there wasn’t a dry eye in the place. I cried during the vows. I cried during the solo performance of their song by Addison’s cousin. I cried during the prayer. I cried the entire time.

  Once the ceremony was over and cocktail hour began, Monique went to claim a table and then she met me in the restroom.

  “Thank you again for being my date.” I stared at Monique in the mirror as I reapplied my tinted lip gloss. Taking a step back, I eyed the navy blue tulle skirt with the navy blue corseted top. My pink blazer with the navy blue buttons brought it all together. “You are the best.”

  “You don’t have to thank me. In fact, I should be thanking you.” She adjusted her two French braids over her shoulders and then checked out how gorgeous she looked in her navy blue jumpsuit with a silver blazer. “I think I met someone.”

  “When?” I screeched with a laugh, looking over at her. “You were four minutes behind me. Who did you meet in four minutes?”

  “His name is Bennett and—”

  “No.” I shook my head and grabbed my clutch. “No ma’am.”

  She gave me a look. “I’m confused. I thought the only one who was off limits was CJ. You know…the one who was staring at you throughout the entire ceremony.”

  Spinning around, I looked under the stall doors quickly. When I didn’t see any feet, I righted myself and adjusted my top. Lowering my voice, I reminded her, “He has a girlfriend.”

  “Well he wasn’t looking at his girlfriend during the ceremony. He was looking at you.”

  I tried not to smile. “I wouldn’t know… I was looking at the bride and groom. Didn’t they look gorgeous?”

  “They did.” She stretched the word out in a long, comedic way. “What’s so funny is that I remember meeting Tyree with Sahara. When you said his name, I didn’t remember him. But seeing him today, I do remember his sexy ass.”

  I gave her a look.

  “I’m not into married men, you know that! But I’m just saying, in a purely platonic, non-adulterous kind of way, Tyree is sexy. And if I didn’t know that Sahara married her soulmate, who also happens to be extremely sexy, I’d think she lost her mind letting Tyree go.” She stepped back and smoothed her dress down. “But the way Addison’s husband looks at her is the same way Sahara’s husband looks at her so it worked out the way it was supposed to.”

  “I agree. I agree whole heartedly.”

  “I only have one issue.”

  I turned to look at her. “What’s that?”

  “How crazy is it that two of your close friends have been with the same man? And how crazy is it that your close friend’s husband and your brother have both been with your best friend?” She pursed her lips and made a shocked face. “This is very soap opera-ish.”

  “Yeah, it is. I don’t know what I’m going to do for big events. I got lucky this year because Sahara really can’t travel like she wants to because of the babies, but next year, when they’re a little older. If I have a birthday party—”

  “It’ll be like a VH-1 reality TV show. Glasses will be thrown and tables flipped.” Monique posed in the mirror.

  I laughed, shaking my head. “It so isn’t. They are all so happy and in love, I really don’t think it’s going to matter. I just know we can’t play games like Never Have I Ever or Truth or Dare.”

  She put her hands on her hips. “Are we also getting in a time machine and going back to middle school with these games?”

  My head fell back and I laughed hard.

  “But seriously, if we do play some of these old games, you need to invite some men that have never been with another friend of yours and then—”

  She couldn’t even finish her sentence because she was cracking up along with me. It felt good to laugh.

  We left the restroom and I thought Monique’s ridiculousness was over. But it wasn’t.

  “I’m seriously interested in Bennett looking at me the way CJ was looking at you,” she casually mentioned just as Bennett headed toward us.

  “Bennett is an ass and he’s kind of slutty,” I quickly tell her under my breath.

  “No slut shaming,” Monique teased, bumping me with her rounded hip before walking over to meet him.

  Well, there goes my date.

  I was happy that Monique was mixing and mingling. I loved that about her personality. I didn’t want her to just stay with me the entire time and be my protector and my body guard. But I couldn’t help but feel abandoned as I stood helpless as CJ approached.

  I couldn’t leave or hide or do anything except brace for impact. My entire body tensed and I took a deep breath.

  “Hey, Em,” CJ greeted me. He was devastatingly handsome in a black tuxedo and pink tie. Everything about the way the material fit on his body was a work of art.

  “Hey!” My cheery voice and disposition was supposed to mask my accelerated heartrate and my quivering belly. Instead, I sounded like a character from a cartoon.

  He smirked. “You don’t have to make yourself sound ridiculous to keep me away.”

  The tension melted away instantly as I loudly laughed. He joined in and the awkwardness fell away.

  I’d called CJ on my way to the hotel from his house and we’d talked about any and everything except what he’d said to me. The next day, he left me a message wanting to confirm our conversation and I never called him back. Mainly, because I didn’t want it to get more awkward and have anything ruin Addy’s day.

  But, as I stood in front of CJ like I was some sort of school girl, I realized that my plan was ridiculous.


  These feelings are not going to go away. I’m just going to have to deal with them. They need to be resolved.

  “You look handsome,” I complimented him.

  “You look decent,” he returned to which I laughed. “Are you here with anyone?”

  “Yes.”

  His entire playful mood shifted. Even though his face remained even-keeled, his dark eyes stormed over. The moment I saw hurt, I quickly went on to clarify.

  “My friend Monique is my date.”

  “Oh,” he nodded, the corners of his lips turning upward into a smile. “That’s good to hear. So she won’t mind if I ask you to dance later?”

  “Probably not,” I replied, nervously shifting from one foot to the other. I didn’t want to know the answer to the question, but I knew I had to ask it or I’d wonder all night. “Where’s Cameron?”

  “I don’t know,” he replied. He opened his mouth to continue when the music turned down and a woman’s billowy voice demanded silence.

  CJ and I looked at each other and frowned.

  Rude!

  “I need the wedding party to meet me on the veranda and everyone else, please take your seats. The reception will start in five minutes.”

  The buzz of excitement whipped through the crowd.

  CJ reached out and touched my elbow. “I guess we will pick this up right after the introductions.”

  The slight touch burned through my blazer and I felt all tingly inside. I shook my head.

  “No, we don’t need to pick anything up. There’s nothing to talk about.” I looked into his eyes and my heart wouldn’t stop the irregular palpitations that just a certain look from him would sometimes incite. It made me mad that my body and my heart would be in such disconnect from my mind. Tearing my eyes away from him, I took a step back. “And honestly, I thought you were different. If all of the stuff you said last weekend was true, how could you say that you get me and not see why it’s wrong?”

  “Excuse me,” the wedding planner interrupted. “Addo, we need you.” She looked at me. “We’re going to borrow him for five minutes. You’ll get him back shortly.”

  “I understand.”

  Without another word, CJ was dragged off in one direction and I found Monique at our table. As soon as I sat down, she started in.

  “You didn’t want me to say his name because you say he has a girlfriend who is around here somewhere, but you two stood in the middle of cocktail hour giggling like schoolgirls.”

  I sighed. “Why do we say giggling like schoolgirls? Are schoolgirls the only ones who giggle?” I smoothed my hair on the side of my high bun. “And my laugh with him is the same as my laugh with anyone else.”

  She gave me a look and then she looked around the room. Leaning close, Monique said, “What the hell is wrong with you? I left you and you were good. I watched you with him as I crossed the room and you were happy and giddy. And then you come to the table grumpy. What the hell happened?”

  “I told myself that I would watch out for the red flags and never ignore the signs. And the fact that he pursued me with a girlfriend is a red flag. I need to walk away. I need to sever ties.” I looked at her. “It’s not like we’re really friends. We don’t talk, except through Addy. Or in person. I just have to force myself to not think about him.”

  “Yeah, but isn’t that what you’ve been doing all year? Forcing yourself not to think about him?” She lifted her eyebrows. “You tried it and it didn’t work. You wanted to put the past in the past and you’re ready to date now so...”

  “So what? Try to steal someone’s boyfriend? That would make me on the same level as those nurses that screwed Anthony.”

  “First, cheating is cheating so remember that I believe that before I get to my second point.” She paused. “Second, marriage is a scared ritual and a covenant that you enter before God. That’s a lot more serious than just being in a relationship. Again, cheating is cheating. But you will never be those nurses because you’re not a basic bitch. Third, he didn’t try anything with you. He just told you how he felt, right?”

  I nodded.

  “Well, then, he didn’t cheat and he hasn’t cheated. He had a feeling and he confessed his feeling. But he didn’t act on his feeling. And—”

  The speakers squealed and then the DJ’s voice echoed through the room. “Ladies and gentlemen, please put your hands together for the bridal party!”

  With those words and the introduction of the wedding party, my grumpy mood dissipated. We cheered so loudly that the seventy-five guests sounded more like seven hundred and fifty. Everyone, not just the bride and groom, looked completely elated to be in the presence of love.

  After the food was prayed over, dinner was served. The food was exquisite. One of the women at our table was a food critic and even she said that it was one of the best meals she’d ever tasted. Everything changed for the night when the DJ announced it was time for the dances.

  Once the tosses and the first dance were out of the way, I immediately got on the dance floor. I wanted to forget how CJ stared at me during dinner, but since he was assigned to the head table with the bridal party, he couldn’t talk to me and distract me with his sexiness. An up-tempo song came on and almost all of the guests were on the dance floor.

  “Emily, can we talk?” CJ asked as he caught me on my way back from the bar.

  I gripped my bottle of water and looked around for Monique. She’d done an excellent job of letting me know when she saw CJ coming so I could avoid him. When my eyes landed on her, she was flirting with Bennett.

  “Sure,” I said, plastering a smile on my face.

  “Don’t fake smile at me.”

  The fact that he knew it was a fake smile made my heart skip a beat. I bit my lip to keep the real smile at bay.

  He offered me his arm and I took it. We silently walked to the terrace, which was practically empty since it was a chilly winter evening. When we got closer to the railing that overlooked the city, I noticed the heat lamps.

  “Hey!” I smiled, walking to turn on two panels. The orange glow lit up the area where we were going to stand. “That’s awesome!”

  “You’ve been avoiding me for two hours.”

  I furrowed my brow. “Has it been two hours?”

  CJ gave me a look and I knew he was serious. “Talk to me, Emily. What’s going on?”

  I sighed, shaking my head. “Cameron. That’s what’s going on. Cameron!” I threw my hands in the air and let them fall by my sides.

  His face twisted in bewilderment. “What about her?”

  My jaw dropped. “Are you kidding me?”

  “No, I’m not.” He scrubbed his face with his hands. “I don’t understand why she is even being brought up in conversation.”

  “My ex-husband cheated on me and you don’t see what the big deal is?”

  His jaw clenched as he stared at me, into me. “I’m not your ex-husband, yet you keep treating me like I am.”

  “How? Because I want to avoid the red flags when I see them?”

  “What red flags? What are you talking about?” He was breathing hard, his chest expanding and contracting rapidly. “Do you even know what you’re talking about?”

  I was frustrated, hurt, angry and extremely turned on. As mad as I was, my eyes fell to his soft, full lips. “Of course I know what I’m talking about! I’m not the one who got drunk and thought I could say whatever I wanted without consequences. You can’t say stuff like that to me, knowing how I feel. It’s reckless and irresponsible and wrong!“ My voice got louder with each point.

  “What’s so wrong about it?” He started gesturing emphatically with his hands. “I can’t stop thinking about you—”

  “Stop! I know we said we’d be friends, but I can’t be friends with you. My self-respect and my respect for you and my respect for other women won’t allow me to put myself in a position to violate that.”

  “What are you talking about?” He threw his hands in the air in exasperation.

 
; “I’m talking about if I tell you I’ve been cheated on—”

  “Stop it!” He grabbed my face and stepped close, so close that I couldn’t see or hear or smell anything but him. I was drunk off of him. My mouth snapped shut. “Stop,” he repeated in a softer tone. “I’m not Anthony. I have no interest in doing what Anthony did.” His face inched closer. “I’m not him. Do you understand me, Emily? I’m not him.”

  With him so close, I felt dizzy. My eyes watered. I opened my mouth and then closed it.

  He stroked my cheeks with his thumbs and searched my eyes. His voice became softer, more insistent. “I’m not him. I don’t want to hurt you. I want to take care of you. I want to protect you. I want to be there for you. I want to be the reason you trust again.”

  “It’s not that I think you’re him,” I whispered. “It’s just…” I blinked rapidly, forcing the tears back as the words tumbled out of my mouth. “I’ve never felt the things I feel for you. I’ve tried to let it go. I’ve tried to put you out of my head. But I think about you all the time. And when I’m around you, I can feel you. I can feel your energy. I can feel your vibe. I can feel everything I feel for you reflected back into me. And it’s overwhelming.” I covered his hands with my hands and slid them off of my cheeks. Slowly, I took measured steps backward in the direction of the building. My voice broke as I continued speaking. “So you’re right. I’m crazy about you. I’ve been wondering what this could be for almost a year. But after everything I’ve gone through, I refuse to be with a man who shows any signs of being like my ex. And the fact that you’re with—”

  “Cameron?” CJ said, his face twisting in confusion.

  “Yes,” I answered simultaneously as a pretty, feminine voice responded with “Hi.”

  I whipped my head around and saw the statuesque beauty with the delicate features in a black dress with pink shoes. I looked between Cameron and CJ and noticed how perfectly matched they were and realized they probably picked their outfits out together.

  She didn’t even acknowledge me. Her eyes were trained on CJ. “Can we talk?”