I had no gun. I wouldn’t be able to take him out with my fists alone. I continued to move around the perimeter of the fenced-in cage, searching the ground for something, anything to use. A large rock lay just outside of the post. If I lay down, I might be able to reach it.
“It’s a risk,” my father called out, seeing me eyeing the rock. “It means turning your back to it. It means you have to be fast.”
“It’s the only option I’ve got,” I spat back. The monster roared, snapping his teeth furiously. He was tiring of this game as much as I was. I took a deep breath. I didn’t count to three. I didn’t have time.
With a grunt, I threw myself down to the ground, stretching my arm as far as it would go under the fence. My side was still tender from the stab wound, and it burned as I pushed my body to grab for the rock. I felt pressure before I could react. The creature bit down on my foot, the hard sole of my shoe saving me from getting it torn clear off, but it wouldn’t save me for long.
I didn’t scream. I didn’t panic. The minute I did, I would be dead. I pushed my arm even further, and I nearly wept when my hand clutched onto the rock. I knew I had only one shot, and I hoped one shot was all I needed. I lifted my free foot high into the air and brought it down right onto the back of the creature’s skull. It was enough to leave him disoriented. Enough to get me to my feet.
Now came the moment of truth.
Would I be strong enough to bring it down?
I lifted the rock high above my head and it came down with the force of a hundred scared girls. Girls who were told they were nothing. Girls who were abandoned. Girls who weren’t as lucky as me. And then I brought it back up and down again. And again. And again. Until I couldn’t lift my arms anymore.
The creature wasn’t ever going to move again.
I turned around, my face covered in blood, and looked up at my father. He was smiling. “We start training tomorrow,” he said proudly. He reached forward a hand, helping me over the fence.
Once I was safe, I planted my hands on my father’s chest and shoved as hard as I could, considering my strength was spent. “Who the hell do you think you are? Are you crazy?” I screamed. Before my father could open his mouth to speak, I shoved him again. “I could have died!”
The fear that I had buried washed over me. I could barely contain the tears that threatened to spill. My hands hummed and buzzed with an energy I had never known in my entire life. I clenched them into fists. My father stared down at me, seemingly calm except for the way his eyes narrowed. “But you didn’t die,” he said slowly.
The hair on the back of my neck stood up. I looked around to see my father’s soldiers enclosing us. Sensing their alarm, my father held up his hand. “Everything is fine. Leave us,” he commanded.
“But, sir…” One of his men hesitated.
“I said leave us,” my father clipped in response.
Without another word of objection, my father’s men disappeared, leaving me with the man who had set up my demise and the chosen one I had killed.
The chosen one I had killed.
I had killed something. I slowly dragged my eyes to the bloodied mess of a creature that lay on the dirt ground. I brought a shaky hand up to cover my mouth; I wasn’t entirely sure I could keep at bay the nausea that was coursing through me.
“It deserved to die,” my father said softly. I wasn’t like most of the naturals, who would consider the death of any chosen one a good thing. Because I loved a chosen one. I couldn’t just write off his death because he was different. Just as James could not write off the death of my people because we were naturals. And while in the end I knew it was the deformed chosen one’s death or mine, and I would always choose life, it didn’t mean I would be happy about it.
“You learned a good lesson today, Tessie,” my father said, pulling my attention away from the body.
“A good lesson?” I scoffed. “This isn’t the piano! This isn’t the kind of lesson a parent should teach his child,” I spat.
“Isn’t it, though? Look at the world we are in. Isn’t this the best lesson I could ever teach you?”
I shook my head. “And what am I supposed to learn from this violence? This death?”
My dad placed both of his hands on my face. “You’re supposed to learn how much you want to live. You’re supposed to learn what you’ll have to accomplish in order to do so,” he replied, his voice cracking. “I wish it were different. This world. Us. But it is what it is, and it won’t ever change unless we change it. And that means doing things, ugly things.”
I reached up and pulled my father’s hands from my face. I swallowed back the emotions that crept up from within me as I saw the tears pool in his eyes. “What’s changed?” I asked, averting my eyes from his face. “You didn’t want me involved. You wanted me to sit back and follow your lead. Trust you.”
“I wanted to keep you safe. But I was foolish to think you’d sit back and let me. You’re a fighter—I can see that. Too much like me. So, if you’re going to fight, I’d rather be the one to teach you.”
I pressed my lips together and nodded. Despite everything, a part of me soared at hearing my father tell me that I was like him. That I was a fighter. Even though his bloody lesson was nowhere near that piano from my childhood, for a second, just a second, I felt like that little girl again.
“I wouldn’t have let the thing kill you. If you needed me, I would have saved you. But I knew you wouldn’t need me, and I needed you to know that, too.”
I should have been angry with him, but I wasn’t. I felt different as I walked with my father back to the community in silence. Like some fire had been lit inside of me. It didn’t burn me through like Henry’s fire, but, instead, it guided me. A light in the darkness.
A purpose. Was this the feeling my father searched for when he left?
“I’m sorry for not telling you about the letters,” he said when we reached the dining hall. “I know what it is to love like that,” he added quietly.
I raised an eyebrow. I hadn’t ever remembered seeing affection shared between my parents.
“Your mother wasn’t always the woman you knew. She was different before the world completely went to hell. She was a lot like—”
“Louisa,” I finished. “I know. They were always so close. You should go see her.” My father opened his mouth to reply, but I cut him off. “She needs you. I know things with us haven’t been easy since you’ve been back, but I’m still glad you’re here. She needs you, too,” I repeated.
My father took a deep breath, running a hand over his face. “I’ll go see her now. All right?”
I nodded. Everything, momentarily, was all right.
…
“If you’re not going to eat that, I’ll sure as hell take it,” Stephanie said to Henry, reaching over and grabbing a piece of meat off his plate with her fork.
“Who said I wasn’t going to eat it? You know what they say about people who assume things?” he asked. I looked up at Henry, expecting to find a scowl or at least a sense of stoniness, but he was grinning at Stephanie.
When I had spotted Henry and Stephanie sitting together at dinner, I didn’t think I would be interrupting something if I sat with them. My body was still tingling and jumpy from my encounter with the chosen one, and I had hoped listening to them prattle on would be enough to calm my nerves.
Stephanie laughed. It was much brighter, lighter than I had expected from someone like her. “You were batting it around like you had invented a new sport,” she said, reaching over again for a second piece.
Henry chuckled and pushed his plate in front of Stephanie. She grinned even wider. “And what exactly do they say about people who assume things?”
“That you make an ass out of you and me,” I spoke up, finishing their lame joke. For some reason their happiness was rubbing me the wrong way, and it wasn’t because of jealousy. As I shoveled the food into my mouth, the high I experienced after proving I could handle myself was fading. Somethin
g else was replacing it.
Something darker.
“I thought you had duty tonight?” Henry asked Stephanie.
“I did. Charlie let me off early. We all hate when he does that. He’s so important to the cause, you know? But there’s no telling him otherwise. When he gets an idea in his head, well, he—”
“I have no problem telling him otherwise,” I cut in, attempting a smile. Penance for my earlier grouchy behavior.
“You’re his daughter. I think all daughters are wired for that,” she replied good-naturedly.
“You told him, right? About my involvement with the resistance movement back at Templeton?” Henry asked, choosing to ignore my remarks.
I wondered what he had told Stephanie about his involvement in the murder of young incubating chosen ones. His girlfriend at the time, Julia, had pulled the cords on the machines that kept them alive. He had never bothered to explain to me exactly what his role was in the event. The council never found out he was a part of it, but Julia was executed.
Stephanie nodded, stuffing a forkful of food into her mouth.
“Well, what did he say?”
Stephanie held up a finger as she finished chewing. As she took her time, I suspected she was trying to come up with an answer that, while truthful, would still please him. Henry must have picked up on the stalling tactic as well because he reached over and placed a hand on her arm. “Don’t worry about it. I figured he wouldn’t let me in.”
My eyes widened as I watched Henry’s hand lingering on her arm. Even more surprising, she didn’t seem to have a problem with it. I cleared my throat, and he pulled his hand back.
“That’s not it at all. He appreciates your dedication to the cause, but he just has a lot on his shoulders right now. I mean something big. Maybe when this is over, you two can talk,” she replied.
“No, I get it,” Henry said casually. Too casually. He was putting on a show to make her feel better. I knew how much Henry’s need for revenge against the council propelled him—it was what drove him. And I didn’t entirely blame him. He had watched the council brutally attack and murder his mother and sisters. I thought of Louisa, pregnant and scared, and I wanted a bit of revenge myself.
“Seriously. Once this is all done, we’ll both go and talk to him. We could use a good man like you,” Stephanie said.
The side of Henry’s mouth pulled up in an attempt at a smile. “A good man, huh? You obviously didn’t hear that from anyone I know.”
Stephanie blushed again, and I was sure this time it had nothing to do with me. “Sometimes you can just tell.”
As I left the dining hall, I nearly knocked into Eric. “Whoa, there. What’s got your ass on fire?” he asked, grabbing me by the elbows in an attempt to steady me.
“Nothing,” I lied. I still couldn’t shake the dark feeling that had grabbed hold of me.
“Doesn’t seem like nothing,” he teased, looking over my head into the dining hall. “Aren’t those two cozy? What do you think that’s all about?”
I shrugged. “Nothing. Henry wants in on whatever my father is cooking up.”
“Nah, it’s more than that. They’re looking pretty intimate if you ask me. There’s all kinds of wants and needs bouncing between those two,” he noted, leaning back against a post. A lazy smile graced his face, and I could tell there was a part of him that enjoyed making me uncomfortable. I imagined this was what it would have been like if I had ever had an older brother.
I decided to give in to his bait. “Wants and needs?” I asked.
“Yeah. That’s how people work. How they size each other up. Whenever you meet someone new you gotta ask yourself two things: What do I need from him? What do I want from him? And for most people you’ll meet it’s usually a pretty good mixture of wanting and needing, but when you find that person you want more than you need…well, that’s got trouble all over it.”
Eric’s smile disappeared. “McNair told me that once.” He pushed himself on the post and began to walk back and forth. “Something’s not right about this, Tess.”
“What do you mean?” I asked, not liking the way a chill had danced its way up my spine at his words.
“So, your father rescues you and just sits around the community. For what?”
“He says he’s planning something.” But at Eric’s words the feeling I had been trying to push down almost consumed me. Something wasn’t right. Why would my father tell me he wanted me out of this only to train me to fight? Why the sudden change? Was it just to teach his stubborn daughter a lesson? He told me it was because I was going to fight anyway, but it still seemed so sudden. Now that the adrenaline had worn off, my lesson seemed demented, brutal.
“Yeah, but what? If it’s some sort of attack, then why base yourself here? We’re quite a ways from the council headquarters.”
I shrugged, forcing my face to hide my doubts. “We have our own rebel sect here.”
“Yeah, but all they ever do is gather intel. They’re not really the fighting kind.”
“Well, if they’re into gathering intel then maybe that’s what my father is doing. Gathering information so he can set his plan into motion,” I suggested.
“It doesn’t feel like he’s planning anything. It feels like he’s hiding from someone, and he drags that group of yes-sir men and women around with him for protection,” Eric said.
“Hiding? I don’t think my father’s the run from a fight type. He left my family to fight in the resistance.”
“Maybe he’s not hiding,” Eric said. “Maybe he’s hiding something.”
“What would he be hiding?” I asked. But something whispered in the back of my mind. Mention of a package. Could that be it? But what object could be so important?
Eric stared off into the slowly fading sunlight. A sign that the one thing we could always count on was that light would give in to darkness. “I don’t know, but I intend to find out. If you hear anything, you’ll let me know?”
Eric could read my hesitation. “You’re one of us now. You’re part of this community. Whatever your father is hiding, by keeping it here, he’s putting everyone in danger. People who took you in, Tess. Despite everything, you should remember that.”
I thought of Lockwood and Sharon, and I knew I would do anything to protect them. They had become my family out in the wildness.
“The people who live here didn’t come to this place because they wanted to fight. They came here because they wanted to live,” Eric said softly.
I nodded. “You’re right. And I’ll do whatever I can to make sure they’re safe.”
Eric exhaled with relief. “Now, we just need to find out what he’s planning.”
I looked up at my new co-conspirator. “I think I may have an idea. How long does it take to make that shine stuff? You know, that drink that makes you drunk?”
Eric simply grinned.
Chapter 12
Later that evening, I trudged toward the infirmary where Louisa was staying. I lifted my hand to knock on the door when I heard her laugh drift out from underneath it. I stilled. It was one of the most beautiful noises I had ever heard. I cringed thinking about how shrill her laughter had always sounded to my ears. Now that I could lose her, it brought me joy.
I leaned my ear against the door. Lockwood’s muffled voice called out to me, and I couldn’t help but smile, shaking my head slightly. Of course Lockwood would be able to get Louisa to laugh. He was a pro at making people feel better.
“You really think I’m like her? Emma is my favorite of Ms. Austen’s characters,” Louisa said.
“Of course I do,” Lockwood replied, an airy, amused lightness to his voice.
“I guess she really isn’t that likeable though. She can come across as pretty selfish. I guess I am like her.”
“People only say that because they don’t know her. Her intentions are commendable. She wants the best for everyone she cares about. Sure, maybe she goes about it the wrong way, but she never tries to hurt anyone.”
“I don’t think anyone has ever misread me,” Louisa said. “I’ve always done and said exactly what I wanted. It’s funny. I could always fool the others—my oldest sister and the rest of the compound people—but never Tess. She always saw me for what I was.”
“Maybe she saw you for who you were, but now she gets to see who you become. Besides, I don’t think you’re selfish. And any girl who says exactly what she wants is appreciated by this man,” Lockwood teased.
Louisa laughed again. Louder. Stronger. “You’re a rare find! When I worked at Templeton, that’s the way they wanted us. Shy. Eyes down. Simpering like we didn’t know that we could want anything for ourselves at all. Even George…”
I gritted my teeth at the mention of his name, pressing my ear harder against the door. Louisa sniffled. I placed my hand against the door, wanting to comfort her but knowing I had to pull myself together. I had to be strong when I entered that room.
When I reached for the doorknob, Lockwood’s voice stopped me. “Shhh, it’s all right. I promise it’s going to be all right.”
“But it isn’t,” Louisa insisted. “Nothing will ever be all right again. Either I die or I become a mother. I’m not ready to be a mom. God, I was so dumb. Silly to believe all the pretty things he said to me. I didn’t care who said it; I was just so desperate to hear them.”
“What he did to you is one of the most vile, sickening things I can imagine one person doing to another. What right do any of us have to wreck people’s lives for our own personal gain?”
“He didn’t force me. I gave myself to him willingly. It’s my fault as much as his,” she said. “Even if I make it through this, I’m ruined. Who would want me? I gave myself to a chosen one.”
“You listen to me, Louisa,” Lockwood demanded. His voice carried a tone I had never heard before. “Maybe you were naive. Maybe you share the blame, but in no way should that bastard not be damned a thousand times for how he used you.”
“But—”
“No,” Lockwood interrupted. “I’m not done. I want you to understand one thing. You are not ruined. You are not beyond repair. When you make it through this, and you will, you deserve to find happiness just as much as anyone else who walks this world.”
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