I felt sick. She could have stopped it. She could have found a cure. My sister could have been saved. “To create more chosen ones?”
She nodded.
“But now they know how. Why still keep you alive?”
“Because I ensured they would need me. I invented a fail-safe. Protection against the council built into the chosen ones themselves.” Abrams grinned.
With the mention of a fail-safe, my father appeared at my side. This was the information he had been seeking out. My chest heaved with my unspent energy. “What are you talking about?”
“When I helped my father build the chosen ones, I believed we could make a newer, better world. And when I found out the world wasn’t worth saving, I made sure I could keep that power to myself.”
“That’s God’s choice. Not yours,” my father barked.
Abrams pulled against her ropes, leaning her frail body even closer to me. “God has abandoned you. If he is master of the universe, then he’s responsible for what has happened to our species. And when you realize that,” she continued, “then you realize that the thing you hated for so long—us—is gone. Then you’ll be like the rest of us…empty.”
“Five minutes is up,” my father interjected.
I felt dizzy. Like I still wasn’t quite awake—that odd in-between place between sleep and consciousness where everything seemed possible and impossible all at once. It reminded me of the morning I woke up after escaping the compound. I had reached for the numbers lasered onto my arm by the council, taking comfort that something of my old life still existed.
I cleared my throat, forcing the words out. “The virus… When I went into my inspection, they found out I was immune. I wouldn’t die in childbirth. How?”
“We’re done here. Step away, Tess,” my father demanded.
“Won’t you let me answer her question?” Abrams said like she was asking him to pass the milk. “It’s the least you could do, considering everything I told you.”
“I want to hear what she has to say,” I begged without looking up at my father.
“One more minute,” he said.
“You’ll have to come closer. It’s a secret only you can know.” Abrams smirked.
“The last time I did that, a girl stabbed me,” I replied.
“I have about five guns pointed at me. I don’t think I’ll be stabbing you,” she countered.
I leaned closer to Abrams as she pressed her paper-thin lips against my ear. Her words slithered in and traveled down to my very soul. “Nature, my love. Science never could control it. It chose you like it chose me. There is no rhyme or reason to it, but you’re special. Unique. It is a blessing and a curse.”
So I was a freak. I began to pull away from Abrams when the short cluck of her tongue stopped me. “I’m going to tell you something. Something your father wants to know, and I’m going to let you decide whether you want to share it.” With these cryptic words, she whispered a series of numbers into my ear.
“Why are you telling me this?” I asked.
“Because when you’ve seen everything I have, playing games is the only fun left. Besides, I am so very tired of carrying this burden.”
Before I could respond, an object darted out of the tree line from the corner of my eye. A monstrously loud ripping noise filled the air, accompanied by the clicks of five guns. Men shouted at me as I covered my head with my hands.
Once I was sure the sky wasn’t going to fall straight down on me, I lifted my head to find a disheveled Robert standing in front of me. A tempest of emotions came alive in his eyes. His brow was furrowed, and his lip was curled in a sneer. Blood was splattered across his face like raindrops. My eyes traveled down to his hands. He was clutching some sort of dense object. He dropped it to the floor.
I looked past him to find Abrams slumped forward. A strand of salvia dripped out of her mouth down into the dirt ground. Like a spider web that had lost its spider. It went down to where her heart lay.
Robert had ripped her heart straight out of her chest.
I covered my mouth with my hands. I wasn’t sure if I did so to keep from screaming or stop from throwing up. My father pressed his gun into Robert’s chest.
Robert slowly, gently reached up and pushed the gun away. “You aren’t going to shoot me, Charlie. Don’t you remember when you broke me out? What you whispered into my ear?”
My father lowered his gun. “I promised you that one day you could kill those responsible.”
“But why? Why?” I asked.
“She let Emma die,” Robert answered, his voice taking on a tone I had only heard once before—a tone of utter helplessness. I had heard it the day Emma died. He offered no other explanation. Somehow, those four words were enough.
I turned around without speaking another word. I walked away from them all, wondering if I knew anything or anyone in the world I called home. Every time I thought I understood the world, my world, it changed. Felt less mine. Nothing was as it should have been. Everything I thought I knew was wrong. Up was down. Right was left. Light was dark.
And I had no answers.
Chapter 21
Tess,
There isn’t any time. Even if there was, I wouldn’t be able to write much.
The pain. Thepain. ThepainThepain.
If I keep thinking of you, they’ll find a way to take you away forever. They’ll rip you right from my brain as if you never even existed. It’s a possibility. George found me yesterday. He told me that they aren’t happy with my progress. He said they had a way to completely wipe my memory. They would take from me every thought, feeling, moment I have connected to you, and there would be no way to get any of them back. He said they have been avoiding this tactic because they are afraid it will mess with my ability. But at this point, they are getting desperate.
I don’t know why George warned me. Only I think he needs me to keep my memories for some reason. He told me you were important. He said that we would need each other.
If my vision is right, you’ll be here soon.
I just don’t know that I’ll be me. Not the me you made me promise to hold onto.
It hurts so badly.
I will hide you back away.
I don’t know what comes next.
~James
Chapter 22
“How is she?” I asked.
Lockwood ran a hand over his face. I wondered if he had slept at all. Under his eyes were heavy bags and his hair was wild in a mixture of grease and life that had suddenly gotten vastly more unbearable. “She won’t see me,” he gruffed.
A note of anger ran between his words, and I saw that the world had finally caught him. Lockwood had been the one person I had ever known who seemed to find the best in any situation, but the man who stood by me was changed. Altered in ways that both he and I were just probably starting to understand. His face was gaunt. His body erect and unmovable. There was nothing of the carefree friend I had come to consider family.
“This is ridiculous,” I muttered, pushing past him. Louisa was hurting and lashing out at the one person she didn’t even realize she needed the most.
“She doesn’t want to see anyone,” Lockwood insisted, following after me.
“I don’t give a damn what she wants,” I yelled over my shoulder. I walked into the makeshift tent made out of tarp and burlap salvaged from the destroyed community. Shortly after talking with Abrams, I had been informed that my father had Louisa moved into his temporary headquarters.
My sister had a blanket thrown over her head as she lay on the ground. I nudged her with my foot. “I told everyone to leave me alone!” she yelled, her voice cracking.
“Being alone doesn’t help anyone,” I said. I took a seat on the ground next to her and pulled the blanket off her head.
Louisa reached up and shielded her eyes from the rays of sun that snuck through the tent. “What do you want?” she mumbled.
“I don’t want anything. I just want to sit with you. We both do,” I r
eplied, looking back at Lockwood, who lingered by the entrance.
“The baby’s gone. You can stop pretending you care,” she said, yanking the blanket from my hand and throwing it back over her head.
“Maybe we should just let her be,” Lockwood suggested.
The sound of his voice caused a surge of anger to rise up in me. Maybe I deserved this treatment from her, payment for sins of the past, but he didn’t. I snatched the blanket from her and tossed it out of reach.
Louisa sat up and stared daggers at me. Her cheeks were covered in rapidly falling tears. “Look, the baby’s gone,” she repeated. “It’s over. I’m not going to die. I’m not—” Her words were taken over by sobs. She fell into my arms and cried into my shoulder.
I reached up and ran my hand through her hair.
“I know it’s probably for the best. I know I wasn’t ready to be a mother, and I probably won’t ever be one, but it was still a life,” she choked out. “I’m so tired of death, Tess. I’m just so tired.”
“We all are,” I replied. “We all are.”
Louisa lifted her head and sniffled. She looked past me to Lockwood. “Oh, Lock, I’m so sorry. I’ve been so hateful.”
Lockwood rushed to her side and placed a hand on her cheek. His eyes welled with tears. “You don’t have to go through this alone. As long as I’m alive, you’ll never have to go through anything alone again.”
“But that’s just it, isn’t it? How long until you die, too?” she cried out.
“Nobody can know that, so let’s just focus on now.”
Louisa reluctantly nodded and shifted so she could embrace Lockwood. I wrapped my arms around my waist. They suddenly felt empty. The kind of empty that filled the pit of your stomach with lead. I stood and patted him on the shoulder. I left the tent knowing that the previous day’s events would leave them both scarred, but as long as they had each other, they wouldn’t be broken.
With Lockwood with Louisa and Henry somewhere with Stephanie, I was left alone. I walked through the woods, nodding and greeting the survivors along the way. So many people huddled in groups that I didn’t belong to. I wrapped my arms around myself and walked deeper, away from the members of the community.
Once I was sure no one would see me, I crumpled to the ground. I would allow myself this. Only this. The pain moved from deep within my chest, clawing its way up my throat.
I’m so tired of death.
Five words. Five words were all it took to let it free. I pressed my face into my hands, grabbed at my hair, and yanked it hard. I cried and wailed, sobbed and screamed until there was nothing left of me. Nothing left of the girl who was afraid. Nothing left of the girl who waited for death to find her.
When the crying was over, I lay down on the dirt ground. The ground that lived way before my time and would continue long after I was dead. I wondered what secret it had learned to survive so long.
“I’ve been looking for you.”
I lifted myself up and rested my weight on my elbows.
“You all right?” my father asked, his voice tight.
I reached up and touched my face, swollen and puffy from crying. I nodded. “I am now.”
My father walked over and crouched in front of me. “I was wondering if you could help me out with something. It won’t be easy, and I can’t guarantee that it will be safe. But you’re the only person I can trust will do the right thing in the end. You’re my blood. Part of me. And that counts for something.” He reached for my hand.
For a second, it was as if the father of my childhood had returned, but I had seen this performance too many times to give myself over to it without trepidation. If there was anything I learned, it was that I would have to play the role of daughter to get anywhere with him, and I wanted to know what he was planning next.
I sat up and let my father take my hand in his. I didn’t feel anything when he touched me. I had numbed that part of myself. Not forever—I would never be that girl again. Just temporarily. I had to if I was going to do what came next. “What is it you need me to do?”
My father had done monstrous things, searching out ends that justified his dark and twisted means, but I needed to get to the council’s headquarters. My father had told me over and over that he planned on taking down the council, which meant he was heading into the very heart of the beast. Abrams had mentioned a fail-safe. I wasn’t entirely sure what it all meant, but if my father wanted it, I had to get to it first. I didn’t trust him. Not anymore.
I had no home left. And even the temporary safety the community had afforded us did not stop Sharon or Eric from losing their lives. There were no guarantees in this world. I couldn’t promise time, and so I wasn’t going to wait for the universe to bring James back to me. I was going to get him back myself.
Besides, George was waiting for me. Before taking James, he had revealed to us his gift—to read the secrets of others. If George wanted me to hear something, I was damn ready to listen.
My father reached forward and wiped a bit of dirt off my face. He took a deep breath and stared off into the distance. When his eyes found mine, they held a confidence that seemed foreign in these woods. “I need you to help me bring down the council.”
It took me a minute to find my voice. “How can I do that?” I asked. “I’m just some girl.”
“Isn’t that what the council has been afraid of all this time?” he asked with a wry smile.
I thought back to all the propaganda videos that spoke about our wantonness, and our ability to rule men, muddle their minds so they couldn’t think straight. I thought about the words of Abrams—how her own father had feared her, and how that fear had created a monster. The council did fear us.
And it was about time I gave them a good reason to.
…
“Let me get this straight. You want us to just let ourselves get caught? Does anyone else think this is a bit crazy?”
A few others murmured in agreement with Henry. Apparently, he was past the point of trying to impress my father. Of course, Henry had been invited to the meeting, so my father apparently didn’t need to be impressed.
Like me, my father wanted Henry involved in his plan. Also included in his secret meeting were Stephanie and two of my father’s younger male solders, Thomas and Daniel
“Charlie knows what he’s doing,” Stephanie told Henry, breaking her stance to do so. At the sight of her small breach in protocol, my father clucked his tongue. Stephanie lowered her head.
“Tell that to Sharon,” Henry said.
It took everything in me not to agree with him. Nothing about my father’s plan back at the community would qualify as smart. There was no way of knowing how many people his bombs were responsible for killing. But I gritted my teeth and bore it. If I wanted inside the council’s headquarters, if I wanted to see James, I would have to play my part. Besides, I believed Abrams had given me the code to the fail-safe—not that I knew what that meant—so I had something to protect myself with. Why else mention a series of numbers and the fail-safe? They had to be connected.
While sending me to the heart of the council itself seemed insane, I remembered what Abrams had told me. I didn’t trust the council or my father, so if something was going to go down, something that would affect the world and everyone I loved, then I wasn’t just going to sit back and wait for it to happen.
I would never do that again.
“You’re alive, aren’t you?” my father argued. “So I guess my plan wasn’t too terrible. Now, unless you don’t want to be on this team, I suggest you shut your mouth.”
Henry, always quick to react, opened his mouth to speak. His eyes met mine, though, and I shook my head. He would have to understand that when it came to war, my father would always sacrifice the individual for the group.
The innocent, good people of the world could die as long as the naturals lived on.
“You will leave in a week. You’ll take nothing with you. Thomas, here, will lead you back to the outski
rts of your old compound. When caught, you’ll tell them you met these three Isolationists from the community. You won’t have to lie about much. Tell them what happened here. Tell them you ran.”
“And when we’re caught? What then?” Henry asked.
“You’ll do what you’re told and wait for further instructions.”
“That’s it? That’s all you want us to do? Let them take us and do God knows what and wait?” I asked in disbelief.
My father took a step toward me. “You’ll be safe. You’re valuable to them. I have a contact on the inside. He will approach you and Stephanie once he knows it’s safe. You’ll work within the council headquarters themselves because of the three marks.”
I reached up and touched the marks on the back of my neck. I was finally going to see what getting those three marks meant.
“Once our man finds you, you both will help him in securing information,” my father continued.
“The man who sent me James’s letters?” I asked.
“No, a different man,” my father replied quickly. Too quickly. He was being evasive, but I wouldn’t let him know I was onto his game.
“If you already have a man on the inside, why do you need us?” I asked.
“Because as women, you will be allowed into places he won’t. There is a map I need you to locate, a map of the council’s headquarters. There are rooms and labs that only the highest of officials know about, and we need that information.”
“How do we find this map?” Stephanie asked.
“I’ve worked it out with my man that you will be assigned to the highest-ranking families. While in their service, I need you to spy, snoop, anything you can to find it. They won’t think you’re capable of treachery.”
“Why do we need this map?” I asked.
“I can’t tell you yet. Not till we have it in our hands. Look, I know I’m not giving you very much, but the less you know, the less you’ll have to lie about if they somehow discover you.”
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