by Liz K. Lorde
“Nico—”
“No, Cas, ‘cause I need to know. If you’re gonna fuck this up, I deserve a warning.”
“I’m not fucking anything up!” I shout, feeling anger flare to life within me. “It was one day, alright? One lousy pawnshop owner!”
“So what? You know you lost face out here today. It only takes one time, Cas.”
My fists clench instinctively in anger, my nails biting sharply into the palms of my hands.
“You think I need you to tell me that, Nico? Who the fuck do you think you’re talking to? I run this town, alright? I don’t need a lesson in leadership from anyone.”
His lips pull back slightly in anger, his teeth flashing brightly at me from behind his manic smile.
“The thing is, Cas, I think you just might. Obviously, your head isn’t exactly clear.”
I open my mouth to argue further, but words seem to fail me.
Even through my anger, I know that he’s right.
Today would have gone much differently if Ana weren’t around to see it; I know that. The simple fact, though, is that she was here. Try as I might, there was just no way I was pulling that trigger in front of her—not after everything she’s been through.
“I just need some time to get everything sorted. Okay, Nico? Things are different now that Ana’s back. I just need a minute to figure out how everything’s gonna work now.”
“How what’s gonna work? You know as well as anyone that there aren’t two ways to do this job. You need to get your shit straight. I’m glad you got your girl back, but it doesn’t change anything here. Business is still business, and you really fucked up today.”
“Would you stop reminding me?”
“Wish I could. But it’s bad enough that you’re sleeping with Ana Rachmanoff. Now you pull this? You need some reminding brother. Or did you already forget who her father is, and what he did to ours?”
The anger which so soon departed from me, seems to flair back to life at his words, my feet carrying me mere inches from him without a thought.
“What exactly are you trying to say?”
“Don’t play dumb,” he spits. “You make us all look weak with this shit. Like that wasn’t bad enough, now you can’t even get a simple job done?”
He gestures roughly in the direction of my loft, his eyes sparking with anger.
“You might be willing to catch a bullet for her, but I’m not, so get it together!”
My mind spins quickly, alternating between anger and understanding. Sure, if I were in his place, I’d likely say the same, but my fists clutch more tightly regardless.
“Let’s get this straight right now, Nico,” I growl between clenched teeth. “Ana isn’t going anywhere. I didn’t spend years looking for her to give her up now. I can do my fucking job—don’t you worry about it. But she’s here for good. If you or anyone else have a problem with that, you can go.”
His eyes flash heatedly at me, his body tensing slightly as my words spew roughly between us. For a long moment, I expect him to take a swing.
Though I hope it doesn’t come to it, I’m ready. I plant my feet in preparation, challenging him with my eyes.
The moment seems to drag on, anticipation building in the air around us.
Then suddenly, it dissipates, and his body relaxes even as his eyes continue to burn.
“Fine,” he growls, “I sure as fuck hope you know what you’re doing.”
I open my mouth to respond, but I find myself staring only at his back. Tensely, he walks back towards his car, leaving me to wonder at my own words.
I know that I screwed up today and allowed myself to appear weak in front of the last people I should have. I also know that having Ana back in my life complicates things immensely.
I’ll figure it out.
I don’t have to choose between the job and the woman I love. I can do both. Things have gone shitty today, but only because I was caught off guard.
Next time, I’ll know better.
I just have to keep things separate.
I can make this work.
I turn back towards the door to my loft, repeating the phrase in my mind like a mantra.
I can make this work.
A voice buried in the back of my mind seems to laugh at the notion, apparently convinced of quite the opposite.
With some difficulty, I manage to silence the traitorous thoughts.
I move quickly through the doorway, heading back towards my loft and the woman who waits for me there.
Chapter 14
Ana
The door opens with a bang, the solid wood smacking hard against the wall from the force.
I inhale sharply as Cas storms in, his eyes burning with intense heat.
“Is everything okay?” I ask hesitantly, half-afraid of the answer.
Before today, I had never seen this side of Cas—the anger, the cold calculation. Chills race down my spine as I think of it, my mind spinning in conflicting emotions.
I’m worried about him, but I also fear him—the man he’s become, as well as what he might be capable of. But I can’t deny the pull that I feel towards him now. I can’t deny the heat that seems to build between my legs as I look at him.
“Everything’s fine,” he answers gruffly, running his hands roughly through his blonde hair.
“Cas—”
“Let’s not talk just now,” he cuts in, pacing the length of the room manically.
I resist the urge to question him further. A part of me is afraid of what I might find anyway.
He stops pacing abruptly, his eyes shooting at me. I feel as much as see them skim the length of me before returning to my face. They linger intently on my eyes, his meaning spoken loudly despite his lack of words.
He crosses the room in a rush, stopping very close to me.
“Ana…” he whispers, leaning in to caress my lips with his own.
Electricity shoots through me, white hot fire that seems to burn a path through my core.
I open my mouth to answer, but I find myself leaning forward instead, my lips crashing into his with unspeakable need.
Even while fear still continues to course through my veins, I seem unable to break away, my tongue pressing urgently against his own.
His hands find me, running freely yet gently over my body. I feel his restraint in the tension of his muscles, feel his barely contained desire burning under the surface of his warm skin.
I pull back suddenly, feeling overwhelmed by the warring emotions within me.
His green eyes shine brightly at me, seeming to see through me, to cut to my very core.
He takes a step back, a small smile tugging at his lips as he reaches down to the hem of his shirt.
Slowly, he pulls at the fabric, bringing it over his head before tossing it nonchalantly to the floor.
My heart beats wildly at the sight of him, his tanned skin seeming to glow in the reflected lighting. His sculpted body seems to stir me to life, like a long-asleep spark suddenly bursting back into existence.
I struggle to break my eyes away as he reaches for me, grasping the hem of my own shirt delicately between his fingers. He draws my eyes back up towards his, a question seeming to linger in them.
Slowly, I nod in answer, feeling my pulse accelerate at the implication.
He draws the oversized shirt I’ve changed into gently upward, tossing it casually aside once I’m free of it.
As it lands on the floor, his eyes rake yet again over my form. Now standing in nothing but my underwear, I feel them like a gentle caress, enticing and maddening all at once.
He takes my hand, guiding me towards the couch where he promptly sits me down.
With his eyes locked firmly to my own, he lowers himself onto me, his mouth once again meeting mine with furious intensity.
This time, I don’t pull away, giving in instead to the desire that’s been driving me ever since Cas waltzed back into my life. I kiss him back frantically, reaching up to run my finger
s roughly through his hair.
He breaks the contact as he lowers his lips to my neck, kissing it gently. My breath catches in my throat as he begins to work his way down—from my neck to my collar bone, to my ribs, to my stomach.
He nips sporadically at my exposed skin, taking pains to avoid my bruises as he moves downward.
He reaches the edge of my lace underwear in the next moment and pauses, taking a moment to stare up into my eager eyes.
“God, I missed you,” he finally says, reaching out to grab onto the flimsy fabric.
The sound of tearing reaches my ears as he pulls it firmly, easily splitting the material to free me of it.
The remnants fall to the floor between us as he lowers himself fully to his knees.
“Spread your legs,” he tells me, laying a hand on either of my knees to assist me.
I do as he says, my heart hammering in anticipation.
I gasp slightly as his tongue finally finds me. Pushing insistently yet slowly, he licks my pussy, as if savoring me.
“Fuck, you taste so good,” he groans, pulling slightly back.
It’s all I can do not to squirm at the loss of contact.
“Do you know how long I’ve been waiting to do this?” he asks, reaching idly out to rub his thumb over my clit. “You make me fucking crazy, Ana.”
I moan in response, unable to find words in the face of his attention.
He growls lightly, the primal sound sending chills to rush through me as his tongue crashes against me once more.
I groan loudly, throwing my head back against the couch in pleasure. It’s been so long since I was touched this way, so long since I’ve had him as my own.
He flicks his tongue rapidly across me, his fingers digging into my legs as he increases his pace. My hips rise instinctively from the cushions, rising up to thrust in time with his movements.
I feel one of his hands release its hold, sliding roughly up my leg.
His fingers find me in the next moment, sliding easily into my now dripping pussy, rubbing insistently to match with the movements of his tongue.
“Cas!” I cry out, loving the feel of his name in my mouth.
He moans in answer, the act sending vibrations pulsing into my already engorged clit.
His lips fit snugly over it, sucking gently while his fingers continue to drive further into me.
I thrust harder against him, shoving his fingers more deeply into my cunt as my hands tighten frantically on the fabric of the sofa.
My nails dig roughly into the material, scraping wildly as I grind against him.
I reach out with one, my fingers grasping at his golden hair to pull him closer.
My need for him is indescribable, only more intense now that I have him here.
All of my worries from earlier seem to melt as his tongue thoroughly explores me; my fear and apprehension dissolve in a wave of utter contentment.
Whatever Cas has done since we were last together, whoever he’s had become, the man that I love is still there.
I feel foolish for having any doubts to begin with.
Of course, he hasn’t truly changed. This is the man who loved me enough to take a bullet for me—several, in fact.
I know, deep in my heart, that he still would, that his love for me surpasses whatever obstacles he’s had to face.
I know, because I feel the same.
Heat seems to pool within me at the realization, building in my core, with white hot sparks surging outward. Every nerve in my body screams in ecstasy, my muscles tensing at the sudden intensity.
I move more quickly against him, driving my tightened pussy roughly against his fingers.
He responds immediately, matching my movements with his own, hurling me ever faster towards my building orgasm.
His free hand shoots suddenly upward, grasping roughly at my chest. His palm envelopes my tit before his fingers find my nipple, pinching exquisitely at the hardened flesh.
The sensation drives me over the edge, tearing through me with shocking intensity.
I cry out, sounds of utter ecstasy forcing their way between my lips as I come for him.
As wave after wave of pleasure sears through me, racking my tense body, I shudder, overwhelmed by the power of it.
My vision seems to blur at the edges, my ears ringing in delight.
“Cas!” I cry once more, grabbing roughly at his hair.
It seems to go on forever, building unbelievably before it starts to ebb.
Slowly, I bring my frantic movements to a halt, air rushing deeply into my lungs.
For a long moment, I lie perfectly still, unable to move.
It’s only when I feel his lips brush tenderly across my thigh that I finally find the strength to lift my head.
Cas stares lovingly at me, his expression having softened dramatically since he first entered the loft.
I feel a similar expression on my own face, my emotions welling inside of me at my recent revelations.
Cas is the love of my life, no matter what’s happened in the last three years.
It isn’t too late for us to change our fates…it isn’t too late for us to be together…some version of us anyway.
Chapter 15
Cas
The weight of her head on my chest is ecstasy, the smell of her hair utterly intoxicating. We lie pressed together on the plush mattress, her breathing just having returned to normal.
I lean my head forward, pressing a kiss to her brow as her fingers graze slowly over my chest.
They caress softly up the length of me, inspecting every muscle, exploring every inch. She takes the time to stop at each of my scars, her touch lingering on them like a promise.
The pain of the bullets has long since passed, but I’ve faced the marks every day. Before I found Ana, I wore them like symbols of shame, every glance in the mirror reminding me of what I had lost.
Now I watch in silent fascination as her fingers circle gently over the healed wounds, amazed at the peace I feel in this moment.
“What happened after?” She asks softly, her breath washing delicately over me.
She doesn’t have to specify. Of course I know what she means.
My mind circles back to that night, the memories slamming roughly into me as always.
I feel the surprisingly blunt impact of the bullets, see the horror in Ana’s eyes as blood spreads quickly over my crisp white shirt. For a moment, I’m back in the chapel, lying powerless on the floor and watching as Ana is ripped forever from my life.
I shove the thoughts away quickly, focusing intently back onto the present.
Not forever.
I pull her more tightly against me, the touch of her at my side working like a balm on my ravaged thoughts.
I resist the urge to sidestep the question. As much as I hate reliving the last three years, Ana has a right to know.
I sigh deeply, my thumb rubbing idly at her shoulder as I launch into everything that’s happened since that night in the chapel.
“After Yuri took you, everything was a blur. I remember Nico showing up. I remember thinking that I was hallucinating by the point. Everything felt like a dream. Well, a nightmare…”
She listens raptly as I continue, the memories pouring from my mouth in a slow drone.
Nico arrived just in the nick of time. My vision had started to darken at the edges, the pool of my own blood growing ever wider on the carpet. I can still hear the way he screamed my name as he saw me, the desperation in his voice.
In choppy flashes, I recall the ride to the hospital, the haze that seemed to settle around everything as we drove.
I was certain that I was dying, despite Nico’s persistent assurances that I was going to be okay. I knew that he was lying; I could hear the terror in his voice, try as he might to hide it.
I must have lost consciousness in the car because my next memories are of the hospital. I think it was some days before I really came back to awareness. I’d already undergone surgery by th
at point, having come through barely alive.
To hear Nico tell it, I fought viciously for my life, but all I remember is darkness. A deep and persistent sleep, followed by pain.
Naturally, my first thought upon waking was Ana. In fact, I thought of little else from that moment forward.
The pain seemed to last forever, the damage within me taking its time to heal.
Had it not been for Ana, I don’t think I would ever have made it through rehabilitation. My days became a blur of pain and frustration, my body struggling with even the most basic tasks. Only my need to find her sustained me, all other considerations falling by the wayside.
I came back to myself slowly. As the days wore on, the pain subsided little by little, my strength returning as it did.
By the time I was back to something resembling my old self, weeks had passed.
As soon as I was able, I launched into a full-scale search for the woman I loved, only to find enormous disappointment.
She nods as I recall my search for her, already knowing most of this part.
I had begun to think I would never find her. No matter how hard I looked, she seemed to have disappeared without a trace.
I had expected as much, but the reality was defeating.
I never stopped looking, never stopped hoping, but after the first year, I was barely hanging on.
It was some months after that when things went from bad to worse.
I got the call from Nico as I was having dinner: our father dead—killed, and by none other than Ana’s dad.
I knew as soon as I heard the words that my life would never be the same.
As the eldest son, all responsibility for the family business fell immediately on me. One moment I was a mob boss’ son, the next I was a mob boss, simple as that.
I had always known logically that the day might come, but the reality hit me like a freight train.
Knowing my father, some part of me had truly believed him too stubborn to die. I know that a lot of people think things like that about their parents, but if ever it was true, it would be about my dad.
He was a dangerous man. Fearless. The idea of him no longer being around had seemed impossible.