by R. R. Banks
"Trees?" I ask.
"Can't have just one," Xavier chimes in.
Evan and Anna walk out of the room, and I turn a smile to Xavier.
"Thank you for making him part of your family when I couldn't be with him," I say.
"He's the one who made me part of his family," Xavier says.
He stands and comes to my chair, offering me his hand to help me stand. By the time we make it into the living room, Evan is already dragging a large box across the floor toward the window.
"Where's that been?" I ask.
"You know that locked room?" Xavier asks.
I look at him and see laughter twitching on his lips.
"The mysterious secret room is a storage room?" I ask incredulously.
"Not just a storage room," Anna says excitedly. "A Christmas room!"
She giggles and rushes back into the room.
"Why didn't you tell me? You just let me think all these crazy things about you."
Xavier shrugs and wraps his arms around my waist.
"You never directly asked what was in there. Besides, you seemed to be having fun trying to figure it out."
I shake my head and kiss him.
"What am I going to do with you?" I ask.
"I have a few suggestions. But let's put up the Christmas tree first."
I laugh at myself for feeling the holiday spirit already taking over when I'm still trying to digest the slivers of pumpkin, pecan, and apple pie I crowded onto the same plate to convince myself it was only one dessert. I’ve always approached Christmas with a hint of dread. Even during the years I spent with Evan, I couldn't feel the true joy and excitement the season was supposed to bring. Instead, it was one of hesitation, accompanied by a sense of emptiness and isolation. For the first time ever, I can look ahead to a holiday season of fun and magic.
The trees are far easier to put together than I remember the old fake tree being when I was younger. The pieces click together, then the branches settle into place around it in a perfect bloom. Xavier walks back to the storage room and returns a few seconds later with a bag. He withdraws several packages of ornaments, and I smile at him.
"You really are prepared, aren't you?"
As the sun gradually sets, we go to work filling the apartment with signs of Christmas. Trees sprout in the corners, their branches laden with sparkling blown-glass balls and twinkling lights, ceramic houses take up residence on the mantle, and there are enough snowmen scattered throughout the rooms to make it seem like the temperature has lowered by a few degrees. Anna is brimming with excitement and a second burst of energy after being weighed down by dinner. The second wind fades almost as quickly as it appeared, however, and she quickly goes from dancing through the living room with a garland of tinsel around her shoulders to falling asleep on the thick peacock-blue tree skirt.
"I'm going to head out," Evan says. "I'll take her to bed on the way out if you want."
Xavier nods and drops down onto the sofa, letting out a relieved groan as he sinks into the cushions, tipping his head back to rest on the pillow behind him. He stops long enough to give me a hug and kiss me on the cheek.
"Thanks for dinner, Sis,” he says. "It was amazing. I'm already looking forward to the Christmas candy. Be sure to get on that tomorrow morning."
I laugh and nod as he walks over to Xavier.
"Happy Thanksgiving, Evan," Xavier says. "See you soon."
Evan waves as he walks toward the front door. When he's gone, I look at Xavier.
"I'll be right back," I say.
"Is something wrong?" he asks, starting to sit up.
I shake my head.
"No. Everything's fine. I'll be right back."
I rush out of the apartment and hustle to the elevator. Riding it down to my floor, I go into my apartment and run toward the kitchen, taking a blue tin off the top shelf of one of the cabinets. Holding it close to me, I hurry back toward Xavier's apartment. He is just where I left him, his eyes closed as he dozes in the flickering lights of the tree. I dim the living room light and walk around the side of the couch, so I can snuggle up to his side. He smiles and wraps his arm tight around me, turning his head to kiss me before he notices the tin in my hands.
"What's that?" he asks.
"I guess I started getting ready for Christmas early this year, too," I tease.
I hold the box out to him, and he takes it from me with a quizzical expression. Seconds later, a smile stretches across his face after he lifts the lid to reveal large pieces of Christmas candy tucked into the tissue paper inside the tin.
"You already made a batch?" he asks.
"I wanted to make sure you were the first person to taste it this season," I explain.
He takes a piece and pops it into his mouth, his eyes closing briefly as he moans at the nostalgic taste of the treat.
"Oh, your brother is not getting his hands on this," he says.
"You don't have to let him," I say. "I'll make him his own box next week. He'll be none the wiser."
"What are you talking about? I'm taking a picture of it and sending it to him right now."
He starts to reach for his phone, but I playfully smack his hand away.
"Don't you dare," I say. "Be nice. Santa's watching, you know."
"Oh, is he?"
"Yes. He is."
"Well," he says, shifting away from me and placing the tin on the table in front of him. "It just so happens I've already had a bit of a talk with him this year."
"You have? Already?" I tease.
"Absolutely. He and I are really close. He dropped something off to me a couple days ago and said I should be sure to give it to you. I think he meant I should wait until Christmas, but I don't really want to wait. I've never been a very patient person."
"I don't think that's necessarily true."
"Let's just say I'm not."
He stands up and walks over to the antique sideboard positioned against one of the walls. I try to watch him open the drawer, but he stands in front of it, blocking my view. He seems to reach for something before turning around, his hand behind his back. Walking back over to the couch, he pauses, but doesn’t take a seat. Taking his hand from around his back, I see a flash of deep red velvet in his hand. My heart begins to beat faster as he opens the lid and lowers himself down to one knee in front of me.
"Abigail, you are a phenomenon I never expected to encounter in my lifetime. I brought you into my life because I thought you needed help, and that my daughter needed a woman in her life. Now I realize it was because I needed you. You are the strongest, most courageous person I've ever met, and I can't imagine going through another day of my life without you beside me. I want more than anything in this world to be there with you as you experience everything life has to offer. I love you with every fiber of my being, and, if you will have me, I would be honored to call you my wife. Abigail, will you marry me?"
My breath feels like it's caught in my chest and a blush races across my cheeks as I look at the ring in front of me. I can't believe what Xavier just said. For a few seconds, all I can do is nod. Finally, I feel like I regain control over my mouth again, and I mumble through the tears streaming down my cheeks.
"There is no one in this world I would want to have by my side other than you, Xavier. The only reason I have a future is because of you. I wouldn't want to spend one second of it without you. Yes, I will marry you. I love you."
Xavier slips the ring onto my finger, and I pull him to me before he even has a chance to get off his knee. He kisses me, pressing me closer to him so I can feel his rapid heartbeat through his chest. When he climbs onto the couch beside me, he sweeps me up so I'm sitting in his lap. Watching me stare at the sparkling diamond on my hand, he smiles with both happiness and excitement.
"When do you want to get married?" he asks.
I laugh.
"We just got engaged," I say.
"Yes," he says. "And? Don't you want to pick a date?"
"Right now?"<
br />
"Why wait? I waited long enough for you. Life is far too precious. You’re the one who taught me that."
I smile at him.
"You're right," I say. "I don't want to waste any more time. I want to be married to you. I want to be your wife."
Xavier glances over at the Christmas tree.
"How about New Year's Eve?" he asks.
"This New Year's Eve?" I ask, stunned.
"Yes. Why not?" Xavier sounds excited, and I can't help but feel the excitement building inside me in return. "It would be perfect. It would feel like the entire world was celebrating us, and we would start the new year married."
The more I think about it, the more wonderful it sounds. I've always imagined what it would be like to be engaged and prepare for my wedding, but now all I want is to be married to Xavier. I'm ready to start our family and life together.
********
Two months later…
The night is clear and cold, but the space heaters that have been positioned around the roof create a welcoming circle of warmth. Lilith glances through the curtains draped over a frame in front of me, and I catch a glimpse of a long silver runner leading outside. I know at the end of it is an arch of flowers where Xavier stands, waiting for me with Evan at his side.
"Is it almost time?"
I glance down at Anna and see her smiling up at me. Despite the happiness on her face, her eyes are tired, and I doubt she's going to make it long into the reception. Fortunately, the ceremony and reception are being held right here on the roof of the apartment building so we can be under the stars, right here where Xavier and I fell in love. When Anna is too sleepy to keep celebrating, Ruth will take her downstairs and tuck her into her own bed, safe and sound.
Xavier was surprised by the simplicity of the wedding I planned. Rather than hosting the event in a hotel or some other venue, I wanted to be right here on the roof. We're surrounded by colorful bursts exploding across the inky blackness of the sky as people preemptively celebrate the new year with fireworks.
"Almost," I whisper to Anna. "It's almost time. Are you ready?"
She nods, holding up the little silver basket of flower petals she'll carry down the aisle. The crown of woven branches resting on her head, painted silver and intertwined with tiny shimmering lights, makes her look like an angel, and I want to remember this moment forever. One little hand smooths down her dress, and I know she feels beautiful. She looks up at me, and I notice some of the happiness has faded from her expression, replaced with uncertainty.
"Do you think my mommy in Heaven is looking at me now?" she asks.
Concern flickers across her face like she's worried she’s going to upset me by mentioning Helen. The truth is I've been thinking about Helen a lot today. After I got dressed and rode the elevator up to the roof, I spoke to her in my own way. I thanked her for the love she gave Xavier years ago, and for bringing Anna into the world. I promised her that I would take care of both of them, and love them as much as I possibly could, but that I would never try to take her place in their hearts. Anna deserves to know who her mother was, and that there is still a place for her in the family.
Sweeping my skirt to the side, I crouch down to look into Anna's face. I cup one cheek with my hand and gaze into her wide eyes.
"I know she is," I reassure her softly, "and I'm sure she thinks you look absolutely beautiful. She is very proud of you. She will always be your mommy, Anna."
She nods.
"I know," she says. "But do you…" she hesitates. "Do you think she would mind if I call you Mom? That's what you'll be when you marry my daddy, right?"
I smile, trying my best to stop the tears welling up in my eyes from falling. I don't want Anna to think she did anything wrong. Instead, I gather her close to me in a tight hug.
"I don't think she would mind," I whisper. "And if you want to call me Mom, I would be very honored. I love you, Anna."
"I love you, too," she whispers back.
I straighten up just in time for the wedding coordinator to open the curtain a few inches and gesture for Anna to come with her. She glances up at me with a smile, and dips through the curtain onto the runner. I hear the guests cooing and whispering in response to her, and suddenly a flutter of nervousness settles into my stomach.
"Are you alright?" Lilith asks.
I nod.
"Yes," I say. "Just a little nervous, I guess. This is all so perfect. What if it's not real? What if I've dreamed all of this up?"
She smiles and hugs me, adjusting her position so she doesn't crush the bouquet in my hand.
"It's real," she murmurs. "All of this is real. There is a gorgeous, successful man up there who adores you and is dying to make you his wife. A few hundred people are here to watch and to celebrate with you. It's perfect, but it's real, and it's yours. You deserve every bit of it."
Diana, my coordinator, looks through the curtain again. She gestures to Lilith, and my one bridesmaid starts her slow walk down the aisle. I'm suddenly alone behind the curtain. Everything seems quieter around me, like the voices and the music from the other side of the curtain have faded. I'm sharply aware of myself. I feel the fabric of my gown on my skin, the pressure of the bodice tight around my waist and ribs. My bouquet feels heavy in hand, and I look down into the roses. Tiny rhinestone pins in the center of each velvety flower seem symbolic. I touch one of them, thinking of how they seem like they had been hidden within the buds, guarded by the delicate petals, and visible only after the flowers bloomed.
This is all so surreal. I feel like I'm visiting a moment in someone else's life. I'm looking into it, but it's hard to really wrap my head around the fact that this is me. This is mine. I’m safe. I’m free. I’m loved by a good man.
A breeze blows across my face and I let my eyes close, breathing it in and letting it bring me into the moment. Just then, the music on the other side of the curtain changes and swells into a climax. I turn as the curtain opens, revealing me to the rest of the wedding. The guests all rise to their feet on either side of the aisle, but I’m focused on Xavier. Our eyes meet, and I start toward him. No one is walking me down the aisle. When we were first starting to plan the wedding, I asked Evan to give me away, but he said no. He told me I didn't need anyone to hand me over to Xavier like an exchange of property. I had done so much to reclaim my life that I was the only one who had the right to offer it to someone else.
Once I reach the arch of flowers, Xavier pulls me to him, holding my hands in his. When we have exchanged our vows and rings, I reach up and unlatch the necklace I'm wearing. Crouching down again, I fasten it around Anna's neck so the sapphire droplet rests on her chest.
"This belonged to my grandmother," I explain. "She gave it to my mother when she turned thirteen, and my mother gave it to me when I turned thirteen. But I don't want you to have to wait that long. I want you to have it now. I want you to know that you are a precious part of my family, and I couldn't love you more if you had been born to me."
I stand and take Xavier's hands again. Finally, the officiant announces that we are husband and wife, and he sweeps me into his arms for a deep, lingering kiss. As the ceremony ends, Xavier and I make our way to a quiet corner of the roof, where he stands behind me, his arms wrapped around my waist, allowing my head to rest back on his shoulder. We look out over the city together. Behind us, our wedding photographer snaps pictures of us against the city skyline.
In the back of my mind, I'm aware that these are the pictures I will look at in the future to reminisce on our wedding day. After a few more minutes, and countless more pictures, Xavier guides me toward the reception that is now in full swing. We weave through our guests, and the MC announces us as Xavier whisks me to the center of the dance floor. The song for our first dance rises up around us, and he takes me into his arms. I rest my head to his chest, breathing in the scent of him, and I finally feel at peace.
Xavier touches a kiss to my head and lets out a relieved sigh. I feel his mouth come close
to my ear.
"You belong to me, Abigail," he murmurs. "And I belong to you. Always."
Epilogue
Abigail
Two years later...
My head comes up out of the water long enough to catch a glimpse of Xavier walking onto the beach, his body glistening in the sunlight. I duck back down into the grey-blue water and swim toward him underwater for a few moments before coming up for air again. When I look to the rocky beach at the edge of the lake, I see him again, opening the blanket and laying it down on the mixture of sand, grass, and pebbles. The place he has chosen is between a bank of grass and two large boulders, an almost secluded cave hidden from the rest of the beach on a tiny island in the middle of the lake. After lunch, Xavier asked Evan and Lilith to take care of Anna and Eisley for a couple of hours while we spent some time together. As soon as they agreed, he hurried me out of the new lake house he bought me for our two-year anniversary and into a canoe he used to bring me to the island. The extent he has gone through just to get some seclusion for us might be excessive, but I am thankful for it. It seems like we haven't been alone and awake together for more than a couple of hours in the sixth months since Eisley was born. Our sweet, beautiful daughter is an incredible addition to our family, and watching her bond with Xavier and Anna has been one of the most wonderful experiences of my life. Raising both daughters has been life-changing in more ways than I imagined, though, and I've found myself craving alone time with my husband.
Now that she's pregnant with their first child, Lilith and Evan were eager to join us for vacation, and spend some time practicing with the baby. Their elopement came as quite a surprise after a whirlwind romance following our wedding, but almost two years later, they both seem deliriously happy. I've never seen my brother look as purely content as he does when he rests his hand on her belly. Having them with us means we have opportunities like this to sneak away, and I'm eager to take advantage of it while we can. Xavier obviously has the same thoughts on his mind as he spreads out the blanket far out of sight of anyone.