by Joey W. Hill
“I hear the three marks make the servants stronger and faster,” Rail said, “but we’re still way stronger and faster, and so much of our lives are about survival. Can you imagine us ever being able to settle in one place and not worry about being noticed?”
Turning over the horse and clamping it in a vise, he started working on the hooves. “But I’ll admit, our life can give a vampire male some low moments. Living on the edges of their world, seeing men settle in homes with wife and children, and them having a stable day-to-day routine. When the bloodlust and the need for violence comes upon us, as it always does, it might be a challenge to fit into that picture. But it’s tempting.”
Uthe took a seat at the table across from him. Rail was like that. First saying no to something, and then looking at it from different angles until he came to a wholly different conclusion.
“The ones of us that live like monsters, outside human law or vampire common sense, who see humans only as food and kill indiscriminately rather than just taking what they need—those vampires will get all of us hunted, you mark me.” When Rail said that, he sent a shrewd glance toward Uthe. Uthe realized his fists had clenched, a response to uncomfortable memories. He forced himself to release that tension as Rail continued.
“Maybe having a human bound to us for blood would give us the chance to live our life in a halfway settled way. That might be something. The birds and beasts, they know how to live in the moment and make the most of it, not thinking behind or forward, but it’s difficult for us vampires and humans to do that. We like to have a sense of marking a place as our own. Maybe having a servant’s a way to do that…”
Uthe wondered if the old vampire had forgotten his original question. Now he looked tired and sad. “Are you well, Rail?” he ventured.
“Yes, son. Sometimes I’m haunted by ghosts. You’ve got them too, young as you are. Sometimes you worry that none of it is going to make sense, that you’re not going to make sense. You feel despair, don’t you? As if your crimes are already too great, and a million years won’t make things better. Even if you live a million years, if we’re dust at the end of it and all’s forgotten, what did it really matter? What’s the point?”
Uthe didn’t reply, though he knew his hands had clenched again, and there was a sharp feeling in his gut, as if he’d swallowed a couple of knives whole and they’d cut their way down to his midsection.
“There was a time I felt that way. I’m nearly fifteen hundred years old.” He chuckled at Uthe’s shocked expression. “Yep. They say vampires that live past five hundred years are rare. Not sure if this has anything to do with it,” he patted the dagger, “because that’s about how old I was when it came into my hands. You thought I’d forgotten, didn’t you?”
Uthe shook his head as Rail sat down in the opposite chair, drawing up one knee to clasp his arms around it. He balanced on one bony buttock. “I was traveling in Jerusalem. There was a good network of caves outside the city, and I’d holed up there for awhile. A man started coming out to that wild place. He’d pray a lot, then sit by himself, thinking. Though I kept myself hidden while I was watching him, and humans aren’t supposed to detect us when we don’t want to be seen, he knew I was there, every time.”
Rail nodded at Uthe’s surprised look. “But he never said a word to me. He had this feeling around him… Peaceful’s a way to describe it, but even that doesn’t quite catch it, because when we say peaceful, we think of it as a temporary thing, like being happy, sad, annoyed. Peace was him, who he was, through and through.”
Rail offered a grim smile. “I was a discontent bastard at that point, so I thought of drinking from him, to see if his blood was as peaceful. Like a tonic. The night I had that thought, he turned around, looked right at me. “Will you sit with me?” he said. “I know you often sit with me while I’m here, but I would like you to come closer.”
“I wondered if he was a sorcerer, something more than a man. But I came out of hiding and sat with him. First a few feet away and then on the rock next to him. I was like a wild dog, distrustful of a human offering his fire and meat to share. That night, he didn’t want to talk. He didn’t even start praying like he usually did. He just sat, studying the stars, the land around us, as if he was trying to memorize it. His eyes…they were brown as the deepest part of the earth, and you’d fall into them in a good way if you looked long enough. At last, he drew this dagger, cut his wrist and offered it to me.”
Rail’s expression grew distant. “You’re young, and you’ll think my mind is going, but when I tasted his blood, I tasted that peace. It was…there’s been nothing like it ever since. You’ve wondered that I don’t seem as ruled by my hunger as most, that I don’t get angry or let the bloodlust take me. Some of that’s age. You’re at the age where everything is about the hunger. That dies back a bit as time goes on. But part of it was having the best meal of my life and knowing that there will never be any better. Doesn’t mean you don’t appreciate what others have to offer, but you just…the hunger goes away.”
“So he was a sorcerer, of sorts.”
“No. That’s what was peculiar about it. His blood told me he was a man. A mortal man with sad eyes and a sad heart. It was near the time when he would die, you see. I didn’t know that then, but he obviously did. I heard about it a short time later. That night, though, he smiled when I sealed the wound. Touched my brow and wished me peace and long life.”
Rail pulled himself out of the memory. “You seek peace, young vampire? Go to Jerusalem, find your peace there like I did.” He extended the knife, startling Uthe. “If you carry this, you can move freely in daylight. It won’t take away your need for human blood, but you can walk among mortal men with less suspicion.”
Uthe took the blade, examined it. “It will allow me to walk in sunlight?” he said dubiously.
“Yes. Don’t share that information with any other vampire, ever. I shouldn’t have to tell you something so obvious, but you’re young yet. Your brain function’s paralyzed by the stupidity of youth. This blade is meant to serve a purpose, and mine’s almost done. Take it. It will guide you to yours. As long as you serve it well, it will serve you well.”
Uthe handed it back. “It’s yours. It serves you. I think the reason you’re trying to give it to me and the reason you’re sad are the same reason. What is it?” Though he already knew.
Rail’s rueful look acknowledged it. “You’re far too sharp to be pretending not to be, son. My time is coming to an end. Very soon. I can feel it. I’m sad because it’s not easy to say good-bye to everything you’ve known. Not just turn toward the void, but step full out into it, not knowing if all your memories will go with you, if you’ll remember the beauty of a full moon or the touch of woman’s hand, or even what happened to me to have this knife fall into my hands. I want to hold onto that memory as I pass, take it with me wherever I go next.”
He rose to come around the table and sit down next to Uthe, placing a hand on his shoulder. His brown eyes were kind and thoughtful. He was such a different vampire, the kind Uthe fervently wished he could be. The opposite of everything his sire was.
“Now that I look back,” Rail said, “I know that’s what that man was doing. He knew his time was coming and he was saying goodbye to this world and all it had to offer. Doesn’t matter how good what comes after is. When you have to say good-bye to all you’ve ever known, and you don’t know if you’re going to remember it, facing that end is how a person grieves, on the front end, before you let go of this life. Whereas it’s the job of those who remember him to grieve on the other side after he passes, and honor what he gave us. There’s a balance to that too, I expect.”
Grasping Uthe’s wrist, he placed the dagger in his hand, closing his fingers over the hilt. “Take it. For whatever bit of foresight I’ve been given, I think the peace you need will be found in the Holy Land where I found it. Among humans, not vampires. You need to free yourself from the skin of your own maker, and that won’t be found in you
r own world. Not yet.”
* * *
After Uthe finished the story, Kel said nothing for quite some time about it, though Uthe could feel him turning it over in his mind. They roved over idle topics from there: Council issues, tidbits about the Fae world Uthe was curious about, and past debates they’d had. They also spent a good bit of time hiking in silence. It wasn’t until the day moved toward twilight that Keldwyn returned to the dagger’s origins.
They’d reached the summit of a rocky peak. A glance down said they’d be deep into another maze of them before long. Uthe stopped, propping a foot against a jutting stone, and tipped his head back, looking at clouds scudding across the darkening sky. He liked the way twilight turned the clouds into smoke against the firmament.
Keldwyn stood at his side. Uthe realized he was leaning against him as if he were dizzy and out of breath. He was dizzy. Must be the effect of the sun. Damn it, he’d forgotten. Yes, the dagger let him walk in sunlight, but it doubled or tripled his blood needs. He’d had to feed once a day when he was using it. Most vampires his age only had to feed once every several days. Sometimes he’d been able to go even longer, unless a stressor increased his metabolism. Well, he’d figure that out later. At sundown, it should be easy enough to steal through the night and take a meal from one of their invisible trackers, a sleepy goatherd or nomadic shepherd.
“So he was suggesting,” Keldwyn said slowly, one hand steady on Uthe’s back, his other curled loosely around his arm, “that Jesus of Nazarus gave him the dagger? And when he cut his wrist to feed Rail, it gave the blade the powers it carries today?”
“He said none of those things. But the timing and its properties suggest it’s very possible. Or the knife may have already been carrying those gifts. There’s a lot about the life of the Nazarene that’s not known, particularly before he started preaching. There’s speculation that he was engaged in more mystical studies before that time. But I’ve thought about what Rail said, about him being just a man. Maybe one man’s extraordinary understanding of peace and love created a magic even stronger than a sorcerer’s.”
Keldwyn fished a band somewhere from within his clothing and lifted his arms to efficiently wrap it at the top of his thick braid. By doing so, he re-captured several of the shorter strands that had loosened from it and framed his face. “It is possible.”
“Really?” Uthe watched Keldwyn’s hands move over the task, the curving of his biceps. He imagined unbraiding the Fae Lord’s dark mane, letting the heat and weight of it spill over his hands, cover his face, slide along his chest. He wanted to touch Keldwyn’s precise features, the lips that could be set in cruel, stern lines or a tempting, mocking smile. He thought of the way they’d feel, softening and curving under Uthe’s fingertips. Clearing his throat, he turned his attention back to the sky. “It surprises me to hear you say that, my lord.”
“The power of love is something no magic user can deny after seeing it in action. It is the most miraculous thing to witness when it succeeds. Just as it crushes the soul to see it fail.” Keldwyn finished getting the hair out of his eyes, but he hadn’t missed Uthe’s absorption. “I think you like my hair, vampire.”
“It is easy to enjoy beauty, my lord.”
“That depends.” Keldwyn swept a glance over him. “On how much it resists adoration. So you went to Jerusalem, then?”
Flummoxed by how the Fae Lord had thrown the compliment back over him, like a net of possibilities, Uthe took a second to recall the storyline. “I did. My first night in the area, I stumbled on a camp of soldiers, and shared a meal with them. Popular history tends to remember the Templars as an order that stretched through the Holy Lands and Europe, but in the beginning it was just nine men and their retainers. The men were mostly connected by family lineage to Hugh of Payns, the founder of the Order. It was those nine I met that night, and Hugh who invited me to share their meal. And that’s a story for another time. I think it is your turn.”
Uthe cocked his head. “This journey will be far more interesting if we trade stories along it. Perhaps for every story I offer, you offer one in return. The only parameter is that it must be a true one, and tell me something of yourself.”
“But who better than a Fae to tell a fairy tale?”
Uthe chuckled. “These days, the lines of reality and fantasy can blur for me. If I could rely upon your stories as truth, that would be a comfort. It shouldn’t be too taxing for you. If the Ennui advances quickly enough, you can tell me the same story, and I will think it new.”
Keldwyn didn’t smile at the jest. He reached out and closed his fingers on Uthe’s arm, but then, as if remembering what Uthe had said about the eyes focused on them, he dropped his hold. Instead, he asked a question as personal as the most intimate touch. “Your story about Rail suggests what I’ve always expected, that Uthe is not your given name. I want to know it. I’ve waited patiently for you to tell me.”
“The word patience obviously means something different to the Fae.”
Keldwyn merely gave him an expectant look. Uthe knew it should be of no consequence, but it had been years since he’d spoken it. He hadn’t been able to bear hearing it in his head, and he’d been able to banish it, except in his nightmares. Yet it was simply a name. He shouldn’t make Keldwyn think it had more significance than it did. He sighed. “Varick, my lord.”
Keldwyn’s eyes brightened, his lips curving in a way that made Uthe not displeased he’d told him, at least in this moment. “It means protector and ruler. Your parents had auspicious hopes for you.”
“My father. I sincerely hope I disappointed him. I do not use my given name for that reason.”
Keldwyn considered him. “A story for another time?”
“Or perhaps never. There are better stories to tell and hear. We should keep moving.”
“Are you steadier now?”
“Well enough.” Uthe lifted his head, inhaled. “Odd. A wolf, by itself. Loner.”
Keldwyn didn’t have a vampire’s olfactory senses, though he could detect whatever life forms were in a certain range around him. His eye for terrain more than made up for his less acute sense of smell, since he’d already identified several better paths through the rocks. “Why is it odd? Syria has wolves, and a loner could be an injured or older animal.”
“This one just smells…off.” Uthe shrugged. “He’s well ahead of us. If our paths cross, we’ll see what’s peculiar about him.” He held still, reaching out with all his senses, nostrils flaring. “We also have a different form of watcher now. One far less benevolent than our mountain people. I don’t detect anyone from the tribes, so they’ve backed off in the face of this new development, which suggests the new arrivals are a threat.” Uthe frowned, brow creasing. “Their scent is…familiar, though I can’t identify it.”
“Should we try to circle around, flush them out?”
“I think it’s best we continue onward,” Uthe responded. “But when possible we should choose terrain where we have the tactical advantage. I’d dislike getting caught and surrounded in one of these gullies without knowing exactly what we are facing. It will be dark soon. My guess is they are waiting for us to reach our destination before they make their intent known.”
“Is there any reason to conceal it from them?”
“No. Only I can obtain what is here and, once we reach that destination, we will be protected from the threat they pose. I detect about twenty of them. Human, mostly. Let’s keep going, my lord, unless you object.”
“I trust your judgment, Lord Uthe.”
They started to descend the slope. Down into a crevice, then winding through flat lands flanked by rocks that jutted and curved over them like stone vultures with sharp beaks and pointed feathers. Another incline, back up and over more peaks. They repeated the up and down trek several times, sometimes the incline so steep they were climbing instead of hiking. Despite Uthe’s weak jest about the Ennui, this didn’t appear to be a path he had trouble remembering, for Keldwyn noted
he never seemed to take his bearings.
However, though Keldwyn was not affected by the climb, he noticed Uthe was slowing more with each incline. The vampire didn’t need to feed daily but perhaps, dagger or no dagger, the sun took its toll. “There’s a cave nested in those rocks over there.” Keldwyn gestured in that direction. “Shall we take a short respite?”
Uthe nodded, but as they moved that way, he stopped, straightening up so abruptly Keldwyn heard his spine crack with the effort. When he did, a fitful breeze wafted toward them, bringing Keldwyn the same vibration, if not the scent.
Another vampire.
“What are the chances?” Uthe muttered. Any signs of tiredness vanished. He was alert, his gaze sharp, body loose with the expectation of violence, communicating his substantial ability to meet it with a greater show of force if necessary. The vampire world was so entrenched in power hierarchies, their protocols for dealing with them were as ingrained as their dominant instincts. This was one of the most important—establishing from the first instant who was the strongest vampire. Since it often saved the trouble of unnecessary violence, Keldwyn couldn’t argue with its efficiency. Or how intriguing it was watching Uthe shrug into its mantle.
“Show yourself,” Uthe said shortly, his voice ringing among the stones.
“I haven’t had my coffee yet,” came the reply. “And you’re up awfully early for a bloodsucker.”
“Uthe.” Keldwyn said. “Downwind.”
The vampire turned, following his gaze. On a ledge above them was the wolf Keldwyn was sure Uthe had scented earlier. In the deepening twilight, the creature was a menacing silhouette. It was an exceptionally large black wolf, with one blue eye and one gold. His expression was intent, a predator deciding whether or not to leap. Uthe showed his fangs and the wolf responded in kind, laying back his ears.
“It’s definitely too early for that kind of shit. Ease up, Rand.” The vampire had emerged from the caves, but his attention was on the wolf, not Uthe and Keldwyn. The wolf’s gaze flicked toward him and the vampire held the bi-colored eyes in a lock, his expression suddenly far more commanding, his voice sharp, not sardonic. “Ease. Up.”