by Joey W. Hill
He’d taken the disk Uthe wore around his neck and cradled it in his palm. The warmth of Uthe’s body lingered in it. As the head dissolved into light, it streamed into that target. Keldwyn caught the bright flashes of the magic it contained and power vibrated through his arm. He hoped these were optimistic signs the sorceress’s weapon would work. A freed demon could wreak havoc. He understood why, knowing he was being besieged with Ennui, Uthe had felt such urgency to resolve the matter. Which, regrettably, could bring more stress and increase the hold of the Ennui. But Uthe had Keldwyn with him. He was determined to help the vampire however possible.
The Fae Lord tugged the silk wrap up over the neck so the body was shrouded fully once more. When Uthe finished his prayers, Keldwyn put the disk around Uthe’s neck, rather than handing it back to him. Kel rested his hands on the male’s shoulders, gauging the tension there. “Let me help you rebuild the stones over her,” he said.
The two of them worked in silence for a few moments. “Whenever I see you do magic, I wonder that you don’t do everything that way,” the vampire said. “Levitate rocks, or get dressed in a blink.”
“All magic requires energy and forethought, and it is wise not to waste it on what your body and mind already give you the power to do. Then there are things like this, actions that should be done by the sweat of your brow.”
“Yes.”
Keldwyn let the silence draw out. “It must have been very isolating, being the only one who knew all you know,” he said at last. “Working to protect…everyone.”
“You make it sound very noble. I never thought of it that way. It was simply what I was charged to do, and I had allies like Haris, Shahnaz. At first, I was foolishly stubborn. Soon before his death, Hugh warned I would not be able to continue my association with the Templars if their responsibilities expanded into armed military campaigns. He said I couldn’t take the risk of falling in battle, but I pointed out my life or death was God’s will. He did not argue with that, but he did say that the Lord expected us to have common sense.”
Uthe’s lips curved. “The compromise was he allowed me to stay on the detail to guard pilgrims. But when Hugh died, the subsequent Grand Masters did not know my primary charge. Hugh had left specific instructions as to what freedoms I had to come and go, different from my brethren, and those remained unchallenged, but he’d left the decision about fighting to my judgment. As time stretched out past his demise, I was eventually treated as one of the others. Gerard paid no attention when I joined the battle for Hattin. I respected Hugh’s wisdom, and had tried to abide by it mostly, but I could not allow my brethren to fight without me against such incredible odds. But it was also the battle that told me how foolish I’d been, the risk I’d taken, all for the pride of saying I’d stood with my brothers.”
Uthe fingered the silver disk around his neck. “However, it was also the decision that brought me in contact with your world, and gave us the chance to place the head beyond human reach. Until that time, I’d left it back in the tunnels beneath the Temple, since I was the only one who could reach it there. But though we were far from modern day drilling equipment, I could foresee it might not be safe there indefinitely. Particularly since the Pope never revealed that the gold was found, so there were those who still sought it. Also, while the desert countries were not overrun with vampires, who was to say one would not eventually think to seek the gold in a place beyond where men could reach it?”
Uthe lifted a shoulder. “So it is hard to say which of my decisions was God’s will and what was pride. We do the best we can, my lord, and hope we serve the highest good. And when we know we did not, we ask God’s forgiveness ‘in such a manner that the words reflect the heart’.”
At Keldwyn’s quizzical look, he offered a humorless smile. “If a Templar missed formal prayers, you would say your paternosters wherever you were and, if they were said in a manner that reflects the heart, it was considered sufficient. It brought focus and comfort both.”
A vision rose in Keldwyn’s mind, of Reghan’s serious mouth and warm eyes. His laughter, his ferocity in battle, his gentleness to Rhoswen. The pain her suffering brought to him when Magwel turned her against him. His anger and sorrow with Keldwyn when Kel refused to accept his love for Masako. Those memories caused Kel pain, guilt and regret, but he’d learned to manage them with the truth Uthe had just spoken.
Sometimes asking forgiveness—in a manner that reflected the depth of feeling in the heart— was all that could be done.
Chapter Nine
On the way back to the plane, they stayed alert for ambushes. Instead, they found a trail of bodies. Cai still wasn’t permitting Rand to hunt with him, for death had come from snapped necks and bashed skulls, not the rending of teeth. Since Cai and his wolf had fed on one of them the night before, the demon had apparently only had the reach to poison a select few of those dispatched directly against Uthe and Keldwyn at the sorceress’s cave. To play it safe, though, they went by the vampire and wolf’s cave to warn them, but found neither there.
They could hear Rand howling in the distance, and the tone of it was a farewell, not a distress call. Cai had decided his purpose had been served and wasn’t big on goodbyes.
Given the urgency of their mission, Uthe knew he should castigate himself for that unexpected coupling with Keldwyn in Fatima’s cave, yet the break had relaxed his mind enough he’d figured out the clues she’d left him. Uthe had solved countless puzzles. He knew the importance of diversions when the mind was overtaxed. He’d denied himself the opportunity because it served other, more personal pleasures. Keldwyn had taken the decision from him and hence here they were, closer to the overall goal.
Faith, the Fae unsettled and distracted him. He also helped him. It was a curious conundrum between purpose and desire.
It concerned him that the demon had been able to use the Saracens to do his will, but it only confirmed they needed to get to the Shattered World as soon as possible. Was it the possibility of it drawing to an end giving the demon extra fuel? Had he been reserving his power, in anticipation of this day?
When they reached the plane, they found Keldwyn’s protection spell on the plane and pilot had not been breached, though the pilot reported some Saracens had circled the area. Confused by the sense that something was there, but unable to detect anything, they’d eventually left, frustrated.
Tricky wind currents made the flight out of Syria bumpy and loud, discouraging conversation. Despite their immortality that made the likelihood of dying in a plane crash slim, Uthe thought Keldwyn looked as relieved as he did when they landed and made the transfer to the Council’s larger charter jet which would take them back across the ocean to Savannah. Keldwyn had determined it was best to enter the Fae world at a portal there, because the magic they were carrying would be blocked elsewhere. Securing the proper permissions from the Fae Queen for a different portal might take as much time as the plane ride.
Uthe didn’t question it, trusting his judgment. Dawn was coming, so he bade Keldwyn good morning and then closed himself away from the Fae’s speculative look in one of the several compartments designed to allow a vampire to travel by air during daylight. He stripped, putting the dagger away in the folded clothing. He wouldn’t deplete the richness of the blood he’d been given faster than necessary by taking advantage of its protections. He could handle this part without magical aid.
Behind the walls and ceiling and beneath the floor, rich earth was packed to form a cocoon around the cot and small space. It made the air stifling, but would cushion him from the rays beating on the plane’s flanks. Uthe closed his eyes, willing himself to sleep, knowing that was the best way to make the time pass.
Think I don’t see you, vampire? Think you can send me back to my Maker? The demon wasn’t ready to let him sleep. Uthe grunted.
I do not understand your resistance. After all these years, you should be homesick.
I will not return from whence I came without dragging the prophet with
me. Nothing you do can prevent it. It is inevitable. Either it will happen when you err, applying the sorceress’s dubious wisdom, or you will have to leave things as is. After the loss of your mind and your inevitable death, I will be under no one’s watchful eye. There is much that can be accomplished in the Shattered World. There is far more potential here. Chaos is possible in a world of Chaos.
It cackled, a decidedly unpleasant noise.
“I am sleeping, demon. Your words mean nothing.”
They will not mean nothing when you face me after all these years. Your cowardice has kept you from fighting me as a true warrior would.
“A true warrior does not fight the walls of a fortress with his sword. He uses battering ram, fire, water. The right weapon is what is needed.”
A man fights with sword and shield. The bow and trickery are dishonorable.
“You are a dishonorable enemy, requiring dishonorable tactics.”
As his tormentor kept nattering on, Uthe sighed, dragged himself off the cot. He knelt in the narrow space next to it to pray. When the demon was in this mood, it was the only thing that silenced him. Uthe was grateful for the other voice in his head that joined him, strengthening the prayer, drowning out the nefarious beast. Bless you, Madman. John seemed fond of the moniker, as fond as he seemed of anything. He was a somber, complicated spirit, and had never encouraged idle chatting. Uthe did not fault him for it. He could only imagine what the Baptist had endured, sharing the same space with the demon all these years. The Lord willing, he could end his trials soon.
Uthe wouldn’t face the crossover into the Fae world hungry. Keldwyn’s blood had been strong and nourishing. While Uthe still had mixed feelings about taking it, knowing the Fae world’s opinion of feeding a vampire, Keldwyn hadn’t seemed to be holding his nose at the time. It shouldn’t have mattered to Uthe either way. At any other time he’d have wielded his considerable self-discipline and dealt with those feelings, shut them down. The problem was the Ennui could play havoc with his self-discipline. Or was it Keldwyn himself? He had no way of knowing. Something else he could not control.
The Lord will often send us impossible obstacles as further proof that we must trust His Will. Trust in him, pray for comfort and strength from his mother, the blessed Virgin.
Uthe was devout in his faith but not mindless about religion. Most of them were just sale tactics for their brand of God. He knew that. It didn’t make what lay behind them, what their illusions were built around, any less real and solid. He didn’t care what God was called; he served that energy. The demon had been right about that much. Without that purpose, there was simply the abyss. Uthe had come to God from the abyss. His version of divinity might be an illusion, but it was an illusion he preferred to the chaotic darkness in his own soul.
“My lord? You are well?”
“I am.”
“I will enter to see for myself.”
Before Uthe could tell him no, Keldwyn slipped in, quickly closing the door behind him so that he felt only a brief flash of heat, the result of the sun engulfing the plane as it winged through the clouds. It put both of them in darkness, except for the small flashlight Uthe had on the side table, pointed toward the wall so the thin beam was dimmed further.
Keldwyn’s hand fell on his shoulder. “You are at prayer.”
“I was. I am done.”
Keldwyn sat down on the cot next to where Uthe knelt on the floor. “Gods, it’s horrid in here. Like a cold shoebox.”
The air piped into these compartments at double strength counteracted the sun’s effect. It was mildly helpful. “A shoebox surrounded by flame.”
Keldwyn moved his hand along Uthe’s shoulder, discovering he was stripped down to nothing, his skin dewed with perspiration. Though normally Uthe would remain dressed while sleeping, this was an exception, since he had no desire to soil his clothes with excessive sweat. “Your skin is hot as fire,” the Fae Lord said. “You need the Queen’s touch. She can turn almost anything to ice.” Keldwyn nodded toward the flashlight. “That takes the place of your candles?”
“It does. Somewhat.”
“But it adds heat.”
“Yes. But it is fine. I will lie down now, my lord. You need not trouble yourself further.”
“You’re no trouble.” Keldwyn paused. “The Rule required that a candle always be lit while sleeping, to stave off the temptations that come in the darkness?”
Uthe remembered the earlier fever dream with the bad blood, when the demon had taunted him about that. There was no taunt in Keldwyn’s voice, just thoughtful observation.
“Yes. But over time, it becomes a useful focus. A reassurance that the Light of the Lord is with us, even in darkness.”
Keldwyn reached over and switched off the light. “You are assured of that more than any male I’ve met, Lord Uthe.” An irritable edge entered his tone. “There are times your faith gives me hives."
"If it was a blind faith, untested, I would understand that, because nothing is more grating than courage in a sunlit meadow. But it is not. Have you never believed in anything immutable, Kel? Never wanted to?'
"I have wanted to. And the depth and breadth of that want is why I have no faith now."
The sudden roughness of his voice kept Uthe silent a moment, but then he closed a hand over the Fae Lord’s knee. “Kel. I do not believe that of you.”
“There are other things that come out of the dark,” Keldwyn said. “Truths too painful to speak in the light. The inexplicable, horrible things of this world make the existence of anything beyond it an illusion. A child’s wish.”
“The inexplicable, wonderful things in this world make the existence of what lies beyond it a certainty. A comfort for the child’s soul in us all.” Uthe paused. “I had a fellow Templar who used to say it like a child’s nursery rhyme: ‘There is so much that doesn't make sense if there is nothing there; there is so much that doesn't make sense if there is.’"
Uthe could see even in full darkness. One short slide forward, and he stood on his knees between Keldwyn’s spread legs where the Fae Lord sat on the cot. He framed Kel’s face with his hands. When Kel’s dropped to Uthe’s hips, he muttered something against Uthe’s mouth, likely a dubious reverence in the Fae language.
Earlier, the Fae Lord had initiated sex to pursue passion, to help Uthe find his answers, and to steady him after the near miss with the poisoned blood. Though Uthe had wrestled with indulging his desire under those circumstances, when it was Keldwyn who needed such succor, he didn’t hesitate to serve Kel’s needs.
Uthe kissed him, fingers sliding into his hair, pulling the bindings loose. He liked when the Fae braided or bound his hair, so he could be the one to free it, let it spill over his fingers. Keldwyn’s palms slid around to grip his ass, drawing him closer. Uthe shuddered with it, the feel of his body, all muscles rigid, pressed against the Fae’s clothed form. Keldwyn moved his touch up and down Uthe’s back, over his shoulders, coming back to his ass to knead as Uthe deepened the kiss.
“I don’t want to be him,” Uthe said in a fierce, low voice.
“I do not want you to be him. I want you to be what you are. Perfect. Mine.”
He was stunned by the depth of emotion in Keldwyn’s voice. Perhaps he was right about turning out that light. It wasn’t the temptations of lust that posed such dangers in the black, but the needs of the heart.
“I want inside you, too,” Uthe said. “I want to fall asleep that way.” He wanted to hold the male close to him, all that power and lean beauty. He wanted to hold something when he slept, something that would cover his heart, press against its painful beating, tell it that someone was there. That neither of them had to be alone, at least for these few moments.
Would Kel agree to it? He could feel him thinking, so Uthe kept up his exploring, tracing the biceps through the cotton fabric of his shirt. Kel had cleaned up and changed so Uthe tasted the soap-scented heat of him as he pulled the neckline open to lick the hollow of his throat, scrape
a fang over his pectoral. He wrapped his hand in Keldwyn’s hair, tipped his head back and pressed him against the wall behind the bed as he clambered up onto it, bracing his knees on either side of the Fae’s hips and grinding his cock against his abdomen. Keldwyn took a bruising grip on his ass as Uthe sucked on his throat. He didn’t bite him, much as he wanted to. Feeling Keldwyn’s trust that he wouldn’t do that without his express permission had a crazy effect on his cock and everything above and below it.
Uthe ripped the shirt away from the Fae’s upper body, not caring if Kel had brought a spare or not. He’d give him one of his. He moved down again, back to the floor so he could tease a nipple with his tongue. The Fae cupped the back of his head, tipping his own to the wall once more, arching into Uthe’s seductions. Uthe gripped both his thighs and ran his hands along them, pressing his thumbs in the crease along either side of Keldwyn’s groin. His cock was an iron bar, his testicles a perfect, heavy weight in Uthe’s palm as he fondled, squeezed. At the same time, he tasted, nipped and flicked his tongue against the male’s sensitive nipples.
Blessed Virgin, to take full pleasure in a male’s body, and a male like this, with no reservations… Uthe wondered if he might be drunk on the pleasure of it, for he acknowledged no restraint on his behavior, except what Keldwyn himself imposed.
“You want to be inside me,” Keldwyn growled, as if reading his mind. “But everything you’re doing will get you fucked through this mattress, Varick. So I get my pleasure first.”
Good. He wanted to challenge him, bring all that to the forefront to overpower and overwhelm. And not just because the idea of it speared Uthe with lust. He’d felt the Fae Lord’s pain and bitterness when he spoke to the darkness, and he wanted to give him this to bring him back to the light.