Inside the vast bathroom, a couple of long legged and ridiculously tanned women were putting on bright red lipstick. Their artificially plump lips begged for attention. But it was the words dripping from their mouths that stabbed her heart.
“Nathan Cromwell is one fine man! I heard from a totally reliable source that his ugly girlfriend refused his proposal.”
Darcey pretended to burrow through her purse, hands trembling.
Ugly?
The women’s fake tan and enhanced boobs were as fake as their personalities. She suddenly wanted to go home. But the thought of seeing Nathan kept her rooted to her place. The girls looked familiar. She suddenly remembered seeing them from some defunct reality telly show.
“Eww, the nerve,” the other woman with the bigger set of breasts and fake lips replied while taking an obnoxious selfie with her bright pink phone. “She should be thanking her lucky stars a man like Nathan would even look her way. She looks rather ordinary to me.”
“Come on, Kelly, let’s see which of us gets him to take him home?”
“Ah, well, Kyle has been flirting with me all night, Amber. He may not be as hot as Nathan, or even as rich, but I think he wants me. We even kissed.”
“Slut!”
“Whatever! You’re the one who was all over Nathan tonight.”
Darcey’s heart skipped a beat. She pushed herself to focus on reapplying her lipstick, grateful for the mask covering half her face. After a quick hand wash, she darted out of the loo, away from the horrid conversation.
The party was in full swing. She turned her neck left and right, hoping to catch a glimpse of Nathan. Unfortunately for her, every guy wore a tuxedo and the lighting was dim. This was turning out to be more challenging than she anticipated.
A waiter handed her a champagne flute, one she was only too glad to accept. As she sipped it and stayed by a table of healthy appetizers, she recognised Amber from the loo. It was easy to spot the garish gown and overly fake tan. She was talking to a tall and dashing man.
Nathan!
Amber whispered into his ear, her skinny hand stroking his arm. Darcey felt her face turn red hot. Skank! Grabbing another champagne flute from a passing waiter, she gulped one big sip down.
I should head over there and grab him. Tell that bleach blonde to stay away from my man! she thought.
As quickly as the thought came, another followed suit, But you lost that chance when you let him go. Drats!
The room began to spin. She had seen two people from work but everyone else were strangers. The mask, at least, lent much needed comfort.
She fished her phone out of her purse. Anything with the power to distract her was appreciated. Browsing online, she saw laughing photos of Luis, Trisha and Matthew Warwick. Her heart sunk. How she missed her friends. Why didn’t she stay in London?
And then the situation got worse.
The second she lifted her eyes away from her phone to stare at Nathan’s direction, her heart broke into a million pieces.
Meters away from where she stood, Amber kissed Nathan. Her Nathan. Her could-have-been fiancé. They were locked in a passionate embrace. Darcey wanted to hurl. And scream. Both sounded like a fantastic option.
This was too much to bear. She turned around, ready to head home. Hot tears cascaded down her equally hot cheeks.
The garden outside the restaurant was a welcome sight. She wrapped her pashmina scarf around her shoulders, tightly, desperate for any form of comfort. The cool evening air helped her feel less tipsy, but it did nothing for the pain.
Her phone beeped. A text message from Luis.
“How goes it, darling?”
She didn’t have the energy to reply. The clock on her phone told her the New Year was only ten minutes away. A white stone bench beckoned. Sitting down, she removed her heels and sighed, wiping fresh tears with a tissue.
What a horrible, horrible night.
Footsteps echoed behind her. She chose to ignore them.
Suddenly, she could hear a man clearing his throat. She turned her neck.
There he was. A plain white mask covered half his face.
“You didn’t fly ten hours to sit by the garden, did you?”
Nathan? But where’s your bimbo?
She remained still, unable to trust her voice.
He put his hands in his pocket. “So, why haven’t you said hello to me? If you planned to say a proper goodbye, there’s something you need to do first.”
Words failed her. She sat up straight as he stepped closer towards her. Before she could protest, he knelt in front of her, his face inches away from hers. She tried to speak but all she could do was gape.
Slowly, a masculine hand rose and undid the strings of her mask. It slipped with ease.
“Hello, Darcey. I’ve been watching you since you came. Tell me, why have you come? ”
Chapter 19
“Nathan.” Her voice was soft as she tried to compose herself. What she had witnessed earlier, along with the champagne, wasn’t boosting her trust in words.
“You like taking your shoes off, don’t you?” He raised a brow.
She stared at him in silence, her heart filled with disbelief. Was he really kissing that blonde?
Slowly, as if he was worried he’d break her, he lifted each of her feet and slipped them into her delicate emerald-crusted shoes.
“You also happen to put them back, just like a prince charming would,” she spoke in a shaky voice, unsure whether it was the breeze sending chills or the fact that her mind couldn’t grasp what she had witnessed.
“Cinderella, I know you need to leave by midnight, but would you dance with me for the last time?”
She gulped. He held out a hand. She slowly stood up, it was like being in a dream. Her vision was blurry.
“Are you sure? Isn’t anyone waiting for you inside?” she bravely asked.
“There we go again with our assumptions. You didn’t even say hello all night. I doubt you could find me when it was so dark inside and we had masks on.” He forced a laugh.
“Very well.” She sighed. There was no point in accusing him. They were no longer a couple. What was she to expect, that he would grab her and hold her in his arms while declaring undying love? Not after she broke his heart. She knew it. But could she accept he moved on so quickly?
To her surprise, Nathan wrapped his strong arms around her tenderly. She rested her head on his shoulders, allowing herself for a short moment to lean on him, release all her pain and fear and confusion, simply rest on his comforting and familiar arms.
“This may be a cliché’ but why do we always hurt the ones we love?” he murmured. She shared the exact same sentiment. “Why did you come here, Darcey?”
“I--” she began. She couldn’t tell him she knew about the marriage proposal he had planned. She didn’t want to embarrass them both. “I wanted to say I’m sorry.” She couldn’t look him in the eye as the words were spoken. She knew she would break down and cry.
“Sorry for what? Sorry for not feeling the same way about me? Sorry for the times you and I misunderstood one another?”
“Nathan.” She lifted her head and stepped back to study his face. “Don’t ever think that I no longer feel the same way.”
“But you don’t trust me.” His eyes were intense, as if he was trying to read her thoughts.
“I had so much work to do, and I had to travel so much. It was never personal. Nathan, please.” She knew she was failing at pleading her case.
“Everything is personal when it comes to people you love.” His voice was surprisingly calm. “I’m sorry for trying to push what I wanted on you, for trying to take away your ability to decide for yourself.” A wistful smile appeared on his lips. “Your stubbornness, and the way you give your best, they’re some of the many qualities I love about you. I also know that you were telling me the truth about Warwick.” He swept tendrils of hair off her face.
Her heart filled with appreciation. It was a huge relief t
o hear him see things the way she had wished he would for quite some time. But despite his kind words, something about the way he looked at her didn’t feel right.
“Then why didn’t you let me explain?” she demanded.
“Well, to be honest, there’s nothing to explain. We broke up. What you do and what I do shouldn’t really bother us.” His eyes shifted down to the ground when he uttered the words.
“No, I was wrong and you’re right.” She placed her hands to cup his face, finally comfortable enough to stare deep into his eyes. “Please, look at me. I’m the selfish one. I failed to see things you did.”
He smiled softly, his hands covered her own as he tenderly pulled them down. It felt wonderful to feel his hands enveloping her fingers once again.
“Darcey, let’s make it official.”
Her heart beat quickly. Was he finally proposing? She took a sharp breath. “Official?”
I have to pretend to be surprised. I have to pretend I had no idea.
To her surprise, he released her hands. “I’m releasing you. It may be a decision I’ll regret later on, but love is letting go.”
She was too shocked to respond. Letting go?
“I thought of it over and over again.” He smiled, the smile failed to reach his eyes. “Love will not be enough to keep two people with different goals in life. It will not be enough when trust isn’t there. You always jump to conclusions with me and other women.”
She bit her lower lip hard, hoping to prevent the tears from cascading down her hot cheeks.
“And I’m sorry.” His voice was sad, but firm.
She almost choked, taking a deep breath. Silence floated in the now heavy air.
Please don’t say goodbye, she wanted to tell him as she held him tight. But the words stayed in her head as she stood in her spot, seeing a different Nathan before her.
And just like her breakup with Ollie, she didn’t put up a fight. She simply watched him. She didn’t want to make a fuss, look desperate. But her heart thumped and waves of pain flooded her mind. Her mum often told her to never beg a man to stay. The one who loves you won’t ever leave. Those words had reverberated in her head over the years, ever since her father walked out on the family. But this was different. Nathan was different. This was her Nathan.
“Please don’t let me beg,” she whispered.
“I wouldn’t dare. You deserve more than this. I wish I could give you what you want, but as you get closer to your dreams, it also slowly takes you away from me.” The bleakness in his voice squeezed her chest, wringing out more anguish from her heart. It almost felt impossible to breathe.
“Nathan, not like this. Please.” Tears welled in her eyes despite her efforts to stop them.
He shook his head. “It will hurt us both when all we have left are insults. I don’t want to hurt you, and no matter how much we tried, we’ll end up hurting each other.” He held the gentlest look in his eyes. The pain searing her very soul was reflected back in his beautiful gaze, in those very eyes she could gaze at forever.
But despite the hurt, she knew he was right. That made the heartache far worse. How could a broken heart argue with sound reason? They had different paths to tread.
“But, what if I don’t want you to let me go?” There. She said it, the only words she could muster to say. Her only way to tell him she wanted him, missed him, adored him.
His eyebrows furrowed. “Darcey, you already answered that question when you flew to London. I was the fool who didn’t realize that your own path away from me may have already been a long time coming, but I refused to see it.” He grew still. Their eyes took each other in. Her face grew even hotter.
This is not happening.
“I do appreciate you flying back here, at least that tells me you care. And that is enough for me.”
“Are you really, um--” She stopped. She couldn’t go on. What used were words at this point? A tear fell, followed by another.
He brushed her tears away. “See, I always make you cry and I no longer want to do that. I no longer want you to cry when you miss me, or when you think I’m flirting with other women. And I sure don’t want to be a crazy fool for love. I’ve been slacking off work. If I keep on this track I might have to close my firm soon.” He leaned closer and kissed her forehead. “I wish you all the happiness in the world, Miss Darcey Vaughn. Thank you so much for being part of my life. I’ll never forget you.”
Boisterous laughter from behind them interrupted their private moment. A group of strangers were singing, drinks in their hands.
“And the countdown begins!” someone gleefully declared.
The voice of the party’s host blasted from the speakers, “In two minutes we’ll be ushering in the New Year. Get your bubbly ready and don’t forget to have someone to kiss!”
Nathan pulled her away from the crowd, leading her under a beautiful tree. She turned to him, finally knowing what to say to the man she loved. “I want you to know that I’ve never been so happy as the times we spent together. Yes, you may have made me cry but it was only because I truly cared so much and so deep. I know as much as my heart disagrees, you are right. We can’t force something when we don’t even have time for each other. Worse, we don’t even live in the same city nor time zone. I know you’re strong and independent, but I also know there’s still that little boy inside, a child who wishes to be close to his mother. And before you argue with me, your mother loves you. She just loves you the way she knows how. Sometimes we wish we could be loved in a way we think we deserve. But people love differently.”
He nodded. “I guess we can’t really be friends. This is going to be too difficult.”
She smiled while her heart died a thousand deaths.
“If you continue to work for C’est La Vie, our paths are sure to cross.” He cupped her chin. “Please don’t cry. I want to remember a smiling Darcey. That’s when you’re prettiest, when you smile.”
“There’s nothing good about goodbyes.” It was odd hearing her voice, as if a stranger spoke through her.
“Oh there is. Sometimes when you let you go, you grow. There’s also that cliché, how when you love someone you have to let them go, especially when they can be happier elsewhere. Only time can tell what’s meant to be.”
Loud voices rang all over them. “10,9,8,7,...!”
Tell him you love him, you idiot! Tell him you want to marry him. Tell him before it’s too late. Her inner voice was screaming.
She studied his face. “Nathan, I—“
“Happy New Year!” the cries echoed all around them. Fireworks immediately shot through the sky, illuminating the melancholic evening.
He pulled her towards him, his lips briefly touched hers before pulling away. It was the most painful goodbye kiss. While everyone else cheered and toasted, her heart shattered. Fortunately the fireworks drowned out her broken heart.
I love you, Nathan. I always will. But the words were stuck in her throat, the same words that would haunt her for many, many nights.
Chapter 20
“I have never loved a woman as much as I have loved her,” Matt told the group as they enjoyed world-class cigars and drinks. His family, including Trisha’s parents, had gathered at the Lanesborough where he wanted to propose.
“I know you’re going to make our daughter happy,” Genevieve James, Trisha’s mum, told Matt. “I couldn’t ask for anyone who could make a better husband to my only child. I can’t wait to call you my son-in-law.” There was genuine emotion in her words as her husband Paul patted a nervous Matt.
“May I have one of that!” an equally nervous Luis asked, pointing at Paul’s cigar. “And strong whisky too would be good!”
“Luis, Matt’s proposing tonight, not you. Why are you the one who looks like you forgot to shower!” Darcey teased.
“This…This! This is an important occasion for our best friend and if you weren’t so naïve you would’ve -,” Luis saw the look she sent his way and was immediately silenced. He g
ave her his best puppy look instead.
Leo didn’t miss a thing. “Darcey, can I order you some cocktail? You must be cold. Let me request a blanket.” He stepped out of the cigar room which was located outside and was heated to a very comfortable level. She could almost swear she was in Havana, her nostrils consumed with the aroma of the world’s finest cigars. The Warwicks and the James were deep in conversation while the air was electric, filled with excitement for the surprise engagement Matt had planned. Even Trisha’s very busy grandfather was present for the occasion.
Darcey caught a glimpse of Marcus eyeing Cristina with pure adoration, his arms wrapped around his fiancé as he whispered in her ear. The smile on her face said it all. They were madly in love. Thank goodness Luis was around to keep her from feeling singled out. Darcey’s eyes landed on Matt, he looked handsome even when nervous. She was ecstatic for Trisha and couldn’t think of anyone in her circle who deserved such love and attention from a fine gentleman like Matthew Warwick. Yet, despite her genuine happiness for her friend, she couldn’t push away the aching pain in her heart. It felt like a void planted its gnarly roots there, creating a hole that couldn’t be filled with a heavy workload, the richest wines, Luis’s usual hilarious company, or anything else that used to make her happy. No matter how much she ignored the pain she felt, she was harassed with sleepless nights and a face with the most beautiful ocean blue eyes she had ever seen.
Matt’s voice, which was now surprisingly calm, lifted her away from her dark thoughts. “Trisha’s at the restaurant now. Wish me luck, everybody.” He was about to leave the group and head to where Trisha was waiting for their faux business meeting. Before he could step away, he was kissed by his parents while both his brothers shook his hand, gleams in their eyes. Luis gave him a huge hug that lasted longer than necessary. Darcey laughed as she pulled him away.
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