by Dawn Martens
I climbed through my bedroom window, hoping I wouldn’t wake up Mom and Dad. If Dad were to catch me, I would get the beating of a lifetime. I tried to be as good as possible around him, because it was getting harder and harder to explain the bruises to Jasper.
The night before had been incredible; the way his hands roamed on my skin, the gentle way he moved inside me. I didn’t want to leave that morning, but I knew that if I wasn’t home when my dad woke up, I would be in seriously big shit. Dad was only home to sleep, even if it was from an early hour in the morning. He’d come home, sleep, wake up and demand my mom make him breakfast, then take off again. Sometimes, he made time to beat the shit out of us while he was home, too. I had no clue where he went when he wasn’t home, but as long as he wasn’t home, I was okay with that.
Sliding the window down slowly, quietly, so it didn’t make a sound, I heard a crash outside my room.
“William, please, don’t do this!” I heard my mom scream out, fear evident in her voice.
“You were gonna fuckin’ leave me, huh? You had to have known I wasn’t going to let that happen!” Dad roared. Smack! I heard him strike her. The sound of his fists connecting with her tender flesh sliced through me.
“I can’t do this anymore. Please, don’t make me,” Mom cried. Her sobbing pleas were unbearable, but it was nothing I didn’t hear often.
“Can’t do this anymore? Let’s end this then,” he threatened. There was a moment of silence, and curiosity begged me to make sure she was okay. However, I was certain it would be like the rest of their fights. He beat on her, bruised her and thumped her good, and then he passed out drunk while she cried herself to sleep.
I opened my bedroom door slightly, peaking out, and I saw my dad dragging my once beautiful, vibrant mom down the hall by her blonde hair—mom was screaming out in pain, kicking her legs out, while trying to keep a grip on his hand in her hair. When I was younger, my mom was so beautiful and fun to be around, but after the past few years, she had started looking worn and tired.
When they turned the corner, I tiptoed out, feeling dread come over me. My head was telling me to run, go find help, call Jasper, anything, but I did none of that. I peered around the corner, and that’s when I saw it—my dad, smiling an ugly smile of satisfaction, a butcher knife from the kitchen in his hand, plunging the blade into my mom’s stomach, repeatedly.
Her baby! I gasped, placing a hand over my mouth as tears streamed down my face. Mom met my eyes, her own tears and blood splatter on her face. I knew what her eyes were telling me, but at that moment I couldn’t move. I knew she wanted me to run, but my feet were planted.
“When I saw the light fade out in her eyes, I knew she was gone, but Dad didn’t stop plunging the knife into her.” Tears start streaming down my face as Mason comes over to me, holding me tightly. Angel is watching me cautiously.
“It’s okay, Edie. Take a breath, calm down, and continue,” Reaper says, kissing the top of my head.
I shudder in his arms. “Mom was pregnant at the time. No one knew. She told me the morning before, saying we needed to leave before Dad came home that night. She wanted to go somewhere he couldn’t find us, but I didn’t want to leave. I didn’t want to leave Jasper,” I whisper. “It was all my fault. If I hadn’t loved Jasper so damn much, we could have left, hidden out, or something, and she would still be alive.” I sniffle, wiping away at my fallen tears. I’ve carried the guilt of that night with me since.
“It’s not your fault!” Jasper shouts, waving his hand in the air before running it across the back of his neck. “Your father was a sick, twisted bastard. That’s not on you.” I tense and shrink back into the chair at his words. He sounds angry with me.
Once Jasper calms down from his outburst, I continue. “When Dad realized I was there, he threatened me, said that if I ever told anybody I’d be next. After what I witnessed, I believed him. An hour later, he had a few guys, guys I didn’t recognize, come in and clean everything up. When everyone left, I was alone. I was only seventeen. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t move from the spot I was sitting from on the floor after Dad backhanded me,” I say, avoiding their gazes and looking down at my hands as I twist my fingers in knots. I can still feel the whiplash a hit from him could cause; I almost throw my head back remembering the pain.
I didn’t know how long I’d been sitting there, rocking, but it must have been a while, because Dad was home again and it had gotten dark outside. The house was dimly lit, the moon casting its glow through the thin lace curtains.
“Get up, Eden!” Dad shouted at me, kicking me in my side with his boots. “Start cleaning this place up.” I didn’t even hear him approach me. I hadn’t been able to move from that spot all day. I could only stare at the spot where my mother laid hours before, unmoving, unbreathing. I couldn’t believe she was really gone.
I got up from my spot on the floor and picked up the broken picture frames on the floor that had been knocked down while Mom and Dad were fighting. “Daddy?” I said hesitantly. I hated calling him my dad.
“What?” he said, irritated as he took a beer out of the fridge.
“Um, can I go see Jasper tonight, when I’m done cleaning?” I asked quietly. I had to get out of there, away from him, before he did the same to me. That night I planned to tell Jasper everything; about the abuse, about my mom. Maybe he and I could start over somewhere new.
He took a long hard drink then let out a bark of laughter. “I’d like to see you try. Saw him today, cozying up with Roni. They left town in that truck of his this afternoon.” He swallowed another drink and looked at me with an amused smile.
I frowned; Jasper wouldn’t have done that to me, not after the night before. “No,” I whispered, not wanting to believe Jasper would betray me like that, not after what we shared. He’d said he loved me. Jasper was the one man I thought could never hurt me. I’d trusted him with every piece of me. Well, at least I was about to give him the rest, the parts I kept hidden down deep away from him and the rest of the world.
Dad laughed again. “What? You think you were special to him? Fuckin’ stupid kid.” He shook his head.
I finished cleaning up, but then I was unsure of what to do... I had tried calling Jasper a few times, but his mom kept saying he wasn’t home. Guess my dad was telling the truth. Without Jasper, and now my mom gone, I had no reason to stay there. Once Dad went to sleep, I snuck out the front door with a bag full of clothes and some money I stole from his dresser. I didn’t know what Dad was doing to get so much money, but at that moment I didn’t care. I grabbed it and left.
I made my way to Lilly’s house, hoping she’d help me out. After knocking on the front door, Ann, Lilly’s mom, opened it and ushered me in the house. “What’s wrong, sweetie? Is everything okay?” she asked.
“I need help. Is Lilly home?”
“She went out with Vincent. She’ll be home later on, though,” she told me, which had me slightly confused. Why would Lilly be with Vinny? “I can help you, Eden. Talk to me.”
I told her everything, but left out the part about what I saw earlier that morning between my parents. “I need to leave. I can’t stay here anymore. Lilly told me you have a sister down in New Brunswick, and I was hoping I could hide out there or something?” I said hopefully.
Ann wiped the tears forming in her eyes. “Of course, baby. I’ll call Jillian now. I’m sure it won’t be a problem.” Ann might not have known the full reasoning behind my sudden urge to disappear, but she knew my home life was nothing to be desired.
“I left an hour later on the bus, and only talked to Lilly randomly sometimes on the phone.” I pause, and I feel anger hitting the room like whiplash.
“Lilly fucking knew this whole damn time where you were?” Jasper says through clenched teeth. He is gripping the arm of the chair, knuckles white. Anger is rolling off him in waves.
I bite my bottom lip and nod. “Lilly let me know some woman named Foxy dropped off a baby to my father, claiming
she was his. I went back to my father five years ago. I couldn’t let Glenna be raised by him. I needed to protect her, so I went back. I ran away with her when she was three, but I made a mistake and he found us. ”
I bundled Glenna up, and we made our way to the daycare so I could get to work. So far, hiding from my father had been easy. It’d been a few months; I had hope we’d be safe.
I got to the daycare and froze on the spot.
“I’m sorry, sir, but we can’t release information about anyone in this building,” I heard being said.
“You better fuckin’ tell me where my daughter is, or I swear to God I’ll cut that fucking throat of yours,” my father replied.
He’d found us.
His eyes swung around and found mine, which wasn’t hard since we’d just walked in and Glenna was starting to get fussy.
“You little cunt!” he bellowed, moving toward us.
He grabbed hold of my arms and moved in close. “Say one fucking word, I dare you. Let’s move.”
He dragged me out of the building and down the street to his beat down, rusted car. I quickly buckled Glenna into the seat I was shocked to find he had, and climbed in beside her, but before I was fully in, I was yanked back out by my hair.
“Get in the front,” he growled into my ear.
I moved quickly around the car and got into the front, my whole body shaking.
As we drove off, back to his home, my face was suddenly smashed into the dashboard. “You cunt! Did you really think you could run off on me again, and I wouldn’t find you?”
“He threatened, if I left again, I would have a slow painful death while he made Glenna watch. But all those threats, all those beatings were nothing compared to the first night home. It’s how I got this scar,” I say, moving off the chair to stand, lifting up the back up my shirt hesitantly to reveal the long raised scar going across my back. I never told any of them about what happened to me growing up, and if I want these guys to help keep Glenna safe, I need to do this.
“Mother fucker,” Mason whispers out, horrified.
I stare at her scar. It’s not the only one, but it is the worst. Her entire back is covered in small white grooves from older scars. This one is bigger, both in length and width. It looks like her skin was sliced and peeled wide opened, and whoever put her back together did a shit job. Both Reaper and I just stare, not really sure what to do or say at the moment. Before she pulls her black shirt back down, a voice startles us.
“Did that fucker do that to you?” Zippo growls out. Eden quickly pulls her shirt back down and shrinks backwards, walking until her back is against the wall, her hair moving off of her face.
“Fucking hell,” Reaper growls out.
I stare at what he’s swearing about- her face. Eden’s beautiful fucking face has been scarred. “What happened?” I say, trying to contain my anger. He fucking messed her face up. There is a flesh toned, jagged scar running from her temple to her ear. I can also see the hint of an older scar above her left brow, where she most likely needed stitches but never received proper care. She will always be beautiful to me, but knowing she has been hurt so fucking much kills me.
She quickly moves her hair back over her eye and face. We all already saw it, so she doesn’t need to hide it anymore. “Nothing,” she whispers.
“Don’t fucking lie, Eden. You showed us the scars on your back, so why hide and lie about your face?” Zippo growls out.
I look over at Zippo and see his hands clenched tight, anger pouring off of him.
“They’re just scars. They’re no different than what’s on the rest of my body,” she says quietly. “These ones I just can’t hide as well as the rest. I have special cream I use, so one day they’ll be so faded no one will really notice, eventually.”
What pisses me off most is that, even growing up, being together all those years ago, he was beating on her. I would ask where she got a bruise or a small cut, and she would laugh it off about being a klutz. “Why did you never tell me?” I ask hoarsely. Shame and guilt wash over me; I should have demanded an explanation. I could have saved her from this. I should have fought harder.
I was waiting for Eden at our spot in the park. I checked the time again, realizing she was late, which really wasn’t surprising. I figured she’d be late to her own funeral.
Finally, after her being forty minutes late, she arrived, completely out of breath. “Shit, I’m sorry, Jasper. It took forever for my parents to fall asleep,” she said when she got close to me. She was holding her chest, trying to steady her breathing.
I smiled, but then it dropped when I saw a bruise forming on her forehead, a lump already there. “What the fuck happened?” I asked her, pointing to her face.
She froze, as if thinking. “Oh, clumsy me, remember. I was running up the stairs and tripped,” she told me with a little snort.
Her dad did that to her, I know that now. Mother fucker! If he wasn’t in prison right now, I’d kill him myself. I should have joined that damn raid years ago, so I could see first-hand that the fucker died.
“I was ashamed,” she whispers, snapping me back out of my thoughts.
“Nothin’ to be fuckin’ ashamed about! We were your best friends. You should have come to us!” Zippo shouts.
I turn to Zippo. “Lilly fuckin’ knew this whole time, too, man.” It is a shitty thing to do right now, but I’m angry and hurt. My thoughts are fucked and all over the place.
His face pales. “She never told me! We’ve been together for years, and she didn’t think to tell me she knew where Eden was or what happened to her? When I told Lilly she was back in town, she acted fucking surprised. That selfish fuckin’ bitch.” Lilly and Zippo have had a rocky relationship—I’m not surprised that she has secrets. Seems like we all have something to hide.
“Don’t blame her. Please don’t blame her. I made her promise never to tell you guys. After what happened to my mom, and after learning Jasper was off with Roni, I didn’t want you to ever know,” Eden pleads on Lil’s behalf. Her confession pisses me off and cuts me deep. She didn’t want me to know her whereabouts. She claims I never wanted her. It’s total bullshit.
“That’s bullshit!” I yell at her. “I wasn’t fuckin’ around with Roni. Yes, I was with her that night, but trust me when I say it’s not what you think. She tried her usual shit, but I wasn’t putting up with it.” I fucking loved Eden so damned much, still do. How could she have such little faith? Sure I had my thing with Monica, but she doesn’t even know about it.
Eden glares at me. “I don’t want to hear it, Angel,” she sneers. “We’re done. No need to lie now.” I may be a lot of things, but being a liar isn’t one of them. “Considering the welcome you gave me when I came back three months after I left? Yeah, sure,” she scoffs.
“What?” I wheeze out. What is she talking about? She never came back. If she had, I wouldn’t have ever let her go. I’m so confused- it doesn’t make sense.
I want to say more, but we’re interrupted when there is a knock on the door. “Yoo hoo! Edie, let me in, bitch. Getting cold out here.” Lilly. Fuck, this is about to be bad. Talk about perfect timing.
“I’m gonna wring her God damned neck,” Zippo says, storming toward the front door. There goes a man on a mission. Hope he doesn’t give her too hard of a time. Now I feel like shit for opening my mouth.
“I didn’t know they were together,” Eden says, sounding put out.
“They’ve been on and off for years,” I tell her. “Now, you wanna tell me what you meant by coming back to me?” I ask her.
I see her clench her jaw as her eyes narrow on me. “How about you figure that shit out on your own?”
Reaper moves to Eden, pulling her in for a hug. “Missed you,” he tells her, kissing her on the head.
She wraps her arms around his waist, and it has me seeing red. “Wanna remove your arms from her,” I tell him. My saying that causes Eden to hold onto him tighter. Now she is being a bitch and trying to get under
my skin, and it’s working. Eden knows I’ve never been able to see any other guy touching her. She still knows how to push my buttons. I notice the hem of her shirt riding up, slightly revealing her stomach.
“Missed you too, Mason,” I hear her say, ignoring me in the room.
When they finally let each other go, she smiles up at him—beaming. Fuckin’ hell! I wish she could look at me that way. I would give anything for that look again. She used to smile at me like that, like I was the center of her world. Even with her face the way it is, she’s still fucking beautiful.
I met Eden at the school at lunch. I’d graduated already, but I always took my lunch break from work so it matched up with Eden’s schedule. I hated being away from her all day.
I leaned against her locker when I saw both Roni and Monica walk up. “Hey there, handsome,” they both say at the same time, in some shitty ass purring voice.
I gave them a chin lift in recognition but didn’t respond.
I wasn’t sure why Roni was even there, since she graduated the year before. Was she following me?
“You gonna finally ditch Eden and come play in the big leagues again?” Roni asked, sidling up to me and shoving her tits into my arm.
I moved away from her. “I’m in the big leagues, baby. Eden is my big league,” I told her, flashing my cocky grin. Roni fumed, stomping her foot, and pulled Monica along to the other side of the hall.
“Bitch is whacked,” I muttered, leaning back against Eden’s locker.
“Jasper!” I heard shouted. I looked down the hall, watching Monica openly glaring at Eden. Roni just rolled her eyes. Eden’s face completely lit up as she ran to me, jumped into my arms, and planted her beautiful mouth on mine.