I then embarked on holidays galore. I spent a lot of time in Las Vegas. I like the hotels, the surrounding sites such as the Grand Canyon, Death Valley, Sedona, Loughlin and many others. I particularly enjoyed the buffets and eating joints. I once had a 55-ounce T-bone steak, which was nothing to me. A large bone about 2 inches thick was left on the plate and when the waitress came to collect it, she pondered a bit and asked, “Was that a T-Rex you just ate?” I used to consume about two pints of bourbon each day with two litres of Dr. Pepper. I used to cram down three buffet meals per day which was really heavy going, so I promised myself that I would cut this down to two, supplemented by only a two-item breakfast, the two items being six New York steaks and a whole strawberry and chocolate gateaux. Life surely could not get any better. I was persuaded to take a transatlantic trip to New York on board Cunard’s Queen Mary 2. I thought that I would be bored to tears, but I enjoyed the wall-to-wall food all day and night. All of this holidaying, believe it or not, becomes boring. You have to experience the bad to appreciate the good, and all of this consistence was boring; it was worse than working.
It may come as no surprise to anyone that there was a bill to pay for my over-indulgence. I once woke up and could not speak due to a minor stroke. A few months of speech therapy restored matters, but I was disappointed that I had requested the speech therapist to change my voice to a sexy French accent, but she did not come up with the goods and I was left with my normal Geordie lilt. I took the prescribed medication and carried on being a human tank, but twelve months later I suffered quite a dent to my confidence. I came home from the local pub and my legs went completely numb and I collapsed on the floor. This was followed by a general numbness all over, then my balance went. I did not know what was up or down or left or right. Then my vision started to go and I thought: “What am I going to be left with?” An ambulance was summoned and I had a nightmare of a journey to hospital, being sick the whole way. Constant stops had to be made. I was admitted into the assessment ward on the Thursday evening before Good Friday. Now I want you to remember the much-published advert relating to stroke management: F.A.S.T. Basically I was moved around several wards over the weekend and I was not seen by a consultant until Tuesday morning, after the Easter Holidays. What happened to FAST? No stroke specialists were available in the north east of England over the holidays. You can imagine how amused I was, however, I was determined to fix myself, not get angry, and resolved to change my ways to be a better person and spend a good proportion of any remaining time left helping others less fortunate than myself. It was time to get serious. I lost over three stones in three months and I did not look good nor feel good. It was a tremendous dent to my confidence and the realisation that I may actually be human with the accompanying frailties that the condition brings. So, I allowed myself to gain a little more weight because that was not me, and besides my clothes were too slack.
I looked around for a suitable charity to help and I came across an organisation helping the ‘forgotten’ victims of crime. I volunteered to help visiting victims of crime. Some of the work was very rewarding, but some was dealing with the underbelly of society. The genuine ones, I really put myself out for. I was getting a bit frustrated as the law just does not protect some of these people and I was tempted on numerous occasions to sort out some problems undercover, however, I kept myself whiter than white. I left after about ten years because of frustration. I had been used to working in the Fire and Rescue Service with zero margin of error and at breakneck speed, so working with any other organisation was always going to be disappointing. So, it proved. There were some really well-intentioned volunteers who did a great job, but the organisation staff suffered from P.P.M. – piss poor management, where volunteers were statistics and never mind the quality of the work. We could have been making ‘wiggits’. Many managers were, unfortunately, more concerned with their own job improvement and preservation. I decided that there were many people out there who needed help and I didn’t need any help in finding them.
I was persuaded to join my local parish council and it was not long before I became chairman. Not just because I am brilliant at it, but more because nobody wants to do it. It can be very frustrating, annoying and thankless, not that this is anti-inspirational for me. You have to deal with a lot of numpties with strange ideas and I do enjoy putting people in their place in a very diplomatic and pleasant way of course. I have to keep reminding myself that I have to adopt a totally neutral mindset. Often, I do things which are totally against my personal views in always endeavouring to be totally fair and to do the right thing – because it’s the right thing to do. My mother taught me that. Although my mother was too good for this world. If everyone on the planet was like my mother, there would be no crime, no need for a police force or judicial system. Almost like what life would be like if everyone practised the same religion, the operative word being practise. But, we know that’s never going to happen, we keep on fighting each other and fail to learn lessons, until some life changing experience comes along and kicks you up the rear.
Another organisation I became disillusioned with was Health Watch, the alleged health watchdog. Again, staff were employed to be busy doing nothing, wasting tax-payers’ money. Commissioners were just as bad. Some appalling things happen in the healthcare industry but the mottos from these watchdog organisations are: “Don’t rock the boat” and “Sweep it under the carpet”. You get paid just the same.
I then became involved with patient representative groups and this became a virtually full-time commitment. The National Health Service is a very large and almost out of control organisation and very difficult to know where to start to fix the many problems. At the root cause is the public’s selfish and unreasonable behaviour, a great percentage born from ignorance. Far too many people are overloading and abusing the system. This obviously needs to stop. Time to be bold and do it.
I was once asked by an ex-colleague why I did so much voluntary work. Why did I not work for payment?
I explained that I had been fortunate in life and had suffered three life threatening health situations. I have done some bad things in my past and have many regrets and I thought that I would make up for some of my past misdemeanours by helping other people less fortunate than myself. “Well, you will never live long enough,” came the cheeky reply.
So, I carry on helping genuine people in trouble that I become aware of. I find it very rewarding and conditional as to how much I allow myself to indulge in spending. Like Schindler, I wish I could do more. I just love taking lonely or terminally ill people out on short trips, paying for shopping that individuals cannot afford or settling bills that are causing distress. You should try it some time. Believe me, being able to help someone who is unable to help themselves is really rewarding. That has been the inspiration to do this book. I have been reluctant to over-expose myself, particularly if the venture does not raise enough money to justify my loss of credibility. If it does and you want more, then I can surely oblige. I also, however, retain my darker side and if I come across anyone who does negative things to others, believe me, I have the venom to see that these individuals get their just deserts. I also find this to be very satisfying.
As to more writing, the things that happen in the village where I live could keep all of the soap operas going. Then there is the continuing story through my daughter, who unfortunately, is just like me (wild genes) and is upholding our tradition of riotous, outrageous living. She is probably worse than I have been in many respects and is the strongest person, mentally, that I have ever met. She is also the funniest. I used to tell everyone that she was the reason that kept my wife and I together for so long. Neither of us wanted custody. My daughter counters by claiming that she was adopted. Wise people learn from others’ mistakes, but some, just have to re-make the mistakes for themselves. Their character has already been decided before they are born, but you can change, as I can testify. You then become the sum of your experiences. It is certainly not for
me to try and influence people, having made more mistakes than most. I have mentioned earlier in the book the changes of direction that I have made due to circumstances, including those engineered by others. However, I have always adopted a dogged determination to prevail no matter what was thrown at me. ‘Tanky-tanky’, remember that? I would definitely commend that principle to you. Here endeth the lesson.
I hope you have enjoyed reading some (not all, by any means and in no detail) of my exploits.
That’s why I am SECRET SQUIRREL!
About The Author
The Author, aged 18, on joining the Fire Service
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Copyright © Secret Squirrel, 2017
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