“You should talk to him; he’ll listen to you.” If only he knew I’d already tried. “Find out what he wants and we’ll go from there.”
“I’ll do my best.” My teeth scrape against my lip. “I’m worried that Enri is mad at us.”
“I’d be surprised if he wasn’t.”
Me too. “I’m too scared to call him.”
“Why?”
“Is that a serious question?”
This time he laughs and it’s a real laugh. “Just call him.”
“Why do I have to do all of the talking?”
“Is that a serious question? It’s all you ever do.”
True. “Fine. I’m going. I’ll text you later to let you know where we’re staying.”
Kai looks dreadful when I arrive at his crappy motel room. He sits in an unhealthy-looking chair by the window, a vodka bottle in his hand, his knee shaking up and down.
“I don’t need you to remind me how stupid I’ve been,” he states after almost five minutes of silence.
“If I was going to do that, I’d have done so already.”
“Well,” he looks at me with bloodshot eyes, his hair a messy mop on his head, “standing there just staring isn’t helping.”
I throw my hands up. “I don’t know what to do or say, Kai. I just want you to know that I’m here.” His eyes soften. I continue, “We love you. You’re our brother from another mother.” His lips twitch and I know I’m winning his attention. “But we need to know what you want more, us or the drugs, because inevitably, that’s what it’s going to come down to.”
“I know.” He shakes his head. “I just… I can’t seem to find the courage to go onstage without it.”
“You need help. Besides, I don’t think Lockhart is going to give you another chance.”
His face falls. I see the soul vanish from his eyes and leave his body. “You’ve spoken to him?” I nod, yes. “No.” His eyes widen with panic. “I can’t lose this. It’s my life! I’ll never get another shot.”
“I know. You’ll need to talk to him.”
“Don’t you think I’ve done that? He’s not interested. His bloody receptionist told me to stop calling.” The tears fill his eyes and they break my heart. Kai never cries. Ever. “This is my life, Cerise. It’s our life. What will I do without it?” No. No. No. I’m not doing it. I’m not selling my soul to bail out somebody after such reckless stupidity. “You have to help me.”
“I don’t have to do anything!” I snap when he stands and grips my biceps. “I warned you this would happen.”
“He’ll listen to you.”
“I’VE TRIED!” I shout, pulling free.
“Well try HARDER!” He shouts back and the tears fall. When he drops to his knees, I shake my head and swallow the lump in my throat. “I can’t… I can’t lose this. I’ll change. I’ll go to rehab. I’ll do whatever you ask.”
“Kai…”
“No.” He looks up at me and his hands twist in the bottom of my denim skirt. “I’m begging you.”
“Fuck.” If only he knew what he was asking.
“We’ve been friends for six years. I’ve never let you down before. I won’t let you down now.” And then he adds the deal breaker, the thing that cracks me more than anything else. “If I lose this, what hope will I have of getting clean? I won’t be able to handle it. I’ll kill myself.”
“Kai,” I choke and hold the hand that’s still holding me. “Please don’t say that. It’ll all work out. You’ll see.”
“No, it won’t. It won’t.”
“Don’t put this on my conscience,” I whisper so quietly he doesn’t hear me. Then I add, louder this time, “I’ll talk to him, okay? I’ll talk to him. But you need to try to talk to him again first. This can’t just be on me.”
“Thank you.” He stands and wraps his trembling arms around mine, pinning me to his chest. “Thank you, Cerise. Thank you.”
If only he knew what he was thanking me for.
“But I swear, if you even so much as mention drugs, me and Dane are out and you are on your own. I don’t want to go down with you. You aren’t the only one who has worked hard for this.”
Pulling a tissue from his pocket, he noisily blows his nose and retakes his seat on the chair. “I won’t let either of you down.”
I want to believe him and part of me does, but there’s still a doubt and that scares me more than anything else. I don’t think I’ll ever forgive him if he lets me down again.
“Speak to Lockhart,” I order, though I remain soft so he doesn’t feel cornered.
“So… is it cool if I crash here?” I ask, tilting my head to the side. “I kind of have nowhere to go tonight and I don’t much fancy hotel hunting alone.”
His answering smile erases the stress he’s put me through. We all make mistakes and do dumb shit every now and then. I can’t judge him, not as harshly as I have been. He needs a friend and that’s what I’ll be. But at what cost?
“Where are your drums?”
“Back at the studio.”
“Good, that’s one thing we don’t have to worry about then.” Lockhart must have sorted that for us. I really need my keyboard back though, as soon as possible. If I can write music during this messy situation, at least it won’t be a complete waste.
Cerise: I never thought to ask for my keyboard. Can I pick it up later from the studio?
Lockhart: Tick tock. Shall we start looking at replacement drummers?
Cerise: It’s childish that you’d ignore my request. Would you like to start looking for new pianists?
Lockhart: Tick tock, Cerise. Give me your answer.
Cerise: I already did.
Lockhart: It’s inevitable.
Cerise: You’re deluded. Even if I did agree, which I’m not, there’s no way in hell you’d ‘tame’ me. Whatever that means.
Lockhart: If that’s so, why are you so afraid?
Cerise: Being tamed is different to being broken. I have no doubts you’ll do the latter.
Lockhart: What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.
Cerise: But you don’t want me to be stronger, remember? You want me tame… weak minded, weak willed and compliant.
He doesn’t respond and I know I’ve won a round. Or maybe he’s just tired of the back and forth. Whatever the case, he’s likely right. This is inevitable and I’m beginning to wonder if his refusal of Kai’s place in his own band is merely a manipulation to get me where he wants me. If it were anyone else, would he serve them a second chance?
Something tells me he would and the only reason he isn’t, aside from Kai’s stupidity, is because he knows these boys are my weakness. They’re my brothers, my friends, my life. They saved me and, in return, I have to save them.
Cerise: Talk to Kai. He deserves your rejection to his face.
I’m trying to call his bluff but deep down I feel it’s silly to even try. Lockhart will replace him and he’ll replace me if he must. Should I truly use this card I’ve been given while I have the chance? At the expense of my own sanity? It isn’t like I can’t call it off at any given time, right?
First, I’ll see what he thinks to the hand I just dealt him before choosing the extreme. The extreme being complete compliance, again, whatever the fuck that means.
When Kai’s phone rings, my heart stops. His eyes light up with a smile. “It’s him.”
“Fuck,” I whisper so quietly there’s no way he can hear.
After ending a short, abrupt, yet informative call with Lockhart, Kai breaks down, throws his phone and kicks over the unhealthy-looking chair.
Lockhart just called my bluff and raised me my life.
There’s no way I can’t take his offer now.
I’ve been manipulated knowingly.
That absolute bastard.
Cerise: You win. Okay?
I don’t even bother to soothe Kai. I want out of this motel room. I can’t stand to see him so heartbroken. This will be a moment that I remember for the re
st of my life. I just hope that Lockhart knows as soon as our contract is finished, I’m gone. Dane and Kai can do as they please.
Lockhart: Be ready.
Cerise: Forgive me if I don’t contain my enthusiasm.
“I’m going,” I tell Kai, still staring at my phone.
“Where?” He sniffs, wiping his nose on a tissue. Ew.
“To sort out your mess,” I mumble tiredly. “You owe me.”
He doesn’t question how I’m going to sort it out; he just returns to his bottle of alcohol.
“Do you think he’ll change his mind?” Kai asks after having another sip of his vodka.
I shrug. “If he does, and you let me down again…”
“I know,” he cuts me off, his wide, panicked eyes on mine. “You don’t have to say it. I know.”
“Do you?” I bite and shame floods his eyes.
I swear on all that is holy, if he even looks at another drug, I’ll kill him before they get the chance to.
As I wait for Lockhart to arrive, wondering how he even knows where I am, yet again, I finally pull the smart watch he bought me from my bag and try it on for size. I set it up a little while ago but I’m not a massive fan of wearing watches. I’m too much of a time stalker which makes it go extremely slowly.
Still, I need to score points here, if only for a little while.
“Do you need rehab?” I ask Kai, hoping that he isn’t that far gone.
He shrugs. “I don’t think so, but I’ll go if that’s what you want.”
“We can’t afford for you to go,” I murmur, sighing heavily. “But we’ll make the temporary sacrifice if we must.”
“I can control it,” he implores, his voice slurring slightly, and I wonder if he’ll even remember any of this in the morning.
“If you don’t…” I dread to think.
TO BE CONTINUED…
(Lockdown #2)
This year has been an eventful one and through all of the good and bad things I’ve learned exactly who I can rely on.
So a huge thank you to Addi Whillock and her husband John for being such a constant, positive and loving presence in my life. Especially for my printer, I’m printing stuff now as I type this.
Zean Maskell and William, congratulations! <3
My nan, Mary Murphy for all that she’s helped us with.
My mum for putting up with me and now my own kids.
Rue for putting up with Mum enough to put up with us too!
My on again off again husband for your constant love through my psychotic break downs over stupid stuff.
My kids for… well… not much you’ve been little brats this month but I wouldn’t change you for the world! <3
Natasha Nightingale for being my scary movie cinema buddy and for reading my books and being completely honest with me about them!
Also a huge thank you to my readers, you’re still here! It amazes me every day. <3
I'm now 26 and I’ve been writing since I could hold a pen in my hand! I love to write, it’s my passion, and I never stop. In fact I love to write so much I have started over one hundred and fifty different books before finally completing my first ever novel 'A Little Bit of Crazy' which I published in May 2013 on Amazon for Kindle. I was grateful when I received feedback as it helps me be a better writer.
When I'm not writing, I love spending time with my family and when I get some spare time (not easy with young children!) it’s either reading or listening to music. You won’t find me without a book or my Kindle in my hand. I read whilst I’m cooking, cleaning, talking, walking… you could say reading is my other passion!
Thank you for taking the time to read my book. I appreciate any kind of feedback be it good or bad. This has been a huge learning curve for me and I'm happy to receive any advice/criticism...praise? That you wish to provide. Don’t be shy. Thank you,
LOVE ALEX
To get in touch with me please use the following
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The Little Bits Series
A Little Bit of Crazy
A Little Bit of Us
A Little Bit of Trouble
A Little Bit of Truth
The Distraction Trilogy
Distraction
Destruction
Distinction
The Broken Trilogy
Broken
Connected
Forever
A Broken Story
Disconnected (Dillan)
Standalone Novels
Masked Definitions
Sweet Demands Trilogy
Lockhart
Lockdown
Unlocked
Lockhart: Sweet Demands Trilogy Book 1 Page 19