Katey tied the laces on her sneakers. “They’re always yours, Logan. Whenever you’re ready, you know where to find me.” It sounded far too presumptuous coming out of her mouth, but in her head, it was a profound statement. It was his hint that whatever he wanted, he could take and she wasn’t going to turn him down – married or not. Not now, not ever.
He turned to regard her with a strange look, as if he were pondering her words carefully.
Katey acutely felt her embarrassment and tried to cover it up. “Where are we going?” she asked.
“I thought we’d go into town and walk around for a while. There’s a bookstore I’ve been wanting to visit and we could get dinner somewhere before the gathering… Darren tells me that you want to join us.”
Katey gave him an unsure smile and nodded. The loup-garou side of her hadn’t faded since Erik had squeezed her shoulder, but the looming threat of the fade was still a real fear to her. Nightfall couldn’t come soon enough. But, she understood that one thing had to happen before that and Logan must have realized that, too.
“A bookstore?” She cringed as he grabbed his wallet from the nightstand.
“Yes. They sell rare and used books. I went there last year and want to see what’s new in their inventory.”
Katey shrugged. “If you want to.” She was still not one for reading, but it was Logan’s birthday and if she couldn’t give him the gift of her body, then she’d indulge his literary interests instead.
Logan led Katey out of the lodge and offered his arm to her. Katey took it with a grin and they began walking in the freshly fallen snow down the road that led into town. They could have taken the bus, but the call of the outdoors was too tempting for either of them to pass up.
With her plush white jacket keeping out the cold, Katey felt she could tolerate the weather a little more. She was still missing those gloves, but her body didn’t seem to register the harsh, biting winds as keenly as they had the day before when they stepped out of the airport. With her loup-garou senses returning, perhaps she would fare better on the long trek into town.
“Be careful how you step. The road underneath may be frozen,” he warned.
Katey had never had to wade through snow before and had to inwardly remark that it was easier than walking in sand on the beach, but still challenging. Some ice crystals melted through her shoes and dampened her socks and the hem of her jeans.
At first, both were silent, each with their own tumultuous thoughts. All around, she could hear birds and woodland creatures that could brave such freezing temperatures. Ahead, cars and vehicles rumbled by and behind her, she could still hear the faint conversations from the lodge lobby. In such sensory overload, she knew that everything was all right again.
But, in the midst of such joy, Katey wondered many things. When would Logan propose? If he decided to drop down on one knee in the bookstore, would she be disappointed? Proposing in front of bunch of dusty books didn’t seem romantic in her eyes, but how much did that matter to her? How much would it matter if it meant they could be together forever?
Then, there was the restaurant. She could already feel her cheeks flush at the thought of a dozen or more people applauding after she said yes. Logan knew that she didn’t like to be the center of attention, so perhaps he wouldn’t go that route.
What if he proposed there in the forest? Katey wouldn’t complain, but would it be on the way to town or on the way back to the lodge? And what did the bonding entail? Was it sexual? Would it happen in a moment too brief for her to even recognize? How close would Logan cut it? They had hours before sunset and they needed an answer for the loups-garous before the gathering.
She wanted to trust his timing, but part of her wanted to drag him among the trees and propose marriage herself just to get it over with. The wait was agonizing.
Katey breathed deeply and relished the fresh scent of the earth, an unblemished wilderness of pine and spruce. The wolf inside her basked in the glory of it, but strangely enough didn’t beg for release as it had before.
“Why did you lie to me?” Logan asked, his voice dropping and thick with emotion.
She knew exactly what he was talking about and she had desperately hoped that it would have never come up in conversation. But, they had to be beyond secrets. They were in a pack now and more than likely would be mated. They couldn’t keep hiding in the shadows.
“I was afraid of what you’d think,” she replied.
“If you’re not feeling well, you need to tell someone. If it was hunger or – “
“No,” she cut him off. “It wasn’t about anything physical. I mean, not really.” Katey squeezed his arm, hoping that feeling his presence would help her form the right words. “I was scared that… that it was fading.”
“Fading? What was fading?”
His eyes were on her, burning through her like a hot iron rod, but she would not take her eyes off the snow bank they trudged through. “Whatever it is that makes me loup-garou. I didn’t want to worry you.”
Logan stopped her and her heart might as well have fallen dead in the snow. He turned her by the shoulders so she would have no choice but to face him. “When did this start happening?”
With her chin bowed low, nearly touching her chest, she replied, “Sometime yesterday. Or maybe the day before. I don’t really know. It just kind of snuck up on me.”
His thumbs caressed her cheeks and she looked up to meet his troubled eyes. “You should have told someone.” Through their pack bond, she could sense his fear. She didn’t want to make him think that what he had brought into creation could be snuffed out so easily. Whether he would admit it or not, Katey knew that Logan had an ego, even if it was a small one.
“I tried outside the airport, but you sounded like you didn’t want to hear it.”
Logan leaned his forehead against hers, probably battling the impulse to feel guilty for the harsh words he had spoken. “I didn’t mean to come across that way, Katey.”
Her hands gripped his jacket sleeve. “It’s okay, though. It’s better now.”
His brows furrowed. “Better?”
She nodded. “Yeah. I can hear and smell just as I did before, like the morning after you turned me. If we raced to town, I could probably keep up with you.”
Logan seemed relieved as he kissed her lips, but she could tell that he was anything but fine. He might have been wondering why her abilities faltered and she had been wondering the same, but was nowhere close to an explanation. She was sure that even John or Darren couldn’t explain what had happened to her. Darren was right when he said that they couldn’t predict how she would progress in her training. Perhaps this was normal for a female, but no one would ever know.
They started back on the path and he clung to her a little tighter. “Please, don’t hesitate to talk to me. I don’t care if I’m going to get furious and kill someone. I need you to tell me if something’s wrong.”
Katey’s steps slowed at his exaggeration. At least, she hoped it was an exaggeration. “They told me you’ve killed people before.”
It was a simple sentence, comprised of simple words that even a child could articulate. Yet, the impact was far greater and she could sense Logan’s reaction. He took a deep, pained breath and his gaze lowered to the path.
“That was a long time ago,” he said. “I’m not the same person I was before.”
“But, you just said – “
“I know what I said.” He scowled. “Listen, I’m not proud of what I did to those men in Chicago. I could have handled my grief better. I know that now. Being a loup-garou, you have time to think about your mistakes and what you could have done instead.”
It made Katey speculate as to what mistakes she would make, or what mistakes she had already made, that would haunt her for centuries.
“I can imagine that you were angry at Erik for what he did.”
“Angry doesn’t begin to describe what I felt. I could understand hunters killing us. I understand why I kil
led my parents. But what Erik and his gang did was beyond brutality. He gunned down my friends, knowing what they were. A regular bullet can’t kill us, but a silver one can. His gun must have been loaded with silver bullets. He intended to kill them.”
Katey pressed herself into his side, their steps in sync with one another. “And you haven’t forgiven him.”
His jaw clenched. “I might never.” Logan looked to the sky as a colorful bird swept through the air between the trees. “But I haven’t killed since then.”
That was a small consolation to Katey, but it didn’t erase his sins. He repented, that was certain, and Katey had come to terms with the fact that she loved a murderer. Yet, how many loups-garous back in the lodge could honestly say they had never killed a human or fellow loup-garou in cold blood? Killing was part of them, part of who they were as predators and though Katey hated the idea, she knew that one day killing would be something that she had to do and whether it was avoidable or not was indeterminate.
“I’m sure we will live too long, but I almost want to make you promise not to kill again.”
He shook his head. “That’s not possible. Our lives are too unpredictable. If Erik or another rougarou attacks me, I won’t hesitate to kill. If a hunter threatens the safety of the pack, I’ll do what’s necessary. If a vampire ever came into our territory with the intention to harm us, I’d do the same. Above all, if anyone tried to hurt you, I’d do everything in my power to keep you safe. That’s the only thing I can promise you.”
And in the moment, Katey knew that was all she could ask. She hopped up and kissed the bottom side of his tense jaw and felt the tautness ease away.
“Let’s talk about something nicer,” she offered cheerfully.
Logan laughed. “Please.”
“When you were human, what did you do for your birthday?”
“We didn’t do much,” he said with a sigh. “We couldn’t afford gifts, so my mother made me a pie every year. She was an excellent baker. Her crusts were perfectly flaky and apples spiced just right. I’ve never tasted a better dessert since.”
Katey grinned and squeezed his arm again, this time for joy. He was remembering something happy about his past instead of all the tragedies. She wanted to hear all of the good stories, the ones with happy and hilarious endings. No death, no destruction or monsters, just the good things that Logan could smile at with her.
“That’s nice.” The thought of stories and family made her mind trail back to the pack that remained at the lodge. When they left, they were gathered in the game room, soon to start a new game of billiards. “I’ve thought about all those pictures on Darren’s red door in his classroom. They seemed to be taken from all over the world. Do you all travel a lot?”
Logan smirked. “We did while trying to find Dustin around the turn of the century. We went from Paris, London, India, and even through China. We still go abroad during the summer sometimes.”
Katey smiled and stared ahead of them into the bright sky. “I would love to see those places.”
“You will one day.”
She loved how he didn’t brush her off with possibilities. His words were laced with a tone that told her she would certainly see those places and she gloried in the fact that he would be by her side every step of the way.
“And you? Did your foster families do anything special for your birthday?”
She shrugged, hating how the conversation had turned her way again. “Sometimes they did, sometimes they didn’t. It didn’t matter all that much to me.”
“That doesn’t sound like the typical teenage girl,” he replied jokingly.
Katey ribbed him. “I’m not the usual teenage girl.”
“No,” he said rather softly and leaned down to kiss the crown of her head. “You’re so much more.”
Katey beamed under his compliment and smiled. “But do you think I’m a strong female?” she asked, thinking back to Erik’s twisted speech about being the kind of male she deserved.
“Absolutely. Who else could find out that monsters are real, become one, and then enjoy it as much as you do?”
Katey giggled. “You know, I’ve thought about that, too. Ever since that day in the classroom, everything has just felt so right. It’s like I’ve been waiting all my life for you guys and everything’s just falling into place.”
Logan gazed down at her with a look of immense and immeasurable love in his eyes. “Yes, you certainly are a strong woman.”
She rolled her eyes. “If only I felt the same.”
“What did I tell you about taking compliments?” he cautioned.
“I know,” she groaned. “But, sometimes, I don’t feel so strong or brave. I never told you this, but I had a dream the night before you told me what you were. It was about you and the guys.”
“Really?”
Katey didn’t know whether it was the soothing, rhythmic crunch of the snow beneath their feet or the crisp wild air that refreshed her senses, but whatever it was had loosened her tongue.
She nodded. “Yeah. It wasn’t a pleasant one. In that dream, you had yellow eyes and were laughing at me while I was trapped in a cage...” Katey’s eyes glazed over as the memory became fresh in her mind. She remembered the way her heart threatened to explode in her chest and waking up in a cold sweat.
“I’ve had a lot of weird dreams since you turned me,” she whispered. “A lot of them, I can’t make sense of. It’s just broken pieces and blurry images sometimes. Other times, it’s clear and vivid like I’m living it.” She shook her head to scramble the lucid thoughts. “But, like I said, they make no sense.”
“Sometimes dreams can be a way of your subconscious trying to tell you something.”
A corner of Katey’s mouth quirked up. “Okay, Freud.”
Logan chuckled and wrapped his arm around her shoulder to bring her into a hug. Katey nearly lost her balance as he swung her about and held her tight. With her nose buried in his chest, she breathed in his scent and the panic of her visions was gone again.
“When I’m sleeping with you, I don’t have the dreams,” she mumbled, slipping her arms beneath his jacket to feel his body through his cotton shirt.
“Is that a good thing?” he asked, his lips moving against her hair.
Taking a moment to think, Katey wasn’t sure of the answer. The past two nights had been a blessing. She woke up refreshed and fully rested, but there was a subtle ache in her soul. The woman in white hadn’t come to taunt her to come into the light with that angelic voice.
Part of Katey had always wondered who she was. Some spirit? A ghost from her past? Deep in her, she suspected something more personal and terrifying, but had never had the courage to let the thought take hold.
What if it was her mother?
It was impossible, considering that she never knew her mother. It was only a theory. Yet, when Katey had the dreams, there was a comfort in the terror, like as long as she saw the woman in white, then she knew she was okay. But over the last few days, she wasn’t sure anymore.
Katey gripped Logan’s shirt in her fists and sniffled. “Yes, it’s a good thing,” she finally said. The torture of never reaching the woman was worse than living without the chase.
Logan let out a heavy breath and brushed his nose against hers. “Then you can sleep in my bed every night.”
20
After spending hours working through every book in the store, Katey and Logan locked arms and entered back onto the streets of the town. While Logan perused through the classics and science fiction section of the library, Katey settled herself in a stiff armchair with a tattered copy of a Jules Verne novel. Her eyes skimmed over the pages, but he could tell that she wasn’t at all interested in the story. He appreciated her tolerance of such a boring pastime, but hoped that the coming years and decades would help enrich her appreciation for literary arts. There were few enjoyments for a loup-garou that didn’t involve direct human contact. Reading was one of them.
Logan, on the ot
her hand, flipped through novel after novel while the store owner lounged back at his counter without a care in the world. The need to distract himself was powerful. There were too many thoughts roaring for space in his brain to let his mind remain idle. Reading afforded him a special power to block out all that disturbed him and Katey’s fading abilities had certainly disturbed him.
Before he buried his nose in a Shakespeare tome, he wondered why her abilities should fade and then return so suddenly. He had never heard of such an occurrence in any other packs. Any loup-garou would have given their right arm for a short reprieve during their early training days. Yet, Katey was anxious about it. Anxious enough to get up and leave the ballroom during the luncheon and to openly lie in the presence of her alpha.
More than anything, Logan berated himself for being so inconsiderate. If he hadn’t snapped at her that evening when they first arrived in Alaska, she might have let them know about the fading much sooner. There was nothing they could do about it now, besides keep a sharp eye on her and hope that the gathering that night wouldn’t go awry.
Remembering the gathering brought on more unease, knowing that he had to face Katey and ask her what he had truly wanted to ask her since the day they met. He wanted to spend every waking moment with her, loup-garou or not, and now that it was time to pop the question, he hesitated. Such fear frustrated him to no end, but the only way to know her answer was to take the leap of faith and ask.
When Logan felt the pull of the hunger and heard the rumble of Katey’s stomach from across the store, he knew it was time to go in search for food.
The town they had wandered into was even smaller than Crestucky. Mom-and-pop boutiques and antique shops lined the narrow streets. Cars covered in snow were parked along the curbs and there were people hurrying along the path with shopping bags hung about their arms.
Looking to the brilliantly decorated town square, Logan felt Katey’s arm slip through his. “Are we doing anything for Christmas?” she asked as a woman walked past with her arms full of colorfully wrapped gift boxes.
Becoming the Enigma (The Loup-Garou Series Book 2) Page 28