by Zig Ziglar
This same imagination of yours, when applied to the daily soap opera, is devastating because over the years the “soaps” have progressively featured everything from incest and adultery to trial marriage and wife-swapping. Combine this with the enormous waste of time and the “drug-like ability” to hook you into tuning in tomorrow to see what happens, and it spells bad news with a capital BAD. For your information, tomorrow the star of the soap opera, and at least one of his or her buddies, will either be in trouble, headed for trouble, or just getting out of trouble. When you view life in this negative perspective over a long period of time, you identify with the situations which most nearly parallel your own. After a time you will even find yourself thinking, “I know exactly how ‘he’ or ‘she’ feels, because that’s exactly the way my ‘John’ or ‘Sue’ has done me, ‘the dirty dog.’”
The horoscope “hooks you” in a similar fashion and with an even more devastating effect. Many people think it’s “harmless” to read the horoscope because they “don’t believe any of it”; it’s just something to do. The truth is, you will eventually become fatalistic as a result of it. (The chapters on habits will explain why.) Incredibly enough, some people will not make decisions or take trips if their “horoscope” is not in tune. The Bible says the horoscope is Satan’s, so when you read the daily horoscope, you are reading Satan’s Daily Bulletin. If you don’t believe in God and/or the Bible, let me point out that the “science” of astrology was founded on the assumption that the sun revolves around the earth. Some science!
STEP TWELVE. To improve your self-image, learn from the successful failures like Ty Cobb and Babe Ruth. Ty Cobb was thrown out more times trying to steal than any man in baseball history. Babe Ruth struck out more times than any man in baseball history. Hank Aaron, who broke Babe Ruth’s record, struck out more times than 99% of the players who make it to the major leagues. Nobody—but nobody—considers them failures and few people even remember their failures. Virtually everyone remembers their successes. Enrico Caruso’s voice failed to carry the high notes so many times his voice teacher advised him to quit. He kept singing and was recognized as the greatest tenor in the world. Thomas Edison’s teacher called him a dunce and he later failed over 14,000 times in his efforts to perfect the incandescent light. Abraham Lincoln was well known for his failures, but nobody considers him a failure. Albert Einstein flunked courses in math. Henry Ford was broke at age 40. Vince Lombardi became the most revered coach since Knute Rockne, but at age 43 he was merely a line coach at Fordham University.
The odds are strong that the leading salesman in 90% of the sales organizations in America misses more sales than most salesmen with the company. Walt Disney went broke seven times and had one nervous breakdown before success smiled on him. Actually, these people succeeded because they kept at it. As a matter of fact, the major difference between the big shot and the little shot is this: the big shot is just a little shot who kept on shooting.
STEP THIRTEEN. One of the best, quickest, and most effective ways to improve your image and your performance is to join an organization with worthwhile goals that requires you to participate by speaking. Many people can express themselves reasonably well in private conversation but are frozen with fright at the thought of standing up and making a speech to a group of any kind. They “see” themselves as falling flat on their faces and looking foolish.
One of the fastest ways to change that image is to join Toastmasters or Toastmistresses, International, or take our three-day Born to Win seminar or the Dale Carnegie Leadership Course. As a former instructor for Carnegie, and now for our own company, I have seen some remarkable image changes take place as individuals acquired the ability to stand up and express themselves. It’s not necessary to become an orator, though I’ve seen a number of former wallflowers develop considerable ability as speakers. Initially, we had difficulty getting some of these people to stand up and speak up. As their confidence grew, however, we had another problem. That’s right. We had difficulty getting some of these same people to sit down and be quiet.
STEP FOURTEEN. Look yourself—and them—in the eye. Almost without exception the man on the street as well as the highly educated professional, will tell you they like people who will “look them in the eye.” I plead guilty to this feeling and chances are strong that you feel the same way. There are many people who are unaware of the other person’s reaction to people who avoid eye contact; hence, they don’t look directly at another person even when engaged in direct conversation. There are even more people whose self-image is such they feel “unworthy” and “are not good enough” to look directly into the eyes of another.
To overcome this feeling (if you have it), start with the process of looking yourself in the eye when you have any occasion to be in front of the mirror. You should also set aside a few minutes each day for the sole purpose of deliberately looking yourself in the eye. As you do this, repeat some positive affirmations of what you have accomplished (use your victory list from Step Ten). Then repeat many of the things other people have said to you or about you that were positive. Concentrate on comments regarding your integrity, cheerfulness, honesty, character, compassion, persistence, thoughtfulness, good nature, spirit of cooperation, etc., and not on physical appearance unless you feel you are unattractive. In that event, those compliments become valuable image builders.
The second phase of “eye contact” for image building involves small children. When the opportunity presents itself, talk and play with the small fry and look them in the eye as you do so. One enormous fringe benefit here is that the children will love you more and their acceptance enhances your self-acceptance.
The third phase of Step Fourteen is to concentrate on looking your peer group and associates, as well as those who might work at lesser positions, in the eye at every opportunity. This gives you even more confidence for the final phase, which is to look everybody you meet or greet directly in the eye. (I’m obviously not talking about a “staring” contest.) Overall, this procedure does a great deal to build your self-image and it’s a tremendous “friend maker.” Note: In some cultures, it is considered rude, especially for a young person, to look an older person in the eye unless he or she is told to do so. Be sensitive to this.
STEP FIFTEEN. Alter your physical appearance when possible, practical, and desirable. Formerly obese people constantly tell me how much their image improved when they lost weight and were able to wear attractive clothing, participate in group activities, get active in sports, run up two flights of stairs, and escape those constant digs (“friendly” of course) about their weight. My own image improved when I lost thirty-seven pounds.
There are also occasions when plastic surgery can be quite helpful in building one’s self-image. This is especially true in case of an unusually large or long nose, protruding ears, harelip, or oversized breasts that cause back problems, etc. This area, however, often involves psychological considerations which have to be dealt with on an in-depth and personal basis. Caution and counsel are the watchwords, but I have seen some dramatic personality changes take place when this type of surgery is performed.
As you review the do’s and don’ts of the Fifteen Steps to Building a Healthy Self-Image, let me remind you that all of these steps are designed to help you accept yourself. Once you accept yourself, it will no longer be a matter of life or death for others to accept you. At that point you will not only be accepted, but you will be welcomed wherever you go. The reason is simple. They will be accepting the real you and the real you is much nicer than the phony conformist who tries so desperately hard to become somebody he isn’t. When the real you is accepted, a lot of things happen. Your conduct changes for the better and your morals improve. Much of your tension disappears because you are secure within yourself, and the little things that formerly “bugged” you will be put in perspective. In short, you “won’t sweat the small stuff.” Your bank account in self-confidence will grow, communication barriers will be removed, and your
family relationships will improve.
Once you have accepted yourself, it’s so much easier to accept other people and their points of view. Please note I said “accept.” This doesn’t necessarily mean you agree with them. It does mean you can accept and even understand why they feel the way they do. When that happens, you will find it easier to get along with others, regardless of race, creed, color, ethnic background, or occupational interest.
REMOVE THE SYMPTOM AND SOLVE THE PROBLEM
It is beyond a doubt that most problems, whether they be economic, social, or marital, are not really problems but rather symptoms of problems. Drugs, alcoholism, pornography, homosexuality, obesity, and in most cases vulgarity, profanity, and promiscuity, are merely symptoms of deeper difficulties. Many other fads are also symptoms of real problems, particularly when it’s obvious the fads are related to people doing “their thing” in defiance of parents or the so-called “establishment.” The small boy or girl inside of each social rebel says, “You wouldn’t notice me before, so I’m going to do some things that will make you notice me. They might be foolish and you might not like what I do, or me for doing them, but you’ll know I’m around.” In my work with the schools around the country I am constantly told that the students who are regularly late to class, “forget” their textbooks, provoke arguments, give “smart” answers, try to be “cute” in everything they say or do, etc., are simply demonstrating or manifesting a poor self-image. What these kids are really saying is, “Notice me please, love me please, accept me, recognize me—I’m a person.”
In many cases, if such a person fails to gain sufficient acceptance and recognition as he is, he will start making adjustments and compromises. In fact, he may begin to act like someone else. This is unfortunate, because if a person can’t make it in life being himself, he will really foul things up trying to be someone else. You will make a lousy anybody else, but you are the best “you” in existence. Once a person accepts himself, it isn’t imperative that others accept him. He is not “destroyed” if others reject him. He can be his own man or woman without being overly concerned about the rejection of others. Does this sound self-centered? Actually, just the opposite is true. Shakespeare said it, “This above all, to thine own self be true. And it must follow as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man.” Once you accept yourself for your true worth, then the symptoms of vulgarity, profanity, sloppiness, promiscuity, etc., disappear. There, my friend, goes much of your problem.
Just for an example, look at the drug problem. All too often, those who get hung up on drugs or alcohol have a poor self-image. They don’t like the way they are and figure others couldn’t like them that way either. They seek an easy way to change, and drugs or alcohol seem to be the answer. Thousands of cases tragically prove that drugs and alcohol compound problems, create confusion, and frequently destroy life.
The new you—with your healthy self-image—will not have to worry about these problems in your future. You have done and are doing something about your image, so now let’s look at a choice you can make.
THE CHOICE IS YOURS
The Japanese raise a tree. It’s called the Bonsai tree. It’s beautiful and perfectly formed, although its height is measured in inches. In California we find a forest of giant trees called Sequoias. One of these giants has been named the General Sherman. Extending into the heavens 272 feet and measuring 79 feet in circumference, this magnificent giant is so large that if it were cut down, it would produce enough lumber to build 35 five-room houses. At one time the Bonsai tree and the General Sherman were the same size. When they were seeds, each weighed less than 1/3000 of an ounce. The size difference at maturity is considerable to say the least, but the story behind that difference in size is a lesson in life.
When the Bonsai tree stuck its head above the earth, the Japanese pulled it from the soil and tied off its tap-root and some of the feeder roots, thus deliberately stunting its growth. The result is a miniature; beautiful, but still a miniature. The seed of the General Sherman fell into the rich soil of California and was nourished by the minerals, the rain, and the sunshine. The giant tree was the result. Neither the Bonsai nor the General Sherman had a choice in its destiny. You do. You can be as big, or as little, as you wish to be. You can be a Bonsai or a General Sherman. Your self-image—the way you see yourself—will determine which one you will be. The choice is yours.
ACCEPT YOURSELF
I close this chapter the same way I opened it—by reminding you that nobody on the face of this earth can make you feel inferior without your permission. You are fast reaching the point where you refuse to give that permission to anyone. When you reach that point you will have accepted yourself. Then, as a result of honest, consistent effort, you will see yourself as a person who truly “deserves” the good things in life, more of which come as the result of honest, consistent effort. This will result in your removing those limiting ceilings and obtaining more of the good things life has to offer.
Before you go on to the third segment of this book, let me urge you to do the following things:
(1) Look at the next Stairway To The Top diagram and in big, bold letters, write the word “good” opposite “self-image” and draw a box around it.
(2)Close the book and your eyes. Now, relax for a moment and see yourself as already possessing that good, healthy self-image and everything else necessary for success.
(3) Review this section and place emphasis on the portions you have underlined, as well as the comments you made in your Trigger Page notebook.
(4) “It’s true that if you take care of your car, it will take you places, and if you take care of your self-image it will take you places, too.” Now, get ready for the next exciting step on your stairway to the top.
ZIG’S STORY
I recognize it’s a little unusual for the author to insert his own story. I’m doing this because I honestly believe my story is your story. I believe I have felt your feelings and that my early fears, failures, and frustrations are shared by so many people that my story will give many of you real hope—with believability.
In the original edition of this book I placed my story in the Self-Image Segment. As the months went by, however, it became more and more evident that the story would “fit” better between the Self-Image and Your Relationship with Others Segments. My climb up the ladder started when my self-image changed because another person provided the spark. I’m persuaded this story will serve as a bridge between your self-image and your relationship with others.
I was one of twelve children. My dad died in 1932, the heart of the Depression, leaving Mother with five children too young to work. Fortunately, Mother was a dedicated Christian who gave us unconditional love and taught us that if we trusted the Lord, worked hard, and did our best, things would work out all right. She only finished the 5th grade, as far as formal education was concerned, but without a doubt she graduated magna cum laude from the University of Life. She became one of the most loved and respected people in the little town of Yazoo City, Mississippi.
Long after she was too old to earn money, she could still go to the bank and borrow any amount she needed on her signature. She never compromised her love for the Lord or her love for the truth. It was either black or white. There were no areas of gray. She often said an egg was never “almost” fresh. It was either fresh or it was rotten. It was either the truth or it was a lie. For her there was no compromise with truth or principle. She often saturated us with little sentence sermonettes, including such gems as, “It’s not who’s right that is important— it’s what’s right,” “The person who won’t stand for something will fall for anything,” “Tell the truth and tell it ever, costeth what it will, for he who hides the wrong he did, does the wrong thing still.” After our children were born one of her favorites was, “Son, if you set the example you will not have to set the rules.”
40 MORE CENTS
One simple story will illustrate her philosophy. As a young boy
working in a grocery store on Saturdays from 7:30 in the morning until 11:30 at night, I earned the magnificent sum of 75 cents. After a few months I was offered a job at a local sandwich shop. On this job I would start at
10:00 in the morning and work until 11:00 P.M. The hours would have been shorter and the pay would have been $1.15 for the day. I wanted to make the change.
In this day and time it would be impossible for you to imagine the value of that other 40 cents, but in a rural Mississippi town in 1939 it represented a lot of money to a small boy. My mother never considered letting me make the change and, I might add, I never considered going against her wishes because Mr. John R. Anderson, a dedicated Christian and a positive thinker (he once sent me to a drawing for a cow with a rope to lead the cow home), owned and managed the grocery store. As my mother expressed it to me, the 40 cents wasn’t important. The influence of a John Anderson could never be measured in money. She emphasized the fact she did not know the man who ran the sandwich shop. He might be all right, but she loved her boy too much to let him work in a place where the boss was of unknown quality. She had also heard it rumored they sold beer in the sandwich shop. She made her decision, and it was final as far as she was concerned. Since she had demonstrated love and instilled obedience from birth, it was natural for me to respect her wishes.