by Zig Ziglar
LITTLE ANNIE
A number of years ago, in a mental institution just outside Boston, a young girl known as “Little Annie” was locked in the dungeon. This institution was one of the more enlightened ones for the treatment of the mentally disturbed. However, the doctors felt that a dungeon was the only place for those who were “hopelessly” insane. In Little Annie’s case, they saw no hope for her, so she was consigned to a living death in that small cage, which received little light and even less hope.
About that time, an elderly nurse in the institution was nearing retirement. She felt there was hope for all of God’s creatures, so she started taking her lunch into the dungeon and eating outside Little Annie’s cage. She felt perhaps she could communicate some love and hope to the little girl.
In many ways, Little Annie was like an animal. On occasions, she would violently attack the person who came into her cage. At other times, she would completely ignore him or her. When the elderly nurse started visiting her, Little Annie gave no indication that she was even aware of her presence. One day, the elderly nurse brought some brownies to the dungeon and left them outside the cage. Little Annie gave no hint she knew they were there, but when the nurse returned the next day the brownies were gone. From that time on, the nurse would bring brownies when she made her Thursday visit.
Soon the doctors in the institution noticed a change was taking place. After a period of time they decided to move Little Annie upstairs. Finally, the day came when this “hopeless case” was told she could return home. But Little Annie did not wish to leave. The place had meant so much to her she felt she could make a contribution if she stayed and worked with the other patients. The elderly nurse had seen and brought out so much in her life that Little Annie felt she could see and help develop something in others.
Many years later, the Queen of England, while pinning her country’s highest award on a foreigner, asked Helen Keller, “How do you account for your remarkable accomplishments in life? How do you explain the fact that even though you were both blind and deaf, you were able to accomplish so much?” Without a moment’s hesitation, Helen Keller said that had it not been for Anne Sullivan (Little Annie), the name Helen Keller would have remained unknown.
It’s not too well known, but Helen Keller was a normal, healthy baby before some mysterious disease left her almost helpless and hopeless. Anne Sullivan saw Helen Keller as one of God’s very special people. She treated her as she saw her, loved her, disciplined her, played, prayed, pushed, and worked with her until the flickering candle that was her life became a beacon that helped light the pathways and lighten the burdens of people all over the world. Yes, Helen Keller influenced millions after her own life was touched by “Little Annie.”
THE EYES HAVE IT
A number of years ago in North Virginia an old man stood on a river bank, waiting to get across. Since it was bitterly cold and there were no bridges, he would have to “catch a ride” to the other side. After a lengthy wait, he saw a group of horsemen approaching. He let the first one pass, then the second, third, fourth, and fifth. Finally, there was only one rider left. As he drew abreast, the old man looked him in the eye and said, “Sir, would you give me a ride across the river?”
The rider instantly said, “Why certainly, get aboard.” Once across the river, the old man slid to the ground. Before leaving, the rider said, “Sir, I could not help but notice that you permitted all the other riders to pass without asking for a ride. Then, when I drew abreast, you immediately asked me for a ride. I’m curious as to why you didn’t ask them and why you did ask me?” The old man quietly responded, “I looked into their eyes and could see no love, and knew in my own heart it would be useless to ask for a ride. But when I looked into your eyes, I saw compassion, love, and the willingness to help. I knew you would be glad to give me the ride across the river.”
With this the rider very humbly said, “You know, I’m very grateful for what you are saying. I appreciate it very much.” With that, Thomas Jefferson turned and rode off to the White House. It has truly been said that our eyes are the windows of our souls. In this particular case, the old man read them correctly. Question: If you had been the last rider, would the old man have asked you for that ride across the river? It’s important that he would have asked you because there is a vast difference between giving advice and lending a hand. You and your encouragement might well be, for one or more people, that all-important ride across the river. Harvey Firestone, who helped people climb the mountains of accomplishment, expressed it beautifully when he said, “You get the best out of others when you give the best of yourself.”
SEE A NEED—AND FILL IT
The story of LaVon and Vern Dragt is one of unique courage, dedication to principle, and a firm belief that faith and hard work answer most of life’s problems. Vern was a well-paid plasterer and the father of three small children when polio struck. A valiant struggle for life itself was followed by four and a half years of convalescence. Later Vern and LaVon managed a business that included over 1,000 Tupperware dealers doing over $8,000,000 annually.
What happened between the time polio struck and the situation that exists today is quite a story. When Vern was stricken and the savings were gone, LaVon sought outside employment. However, her job drained her physically and kept her away from Vern and the children ten hours a day. She responded to the Tupperware appeal, fell in love with the business, and after her second party decided to sell on a full-time basis. The work was fun and profitable and she could arrange her schedule of work around the family instead of having to arrange her family around her schedule as she had formerly done. Almost immediately she recognized that other men and women faced similar problems, so she started extending a helping hand to them. Result: They built the number one distributorship in the entire country, financial security for the Dragts, and an opportunity to contribute to their community, to their fellowman, and to their church work.
In the process of accomplishing some of their objectives, Vern and LaVon made it possible for 125 of their managers and countless dealers to drive beautiful new cars and accomplish objectives of their own. They have given the opportunity for growth to hundreds of others, including Hal Empey, who became a vice president with Tupperware. Their remarkable success is the result of seeing the needs of others and doing something about those needs. You do treat people like you see them, and if you see others as Vern and LaVon do, then you, too, will be getting a lot because you will be giving a lot.
FEED OTHERS—EAT WELL YOURSELF
A man was given a tour of both Heaven and Hell so he could intelligently select his final destination. The devil was given first chance, so he started the “prospect” with a tour of Hell. The first glance was a surprising one because all the occupants were seated at a banquet table loaded with every food imaginable, including meat from every corner of the globe, fruits and vegetables, and every delicacy known to man. With justification, the devil pointed out that no one could ask for more.
However, when the man looked carefully at the people he did not find a single smile. There was no music or indication of gaiety generally associated with such a feast. The people at the table looked dull and listless, and were literally skin and bones. The tourist noticed that each person had a fork strapped to the left arm and a knife strapped to the right arm. Each had a four-foot handle that made it impossible to eat. So, with food of every kind at their fingertips, they were starving.
Next stop was Heaven, where the tourist saw a scene identical in every respect—same foods, knives and forks with those four-foot handles. However, the inhabitants of Heaven were laughing, singing, and having a great time. They were well fed and in excellent health. The tourist was puzzled for a moment. He wondered how conditions could be so similar and yet produce such different results. The people in Hell were starving and miserable, while the people in Heaven were well fed and happy. Then he saw the answer. Each person in Hell had been trying to feed himself. A knife and fork with a four-fo
ot handle made this impossible. Each person in Heaven was feeding the one across the table from him and was being fed by the one sitting on the opposite side. By helping one another they helped themselves.
The message is clear. The way you see situations and people is extremely important because you treat people and situations exactly as you see them. That’s one reason I keep reminding you that you can have everything in life you want if you will just help enough other people get what they want.
CHAPTER 8
Good Or Bad, You Pass It On
MIDDLE KIDS ARE “DIFFERENT”
Let me tell you a personal and embarrassing story. When our family consisted of three daughters, we had a problem. Our middle daughter was about five years old. As everybody knows, the middle child is “different” and is often the “problem” child. We knew in advance we would have problems with our middle daughter because all our friends and relatives assured us the middle child is “different.”
This difference is supposed to be the result of not having the security and independence of being the oldest child, nor the affection and attention generally accorded the youngest. Children, contrary to what you might believe, do want to cooperate. If parents think the middle child is going to be different they invariably treat them differently. When this happens, just as certainly as God made those little green apples, the middle child “cooperates” and turns out to be different. What no one told us was that the “difference” is positive or negative depending on the way you treat the child.
The groundwork for the problem started the day we brought our youngest daughter, Julie, home from the hospital. Neighbors and family dropped in for the usual visits, commented extensively on how beautiful our new baby was, and, needless to say, we admired their good taste and judgment in pointing that out. They would tickle her under the chin, oogle and oggle over her, offer to take her home with them, and a host of other little things. Then they would turn to our oldest daughter, Suzan, and say to her, “My goodness, what a big girl you are! I’ll bet you’re going to be a lot of help to Mommy, looking after your little sister, aren’t you?” And the comments flowed about the baby and the older daughter. But what about that oddball stuck off over there in the middle of the family? That was Cindy.
In my particular case, I handled our middle daughter in a classic manner. If I commented once, I must have commented a thousand times, “Why does Cindy whine so much? Why can’t she be like Suzan and Julie? Why is she different? Why isn’t she happier and more cheerful?” Cindy responded in the only way she could. She whined, complained, fussed, and generally followed the detailed instructions I was giving her. She wasn’t different when she started, but we made her different. Then, the family started a study of the way the mind works. We finally learned what the Bible so clearly says, “As ye sow, so also shall ye reap.” We learned you can’t plant negative instructions and raise a positive child anymore than you can plant beans and raise potatoes.
We made some significant changes in our approach. Each time we had a visitor, my wife and I would introduce Cindy in a special way: “This is the little girl everybody loves because she is so happy. She laughs and smiles all the time, don’t you, Baby?” Cindy would smile and say yes. Then, “Baby, tell these folks your name.” She would always give us her two-front-teeth-missing grin, and say, “It’s Tadpole.” (What a name for a pretty little girl!) Then we would repeat, “This is the little girl who is always smiling and laughing. She’s happy and friendly and cheerful, aren’t you, Baby?” She would just grin and say “Yes, Sir,” or “Yes, Ma’am.” (We believe one of the most useful and important traits you can develop in your children is genuine courtesy and respect for the authority of the parents. We believe children feel more secure knowing they have someone to respect as a parent rather than just a friend or buddy. We required “Yes, Sir” and “Yes, Ma’am.”)
We had been following this procedure only a month when we had one of those truly exhilarating experiences that gladdens any parent’s heart. Someone came to see us and, as was our custom, I called Cindy over and said, “This is our little girl that everybody loves. Tell them what your name is, Baby.” She grabbed my coat sleeve and said, “Daddy, I’ve changed my name.” Somewhat surprised, I said, “What is your name now, Baby?” Smiling bigger than ever, she responded, “I’m the Happy Tadpole.”
The neighbors on both sides of us wanted to know what had happened to Cindy. Well, something had happened to Cindy, but it didn’t happen until Mother and Dad started seeing her as a child who deserved the best we had to offer. When we saw her in a new light we treated her like the cheerful, happy girl she was entitled to be—and that’s the kind of girl she became, so today we call her “Sweetning.” Yes, you treat people like you “see” them, so it’s extremely important that we learn to “see” others properly.
THREE LITTLE GIRLS
A number of years ago when we lived in Stone Mountain, Georgia, I had my office in the nearby town of Decatur. One day a friend of mine in the insurance business stopped by for a visit. He brought his three daughters who were about three, five, and seven years of age. They were dressed in pretty dresses and looked like little dolls. Incredibly enough, this is the way he introduced them: “This is the one who won’t eat, this is the one who won’t mind her mother, and this is the one who cries all the time.”
There is no question in my mind about this man’s love for those three little ones. It showed all over his face and in his eyes as he hugged and played with them. Unfortunately, he was giving them something to “live down to.” The way he saw them was the way he was treating them. He was giving powerful, negative instructions to each one. Chances are he often lamented the fact that he had one little girl who “wouldn’t eat,” and one who “wouldn’t mind her mother,” and one who “cried all the time.” Tragically, the odds are a thousand to one he never knew why. It’s true we reap what we sow—as well as what others sow in our minds. That makes it doubly important to see our little ones properly, because the way we see them determines what we sow in them, which, to a large degree, determines what they become.
Linda Issac’s family, friends, and teachers “saw” her as a “dwarf” of limited mental capabilities, so that’s the way they treated her. Her teachers in the Special Education classes in Italy, Texas, didn’t think she could learn, so they didn’t attempt to teach her much. They passed her from one grade to the next until she “graduated” from high school, which resulted in a four-foot, 80-pound African American high school graduate who functioned at a first grade level. Under those circumstances, Linda had two chances in life—slim and none. Then her mother contacted Carol Clapp at the Texas Rehabilitation Commission at Goodwill Industries.
As a result, Linda moved to Dallas to live with a sister and start an extensive three-week vocational evaluation program. She was placed in a work adjustment program where a different crop was planted, or “sowed,” in her mind. She quickly outgrew that program and was transferred to the Industrial Contract Center. Later she took telephone messages, kept time cards, and checked each day’s progress. Her personality changed as her confidence grew under this “new” treatment. She joined the Little People of America organization. She loves life, likes what she is doing, and her image is such she no longer minds being called “Shorty.” Linda Isaac’s story is one that will probably have a happy ending, but it makes you wonder how many people have been consigned to mediocrity by someone who “saw” them in an inferior light and treated them accordingly.
Even as late as college, many students are inhibited by some pompous professor who proudly announces that a certain percentage of his class “always fails” and no one makes an “A.” It apparently never occurs to these professors that they may be hiding their inability to teach behind a false display of academic baloney. Personally, I think the professor should work harder so he could say he was such a good teacher that many of the students would make “A’s” and everyone would learn in his course. Don’t misunderstand. I’
m not hinting that a teacher should brag on the students and tell them they are doing well, regardless of how they actually are doing. That approach leads to academic suicide.
As a matter of fact, a study in San Francisco revealed that members of minority groups have repeatedly been told how well they are doing, when in fact the individuals involved might be doing poorly. This is the cruelest treatment of all, because it produces diploma-bearing functional illiterates who cannot compete in the marketplace for jobs. This produces a disillusioned, bitter individual who, when encouraged just slightly with some radical rhetoric, will make society “pay” for its failure to give him an education that would make him competitive.
So, what’s the solution? I have no single answer to such a complex educational problem but this I do know. We need to look for the total ability of the student, develop more patience, compassion, and firmness in dealing with him or her, and be more analytical of what the student does and not so critical of the student. Criticize the performance—not the performer. In short, when dealing with students, give them lots of encouragement, but don’t lie to them or mislead them by telling them they are doing well when they are not. Encourage them by letting them know they can do better work—that their assignment or performance is not up to their standards. When their image changes, so will their performance.
Over 50 years of teaching experience, much of it of a highly concentrated nature, convinces me that this is the most effective way to get maximum performance from the individual. It gives them something to live up to. Convince them they can—and they will.