by Zig Ziglar
Mr. B was furious. Muttering to himself he said, “This is really something. Here I am, a peaceful, tax-paying, law-abiding citizen, minding my own business, when this guy comes along and gives me a ticket. What he should be doing is spending his time looking for criminals, thieves and robbers. He should leave us tax-paying citizens alone. Just because I was going fast doesn’t mean that I wasn’t safe. This is ridiculous.”
OH, HE WAS UPSET
When he got back to the office, to divert attention from the fact that he was late he called his sales manager in for a conference. Angrily, he asked if the Armstrong sale had been finalized. The sales manager said, “Mr. B, I don’t know what happened but something did and we lost the sale.” Now, if you think Mr. B was upset before, you should have seen him now. He hit the ceiling as he read the “riot act” to the sales manager. “You know, I’ve had you on the payroll for eighteen years. During that time I’ve depended upon you to produce business. Now, at last, we have an opportunity to make the big deal that would have enabled us to expand our product line, and what do you do? You blow it. Well, let me tell you something, Friend. You are either going to replace that business, or I’m going to replace you. Just because you’ve been here 18 years doesn’t mean you have a lifetime contract.” Oh boy, he was really upset.
SO WAS HE
But if you think Mr. B was upset, you should have seen his sales manager. He charged out of the office muttering under his breath, “Isn’t this something? For 18 years I’ve given this company my 100% effort. I’m the one responsible for the success and growth of the company because I create all the new business. I’m the one who holds the company together and keeps it functioning. Mr. B is just a figurehead. This company would go down the tube in nothing flat if it weren’t for me. Now, just because I miss one sale, he uses a cheap, lousy trick and threatens to fire me. This isn’t right.”
Still talking to himself, the sales manager calls his secretary in and demands, “Did you finish those five letters I gave you this morning?” She said, “No, don’t you remember, you told me the Hillard account took precedence over everything else? That’s what I’ve been doing.” Now the sales manager exploded. “Don’t give me any lousy excuses,” he barked, “I told you I wanted those letters out, and if you can’t get them out, I’ll get someone who can. Just because you have been here seven years doesn’t mean you have a lifetime contract. I want those letters mailed today, and I want them mailed without fail.” Oh my, he was upset.
SHE WAS UPSET
But if you think he was upset, you should have seen the secretary. She really blew her stack as she stomped out of the sales manager’s office talking to herself. “How about that? For seven years I’ve given this job my very best. Hundreds of hours of overtime work and never a dime in overtime pay. I do more work than any three people around here. As a matter of fact, I’m really the one who has kept the company together. Now, just because I can’t do two things at the same time, he threatens to fire me. This isn’t right. Besides, with all the things I know about him, who does he think he’s kidding?” She walked out to the switchboard operator and said, “I have some letters I want you to type. Now, I know that ordinarily this isn’t your job, but you don’t do anything anyway except sit here and occasionally answer the telephone. Besides, this is an emergency and I want these letters mailed today. If you can’t get them, let me know and I’ll get somebody who can.” Oh, she was upset and she let everyone know it.
SHE WAS UPSET, TOO
But if you think she was upset, you should have seen the switchboard operator. She just about hit the ceiling. “This is really something,” she said “Here I am, the hardest-working member of the staff and the lowest paid. I have to do four things at once and they don’t do a thing in the back except drink coffee, gossip, and talk on the telephone. Only occasionally do they do any work, and every time they get behind they call on me to bail them out. It just isn’t fair. This garbage about replacing me is really a joke because I’m the only one who has any idea about what is going on around here. If it hadn’t been for me the company would have gone down the tube long ago. Not only that, but they know they couldn’t find anyone to do my work at twice my salary.” She got the letters out, but she really was burning as she did.
When she got home, she was still fuming. She walked into the house, slammed the door and proceeded into the den. The first thing she saw was her 12-year-old son lying on the floor watching television. The second thing she saw was a big rip across the seat of his britches. Highly provoked she said, “Son, how many times have I told you to put on your play clothes when you come home from school? Mother has a hard enough time as it is just supporting you, sending you through school, and running this entire household. Now, you go upstairs right now. There’s going to be no dinner for you tonight and no television for the next three weeks.” Oh, she was upset.
KICKING THE CAT
But if you think she was upset, you should have seen her 12-year-old son. He stomped out of the den saying, “This isn’t fair. I was doing something for Mother, but she didn’t even give me a chance to explain what happened. It was an accident, and could have happened to anybody.” About that time, his tomcat walked in front of him. That proved to be a mistake. The boy gave him a big boot and said, “You get out of here! You’ve probably been up to some no good yourself.”
Obviously, the tomcat was the only principal involved in this series of events who couldn’t have altered the events, and this leads me to ask a very simple question. Wouldn’t it have been much better if Mr. B had just gone directly from the country club to the switchboard operator’s house and kicked that cat himself? If he had he would not have negatively impacted all those other people.
Now, for a more important question, let’s look at a series of situations or incidents that happen to all of us in our everyday lives. How do you react to humor? How about a smile? A compliment? How do you deal with agreeable people? How do you handle it when you make a sale or when people are nice, pleasant, and courteous to you? Or when a clerk, waiter, or waitress looks after your needs in a courteous manner? How about when a friend or neighbor says something nice about you or does something for you? I’ll bet you’re pleasant, smile back, and are courteous. I’ll bet you appreciate all these things and they help make you a friendly, gracious person. However, to be candid, most people handle the friendly compliment differently than they handle a negative comment or rude treatment.
YOU—AND THE BUM IN THE BOWERY
Do you respond or react to rudeness, anger, sarcasm, rejection, or a slow, rude waitress? Do you respond or react to a traffic delay or a cold, dreary day? When someone gives you an undeserved verbal blast, do you blast right back? Do you let others pull you down to their level, or do you recognize that the incident probably has nothing to do with you? Someone else may have just stopped by and “kicked their cat.” You just happened to be the next one in line. When the driver behind you lets go with a blast of the horn, despite the fact traffic is stalled a mile in either direction, what do you do? Do you turn around and shake your fist at him while giving him a dirty look? Do you let him pull you down to his level, or do you respond, smile and say, “Just because somebody ‘kicked his cat’ is no reason for me to let him kick mine.”
When your wife or husband takes some pent-up frustration out on you, do you respond and build the relationship or react and damage the relationship? Do you respond or react to being passed over for a promotion, getting a “C” instead of an “A,” missing a big sale, being slighted by Mr. Big, not being invited to the senior prom, failing to make the team, or being elected to the club presidency? The way you handle the negative “cat kicking” situations will largely determine your success and happiness in life.
The bum in the Bowery, the community leader, the top student, the self-made millionaire, and the Mother of the Year all have a great deal in common. Each one faces frustration, heartache, disappointment, despondency, and defeat. The difference in accomplis
hment is primarily the difference in the way the negatives of life are handled. The bum reacted by saying “poor me” and in an effort to drown his problems by drinking, was drowned in his drink. The successful person took similar and often greater problems, responded positively, sought the benefit in the problem, and came out stronger and more successful as a result. We can’t tailor-make the situations of life, but we can tailor-make the attitude to fit them—before they arise. That’s attitude control, and you will learn “how” in this book. You will learn that in most cases, when somebody gives you an undeserved verbal blast, it is because somebody else “kicked his cat.” You will learn that it has nothing to do with you. More importantly, you will learn how to respond positively to that negative and to other negatives as well.
As a starter, let me suggest the next time someone (start with a loved one) lowers the boom on your innocent head (be careful now and know you are innocent), smile and say, “Honey, has anyone been ‘kicking your cat’ today?” If you survive that one (you will), you can move to the general public with a slight variation. When a stranger or casual acquaintance “chews you out” for no reason (again, be careful and know you are innocent), just smile and say, “I have an unusual question to ask you: Has anybody been ‘kicking your cat’ today?” This brings on a variety of responses, but remember at this point you are behind in the ballgame. (Don’t be surprised if he tells you, probably with some disgust, that he “doesn’t have a cat.”) This really means you are responding positively to the negative and pleasantly to the unpleasant. It’s natural and human to feel that the other person doesn’t deserve such nice treatment from you. And you might be right, but this response is best for you and you deserve the best treatment you can give you.
WHEN YOU GET DOWN, GET UP
Now, let’s take a positive look at some negative thinking. My friend and colleague the late Cavett Robert took a philosophical, refreshing, and commonsense approach to a journey into Negativeville as he observed, “Nobody fails by falling down or getting despondent. They only fail if they stay down or negative.” Cavett stressed that you should be like a leaky tire. A defeat should take something out of you and deflate you a bit. If it didn’t, it would be a strong indication you not only didn’t mind losing, but you weren’t emotionally involved in wanting to win.
Let me add, however, I’m talking about your internal response to defeat. Obviously, I don’t feel you should pout, throw a temper tantrum, be a poor sport, or indulge in any other childish behavior. Be gracious and mature and remember, if you learn from a defeat, you haven’t really lost. With this new attitude, the chances are good you will enter the winner’s circle after the next encounter.
You must be capable of getting emotionally high in order to fully utilize the talent you have. Frankly, it’s always been a puzzle to me why anyone would think they’ve done something terribly wrong and have feelings of guilt, doubt, and self-incrimination whenever they get a little despondent. This is a natural state of affairs, and it’s perfectly all right. Let me emphasize, however, while it might be normal and all right to “get down,” it is neither normal nor all right to stay that way. Just remember that you don’t drown by falling into the water. You drown only if you stay there.
Sooo—how do you get up when you are down? First—recognize that you are “down.” Second—understand that there are seldom, if ever, any “hopeless” situations, but there are many people who lose hope in the face of some situations. Third—know that the condition is temporary; and fourth—set a time limit on how long you plan to stay down. Example: When Jimmy Carter defeated Gerald Ford for President, I was terribly disappointed. I was confident Mr. Ford would be a better president. After the election I had to decide whether I would try to help or hurt Mr. Carter, America, and myself. I knew what I should do and what my Bible told me to do, but I was disappointed and felt that I had “earned” a few days of misery so I set November 15 as my “get up” day. In the interim period I nourished those negative thoughts about Mr. Carter. On November 15, I started reading “good things” about Jimmy Carter. I listened to Carter fans, sought background material, followed his thinking on Cabinet appointments, and studied some of his procedures for bringing integrity to government. In a matter of days, I was amazed at how much he had changed.
On matters of lesser significance, surely two hours is long enough to stay “down,” but you follow the same procedure. In most cases your contacts with others will probably go like this: Other person—“How ya doing?” You—“Super good after 11:30.” Other person—“Why after 11:30?” You—“I just suffered a disappointment and I’m being negative until then.” Other person—“You mean you are going to be negative until 11:30 and then you will be positive?” You—“That’s right.” Other person—“That’s silly. If you are going to be positive at 11:30, why not be positive right now?” You—“Absolutely not! I’ve worked hard for this misery. I feel that I deserve it, and I’m going to enjoy it for awhile. I will compromise and be positive at 11:00, but not a minute sooner.” Silly, yes, and even ludicrous, but it works because you are laughing at your problems instead of crying about them.
I believe this example will help you accept my statement that there are very few hopeless situations. A famous painting shows the devil across a chess board from a young man. The devil has just made his move and the young man’s king appears to be checkmated. Total defeat and despair are registered on the young man’s face. One day the great chess genius Paul Mercer stood looking at the painting. He carefully studied the position on the board and suddenly his face lighted up as he shouted to the young man in the painting, “Don’t give up, you still have one more move!” You, too, will always have “one more move.”
Let me emphasize a point. Attitude is catching. It’s like the flu. If you wanted the flu, you would go to someone who had it and become exposed to it. Any time you want to “catch something,” just go where it’s prevalent. If you want to catch the right mental attitude, go where that attitude exists. Start by going to the people who have the right mental attitude. If the right people aren’t always available, then go to the right book, an exciting seminar, or the recording of a dynamic speaker.
In today’s world, virtually everyone agrees on what I’ve been “selling” you. Teachers, coaches, doctors, sales managers, mothers, etc., all agree that the right mental attitude is important. The question, Coach, is: “How do we get—and then keep—the right mental attitude, regardless of ‘outside’ conditions, people, weather, etc.?” Glad you asked. The answer is in the next two chapters.
CHAPTER 15
Ensuring Your Attitude
YOUR MIND WORKS THIS WAY
Most successful, happy, well-adjusted people I know want to know the whys and hows of life. Give them reasons for doing things when you tell them what to do and they will feel they are part of the project and not just employees following orders. Results are definitely better. Since this chapter might be the most significant one in the book (it is definitely the one that will produce the fastest results), I want to explain in lay language the way the mind works so you will understand why we suggest taking certain steps and following the procedures we recommend. Then we get into a very specific procedure that will enable you to “ensure” your attitude and build a foundation so solid that your attitude controls your circumstances instead of your circumstances controlling your attitude.
The mind works like a garden. Everyone knows if you plant beans you won’t raise potatoes—you will raise beans. Obviously, you don’t plant a bean to raise a bean. You plant a bean to raise lots of beans. Between planting and harvest there is a tremendous increase in the number of beans. That’s the way the mind works. Whatever you plant in the mind is going to come up—multiplied. Plant a negative or a positive and you reap in multiples because between planting and harvest, imagination enters the picture and multiplies the result.
In some ways the mind also works like a money bank, but in other ways, it is quite different. For example, a
nybody and anything (radio, TV, etc.) can make either positive or negative deposits in your mind bank. Generally speaking, you are the only one who makes deposits in your bank account and all bank deposits are positive.
You are the only one who determines who will make withdrawals from either the bank or the mind. All withdrawals from the money bank reduce the account. Withdrawals from the mind increase its strength if you use the right “teller.”
In your mind bank there are two tellers—both of whom are obedient to your every command. One teller is positive and handles positive deposits and positive withdrawals. The other teller is negative and will accept all negative deposits and provide you with negative feedback.
As the owner of your mind, you have complete control over all withdrawals and most deposits. The deposits represent your total experience in life. The withdrawals determine your success and happiness. Obviously, you can’t withdraw anything that hasn’t been deposited. (That’s true in the cash bank, too, isn’t it?)
Each transaction involves a choice of which teller to use. Confront the negative teller with a problem and he will remind you of how poorly you performed in the past. He will predict failure with your current problem. Confront your positive teller and he will enthusiastically tell you how you successfully dealt with far more difficult problems in the past. He will give you examples of your skill and genius and assure you that you can easily solve this problem. Both tellers are right because whether you think you can or think you can’t, in virtually every case you are right.