by Jane Tara
She opened the door to the dressing room where Rhi said he often hung out, but it was empty. She checked the second dressing room, behind the proscenium, on stage and then in the auditorium. She switched on light after light.
“Kip? It’s Tye…Crystal’s daughter. Your daughter.” She ran upstairs, a trail of light in her wake. “I want to meet you.”
The foyer was empty, the bathroom was empty, Rhi’s office was empty. Eventually the whole theater was alight, but Kip was nowhere to be found.
Tye retreated, going back over her path, flicking off one light after another, checking each room one last time. Finally, she stood at the backstage door again, unable to speak now. All that anticipation and excitement and hope for nothing.
She flicked off the final light and closed the door behind her, unaware that she had been watched every step of the way.
*
Kip drifted to the door, listening as she locked it from the other side.
His daughter. That was his daughter.
She was beautiful.
He floated to the base of the door, his hand pressed against it…he couldn’t feel the door, but he could feel her. How badly he wanted to swing that door open and yell, “Wait for me, Tye!” He’d give anything to run outside to her, to walk along the beach, to wave to people as they passed him by, seeing him…How he missed the world.
“Tye…I see you.” His words were nothing but wisps of wind. He was nothing but a shadow. He wanted to show himself to her, but how could he? He couldn’t allow her only memory of him to be this. This outline was no father. No image for her to hold on to and draw strength from. No. Crystal would tell her stories of him. Tad could show her photos. Those things were real.
This wasn’t. He wasn’t.
As much as he wanted to have a conversation with her, the only gift he could ever give her now, as her father, was to be invisible.
Kip drifted around the door for hours, wishing there was something more than death that could swallow him, and take him away from his pain.
*
Annie flicked the TV off and checked her phone. Nothing. She hadn’t heard from either Sam or Jake for a few days. It was her own fault; ever since the clambake, she’d been distant. They all needed to date other people, and she’d finally said exactly that to them. There’d been an immediate shift. She’d run into Jake near work and he’d been a quite distant. And then tonight, as she was driving home, she’d seen Sam’s car outside Sal’s restaurant. Damn them. They were all just friends, right? Always had been. You didn’t cut friends off. Why were they rejecting her now?
She picked up her phone and pressed Jake’s number. It went straight to voicemail. “Hi Jake…it’s me…just calling to say hi.”
She hung up and cringed. “Hi! Hi! Idiot.” No, she wouldn’t let her friendships be changed by this. She dialed Sam’s number. This time, he answered.
“Hey, curly, what’s up?”
She smiled at his use of her childhood nickname. “Just wondering how you are? Haven’t seen you for a few days. I miss your ugly head.”
“Just busy that’s all.”
Annie could hear laughter in the background, more than one person and definitely a woman. “Sorry, have I interrupted something?”
“I’m over at Jake’s. Sal is here. Come over.”
I’d rather wash my eyes with acid, thought Annie. “I would, but I’m exhausted. I’m already in my pajamas. It’s been a big week at work. Say hello to everyone though.”
“I will.”
“Okay. See ya.”
“See ya, curly.”
She turned her phone off and sat motionless for a second, before hurling it against the wall and watching it smash to pieces.
*
Rhi sat in her garden reading her emails on her iPad. It was a beautiful warm evening. Even the sun was taking its time to go inside.
There were more responses to her Hamlet invite, most of them affirmative. It looked like she’d pull in a full house for the show.
And then she saw the email from Victoria. Her first reaction was to trash it, but years of friendship and months of hurt made her read it.
Dear Rhiannon,
I’m hoping you’ll read this. I know your first reaction will be to trash it. I’m currently in the Hope Springs Rehabilitation Facility. I’ve been here for a month, and am going very well in an alcohol recovery program. At this stage of my recovery, I am to contact anyone I’ve hurt as a result of my drinking. It’s a long list, I’m embarrassed to say. But you are at the top.
What I did to you was unforgivable. I know I betrayed your trust, and never expect that to heal. I’ve been carrying a lot of pain for a long time, which Dad’s death magnified. I felt like that pain gave me the right to do whatever I wanted. I’ve discovered it didn’t. Chandra, along with numerous other men during that time, made me feel adored, for a brief second, and that feeling was addictive and seductive, and therefore I easily crossed lines for the sake of it, with no thought of the pain it would later cause. And by pain, I not only mean yours, but also mine. Losing you from my life has been unfathomable. But at least it was the thing that got me seeking help.
I am so dreadfully sorry for hurting you. I can only hope that your new life out of New York has brought you happiness.
Victoria
Rhi stared at the email for a moment and analyzed how it made her feel. She realized the betrayal and hurt had passed. There was a shred of sadness there for the death of the friendship, but perhaps that would always remain. She didn’t mourn Victoria now. She thought of Kip. It was almost too much for her to bear at the moment, this looming goodbye. But life is filled with goodbyes and relationships you mourn. And despite ourselves, our pain, and the belief that we’ll never survive some of these things, we do.
Rhi pressed reply. For her own sake and for Vic’s, she had to respond.
Dear Vic,
I forgive you.
I am happy here. I hope you find happiness too.
Love Rhiannon
She pressed send.
“Look at you, sitting in the garden but still working.”
Rhi looked up at Taran. “I love it out here.”
“It’s pretty special.” He sat on the end of her sunlounger. “I’m thinking I might take off.”
“You can’t. Not before the play.”
“I need to make a decision about this show in London. All my work is there and I need to go through it before I make the call.”
Rhi knew Taran was struggling with his feelings for the woman in London. It was good for him. “You need to go.”
He ran his fingers through his hair. “Can I have a key to the theater? I want to check the mural one last time before I leave. Perhaps say goodbye to Kip.”
“I gave the key to Tye. If you go down now, she might still be there.”
Taran gave her a kiss on the forehead. “By the way, did you know there’s a dryad in that oak?”
Rhi looked across the lawn and saw Pip fluttering her eyes at Taran.
“We tend to ignore each other now. It’s like living with a teenager.”
*
Tye walked along the beachfront, away from the theater. Disappointment filled her limbs and threatened to swamp her. And yet, what did she expect? That he’d step out of the shadows and they’d head down to O’Reilly’s and catch up over a few beers? That meeting him would fill the empty space that had always been inside her? Even her mother was now missing him more than ever, having spent the time with him at the theater. Grief and loss was meant to be a process. If she’d seen him tonight, would it have propelled her backward?
She’d never know.
She noticed a figure up ahead, running. It took a moment for her to recognize Taran.
“Tye!”
“Hey, what are you doing?”
“I was heading down to the theater to grab the key off you.”
Tye handed it to him. “I thought you’d finished your work there.”
&nbs
p; “I have. But I’m hitting the road, so thought I’d go down for one last look and say goodbye to…the place.”
“You mean my father.”
“Yes, Rhi told me about that.”
“So you’ve talked to him too?”
“We’ve chatted.”
Tye burst into tears.
“Hey, are you okay? What’s happened?”
“It’s stupid. I just went to the theater to talk to Kip, but apparently I’m the only person in town he won’t appear to.”
“Of course he won’t.”
That surprised Tye. “But everyone else talks to him.”
Taran lifted her chin so she was looking at him. “That’s an exaggeration, but even if it were true, everyone else is not his daughter.”
“You’d think that he’d want to speak to me most of all,” Tye said.
“I’m sure he does. But you know what love is?”
Tye rolled her eyes. “Oh no, guru Taran is going to teach me the true meaning of love, is he? Go on, hit me with it.”
“Knowing what someone else needs and giving it to them, no matter how difficult that is for you. You don’t think Kip wants to talk to you? Of course he does. But you went in there looking for a father. That’s what you need. He can’t give that to you because he’s dead.”
Tye nodded. “By all accounts, he was an excellent father to Tad.”
“And would’ve been to you, had he lived. Hold on to that.”
“You think that’s it?”
“I really do. The guy is a total perfectionist. Even now you get that feeling from him. He watched me paint each day, making sure it met his approval. And the stories Rhi tells me about rehearsals—it’s all or nothing with him.” Taran took Tye’s face in his hands. “He’s proud. He knows he can’t be your father, so he won’t be anything.”
Tye sighed. “I get a bum deal.”
“To be fair, his hasn’t been great either.”
Her eyes searched his face. “True.”
“Why do I always get the feeling that you know me?” Taran asked.
“Taran, I’ve dreamed about your brother my whole life.” She said it simply and with love.
“It’s Finn you recognize?”
“Yes, it is.” She smiled up at him.
“I’m leaving town tomorrow. And even though I’ll probably regret this…” Taran pulled her into his arms. “I’m not leaving without a kiss.” And his lips crushed down on hers.
“Christ, Taran, you heard what the lady said.”
Taran and Tye broke apart to see Finn and Crystal standing nearby.
Finn looked at his twin. He was calm and icy cold. “I’ve forgiven so much, but this one might be too tough.”
Tye turned to Taran, her eyes filled with fury. “You ruined the moment for me.” She turned and bolted. She ran until she reached the beach. It was finally him. And she’d seen the look on his face when he realized who the woman in Taran’s arms was. That was not meant to be their first moment. That wasn’t how she’d dreamed it. Taran had ruined everything.
She collapsed in the sand and sobbed. What a shit of a night. First her father, and now this. She never, ever pictured meeting her soul mate like this! And surely he wouldn’t want her now that his brother had been there first. She had known Taran was trouble from the moment he walked into the cafe.
“You left before we were properly introduced. I’m Finn.” He sat beside her in the sand.
She smiled through her tears. “I’m Tye.”
“We’re meant to meet.”
She nodded. “Yes, but not like that.”
Finn shrugged. “It doesn’t matter how it happened, just that it did.”
Tye looked into his eyes and had her aha moment. She saw it in him too. And then they sat side by side, comfortable together, as they had been for all eternity.
*
Annie knew she was acting like a stalker, but she couldn’t help herself. The minute she smashed the phone she regretted it. She wanted to call Sam back and say yes, I’ll be over in ten minutes. Don’t have any fun without me. Tell everyone to sit still and wait for me to arrive. But her phone was broken.
So instead she acted like a crazy person and drove over to Jake’s house, wearing her pajamas, and parked outside the house.
“What now?” she muttered to herself.
Annie got out of the car and crossed the road. Her nightgown was totally inappropriate for wearing in public, as were her pig slippers, but she didn’t care. She was like a woman possessed. She ran along a hedge, hunched over so no one could see her. She paused at a lemon tree at the side of Jake’s house and peered around. All clear. She bolted to his side window and peeked over the sill. The kitchen was empty, but the table was piled high with food and empty wine bottles.
Annie’s eyes narrowed. What were they celebrating?
She crept around the side of the house. A car drove past and she dived behind a trashcan. One of her pig slippers got caught between two potted plants. She yanked it off, and then shoved it back on her foot, aware that she had gone beyond idiotic, all in the name of jealousy.
But she couldn’t stop herself. She stuck her head around the side of the house. She heard voices first. A woman’s laugh. And then she noticed them on the front porch, in each other’s arms. It was Sal…and—well, it was difficult to tell from where she was crouched but she was certain it was him.
This had to stop immediately.
She moved in on them, out of the shadows of the garden and up the front steps onto the porch.
“Sam Knight, don’t kiss her, kiss me.”
The couple jumped in fright. Sal screamed, pulling at her blouse, while Jake, not Sam, stared at Annie in amusement.
“Jake?”
“What are you doing, Annie?” he said.
Annie pulled her nightgown around her. She looked down at her pig slippers. The ear on one had torn off. “I thought you were Sam.”
“Why would I be kissing Sal?” asked Sam from behind her, “When I’m in love with you?”
Annie turned, face-to-face with the man she’d dreamed about since prom night. “I love you too. Clearly, or I wouldn’t have made such a fool of myself.” Annie shot Sal a look. “Sorry.”
Sal smiled back at her. “I’d do the same for Jake.”
Sam strode across the porch and pulled Annie into his arms. “Do you know what a mess you’ve caused? I wouldn’t kiss you because I thought you were in love with Jake. And he wouldn’t ask Sal out because he didn’t want to hurt you, even though they’ve liked each other for ages.”
“I’m really sorry about that,” Annie whispered.
“Jesus, Sam, kiss the woman,” Jake said.
And Sam did.
*
Rhi gazed at the moon outside her bedroom window. She was full. All the hard work, the heartache, the dreams were coming to fruition. Tomorrow, as the moon waned, it was time to let go. The first production would be what it would be. Kip would pass over. The theater would be hers alone. Only one thing marred her happiness.
“Bring him home,” she whispered to the moon.
She noticed something moving down in the garden. She stuck her head further out the window and peered down. There was a shaft of pure white moonlight illuminating the garden. And in the center of it, an old woman danced.
“Ishbel.”
She was so free, so in the moment. She was everything Rhi aspired to be. Rhi raced downstairs and out to the yard. She saw Ishbel spinning and turning, arms raised to the sky, a look of bliss on her face. She stepped into the moonlight…but Ishbel disappeared.
“Ishbel?”
Pip drifted past her, shaking her head, as though Rhi still didn’t understand.
“Just dance, Rhi.”
Rhi lifted her face to the stars and spun around and around, her arms stretched out to the moon.
Chapter 45
“Okay everyone, it’s opening night—”
“And closing night,” Anton said.
“And the night Kip finally crosses over and meets his maker,” Jessica said dryly.
“I wonder if you’ll be going up…or down,” Juan said.
Darna winked at Kip. “You excited, honey?”
“It’s right up with the episode of Dallas where we found out who shot JR.”
“What did he say?” Chandler still couldn’t see or hear Kip.
“He’s jumping up and down, he’s so excited,” said Rhi. “Right beside you.”
Chandler beamed at thin air. “I’m so happy for you, buddy.”
Kip rolled his eyes and floated to the side of the stage.
Rhi called for everyone’s attention. “So let’s focus. We hit a few bumps in the dress rehearsal, but you know the old saying?”
“Bad dress, good opening night,” everyone said.
“Come to think of it,” Kip said, “the last dress rehearsal I had was fabulous. No wonder the roof collapsed during the show.” He looked like he’d had an epiphany and everyone nodded. Actors were notoriously superstitious.
Rhi turned and looked up at the tech box. “Are you guys ready up there?”
Toby and Finn gave her a wave.
“Okay, let’s head backstage. Audience will be arriving soon.”
Everyone did as they were told apart from Kip. Instead he stood face to face with Rhi. They both knew it would be the last moment they had alone.
“Are you nervous?” Rhi asked.
“Not in the living sense of the word, but I’m definitely edgy.”
“About the play…or about…?”
“Both,” he admitted.
“You know your lines?”
“I’ve known them for twenty-nine years.”
“And as for the other thing…you’ll see a light. Just step into it.”
“Right.”
There was nothing to be said that their eyes weren’t already saying.
Kip took a tentative step toward her. “Thank you, Rhiannon.”
“Please don’t.” Rhi placed her fingers across her lips. Her hand was shaking. She desperately needed to keep it together to get through the play. “I cannot say goodbye to you,” she whispered.
Kip gave her a sad nod and turned to leave.
“I will never forget.”