Second guessing, blaming oneself, didn’t change reality.
“Good morning, Urias.”
“You’re in a good mood. Mrs. Smith says breakfast is ready when you are.”
“Thank you. Tell her I’ll be right in. Have you seen Mrs. Danner yet?”
“Nah, but the sun ain’t up either.”
“Yes, it is. You just don’t see it because the mountain is blocking it.”
Urias yawned and stretched. “If ya say so. Iffen Pamela doesn’t want to sleep on the bed in the wagon, I might just sleep in.”
“What kept you up so late?”
“Nothin’, really.”
Mac looped his arm around the boy’s shoulders. “Wanna talk about it?”
They headed toward the tavern’s front door. “I don’t know what to do. I like ya both. I want to learn to hunt and live off the land like you, but I, well, I don’t know how to read so good. School ain’t been held in high regard in my family. But I’ve seen you two reading all the time. I see Mrs. Danner working with numbers, and I know I ought to know them, too.”
“You’re right, a good education is important for a man. He can provide for his family wisely. And being able to live off the land can feed a family well. It’s a hard choice. Perhaps you could do both.”
Mac opened the door.
“How?”
“How, what?” Pamela smiled.
Mac grinned. Her golden hair, fair skin, and blue eyes set his heart pumping. She has to feel it, too. “Urias wants to live with you and me.”
“What?” Pamela’s voice squeaked.
“What I said,” Urias explained as he sat down beside Pamela, “is that I want both educations.”
“Ah.” Pamela placed the linen napkin in her lap.
Mac sat down across from her.
“Mr. Mac says I can have both.”
“How?” Pamela asked.
Urias chuckled. “That was my question.”
“Easy.” Mac sipped the hot tea from his cup. “The boy lives with you for a couple years. He’ll get his education. Then he can come live with me. However, during the summer, I’d like him to live up on the farm in Jamestown. What do you think?”
Pamela looked at Urias. Urias looked at Pamela. Both smiled.
Mac clapped his hands. “Great! That’s settled. Let’s eat and get ourselves up to Lynn Camp before the sun sets.”
Pamela opened her mouth to speak, then promptly closed it.
Feeling more confidence than he’d felt in a long time, Mac proposed another plan, one he favored. “Of course, there is an alternative, but I doubt it would work.”
“What alternative?”
“Perhaps Urias could live with us.”
Chapter 15
Shocked beyond words, Pamela finished her breakfast in silence. Hours later, sitting beside Mac on the jostling bench seat of the wagon, she continued her silence. Was Mac really suggesting they get married, or was he just teasing with his second alternative? After all, he’d said nothing about marriage. Even Urias, sleeping soundly now in the wagon, hadn’t responded to Mac’s second plan.
“Pam, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be forward.”
She blinked. However ridiculous his offer had been, it had met with serious interest on her part. How could she have fallen in love with a man she barely knew? It felt like ages since they had started this journey west, yet they weren’t halfway to their final destination.
“I’m excited,” Mac rambled on.
She continued to blink at him in amazement. Was he excited about marriage? No! No, it can’t be. She closed her eyes and held them shut for a moment.
“At Lynn Camp there’s a beautiful waterfall. When there’s a full moon, a moonbow shines over the falls.”
“A moonbow?” What’s a moonbow? And how could she have confused Mac’s excitement with her own wayward thoughts of marriage. Lord, help me. How am I going to handle the rest of this trip? she silently prayed.
“Yeah, the full moon’s rays are reflected in the spray of the waterfall. It’s an incredible sight. I’ve never heard of anything like it anywhere else.”
“I would like to see it.”
“Not tonight, I’m afraid. We have a new moon.” Mac paused. “Pamela, I truly am sorry. I didn’t mean to offend. I know you’re a widow, and well, I just wasn’t thinking.”
How could she explain that her being a widow had nothing to do with it? Because she wasn’t a widow. “Mac, I’m not—”
“Ouch!” Urias cried out.
“What’s the matter?” both she and Mac asked in unison.
“I itch all over, and I’ve broken out with a bad rash.”
Mac pulled back on the reins. Inside the covered wagon, they looked over the rash on the boy’s hands and legs.
“Poison ivy,” they pronounced together.
Urias raised his right eyebrow. “I itch real bad.”
“I can see that,” Mac said dryly. “You must have been shooting in a patch of the stuff.”
“There were no leaves,” he protested.
“Of course not. It’s November. Strip to your underdrawers. Pamela, make some cool compresses and apply and reapply them over his skin. I’m going to hunt down some goldenseal root.”
Thinking to ask him how he would recognize the plant without its leaves, she decided it would be a stupid question. “All right.”
“Urias, call me once you’re ready.”
Relief washed over her when Mac returned. Urias had been very uncomfortable.
“Pam, do you have a—”
“Right here.” She handed him the mortar and pestle she’d pulled out earlier.
“Thanks.” Mac ground the mucousy roots to a relatively slimy substance. “A couple weeks back I could have gotten some jewelweed, which is much better for poison ivy, but the goldenseal root should work fairly well.”
Pamela noticed he had brought more roots than he ground up. Mac applied the yellow paste. “We’re going to keep pressing on, Urias. But if you get too uncomfortable again, just holler.”
“Thank you.” The boy’s eyes seemed swollen. Pamela prayed he hadn’t rubbed them with his itchy hands.
“He’s very sensitive,” she stated.
“I’ve seen worse. He should be feeling better soon. But he’ll be uncomfortable for a few days. He must have been shooting in a thicket of dormant vines.”
As the day wore on, Pamela found herself enjoying her conversations with Mac. He actually had a lot to say once she managed to get him talking. Periodically interrupting their conversation, Pam would crawl back to reapply the goldenseal paste to Urias.
By evening they found themselves at Lynn Camp and made their campsite not too far from the waterfall. Urias held his hands and feet in the icy water above the falls as long as his body could stand it. The goldenseal was working, but the scratches in his skin from the dried vines meant he’d be weak as his body fought off the poison oil in his blood.
With the small tent she’d purchased in Barbourville set up, dinner prepared and eaten, and cleanup finished, Pamela found herself walking with Mac toward the falls. The rushing water roared as they drew near. “It’s beautiful.”
Mac’s gaze caught hers. “God creates some mighty fine things.”
“Upstream the water doesn’t appear to be moving this fast,” she noticed.
“The closer you get to the falls, the more rapid the water plunges over the edge. It appears to be about 125 feet across today. I’ve seen it in the spring when the snow’s melting. It can reach three hundred feet across.”
“You’ve been here often?”
He quirked a grin. “A couple times a year. It’s on my way back and forth.”
He leaned against a large boulder overlooking the falls. He’d drawn back his long black hair, making his rugged and handsome features more pronounced. Desire to reach out and hold him, to absorb his strength, washed over her like the cascading waters beside her.
She took a tentative step t
oward him.
Their eyes locked.
He leaned toward her, then coughed, breaking their connection. He turned back to the waterfall. “The descent of the waterfall changes during the year. I’ve seen the pool so full it’s only about a forty-five-foot drop. Today it’s closer to sixty-five. Its length has been known to reach around seventy.”
Waterfall. Feet. Who cares? Hadn’t they almost kissed? Maybe I should jump in and over the falls. Perhaps then he’d notice me. “Interesting,” she responded.
“Come on.” He grabbed her hand and led her deeper into the woods.
“Where are we going?” She huffed, trying to keep pace with him. His long legs spanned three times the distance of hers.
“There’s a spot up this trail that overlooks the falls. It’s simply majestic.”
“What about Urias?”
“He’ll be fine. We won’t stay too late. They say there is only one other place in the world that has a moonbow. It’s this most incredible sight. I’m sorry you won’t get to see it tonight.”
“All right.” She felt like Ruth about to say, “Whither thou goest, I will go.” But quoting scripture, or what she remembered of scripture, with this man seemed risky at best.
He led them through a natural tunnel maybe five feet in length. Its darkness sent a wave of caution through her. “Mac, perhaps we should stay closer to the falls in case Urias needs us.”
He stopped and turned before she realized it. Smack. She plowed into his chest. “Sorry.” She placed her hands on his chest to push herself back.
Mac placed his hands over hers. “My mistake.” He caressed the top of her hands with his.
She looked up into his deep blue eyes. She’d noticed before how they differed from her own. A darker shade. His heart beat strong and vibrant under her hands.
Mac cleared his throat. “I think you’re right. We should get back.”
Back? Back where? She didn’t want to move. Squeezing her eyes closed, she took in a deep breath and stepped away. Perhaps it was time for her to sit in the river. How could one man make her forget all her common sense and sensibilities? Lord, give me strength.
They walked back to the overlook in silence. Twice tonight he’d been about to kiss her. Twice. Am I so weak, Lord? “Pamela?”
“Hmm?” Her voice alone stirred up sweet images.
How could he ask a widow to court him in a year after she mourned the death of her husband? A year he figured would be a fair amount of time. He could manage a year. He hoped.
“If all goes well, we should get to Creelsboro in a week. We’ve traveled just about half the distance. If I took you there by the river, we could be there in three days. But I can’t imagine trying to float this wagon down the Cumberland.” Conversation was better than letting his thoughts carry on.
“I could go down to three, possibly two, trunks.”
Mac smiled. “My canoe isn’t that large.”
“Oh.”
“We can drive the wagon. There will be fewer taverns though. At this point we fork off from the Wilderness Road and head west on far less constructed trails. It’ll be rough going in some spots.”
“I’m sorry. I’ve been such a— Oh my, that’s beautiful,” Pamela exclaimed.
Mac turned. A large bird swooped over the waterfall.
She shivered as the crisp night air breezed past. He positioned his body to block the wind for her.
“Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.”
He smiled. “Pamela, have you thought about our conversation regarding Indian charms, omens, and such?”
She nodded her head and looked down at her feet. “I’m not as strong as you. I know you’re right, but so much has happened in the past. I don’t know what to believe anymore.”
“Believe in truth, God’s truth, the Bible. The strength of those words is so much stronger than anything man can offer.”
Her glance caught his. She turned and looked back at the falls.
“Pam.” He placed his hand on her shoulder. “Death is always around us. But life is as well—abundant, radiant life. Like the moon, it’s a reflection of light. It isn’t the real light that comes from the sun. God loves you, Pam. He aches when you ache. He knows your losses, your hurts, and He knows your joys, your loves, and many other blessings He gives us. Trust Him, Pam, not a piece of stone or some water-soaked tea leaves. Trust real life, abundant life. Trust in Him.”
She turned in his arms. Tears streamed down her cheeks. “I want to, Mac, I really do.”
Gently he brushed away her tears. Her skin was so soft and velvety against his. His heart pounded in his chest. Slipping his fingers through her golden strands, he groaned and pulled her toward him.
She didn’t resist. Her delicate pink lips parted slightly. Slowly his descended upon hers. They tasted like fine honey. He deepened the kiss, pulling her closer and wrapping her protectively in his arms.
She placed her hands upon his chest and pushed back slightly. “Oh Mac,” she whispered, her voice shaky.
“Sor—”
She reached up and pulled his head back down. The kiss lingered. All thoughts, the sound of the rushing water, disappeared. It was just the two of them wrapped in each other’s arms, savoring each other’s kiss.
Then she pulled back. She trembled in his arms. “I’m sorry. I … we … shouldn’t have done that.”
How could she say such a thing? How could she think it? Then his clouded mind began to clear. Her husband hadn’t even been gone for two weeks, and here he was kissing her senseless. “I’m sorry, Mrs. Danner. I promise it won’t happen again.”
“No, Mac. It’s not what you’re thinking.”
“Pamela, I know you’re vulnerable right now. I’ve taken advantage, and I shouldn’t have. Forgive me. I don’t know what came over me.”
“Forgive you? No, Mac. It isn’t you. It’s me.”
He placed his forefinger to her tender lips. “Shh, it’s not you. It’s me. I’m the man, I’m older, I know better.”
“What does that have to do with anything? You and I both know what just happened, and it had nothing to do with you being a man and being older. Wait a minute, I didn’t mean that. It did have something to do with you being a man, of course, but …”
He loved it when she was riled up. He loved the fire in her eyes, the bright pink that flamed her cheeks. A miscreant smile slid up his cheek.
“I’m a widower, too. I understand these emotions right after your spouse dies. It’s my fault.”
She placed her hands on her hips. “If my excuse for having kissed you is because I’m missing my husband, what’s your justification?”
“I don’t know, a moment of weakness on my part. I assure you it won’t happen again. A gentleman should never behave in such a manner.”
“A gentleman? Since when are you a gentleman?”
“Don’t push me, Pamela. I’ve apologized. Let’s just leave it at that.”
Mac turned and stomped back toward their campsite. He foolishly had given in to his desires, and now he’d never have an opportunity to ask her formally to court him.
Pamela sat down on the rock and huddled into herself. Why’d I have to goad the man, Lord? And what’s this big deal about whose fault it was? We were both guilty. We both wanted it. I should have told him right then I wasn’t married to Quinton, that he’s my brother. But he got me so riled up pretending to take full responsibility. Since when is a woman not responsible for her own actions?
Taking in deeper, more calming breaths, she closed her eyes. “He’s right about one thing, Lord. I either trust You or I don’t.” She took the Indian fetish from her pocket and tossed it into the pool below.
“Father, give me strength. Help me tell Mac the truth.” She heard a rustle in the undergrowth behind her. Pamela jumped up and returned to their campsite. Mac and Urias were both in the tent. She would sleep in the wagon. Tonight would be her first night alone under the stars since Quinton’s untimely de
ath. Knowing Mac was a shout away didn’t ease her worries or concerns. Memories of the bear jumping out of the wagon didn’t help either.
Once in bed, she found no rest. Images and emotions repeated over and over again in her mind. Did she truly love Mac, or was she just enamored with him? Pamela rolled to her side and moaned into her pillow. For hours she kept seeing those images, feeling those strong emotions that drew her to him. Every time she pictured herself telling him the truth, he’d storm off.
Unable to sleep, she went back to the waterfall. The water cascading over the rocky cliff drew her. She felt the cleansing work of God near the water’s edge. “Father, forgive me. I’ve been such a fool. I’ve allowed men’s foolish thoughts to interfere with the truth of Your Word.”
Pouring her heart out to God, Pamela continued to repent for her past sins, her lack of faith, and for the foolish lies she’d been saying to keep Mac from learning the truth about her relationship with Quinton.
Tears of joy streamed down her face. For the first time in her life, she felt the peace of God. She opened her eyes and saw the heavens on fire. She blinked. Stunned, she stayed on her knees.
She screamed. “Dear Jesus, what have I done now?”
Chapter 16
The heavens blazed with fire. Stars burned as they plummeted toward the earth. Is it Judgment Day? Mac scrambled from the tent and ran to the wagon. He had to make things right with Pamela.
She wasn’t there.
“Dear Lord, where is she?” He raced back to the waterfall. His heart pounded with excitement and nervous energy. So many stars fell from the heavens it appeared to be day. But he knew it couldn’t be. The sky itself remained black.
Pamela was on her knees overlooking the waterfall.
“Thank You, Lord,” Mac whispered.
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