“Ouch.” Urias chuckled.
“You said, be honest.”
“That I did. And I can’t say I blame you for wondering. It bothered me to sell Bullet, but that was minor compared to what I thought you had been a part of.”
“Do you really think my father would have sold me?”
“I honestly don’t know. He certainly was a desperate man.”
“He was getting more and more upset with my not producing a suitor, and all the men I discussed finances with seemed to think I had two heads. But you never did. That’s another thing that attracted me to you, I might add.”
“I love how you sacrificed yourself for a friend. When I saw your feet all marred up on the trail and your not complaining about it, I thought to myself, ‘she’s an amazing woman.’”
Prudence smiled. “Where do we go from here?”
Chapter 17
Shaking off the dust and pieces of dried grass was easy compared to the shakes in his legs. He’d just committed to Prudence, even asking her to remarry him. If only he could get his stomach to relax. He opened his hand and offered it to Prudence. She slipped her delicate fingers into his rough, open palm. Again he fought down a surge of trembling born of emotions that threatened to overwhelm him whenever they were close. She loved him. She’d loved him for a while, and he’d never known it.
He scrutinized the fine lines of her face. Was she shaky as well? “Nervous?”
“Terrified. Are you sure?”
He nodded, not trusting himself to speak.
“That sure, huh?”
He swallowed the lump in his throat and spoke. “Honey, I’m unsure what to say, how to act around you.”
“Be yourself, Urias. That’s the man I fell in love with.”
“I can do that.” But could he tell her that he loved her? Did he love her? Or was there a part of him just trying to make do with a situation that he’d gotten himself into without thinking, just reacting?
He helped her up on her horse. She felt wonderful in his hands. There was a connection between them, but would it last?
“I think you’re right about waiting awhile, Urias. Let’s make sure we’re doing the right thing this time.”
“Yes. How long do you want to wait?” he asked and mounted his horse.
“For spring? Summer?” she suggested.
“I should have most of the house ready by spring. We can aim for that.”
“What about your parents? What will they think about all this?”
That I should have done this a long time ago. “They like you, Prudence. They’ll be fine with our choice. It’s a sensible one, don’t you think?”
“Yes, but …”
He lifted his reins and waited for her to continue. She went no further. Should he pry? There was the matter of not keeping secrets one from the other, but did that include all of their innermost thoughts? “But?”
“Nothing, really.”
“Do you have doubts about our getting married—I mean a real marriage?”
She looked away from him and up the hill at an outcropping of granite protruding at an odd angle from the steep slope. He’d never noticed that before.
“Yes, there’s a part of me that would like to be married. Then there’s a part of me that has wrestled with our marriage having been the most regrettable decision I’ve ever made.”
Ouch. She’s really being honest. “I’ve wrestled with the same, but, given the same circumstances, I’m not sure I would have done it differently.”
“Kate needed our help.”
“Agreed. But our marriage, if there is to be a real marriage, can’t be based on what anyone else needs or wants.”
“That’s my point. If we are to truly have a real marriage, we ought to at least start by courting. I mean … I realize we’ve been living in the same house and have spent numerous days on the trail together but …”
Urias hadn’t thought about courting. They were married already. The church wedding wasn’t even required, legally, although he felt in his heart it was necessary. But courting—does a man really have to go through all those fancy steps? She’s already said she loves me, he argued with himself.
“If you’re thinkin’ what I think you’re thinkin’, that’s exactly why we need to court.”
“Huh?” Urias scratched the back of his neck. “I don’t get it. We’re already married. Why would I need to …” He caught himself before he set a waterfall in motion. He was missing something here, he knew. She knew it, too, and it wasn’t likely she’d tell him. He’d have to figure this out on his own somehow.
“I don’t think we should make any marriage plans.”
Urias shook his head, blinked, and kept himself from sticking his finger in his ear to see if he truly had heard what he thought he heard. “But I thought we just settled that we’d aim to get married in the spring.”
She wasn’t going to give him a hint of what was on her mind, he realized, and at the moment, he wanted to be upset with her for not telling him. Instead, he found himself wondering what he didn’t understand and why it was so important to her to be courted.
“Urias.” She reached over and placed her hand upon his. “I’ll go back to the house with you, where we can think about this for a few days. Is that fair?”
He nodded, not sure what he had done to cause this change in plans. Hadn’t she just confessed her love for him? Didn’t they just share a tender and passionate kiss? What more is there? I even told her I wanted to get the marriage right and marry in front of You, Lord. Please help me out here.
The world was silent. A cardinal—male, judging by its brightly colored feathers—perched on a tree and sang out loud and shrill. Was he laughing at Urias not understanding or simply trying to tell him what the answer was? In either case, Urias didn’t know, so he waited for Prudence to turn her horse around before he turned his. They headed back to the farm together, but even more distant than they had been for the past three months.
What have I done now?
Prudence fought down her anger. She wouldn’t tell Urias what she longed to hear him say. She wanted him to treat her as if she had worth to him. She wanted to be cherished, at least just a little bit. She knew it would take years before Urias would ever confess his love for her, but he could show some respect. I guess that’s why I want him to court me, Lord. Am I wrong? Am I expecting too much from a man, from Urias? Shouldn’t a wife be treasured? At least in a little way? she prayed.
“Prudence,” Urias called out as his horse trotted up to her. “What’s wrong? Forgive me for being ignorant, but I honestly don’t know what I’ve done this time.”
Prudence gently pulled back on the reins. She scanned his wonderful green eyes, pleading for her understanding. “A woman,” she stammered, looking for the right words. “Me—I really don’t want a marriage just for the sake of a marriage. I want to know that my husband cares for me.”
“I care,” he defended.
“Urias, look at your parents. They love one another. They show it in the little things they say and do for one another. I’m not saying I’m expecting you to love me like that. I know that our marriage will always have the blackened past of how we began as husband and wife. But …”
Urias climbed down off his horse and came up beside her, reaching up for her. “Come on.” He held up his arms. “We have more to talk about.”
She wanted to fall into his embrace but stayed firmly planted in her saddle. “Wouldn’t it be best to give us a couple days to think about this?”
“No, I think we need to talk more. I’ve upset you. I’ve apparently said some things wrong. We need to clarify everything in order to be able to think for a while. If’n you need some time to think after we have a clear understanding of our future, that would be fine.”
Prudence released the reins and slid into his proffered embrace.
“That’s better. Now, the Good Book says we ought not to let the sun go down on our anger.”
“The
Good Book also says husbands are to love their wives. Should we be married if you don’t?”
“I do love you. I mean,” he stammered, “I think this love can grow, but it’ll need time.”
He loves me. Prudence held back a smile. “What kind of love do you have for me?”
He sat on the ground and waited for her to join him. “Most of the time, it’s love one shows another person. I don’t want to see anything bad happen to you. I feel a sense of duty to protect you. Not really duty—I don’t know if I can explain it. It’s kinda like my father’s protective love for his family, but I know it isn’t as strong as that. However, if anyone tried to hurt you, I would fight for you. I will protect you.”
Prudence took in a deep breath. It’s a start.
“You say you love me, Prudence, but how do you know it’s the love a wife should have for a husband? How do you know it isn’t just physical attraction? We both have to admit, there is a powerful attraction between us.”
The heat of a deep blush spread across her cheeks and down her neck. “I don’t know why or how I love you. I know it doesn’t make much sense. It’s little things, really…. How you care for Kate … How you sacrificed for her. How you treated Mrs. Campbell and others on the trail. There’s a million little things you’ve done that make me think I love you. I guess that’s why it’s so hard to stay living here, knowing you don’t care for me in the same way.”
Urias chuckled. “There’s a ton of little things that I love and admire about you, too. It’s the way you are with the children, the way you sacrificed for Katherine, and the way you help others and give of yourself. Even the way your mind works with numbers—to name a few.”
She held back the tears.
Urias leaned over and faced her, their noses less than an inch apart. “You need to hear these things, don’t you?”
She nodded.
“You’re a beautiful woman, Prudence, inside and out. I’ll admit I don’t know if the passion I feel is the basis for the deep love a man and wife should share, but I believe God will honor us if we honor Him. I’m willing to work on being a good husband if you’re willing to work on being a good wife.”
“What do you want in a wife?” she asked, silently praying it was more than her father wanted from his wife yet less than some of the things he’d grown to expect from her mother over the years.
“That’s a hard one. I want your help in financial matters, and I think together we can build a good farm for breeding horses. But I want you to be willing to make me talk when I want to be alone. Sometimes I’ll need to be alone, but somehow I need my wife to be able to figure out when those times are. I’m like my dad in that respect. I can spend weeks at a time away from anyone and be very happy. Mom will be able to help you understand how to keep me from my shell of solitude. Oh, and my wife needs to cook.” He wiggled his eyebrows.
“I think I can do that.”
“I know you can.” Urias reached over and traced his thumb across her jawline. “Daily kisses from my wife would be another good thing.”
She swatted his hand. “You’ve had your daily limit.”
Urias let out a guttural laugh. “I didn’t say a single kiss, my dear. I said kisses.”
Urias planed down the rough wood to put the finishing touches on his and Prudence’s bed. It would be his wedding present to her. Unfortunately, she’d seen it the day he proposed to her. Courting Prudence turned out to be a good thing, he decided. They were learning more and more about one another, and the desire to be married to Prudence grew steadily each day. The wedding had been planned for one month from now, and he had precious little time to finish the house. Katherine had decided to stay in the big farmhouse and help Pam with the children. Mom was expecting another child and was having a difficult time getting around. Katherine saw she was truly needed and appreciated being asked to help out.
If the Lord blesses, Urias pondered, hopefully Katherine will someday help Prudence in the same situation.
“Urias,” Prudence called out.
“Stay put,” he ordered and covered the bed frame with a piece of canvas. He went out and found her in the newly finished kitchen.
“Hi.” She looked down at her feet. A sure sign he was in for a special treat.
“Hi.” He closed the gap between them. “Did I tell you how beautiful you look this morning?”
Prudence blushed.
An ever-deepening sense of love, honor, and how unique Prudence Greene O’Leary truly was swept over him anew. Daily he was learning to appreciate her sacrificial love, no longer just for Katherine, but for himself and others as well. She was a gift from the Lord. Colossians 3:19, a verse his father challenged him on—“Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them“—rang through his mind one more time. Was there any bitterness left in him regarding Prudence and her father’s deception? He’d long ago realized Prudence had no part in the deceptions of her father. And he even had some grace to extend to Hiram Greene, knowing how hard it would be to admit to his wife and family that he’d made a terrible mistake.
“What’s the matter?” she asked.
“Nothing.”
She placed her hands on her hips. “You’re not being honest with me. I thought we agreed no more secrets,” she challenged.
“I’m sorry. But must a man tell his wife everything he is thinking?”
“Perhaps not everything. The reason I came over was to try to persuade you to join me on a picnic.”
“Picnic?” Urias looked for a basket of food. Prudence’s cooking continued to whet his appetite. She’d been taking lessons from his mother and grandmother, as well as Kate. “It’s not that warm out—unless you were thinking of eating in here.”
“No, I had another place in mind.”
“Oh?” Clearly, she’d been planning something special. Desire wanted him to say yes. Reality won the day. “I do have a lot of work to do.” He paused, then added, “If I’m to have this house done by the time we’re married.”
Her shoulders slumped. She put on a fake smile. “I understand. What can I do to help?” She scanned the kitchen. The cabinets were done. The counter and wood sink were in place.
Urias had ordered a couple cast-iron stoves, which were expected to be in later this week. The stone floor was a safety feature he’d learned about from his father that would limit household fires from indoor cooking. The empty space where the stove belonged was a reminder of work still not done.
“Honey, I’d really like to take off the afternoon and spend it with you, but we have to keep our focus if this place is to be ready by the time we’re to be married.”
“I know you’re right. It’s just that …” She let her words trail off as she glanced into the main living room of the house. Her posture changed, and she locked her gaze on his. “I’ve been thinking about the horse breeding and wanted to discuss it with you.”
Since their hog expedition, there hadn’t been much in the discussion of finances. In part, Urias felt it was due to the business with her father’s debt. “What do you have on your mind?”
“I was trying to calculate how much hay one needs to store up for the winter in order to feed a horse. Which got me to thinking about how much space we’d need in a barn, especially once you have several expecting mares. How much land will we need for this grain? And is the land you’ve been given large enough for the plans you have?”
Urias rolled back on his heels. “You’ve been thinkin’, all right. First, we don’t have enough land to feed a lot of horses, yet. I’ve set my sights on a spread a few hours from here. I won’t have the funds for an additional year with the loss of Bullet. I don’t know if the land will still be available by then. If not, we can’t go that large scale that quickly. We’ll have to start off slow, build up some revenue, then make some purchase arrangements with various area farmers.”
“What about the barn?”
“In my mind, I have a plan to build a series of stalls, making it a long, narrow b
arn with storage room in the loft.”
“Where are you planning on building the barn, and when?”
Urias chuckled. “Next year. But it will be built in sections. It will grow as our needs grow.”
She smiled.
I must have said something right, he reflected as he suppressed a grin.
Chapter 18
Urias sat with a sheet of paper, laying out all that he and Prudence had discussed earlier in the day, on his lap. The house was quiet. He turned up the wick of the kerosene lamp for a better view. He held up the paper. “This is amazing, Prudence. You’ve put everything down in writing.”
It had taken courage to make such a bold overture in their relationship, but after their many discussions, she felt it was time to brave it and see if her husband would truly want her opinion about business matters.
“What’s this here?” He pointed to an income column.
“Those are stud fees. I thought we might be able to make use of Bullet’s father’s service for others looking for a horse with good lines. He’s a bit wild, but I think that fire will be helpful in pitching his worth.”
“Hard to say. Some folks worry about their mares being beaten up by a wild male.”
She nodded. She didn’t know that could be a problem but instantly saw the point Urias was making.
“But it’s a good idea for raising more capital.” He scrutinized the paper a bit more. “What’s this?”
Prudence giggled. “That’s an idea for after the harvest. I was thinking …” How could she put this? “I was thinking, since the foal isn’t due for some time, perhaps we could take another trip through the Cumberland Gap.”
“Another trip?”
“Yes. I was thinking we did so well with the price of the hogs last time that it might be …”
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