“I’ll go.” Hiram stepped out of the doorway and back onto the front porch.
Katherine visibly relaxed.
As his father climbed into the wagon, Shelton inched closer to Katherine. “Hi.” He lightly brushed his lips against her satin cheek. “Merry Christmas.”
“It hasn’t been merry so far,” she mumbled.
“Katherine, we have to talk.”
“Not now,” she protested, and slipped past him into the living room.
“When?” He reached for her. She flinched from his touch. He debated removing his hand, then waited a moment longer, hoping she would relax under his grip. Thankfully, she did.
“Shelton, I can’t marry you.”
“Pardon?”
“Your father will never accept our relationship. I won’t put myself in a position of wondering every day of my life if you will begin resenting me because of your father’s disdain for me and who I was.”
“I don’t care what my father thinks.”
“Yes, you do.” She cupped his cheek. “Your entire existence revolves around making certain everything is all right with them. They are your top priority.”
He opened his mouth to protest. Her fingers on his lips stopped him.
“You should see the anger in your father’s eyes whenever he looks at me. It’s just like that time …” She cut off her words and walked away from him.
Shelton came up behind her and held her in a loving embrace. “What did he do to you?”
“Nothing.”
Shelton spun her around to face him. “I don’t believe that.”
Tears welled in her eyes. She looked at her feet. He bent his knees and lifted her chin. “Katherine, look at me.”
The tears fell and streamed down her face. “In your father’s eyes, I will always be a servant. Think about how your family has treated servants in the past. We were possessions, cattle. We were not people with our own thoughts and desires. You’re a part of that. You’ve treated your servants like that too—even me.”
“You were never …” He let his words trail off. She was right. He had treated her like a servant. He had ordered her about the way he did all the others. Until he fell in love with her. “I can’t accept that it’s not possible for us to marry, Katherine. I admit there will be hardships at times, but God is the Lord of our lives. He’ll help us.”
“Perhaps. But Hiram Greene will always stand in the way,” she said with a boldness he’d never heard from her.
Shelton’s heart pounded. How could this be, after all this time of being patient, gently coaxing her like a skittish mare? “I love you, Katherine. Nothing should stand in opposition to that. Except God. And I believe He brought us together.”
“I’m sorry, Shelton. I just can’t.”
He wanted to argue, but what would that accomplish? Instead, he gave her a passionate kiss. “If you ever change your mind, you know how to find me.” With all the strength he could muster, he left.
God, he prayed as he climbed up on Kehoe, move in Katherine’s heart. There’s nothing more I can do.
Three long days had passed since she’d pushed Shelton out of her life. Katherine craved his touch and affection.
She’d burned a lot of wood since Christmas, trying to keep the house warm for Grandma Mac. The wood boxes by the fireplace were nearly empty. She grabbed her winter coat and braced for the damp chill that had blown in from the north last night.
Arriving at the woodshed, she noticed there were only two cords under the protection of the shelter. She loaded the canvas carrier and took it into the house. She repeated the process three more times until the wood boxes in the house were full.
Rubbing her hands together for warmth, she ventured back outside and moved a cord of wood from the elements to the protection of the woodshed. “Oh, how I miss Shelton,” she moaned. Father, I don’t understand. Why did I let myself fall in love with a man I could never be with?
“Good morning, Katherine.” Urias stepped up beside her. “Let me take care of that.”
She gratefully stood back to let him handle the heavy bundle.
“So tell me,” he said, putting on his leather work gloves, “what’s happened between you and Shelton?”
“There’s nothing to tell. We’ve simply agreed we aren’t right for each other.”
Urias peered at her. “Interesting. He said you broke off the engagement.”
Katherine felt the sting of her reddened face. She knew it had nothing to do with the northern winds, but from her own shame of being slightly deceptive with her brother. “Yes, I suppose I did.”
“Do you mind if I ask why?”
Katherine took a step back. “Urias, how do you deal with Hiram Greene?”
“Like I told you before, I honor the man simply because he is Prudence’s father.”
“I tried that, but it didn’t work.”
“It isn’t just about honor. You need to forgive Hiram.”
“I did,” she said.
“Then what’s the problem?”
“Did you see the way he looked at me on Christmas Eve when I walked into your house?”
Urias hauled an armful of logs to the shed. “No. How did he look?”
“Like I was the cause of all his problems.”
Urias dropped the wood onto the floor. “Fact is, you are a major part of his current situation. Thanks to you, his wife now knows the full details of his gambling habit.”
“That’s not my fault,” she defended.
He placed a loving hand on her shoulder. “Katherine, we are called to forgive those who have sinned against us. You should pray and ask God if you really have forgiven him.”
“I can’t make Shelton decide between me and his parents.”
Urias massaged her shoulder for a moment. “Katherine, you do needlepoint. What’s on the surface is pretty. The tangled mess of threads underneath is not. Being a bond servant was a horrific experience. I understand that. But God is weaving you into a new tapestry. The redemptive power of His blood is like the piece of fabric you sew on. The finished needlepoint is what you’re becoming. But that doesn’t negate the tangled mess that’s under that cloth.”
Katherine sighed.
“Forgiveness is a process. Hiram Greene must go through his own process as well. But you can’t live your life based on the changes going on in another person.”
Urias’s words grated. She knew her fears were to blame for her decision, but she couldn’t see any other choice.
“You have to decide whether or not you think Shelton is a gift the Lord is giving you. If he is, grab on to him and don’t let him go.”
She wanted that with all her heart. But it couldn’t be that simple, could it? “I’ll think about it.”
“Good. Now, why don’t you go on inside and make some coffee while I finish up here. I’m going to need something hot today. Mac says we could be in for a cold snap.”
Back inside the house she prepared Urias’s coffee, then went to check on Grandma Mac. The woman’s illness had been a blessing, in a way. In her weakened condition, Grandma Mac hadn’t been able to chastise her about calling a halt to her engagement with Shelton.
Grandma Mac sat in her rocking chair next to the window, reading her Bible.
“How are you feeling?” Katherine asked.
“Better. I don’t know what came over me. I was fit as a fiddle one moment and worn out like an old shoe the next.”
Katherine smiled. “Can I make you some breakfast?”
“A poached egg on toast would be nice.”
“Would you like to eat in your room?”
“No, dear. I think I’d better start moving or these old bones will set in place.”
“I doubt that.” Katherine chuckled, then bid a hasty retreat to the kitchen. She busied herself with the breakfast preparation, trying to ignore Urias’s words, which echoed over and over in her head.
What angered her more than Urias’s advice was that Shelton hadn’t
stopped by for the past three days. She missed their times together. She missed being in his arms.
Urias and Grandma Mac took up most of the conversation around the breakfast table, giving Katherine some relief.
“Thank you for the coffee and the eggs,” Urias said as he pushed his chair back and stood. “But I must be off. I’m working on the cabin this morning.”
“Why?” Katherine asked.
Urias placed his coonskin cap on his head. “Because you want a place of your own, remember?”
“Yes, but …” She and Shelton were supposed to have moved in there after they married. But that wasn’t going to happen.
Urias gave her shoulder a loving squeeze. “Even if you and Shelton don’t marry, I want you to have your own home.”
Katherine swallowed her emotions and simply nodded.
Urias patted her shoulder and left. Grandma Mac rose from the table and took her plate to the sink.
“Let me do that,” Katherine protested.
“I’m fine. But it appears you’re not. Want to tell me about it?”
“There’s not much to tell. Shelton and I agreed it wasn’t wise for us to get married.”
Grandma Mac peered at Katherine in a way that said, “Fess up.”
“All right. I told Shelton we couldn’t get married. I can’t live with Hiram Greene’s attitude toward me.”
“You know, I did notice Hiram’s appearance change when you entered the house on Christmas Eve. But I don’t believe he was reacting in quite the way you think. That man is a troubled soul. But from what I hear, he’s working hard to get right with his family and, I dare say, his Maker. You, on the other hand, seem to be living in fear again. Am I right?”
“How is she?” Shelton asked as Urias joined him at the log cabin.
“Miserable. Same as you. Why don’t you go talk to her?”
Shelton pounded the nail harder, sinking it with one swing. Taking another from his nail apron, he tapped then sank it deep in the wood. The cold temperatures made working this time of year hard on a person, but he needed to burn off his anger so he could wait patiently. “Katherine has to come to me. I think it’s important for her to step out in order to get past all she’s been through and know she has the right to approach me.”
“This isn’t about you. It’s about your father.”
“I’m aware of that.” Feeling the tension rise, Shelton moved over to the saw and cut the next plank. “And he knows what he’s done. He wanted to apologize to her on Christmas morning, but Katherine overreacted. Honestly, I thought she was afraid he’d beat her. Urias, if she can’t conquer these fears, our marriage really would be a mistake.”
“You’re probably right. But you’re as stubborn as she is, you know.”
Shelton chuckled.
Urias picked up a plank for the window frame. “If you two aren’t going to get married, why is it so important for us to get this cabin ready right now? Katherine seems to enjoy living with Grandma Mac.”
The cut end of the board fell to the floor. Shelton wiped the sweat from his brow. “While I was praying about our broken engagement, I felt like the Lord was impressing on me to give Katherine what she’s wanted for so long. I don’t believe she wants to be alone. She only thinks she does. But she won’t know that if she’s never given the chance.”
“I reckon you know what you’re doing. But why couldn’t we wait until spring?”
“I’m hoping she’ll come to her senses by then and marry me.”
Urias grinned.
They worked long and hard until noon. “I have to go,” Urias said. “I’ll be back tomorrow.”
Shelton extended his hand. “Thanks for the help.”
“You’re welcome. It should be ready by next week.”
“I hope so. I still want to bring in some wood or coal for heat.”
“We can help with that.” Urias pulled a small pouch from his pocket. “Pru and I set aside a small amount to help you with the expenses.”
Shelton didn’t want to take the money but knew it would come in handy. “Thank you.”
After a quick meal Shelton went back to work on the log cabin. He had filled all the joints with clay, the roof was on, and the only remaining things to be done were small.
Mac joined him for three hours in the afternoon. By dinnertime Shelton put away his tools and headed for home.
As he arrived at the old farmhouse, he couldn’t help but think of Katherine. She’d gone out of her way to work on the place and get it ready for him and his parents. Lord, she has a wonderful heart. Please help her get past this overwhelming fear.
In the barn, he checked on Kate and the twins. His gut tightened another notch as he remembered the night Katherine helped with the delivery. He brushed the dust off his clothes before entering the house.
His mother stood by the kitchen stove. “Did you have a good day, son?”
“We got a lot accomplished.”
“Good. Your father’s in the den. He’d like to speak with you. We’ll be eating in thirty minutes. Be sure and clean up before you come to the table.”
“Yes ma’am.”
Shelton collected his thoughts as he walked to the den. His father sat in a high-backed stuffed chair that Katherine had refinished. “Mother said you wished to speak with me.”
“Yes. I must confess I’ve been rather displeased with your desire to marry Kate.”
“Katherine,” Shelton corrected.
Hiram Greene nodded and motioned for Shelton to take a seat. “And when you pushed me to apologize on Christmas, I admit I was doing it to please you, not because I agreed with it. But your mother and I have been doing a lot of talking lately. She’s a wise woman.”
Shelton could imagine his mother giving his father a piece of her mind. He’d been on the receiving end of her lectures many times. It seemed strange that she’d never spoken to her husband in the same way.
“I’m a proud man, Shelton, so this isn’t easy for me. But …” Hiram stopped.
“Father?”
“What I mean to say is, what can I do to make things right between you and Katherine?”
If only Katherine could hear this. “I still think you should apologize to her. But as for our relationship—it’s in the Lord’s hands.” And Katherine’s.
“Very well. But if there’s anything else I can do, let me know.”
“Thanks, Dad. Mother said dinner would be ready in thirty minutes. Guess I’d better wash up.” Shelton excused himself and went to his room. He poured water into the basin, then stripped off his soiled clothes and tossed them in a heap.
Washed and refreshed, he dressed in a clean set of white flannels, dark trousers, and a white shirt. With his hair semi-dry, he combed it back. After a quick examination in the mirror he decided he looked more like he was heading for Sunday morning vespers than for dinner with his family. Dressing up for the evening meal had been a regularity back in Hazel Green, but since moving to Jamestown, the occasions had been few.
He went downstairs and was about to enter the dining room when a knock on the front door distracted him. He pulled the door open. His heart stopped.
Chapter 18
Katherine didn’t know whether she was shaking more from fear or the cold, but seeing Shelton standing there all dressed up made her want to leap into his arms.
“Katherine.”
She fought the desire to jump into his embrace. “Hi.”
Shelton beamed. “Come on in.”
Katherine squeezed her eyes shut and braved the step over the threshold of Shelton’s home. Her legs wobbled but somehow managed to move forward. Why does it have to be this hard?
“We’re about to eat dinner. Would you like to join us?”
“No, no. I can come back.” Katherine spun around.
Shelton grabbed her wrist. His light touch crumbled her resolve.
“I just came to say I’m sorry, Shelton. And I miss you. But …”
“Honey, I told you I w
ould wait.” He inched closer.
Katherine wanted to nuzzle into his embrace. But she hesitated. She’d felt guilty all day. She couldn’t change her feelings toward his father, or calm her fears. They came from a place where she had no control. They sprang up in her even when she didn’t want them to.
Shelton caressed the back of her neck with his fingers. “I love you.”
She collapsed in his arms. Tears ran down onto his shirt. She inhaled deeply, taking in the scent of his cologne. “I wish I could love you back,” she mumbled.
“You will. Give it time.” Shelton pulled back slightly. “Your log cabin will be ready by the end of the week. You’ll have your dream home, Katherine, a place all to yourself, just like you wanted.”
Katherine wept so hard she couldn’t speak.
“Mother,” Shelton called out, “you and Father go ahead and start the evening meal without me.”
Katherine sensed his parents watching from the next room. She should probably stand up straight and remove herself from his shoulder. But nothing mattered at this moment except being in the loving embrace of the man she loved.
Shelton drove her back to Grandma Mac’s home. They didn’t talk. She knew Shelton was a patient man. She’d watched him work with his horses, firm yet never getting cross. A quiet strength seemed to emanate from him.
She drew on that strength to help her gain the courage to leave the wagon and enter Grandma Mac’s home. He walked her to the door and kissed her lightly on the cheek. “Good night, Katherine. I’ll see you soon.”
She entered the darkened house and went straight to her room. She couldn’t face Grandma Mac tonight. She couldn’t face herself. She’d gone to Shelton’s house to make things right between them. But how could she when fear wrapped its stringy threads around her heart?
Three days later Katherine moved into her own house. Every member of the family came to help her settle in. She found traces of everyone’s handiwork around the new log cabin. It had been a labor of love.
She had received the desire of her heart. But after her first night in the log cabin, she felt more alone than ever before.
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