by Angel Devlin
“Awwww, my baby has rung me.”
Chris was out on his own stag do back home in Sheffield. He’d said he couldn’t be arsed with organising going away anywhere. To be honest, he didn’t have many friends, and even though I knew Tania well, I wouldn’t have been happy about him taking his best mate away with him, so it had suited me fine. Plus, it meant more money for the wedding itself.
I pressed the answer button.
“Hello, beautiful fiance.”
“Oh baby, yes. Suck on it just like that.”
I laughed. “Chris, I can’t have phone sex with you! I’m sharing a room with Jenny, you loon.”
Then I heard a female voice, one I recognised well.
“Does she do it as good as I do, babe?”
“Fuck, no. If I’d known you could give head like that, I’d have been with you. Oooh yeaah, baby.”
I sat back against my headboard, feeling the blood draining from my face.
“What’s wrong?” Jenny rushed over.
I gulped and put the phone on loudspeaker.
“Are you still going to marry her?” Tania’s voice echoed in the room.
“Oh you know I’ve got to now, babe. The arrangements have gone too far. It’s all happening in July.”
“Well, then there’s no point in me doing this, is there?”
“No. Don’t stop. Okay, darling. I will. I’ll call it off. Please put your mouth back on me.”
“I’m gonna put more than my mouth around you now.”
“Oh, fucking hell, Tan. I forgot how tight you are.”
Jenny gasped.
“Oh yeah, baby, yeah, ride me, just like that.”
“Turn it off.”
“No.” I shook my head, determined to listen to the very end. To gain as much information as I could.
When they reached their peak together, I sat rubbing my forehead as if I could dislodge this nightmare from my brain. Was I still drunk? Dreaming? I’d got to still be in that alcohol-coma.
I smacked myself in the cheek. “Ow.” I yelled out. That had hurt. Well, I was definitely still awake.
There was a silence and then an “Oh shit.”
“What’s the matter?” Tania asked.
“Anna?” Chris’ voice boomed around the hotel room.
I swiped the phone up from the bed.
“Hello, Chris.”
“Anna. I must have accidentally rung you from my phone. Are you having a good time?”
“I was having an amazing time until you accidentally butt-dialled me or whatever the hell you did. Now I’m cursing the fact that my name begins with an A.”
“It’s not what you think?”
I huffed in disbelief. “So I didn’t just hear you being sucked off and shagged by your best friend?”
“No, well, okay, you did. But it was my last fling. You know? We get a pass don’t we, on our hen and stag do’s?”
“No, we most definitely do not.” I told him, wishing to God I’d shagged that fittie from the club, because I might feel better right now if I had.
“What do you mean, Chris Mellon? I’m not a pass. We’ve been shagging on and off for years. It’s time for you to make your mind up, her or me.” Tania’s voice yelled out.
“Tell that slag you choose me.” I commanded. “Tell her you love me more than life, and she’ll never measure up.”
“Anna…”
“Tell her.” I screamed.
“Tania. You’re my best friend, but Anna… I,” he cleared his throat. “I love her more than life and you’ll never measure up.”
There was a banshee style scream and a yell of “My eye, my eye.” Then a door slammed.
“She’s gone. I’m sorry, Anna. It meant nothing. I can’t wait for our wedding.”
“I’m not marrying you, you fucking cheating bastard. Make sure all your belongings are out of our house for when I get back home. You hear me? Or I’ll tell my dad and he’ll throw you the fuck out.”
“Anna. Please? We need to talk. Don’t be hasty.”
“Chris, you’re a dickhead.” I screeched, just as Lesley and Susan came through the door of the hotel room.
Lesley turned to Susan. “Told you.”
In Dublin’s Fare City
Anna
Beeeeeepp, beeeeep, beeeepp, beeeep.
“Can they shut the fuck up?” Susan shouted towards the window. “Don’t they know we’ve someone needs a bit of peace and quiet?”
The taxis had been beeping non-stop for hours now, dropping off and picking up fares at the rank directly opposite our hotel room. It was annoying as all hell because the alcohol I’d consumed added to the shock of the phone call had made me sleepy. If they could just stop with the noise, I’d be able to shut my eyes and pretend none of this had happened.
Instead, we had the light on while everyone kept watching me like I was a suicide risk even though I was now in my fluffy pyjamas. It was gone four am and in all honesty I wanted to be on my own, but that wasn’t possible due to my sharing a room with three other women.
“I know it doesn’t seem like it now, love, but it will be the best thing in the long run.” Lesley said, smothering me in an embrace where I was almost suffocated by her 38E chest. Men would have died to be in my position but I quite liked breathing.
My bottom lip wobbled. “Lesley, Chris has been cheating on me. How could he do that? I thought he loved me?”
“Oh, love, I think he loved you - loves you - just he loves himself more. And that Tania… I never trusted her. She was always giving you the evil eye when you weren’t looking.”
“Wh-why didn’t you tell me?”
“I’ve told you the whole way through that the bloke was a dickhead, but I didn’t know he was up to anything. I just thought he was in love with himself.”
“Do you think he’s done it before? I wonder how long he’s been sleeping with Tania?”
“That’s a conversation you need to have with him.” Jenny said. “I’m going to ring Kian in the morning and see if he knows anything, and if he’s been covering for him, there will be hell to pay in our house.”
I shook my head. “No, Jen. Don’t let it cause trouble for you two. If Chris has been messing around, it’s not Kian’s fault and it would put him in an awkward position. Even if he knows, let him be. This is on Chris, and like you say, I need to talk to him about things. Huh, and I thought Ireland was a place of luck.”
“Sorry, lovely.” Lesley patted my arm this time, thank goodness. “Let’s try to get some sleep now, okay? If these GODDAMN TAXIS EVER STOP BEEPING. Then tomorrow we can just have an easy day. We’ll do a bit of the tourist thing, try to take your mind off stuff before you go home.”
They turned the lights off. I was sharing a bed with Jenny. There was a lot of tossing and turning but eventually everyone settled and I could tell by the change in their breathing that tiredness had won over the noise from outside.
I turned my head and let tears run from my face down into my pillow.
My fiance had cheated on me. Now I had another day in Dublin with the girls on what should have been a weekend of laughter. Instead it would no doubt drag like a slow motion dental appointment for an extraction. Shopping was not going to cheer me up. Every time I closed my eyes I couldn’t help but put images to the voices that had come out of my phone speakers. My fiance’s cock in another woman’s mouth and pussy.
There was no way back from that. I knew it. No matter how much he begged, it was over.
Six years down the toilet because he’d shit where he ate.
We went down to breakfast via the hotel reception where Susan complained about our room. I wouldn’t have wanted to be the receptionist dealing with her. She came back and I swear steam was about to come out of her ears.
“They won’t change the room. Said they are the rooms allocated to our discount provider, and we’d need to take it up with them. She said no one usually complains, but the taxis do it because other drivers fall asleep at the
wheel while they’re waiting.”
“No one usually complains? Does the company booking their rooms usually run trips for deaf people?” Lesley looked ready to lamp somebody.
My shoulders slumped. “I’m sorry, ladies. This trip has turned into a complete bag of shit. When I’ve saved up I’ll pay you all back, okay?”
“Don’t be silly.” Jenny said and all three of them gathered around me.
“We had a great time last night, didn’t we? Until we found out about Chris?”
I nodded.
“And we have all of today. So are we going to let this spoil things? Well, yes, it will a bit, but there’s nothing to stop us eating lovely food, checking out the shops and doing a spot of sightseeing is there? So, come on. Let’s get breakfast, showered and then hit the sights.”
I wished I had half as much enthusiasm as Jenny. I wasn’t stupid and knew this was to try to gee me up and make the most of the rest of our break. So I vowed to do it - for them. I would hold myself together for the day and then once I was home tomorrow I would deal with whatever I needed to do to get Chris out of my life. Then I’d lock myself in my house and dissolve.
“I’m ready for some toast to soak up some of the night’s booze. Anyone else?” I said and set off towards the breakfast room.
The day dragged on, and I did my best to hold it together. I’m sure the others knew I was putting a brave face on things, but I didn’t blame them for going along with me. We fake enjoyed wandering around Temple Bar and other busy areas, until eventually we reached the statue of Molly Malone, something I’d actually heard of.
“They say it’s good luck to rub her tits.” Lesley cackled.
“Well I’ve nothing to lose.” I said walking over and copping a good feel of Molly’s boobs. The other three followed suit and then we heard a sing-song start up. There was a group of people in front of the statue, all linking arms, being led by a guy with brown hair, whose head I could just see the top of over the statue. His Irish lilt encouraged them to join in.
“Aww, come on, let’s go join in.” Lesley began dragging my reluctant body over. I guessed she was trying to inject a bit of lighthearted fun into proceedings and I was fine… at first. Then it all went wrong.
The end of Molly Malone
Cillian
Just my feckin luck. Out with the lads and I see the woman of my dreams. Seriously, my friends thought it was the beer talking but I honest to God, saw that blonde-haired beauty in that skintight green glittery dress and I thought, I’m gonna marry that girl.
Trouble was when I made a move, she was already getting married.
Whoever he was I wanted to murder him with my bare hands.
And then, she kissed me. Talk about rubbing salt in the wound.
That kiss had been electric and spoke straight to my cock. I thought I might be in for a one night stand with Mrs I’m-marrying-someone-who-isn’t-you, but then she ran off to be sick.
I made her sick.
After that I’d gone home. I was working the next day anyway, so I figured I might as well get my head down and forget about her. It’ll have been the drink messing with my brain like my mates said.
I worked as a tour guide around Dublin, giving talks on the history of the place. I ran a daytime walking tour and an evening ghost one. It was good craic. I liked talking to people and meeting visitors from all over the world, and I’d like to think I brought a bit of entertainment to the mix.
So Sunday afternoon I pulled my group of twenty in front of the statue of Molly Malone and told my rapt audience the story about the mystery surrounding whether Molly actually ever existed.
“So who knows the song then? Shall we have ourselves a little sing-song? I’ll start.” I coughed ready to sing my heart out.
“In Dublin’s fair city, where the girls are so-”
I stopped for a second though thankfully my crowd carried on regardless.
But she was there, at the end of the row. The woman of my dreams. Well, I think it was her. Her eyes were puffy, and she looked miserable. No doubt the result of the hangover she’d woken up with this morning.
Her and three friends joined in the sing-song, so I made sure to make it my best effort. But my mystery girl never looked up at me once. Her face kept to the floor, and she didn’t join in until we got to the part where Molly died and then she sang loudly and mournfully, and… like a strangled cat. The rest of the crowd looked at her but she didn’t notice and as we got to the end, she started to cry and a friend put an arm around her and led her away.
“And that concludes the tour. Thank you ladies and gentlemen.” I informed them as I dashed off, missing my opportunity for tips. I touched one of her friends on the back. She stopped and turned to me, a crease to her brow.
“She alright, your friend there? Only I met her last night at the club.”
The woman, with mid-length brown hair, looked me up and down so hard I’d swear I’d forgotten to get dressed.
“She will be. She doesn’t know it yet, but the best thing just happened to her.”
“Oh yeah?”
“You’re very interested for someone who just met her last night.” She raised an eyebrow.
“Yeah, I am. She seemed lovely, though drunk, and now she looks upset. No-one should come to Dublin and be upset. I’ve just finished work so is there anything I can do?”
“You could fly over to Sheffield and kick the ever loving shit out of her cheating fiance. That’d be a start.”
“What?”
She tapped my arm and looked over her shoulder where her friends were almost out of view. “Listen, I need to go. Looks like the idiots don’t even realise I’m not with them. Anna’s had her heart broken, so it’s a waste of time you being interested in her. Thanks for asking, but she’s got her friends and we’re flying back home in the morning.”
“What’s her surname? Is she on Facebook?” I was desperate by now not to let her walk out of my life a second time.
The woman sighed but smiled. “Persistent aren’t you? She’s Anna Hepplestone, from Hackenthorpe. She’s on Facebook, but for God’s sake give her time to come to terms with what just happened to her, okay? Right, I’ve got to go.”
I looked and her friends were beckoning to her.
“Thank you. Safe journey back okay? Her ex is obviously a fecking eejit and I might just fly over and kick the ever loving shit out of him yet.”
The woman laughed. “I like you. My name’s Lesley. I gotta go. What’s your name?”
“Cillian. Cillian McCarthy.”
“Well bye, Cillian. It was nice to meet you. Sorry for gatecrashing your sing-a-long. We hadn’t noticed it was a tour.”
With that she sped up to catch up to her friends and once more my new found crush left me standing.
But now I had a name.
Anna Hepplestone.
I found her immediately on Facebook. Her smiling face gazing out on her profile picture. Maybe I should give her time before sending her a friend request? Then I thought about her lowlife fiance. What if she took him back, and I lost her again?
I’d send it now. Feck it.
Out with the old
Anna
They insisted on us going back to the hotel in a taxi. Susan sat up front with the driver and proceeded to lecture him about all the beeping outside the hotel room. Did she think it would actually stop them? I’d just decided fuck it, whatever would be, would be. I could catch up on however much sleep I liked when I got home, as long as I worked it around my shifts at the Nag’s Head, and I could always take more annual leave if it all got too much.
We got to the room, and I threw myself on my bed, a fresh batch of tears streaming down my face.
“I’m sorry. I was trying not to let it get to me.”
“Don’t be silly.” said Susan. “I took ages to process my divorce, and I was the one who instigated it. We don’t expect you to be okay a few hours later. We were just trying to make the best of the trip. Lesley loo
ked to see if there was an earlier flight home, but there wasn’t anything.”
“You’re such good friends.” I told them. “I’m dreading going home and having to face him. Then what will people be saying? I’ll be the talk of the pub. ‘That’s her, that’s the one got cheated on and had to cancel the wedding’.”
“Better that than be finding out after the wedding, like when you could have had a baby or something.”
I nodded. “Yeah, glad I found out now. Though I’m not sure babies were on the agenda. Chris wasn’t keen. I was hoping to talk him around after the wedding, but now I’m wondering just how much of his behaviour I’ve allowed him to get away with over the years.”
“Look, I think we should have a relax here for a while.” Lesley patted my leg. “I could pop and get us a few buns and a bottle of wine. Then we can see if you feel like going out for a meal later for our last evening. No pressure.”
“Thanks, Lesley. That sounds good. I’m going to check Facebook to see if the gossip has hit yet.”
I opened up Facebook and looked at my profile. There was nothing. Just general notifications about people I didn’t really give a shit about. I had a friend request and clicked on it. Some guy called Cillian McCarthy. No friends in common. Profile picture of a guy with a beer glass in front of his face. Couldn’t make much out with it being so small. Probably a pervert who would send me a dick pic if I accepted.
“Anything?” Lesley asked.
“Nah. Just a friend request from a pervert. No friends in common so I’ll-”
The phone was snatched out of my hand and Lesley flicked through. “Cillian McCarthy. Friend request accepted.” She sounded like the recorded voice on my answering machine at home.
My eyes went wide. “What are you doing? Pass me my phone back, you lunatic.”
“I know who he is. I met him earlier. He was the bloke singing near the statue.”
I rubbed my forehead. “So how’s he got my Facebook details? Are you trying to set me up? I only got jilted yesterday for fuck’s sake.”
She shook her head from side to side and sighed. “No. Calm yourself down. He spoke to me after the singing. Said he met you in the club the night before. So I gave him your details.”
“Give me my phone. I want to click on his profile. I could have spoken to anyone that night.”