The first item was the best thing she’d heard in months. Finally she’d be reunited with her mom for good. But the second bit of news was almost enough to push her into an ecstasy. Jesse and Ethan, here! Pros she could trust to have her back, maybe even look out for her friends. She had to take a moment to settle her breathing down before her mom got on the line. Now she had more serious things to talk about.
“Mom, I need the truth, whatever it is.”
“Chi-chan, what a thing to say!”
“The doctor I went to, you know for my physical, she ordered some blood tests. Before I could get the results her office burned down. She may have been killed in the fire.”
“Oh my God! Are you safe, Chi-chan?”
“I’m fine, Mom. Is there anything I should know about those tests?”
“I don’t know, sweetheart. Why are you asking me?”
“Mom, listen. I think someone wanted those test results and killed my doctor for them. Do you have any idea what they might show?” A long, uneasy silence followed. “Mom?”
“I really don’t, sweetheart. Maybe whatever happened had nothing to do with you.”
Emily was not at all persuaded by this suggestion. Her disappointment with what she took to be prevarication was palpable. She turned the conversation in another direction so her mom could see what her life was really like.
~~~~~~~
“There’s been some stuff going on here, Mom, I think you should know about.”
Emily proceeded to fill her in on the recent events at school and in Pennsylvania. Yuki was horrified to hear her daughter detail the violence that seemed to be pursuing her. She could barely breathe, much less speak.
“Don’t worry about me, Mom. I can take care of myself. I mean I hate fighting, but I don’t always have a choice. I guess I’m like Dad that way. But it just feels so different now, like I can’t hold back, like it’s automatic. Yesterday, this guy, I broke his elbow without a second thought. And I wasn’t even angry at him. He tried to hit me and I just snapped his elbow like it was the most ordinary thing in the world.”
Yuki had collected herself by now. She was still unable to form any words. To think her daughter might be the target of professional killers was paralyzing in itself. It took some time to digest before she could even turn her mind to the question Emily was now asking. How should a mother know whether her daughter is too violent in those circumstances?
“And today, this one guy, I broke his wrist and stabbed him with his own knife; another one I broke his knee and slammed his head into a car door. I’m a little freaked out by how easy it’s becoming to do stuff like that. It’s like it was nothing to me.”
Yuki stammered something into the phone, but words just did not come. What could she say? At the same time, her daughter seemed convinced she was holding something back.
“Mom, I just feel so different now. What’s happening to me?”
Yuki heard the catch in her daughter’s voice, the disruption in her breathing. She waited in the silence for her to go on.
“Danny asked me to the prom today. But how can I go with him if this is who I really am? What if I kill someone? What kind of person am I?”
She was on the verge of tears and it was audible in her voice. Yuki was floored. Her daughter could speak of going to her prom in the same breath as she spoke of mayhem and murder. She was worried about the violence overtaking her, and yet she was just a kid. Yuki and George tortured themselves for depriving their little girl of the easy pleasures of childhood. Now she desperately wanted her to go to the prom, to dance all night, to kiss a boy, just to live as a kid like any other. But she knew deep down that the obstacles to this blissful vision might well prove insurmountable.
“You’re a good person, sweetheart. Just do what you have to do to keep safe until we get there. We’ll figure it all out then.”
That was the best Yuki could come up with. She worried about the dimensions their eventual conversation would assume. It wasn’t entirely clear what George told Emily about herself before he died, though she had a pretty good idea what the broad outlines must have been. But there were one or two important details he wouldn’t have been able to tell her. The urgency of Emily’s questions caught her by surprise. Yuki knew she had to have answers ready for her return.
On the other end, as Emily waited for the software to cycle through its routine, erasing all traces of the call from the network, she reflected on what she had heard. The conversation had some highlights for Emily. But her mother’s reassurances were less satisfying than she had hoped. On balance, however, she had much to look forward to in the coming week.
~~~~~~~
As uplifting as the news of Ethan and Jesse’s arrival was for Emily, some developments of the day turned out to be downright transformative for others. In PE the next morning, things were obviously not so placid between Amanda and Melanie. She had been so anxious about Wayne the day before. Amanda was practically offended.
“That big fat oaf! What can you possibly see in him?” she demanded.
“He’s not fat. Besides, who am I supposed to ask, Marty?”
“”Sure, why not? At least he’s not a pudge.”
“Yeah, but he’s short. And I’m not going to my prom with a junior.”
“He’s gotta be six feet,” Amanda said looking up at Melanie, who said nothing. “Fine. Whatever. But he’s not sitting at our table.”
“Have it your way, Amanda. I guess I’ll be sitting with his friends, then.”
Amanda was furious. She didn’t like the idea of losing her oldest friend over a boy. Especially not someone from that set. The whole thing was just too irritating.
“I just don’t get it, Mel. Why him?”
“Do you really have to ask,” she replied brusquely. “It’s nice to find someone taller than me,” she offered after a moment. Amanda laughed with her friend like old times.
“I suppose that’s a point in his favor.”
“And he’s brave.” Amanda snorted derisively at the idea of his having any other redeeming qualities. “He is,” Melanie persisted. “He rescued Miss Park from that guy yesterday. I didn’t see Marty or Jeff, or any of those idiots lift a finger.”
Amanda could hardly dispute those objective facts. And even if Marty was fairly dashing, he and Jeff were not deeply impressive individuals. Their main virtue seemed to be that they had no connection to Emily.
~~~~~~~
Melanie knew something about Marty and Jeff she didn’t mention to Amanda. They were afraid of Emily. She had seen it clearly enough that day in the hall when they tried to pick a fight with Danny and Billy. One look from her cowed them.
She was afraid of Emily too. Not physically afraid. But she had wronged her and they both knew it. Wayne kept telling her to get over it. “Just talk to her,” he said. But it wasn’t as easy as that. She didn’t understand her. All that intensity, almost ferocious intensity, Melanie saw it in her eyes that day. But Emily was vulnerable, too. The bruises in the picture made that clear enough. Melanie was afraid to get close to her, afraid of what she might find out.
It was a quandary later at lunch. Where should she sit? Old habits brought her halfway to Amanda’s table. She took one look at Jeff stuffing cake in his mouth before he had even eaten the ostensible main course and her stomach started churning. Wayne was sitting alone across the room. It was a sudden impulse, and she’d probably regret it later. A quick turn, a sidestep around an oblivious freshman, and before she quite had time for second thoughts she was standing behind Wayne, tray in hand. Wendy scooted out from behind her and slid into a seat across the table.
“You joining us today, Mel,” she asked.
Wayne turned his neck as quickly as he could to look, though he was still a bit confined by some bandages from yesterday. Danny popped into the chair next to Wendy before he had a chance to speak
“”Hey, Mel. You coming or going?” he said.
“I think I’m staying,” she said as she
sat down next to Wayne, who looked like he had just swallowed a whole canary. “If that’s okay with you guys,” she asked nervously.
“Of course it is,” Wayne roared. “Right, guys?” he said with mock menace.
“Don’t be silly,” Wendy said. “Of course you’re welcome. Though I’m pretty sure Amanda isn’t gonna approve.”
Melanie craned her neck around Wayne to check. Amanda seemed not to have noticed her absence. She was deep in conversation across the room. Or perhaps she was making an effort not to notice. One last service to an old friend.
“Wayne, how’s the shoulder,” Danny asked.
“Really sore, man. I don’t know if I can go to the dojo tonight.”
“Where’s Billy? I haven’t seen him all day.”
“He’s got a dentist appointment, of all things,” Wendy said, rolling her eyes. “I figured he didn’t have to trouble himself about his teeth, you know, since his father’s a dentist. But the reality is quite different,” she said with a laugh. “I think he’s still going tonight, though.”
“You guys are pretty serious about that stuff, huh?” Melanie asked. She knew this already, but she hadn’t considered what it meant as a practical matter before. “Do you like go there every night?”
“Hardly,” Danny said. “Three, maybe four nights a week at most.”
“I can think of one person who’s there a bit more often,” Wendy said in a teasing tone.
“Yeah, well she practically lives there,” Wayne said.
~~~~~~~
Just then Emily sat down at the end of the table between Wendy and Wayne.
“Hey, guys,” she said before she noticed Melanie looking sheepishly at her from the other side of Wayne. He was probably the only person in school she could successfully hide behind. Wendy was already inspecting the contents of Emily’s lunch bag.
“Whatcha got in there today,” she asked.
Emily didn’t notice, her eyes fixed on Melanie. She didn’t know what to feel about her sitting with them. Not anger, but not entirely satisfaction either. It was as if a sheet of fissured ice separated the two of them... until she heard “Hi, Emily” in a voice almost comically too small to come from her frame. Her resistance melted away and she remembered herself.
“Hi, Melanie,” she said as she reached across Wayne’s tray to squeeze her hand.
“Thanks, Em,” he said quietly. Melanie looked a bit teary.
“Sometimes I go and watch,” Wendy offered. “Maybe you wanna join me.” Melanie looked puzzled. “At the dojo, I mean. It’s kinda cool, and Sensei doesn’t mind.”
“Maybe,” she said hesitantly, clearly afraid to commit without Emily’s approval. The dojo was her space after all.
“It’s just udon today, Wendy,” she said, ignoring Melanie’s dilemma. “What do you got?” That was enough to get Wendy’s attention.
“A tuna salad sandwich and cole slaw.”
A quick transaction followed which Wayne paid more attention to than was good for him. At last Emily fished a rice ball out of the bottom of her bag and held it out to Melanie on her open palm. It was all Wayne could do to keep from inhaling it.
“Thanks, Emily,” she said after a second.
“There’s prolly something yummy in the middle,” Wendy said through a mouthful of noodles.
Melanie contemplated the strange ball she held in her long fingers, like eating it was some sort of rite of passage to enter this group. She bit into it. The seaweed was salty, the rice sticky. It was good. She took another bigger bite.
“Mmm, sour cherry!” she giggled. “Thanks, Emily.”
“You can call me Em.”
“Call me Mel, okay.” Wayne was beaming between them. “Is this Japanese food,” she asked.
“Yeah, I guess. It’s what my mom used to make for me.” She noticed the puzzled look on Melanie’s face at the words “used to,” and added “I live on my own these days.” Then it dawned on her that she ought to include her friends in her news. “But guess what, guys! She’s coming back, my mom. She’ll be here this weekend,” she said with a little emotional flourish.
“That’s fantastic,” said Wayne.
Danny and Wendy grunted and mumbled agreement through mouthfuls of food. It was obvious to all of them what this must mean to her.
“Where’s she gonna stay? With you?” Wendy asked after a moment. Danny looked up at this question.
“Nah. She’s gonna be living in Charlottesville. But that’s only a short drive away.” They all nodded, even if it didn’t really seem so short to them.
“Did you guys hear about Miss Park,” Wendy asked, changing the subject. “Apparently she’s not gonna be in school for a few days.”
“Yeah, there was a substitute in PE this morning,” Melanie said. “She’s probably a little shaken up by what happened yesterday,” she added hopefully.
“I don’t think we’ll be seeing her again,” Emily said darkly. No one at the table wanted to ask, though Wendy and Wayne already knew what she was thinking. Danny just knew her, so he didn’t need to ask. He knew better. Melanie was afraid to ask. Wayne could explain it to her later.
-back to top-
Chapter 12
A Visit to the Dojo
Wendy and Melanie drove over to the dojo with Wayne, who went over to Sensei to explain about his sore shoulder. Danny was already there stretching in his gi in one corner, having gotten a ride from Emily. She was nowhere to be seen. Wayne went into the back to change. About a dozen other students, mostly teenagers, lounged about the room in that mixture of idleness and anticipation that usually precedes an intensely focused physical activity.
When Sensei came out of the office, Wendy jumped up to introduce Melanie. “You know where the tea kettle is,” he said with a smile and walked to the center of the room. Emily emerged from the office a moment later wearing a form fitting dark gray running suit. Melanie wasn’t surprised to see how well defined she was. She expected as much from what she saw everyday in PE.
This evening the focus was on punch and kick combinations. A step, a block and a punch, left side then right side, all the way across the floor. A step back, a block and kick, then a reverse punch, step by step to the other side. With each pass a new layer was added until they were performing an exceedingly complex technique.
Melanie and Wendy watched from a bench next to the front window, whispering occasionally, while Sensei and Emily circulated around the room giving pointers, making adjustments and corrections as they went. They reviewed katas next, with Sensei offering a commentary on the meaning of specific elements in each one.
The last part of the class was given over to sparring. The students wore protective gear: foam padded helmets, shoes, shin guards and gloves, some even wore chest protectors. A match consisted of three points, a point awarded for any blow that would inflict substantial damage at full force. Of course, no full force blows were permitted. Only partial contact was allowed, no “punching through the target,” and no contact with the face whatsoever.
There were all sorts of matches. Some were close, others were not. The experience of a fight, even a pretend fight, revealed much about each competitor. Some prevailed through sheer aggression, others were more cautious. Some were overly cautious and others panicked as they launched themselves at their opponent blindly, hoping not to get hit.
~~~~~~~
Danny tried to put into effect what Emily was always telling him in a match against Billy. It was all about controlling the fight by denying your opponent the time and space to take effective action. Sensei called it “taking the initiative away.” True initiative, sen in Japanese, has nothing to do with aggression. One can seize it by responding to an attack just as much as by attacking first. A third option: meeting the attack head on, sen no sen.
His instinct was to provoke Billy with a feint, maybe two. But on some level he knew she would say he was avoiding the fight. So he waited, watching him, searching his eyes for a clue. Just breathe. That’s
what she was always telling him. Let the breathing take you out of yourself. He tried to listen to his breath. It was soothing. But it contained no clue about Billy’s intentions. He waited a little longer. Billy couldn’t wait. He stepped in with a front kick followed by a lunging left jab. Danny stepped just inside the attack as he snuck in a quick jab to his chest.
The look of surprise on Billy’s face was matched by the one on Danny’s. He had met the attack with a simultaneous attack, sen no sen. It was a guess and a quick reaction, not the mind-reading omniscience he assumed Emily was capable of. Still it felt different from his usual approach, blundering in and hoping his athleticism would be enough. As soon as the match was over he sat next to her on the floor against the back wall.
“How’d I do that time?”
“You seemed to have more control over the first point.”
“I still didn’t feel like I knew what I was doing, the way you seem to.”
“Knowing is setting the bar a bit too high. It’s more like having an intuition or a feeling.”
“I just don’t know how I’d recognize a feeling like that if it showed up,” he said wistfully.
“That’s what the meditation and the breathing exercises are for. Why do you think we spend so much time doing that?”
“You know I don’t get that stuff, Em. Isn’t there any other way?”
“Who knows? Sure, why not? But paying attention to your breathing is really like looking inside your own feelings.”
“And that works for you?”
“If you quiet all the noise inside of you, you might just hear the noise inside the other guy.”
~~~~~~~
While they watched the other matches, she noticed a familiar face in the front window. Dr. Tarleton was peering inside with a hunted look on her face. As soon as she spotted Emily she slipped in the door and sat on the bench next to Wendy. There was no mistaking the fear rippling through her body. Emily got up and whispered in Sensei’s ear. She told Wendy to close the front blinds, and then led the doctor into the office where she closed the blinds there, too. There were no chairs.
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