by Wolf, Jack
Upon the virgin Parchment of her Wrist I had inscribed two Letters: T.H.
“Look,” I told her. “Look, look.”
Beautifull, and wonderfull, and mine, mine. I presst my Lips against her Arm. “Do not ever doubt me,” I repeated, enunciating each Word clearly, as the Tolling of a Bell.
I bathed the Wound in Brandy; then I tore a Strip of Linen from mine own Shirt, and bound it up.
I laid me down upon her, my still cloathed Body close against hers, mine Hands resting each Side of her Head, my Fingers entangling in her Hair; and no sooner had I done so, than to my Surprize the mysterious Extasie, which I had sought and then repulsed, caught me up into its highest Rapture. My Limbs shuddered; I collapsed, helpless, atop her.
Tears blinded me. I did not know for why. As I lay, spent, silently weeping, she turned her Head, and I felt her feather-soft Lips brush my Fingertip. Mastering My Self one final Time, I summoned the Power to lift my Body from Katherine’s and roll into a Position from which I could look upon her Face.
Her Eyes were wide, and wondrous. I pulled her towards me, and our Lips met in a deep, lingering Kiss, as if each sought to reassure the other of who we were.
“I am not a wicked Slut,” Katherine whispered.
“No,” I answered her. “Indeed, no.”
CHAPTER THREE-AND-TWENTY
I awoke, as I had done every Morning for many Weeks, before seven. Mine immediate Thought was of Katherine; and at first it was to dread that everything that had gone on between us was a Dream. Then I became aware of the Weight of her Cranium upon mine Arm, her wild Hair tickling my Breast, her warm Palm pressing soft upon my Stomach. I realised that she was real, and that our extatic Connexion had been real also; and mine Heart swelled with the excited Wonder of it till it scarce allowed my Lungs the Space to breathe.
I had an urgent Need to make Water, but I did not dare to move lest she should wake during mine Absence and be distressed to find me gone. Nevertheless, I had no Choice; with great Caution I withdrew mine Arm from underneath her, and fled from the Bed.
As I stood, shivering over the Pot in my dressing Room, and trying hard to think of anything but Katherine, I found that my Perceptions were as clear as new cut Glass. The Cold upon my Skin seemed more acute, the Relief of my Body more compleat, even the Darkness in the shuttered Chamber more tangible than I had experienced at any Moment since my Return to Shirelands. The hot Stench of Piss caught my Throat, and made me cough. I put mine Hand to my Mouth, and was startled to find a Roughness on my Chin. I had not shaved since yester-morn.
I crosst the Room and opened up the Shutters. The morning Light splashed like pink Wine across mine Hands, and into mine Eyes. Half blinded by the Brightness, I stared, awestruck, astonished, into the beauteous Countenance of rising Dawn.
Beauty, however, brought no Warmth. My Legs grew weak, and my chilled Stomach churned. Shaking, I crept to my Bed, and wrappt My Self as close around Katherine as I could, tucking my Face into the Hollow of her Axilla, and twining my Legs over and under hers, as Ivy groweth about a Tree. A strange Yearning had possesst me; for Laudanum. For a Moment, I craved the Drugge, desired it more than Aire or Food, or the sweet Sound of a Scream. The Desire was so strong I was nigh compelled to struggle again from my Sanctum and seek out Erasmus; but as I half commenced to withdraw, Katherine, rousing, wrappt her Arms around my Neck. I put out mine Head from beneath the Covers to see that she had opened her Eyes, and was smiling at me with an Expression of Wonder that surely had been copied from mine own. At once, my Stomach calmed, tho’ my Limbs were trembling like the Leaves upon an Aspen Tree; a reviving Warmth flooded into my Chest. We embraced each other, our Delight as intense as it was innocent; and as we conversed, I felt me becoming once again mine own Self. I understood then that my sudden Sickness had most probably been connected with the Onset of the alien Longing for Paregoric. The Thought that I could be in Thrall to any unnatural Substance disgusted me. I held nothing against Erasmus; but I vowed quietly to My Self that, whatever convincing Arguments he might present, I should never take his Prescriptions again, for certainly their Effects were to my Detriment.
I dresst, quite quickly, and locking Katherine for Safety in my Room, I descended carefully down-Stairs in Pursuit of Sustenance for us both. I had not descended below one Flight, all the while pondering this pharmacological Discovery, when I ran across Erasmus himself, severe of Expression and accompanied by a prattling Mrs H. Encountering each other, we stoppt abruptly, and stood as, I thought, might two Generals of contending Armies, each assessing the apparent Strength of his Opponent.
“Tristan,” Erasmus said, in an oddly cautious Manner. “Are you well, my Friend?”
“Erasmus,” I answered. “I could not be better, tho’ mine Head hurts like the Devil. I would ask something privately of you. Mrs H., I know not what Errand you may be about, but must delay it; I require Breakfast sent straight up to my Chamber.”
I steppt towards Erasmus and caught Hold of his Elbow. Erasmus frowned, and peered, searchingly, into my Face.
“Step into my Study,” I said, since we were hard by the Door. “What I have to say is not for anyone’s Ears.”
I unlocked my Laboratory and drew Erasmus quickly within. Erasmus half closed the Door, but did not bring it intirely to. I slowly shook mine Head and tugged it shut, quite violently; the Woodwork rattled.
Nobody, plainly, had been in here since late last Night; for altho’ the Remains of Katherine’s evening Meal had been taken away, no one had lifted the night Cloths from my Cages, and my Specimens languished in Darkness. Erasmus un-shuttered the Windows, and I cursed the slip-slop Neglect of the Hall’s Servants, for as long as they were living my poor Creatures required Light and Aire, even if they were never to see the outside World. Muttering furious Obscenities beneath my Breath, I hurriedly disclosed them one by one, and took careful Time to ensure that every furred and feathered Inmate had sufficient Food and Water.
“Tristan,” Erasmus said, “I am happy to have seen you. I had wished to apologise for mine Absence last Night. Mrs H. told me you were seriously upset by it.”
“Your Absence? Pshaw, that matters naught. Why should I have been upset at your accompanying my Sister home? I should rightly have been annoyed if you had not, for ’twas foul Weather. ’Tis all Barnaby’s Fault, that he did not come with her; but he cares little for the Comfort of others.” I crosst to my long Table and raised the Cloth from the Cage of my cock Goldfinch, which I kept upon it.
“Why,” said Erasmus, in Surprize, “you seem in fair Spirits, todaye, Sir.”
“Aha!” I said, opening the cage Door and removing both Bowls. “There are two Reasons for that, and you shall hear both; tho’ one I must ask you keep silent upon, for the nonce. First, I have decided that I will imbibe no more of your damnable Opium, for it doth nothing but dull my Mind and bestill my Bowels; and second, tho’ ’tis of far greater Importance, I have passed an intire Night and Morning in the Arms of Katherine Montague.”
Erasmus’ Reaction to these startling Newes was not quite as I had anticipated. “Indeed?” he said, slowly. “What makes you think so, Tristan?”
“Do you jest? I did not dream it! She arrived last Evening, while you were at Dinner with the Barnabys.” I opened my Window sufficiently to throw out the filthy Water, and refilled the Bowl from the Jug. My Goldfinch began to preen its Tail.
“She arrived last Evening. By herself?”
“Truly, so. She hath fled her wicked Uncle, having neither Money nor Cloathing; and that is partly what I desired to charge you with, Erasmus: the Task of secretly procuring for her suitable Apparel. She is very slight, and I doubt that any of Jane’s old Cloathes will fit, unless they be nursery Dress; and that will not do.”
“Where is she, now?”
“I have secured her in my Chamber against anyone’s learning that she is here, as yet. You know my Fears, Erasmus.”
“And yet,” Erasmus said, “you have told me.”
My Goldfinch left off its Preening, shook its Wings and began loudly to chirp. The pretty Sound made me wince. I shut my Window.
“I have no Distrust of you,” I answered Erasmus, smiling, despite my Goldfinch, and headed to the Closet wherein I kept my Supplies of Muslin and of Lint, that I might apply a proper Dressing upon Katherine’s Arm. “But I feel disinclined to face mine Aunt’s Displeasure, or even my Sister’s. Would that we had been of equal Station! But enough of that. My Point, Erasmus, is this: I have every Intention of remaining in my Chamber until tomorrow, you may easy guess wherefore; so do not expect me down to Dinner, and if anyone should ask for me, spin them some Yarn to account for mine Absence. Will you lie for me?”
Erasmus regarded me closely, his Brow furrowed.
“Egad, Man!” I said, secreting several Rolls of the soft Cloth within my Frock. “’Tis but a little Lie! I don’t ask you to swear on Oath!”
Erasmus ceased his Scrutiny, and smiled. There was a strange Expression in his Eyes. “I shall tell no one anything,” he said. He looked up at me with a Perplexity that made me feel exceeding uncomfortable. I did not question that he should wonder at Katherine’s unexpected Arrival, which I should have scarce credited My Self; but I could not comprehend why there should be, mixt in amongst his Admiration, so much Sadness.
“’Sdeath!” I cried. “Anyone should think from the Look upon your Face that I had got a Wound! I will not brood upon the Difficulties.”
“Tristan,” said Erasmus quietly, touching me gently upon mine Elbow. “Perhaps a small Dose of Laudanum will soothe your Head, and your Nerves.”
“I will not take your Medicines, my Friend.” I pulled mine Arm away, having no farther Time to waste, and hastened for the Landing to intercept Mrs H. before she could begin to mount the upper Stairs.
“Tristan, stay; talk with me more upon Miss Montague.”
“What more needs be said? Whatever ’tis, must wait, Erasmus,” I replied.
* * *
Katherine, when I returned, was standing by my bedroom Window. She had cloathed her Nakedness in my red night-Gown, and stolen her small Feet inside a pair of my Slippers, all of which were so many Times too big for her that she had the Appearance of a Child playing Dress-up in its Parents’ Closet.
I lowered the Tray onto the Table and crosst the Room to stand behind her. She leaned against me, and putting her own Hands atop mine, pulled them to her left Breast. The dizzying Pain in mine Head began at once to ease.
“Tristan,” said Katherine. “You cut my Cloathes to Rags. What am I to wear?”
“Naught,” I said.
“I cannot wear naught.”
“Assuredly, you can,” I told her. “Naught becomes you better than the finest Satin, and is ever to be preferred above that demeaning Costume, that filthy, repulsive, beggarly Attire; that Dishclout; which was never fit to wipe your Feet, let alone for you to wear. Come from the Window.”
She did not begin to move. I kissed the Satin of her Neck, and freeing mine Hands from hers, lifted her as easily as if she had been made of Gossamer. I carried her to my Bed and forbade her to move a Muscle or to look whilst I inspected my Work and replaced the Bandage upon her Wrist. The Incisions were clear, precise, and darkly scabbed, but fresh and sweet smelling, with no Trace of Infection or Disorder. Pleased, I threw away my makeshift Dressing and replaced it with clean Muslin. Then, she and I together set about my Breakfast. Mine Headache had vanished.
As I was finishing my Meal, Katherine sate up. “If any Woman dares even look at you,” she said, vehemently, “I will poke her Eyes out.”
“That would prove most inconvenient, for what about the Maids—and Mrs H.? Antient tho’ she is, she is a Woman, I believe.” I wiped clean mine Hands on the linen Cloth and placed the empty Tray upon the Floor.
“As long as they be Maids, not Jades, they have naught to fear,” Katherine said.
A profound Happiness pulsed thro’out my veins at these Declarations, as if that angelic Presence that had descended upon me during our previous Night’s Delights were still living within mine Heart. But as I experienced it, I found that this Happiness, tho’ powerful, was not immaculate; as it grew, there grew, parasitic upon it—as Mistletoe upon a willow Tree, half beyond Sight—an inchoate Terrour, that twisted and shifted in Colour and Proportion, until eventually, and with a dreadful Clarity, it coalesced into a Shape I could perceive. It was the White Owl.
I must unwittingly have tightened mine Embrace, for Katherine cried out that she stifled, and struggled against mine Hold with a Vehemence that had naught to do with Passion, and all with Aire. I released mine Hands at once, and she turned to me, her Expression concerned.
“Oh, my Dear,” she said, putting her gentle Hands up to my Cheeks. “What is wrong?”
’Twas nothing, I pretended.
At about ten o’ the Clock, Mrs H. sent Molly Jakes to empty the Bath and to light the Fire. I hid Katherine behind my bed-Curtain, and nothing was suspected. Eventually, the bright Sunne dippt, and Dusk crept into the Room; and I realised that the Houre had come for me to make my Patrol. I slippt from Katherine’s Side, intending, for she had fallen into a light Slumber, to try to leave without waking her, but at my Movement, she roused, and sate upright.
“You must not worry,” I said, lighting the Candles, and shuttering the Windows fast. “I must make sure that the House is safe. I will return as quickly as I can.”
“Tristan—”
“Be careful of the Hearth, there may be Gnomes—but they will not trouble us whilst the Fire is lit.”
I kissed her upon her Forehead, and reluctantly departed.
I was greatly surprized to find Erasmus waiting for me in the Passageway without my Door. “What, Sir?” I said. “You have been up and down my Stairs todaye more often than Goosey Gander. Yet, I see, to no Effect; you have not brought me what I asked.”
Taking his Arm thro’ mine, as Nathaniel had used to do with me, I held my Candle high and we began the painstaking Circumnavigation of the House.
We had compleated the uppermost Floors, when Erasmus, whose Habit it was, upon these Occasions, to press me hard upon the Topic of Goblins in general, and Raw Head in particular, said: “Tristan, do you recall the Writings of Mr Locke?”
“I know them well,” I said.
“Then do you recall his Words upon the wrong Association of Ideas? Specifically, these: ‘The Ideas of Goblins and Sprights have really no more to do with Darkness than with Light; yet let but a foolish Maid’ – or a Mrs H., perhaps – ‘inculcate these often on the Mind of a Child, possibly he shall never separate them again so long as he lives, but Darkness shall ever afterwards bring with it those frightful Ideas, and they shall be so joined he can no more bear the one than the other.’”
“You are suggesting,” I said, as we began our Descent of the upper Staircase, “that mine Ideas are mistaken, and from Mrs H., to boot.”
“Yes, Tristan. I am.”
“I would that you were right, Erasmus!” I replied. “But they are not, my Friend. I have the Proof of that.”
“Do you, Sir? Where? What is the Evidence that may be confirmed by our common Observation?”
“I cannot shew you,” I answered.
“What Conclusion should we, properly, draw from that Omission?”
“If it were the Case that I could shew you no Proof because I had none, your Skepticism would be justified; but that is not how ’tis. I cannot shew you because—” I broke off.
“If it please you, Sir, continue,” Erasmus said.
“It is a private Matter.”
We reached the Landing. I turned towards my Study and led Erasmus within for the second Time that Daye—which I knew to be exactly half as many Times as he had been between its Walls since we had arrived from London. I had not made him unwelcome; but I perceived that Erasmus had very swiftly taken the Measure of the House, and my Family’s Habit of Separation and Withdrawal soon became his own. Because of my Father’s Inc
apacity, his Library, which for so many Yeares had been his private and uncontested Territory, had been left vulnerable to Incursion; so Erasmus had taken up a temporary Residence therein, almost as if he had been mine older Brother. The strangest Effect of this, from my Point of View, was that I had over the past Weeks spent more Houres among my Father’s things than I had done in twenty Yeares; and the Stranger who now inhabited it seemed closer to me than Flesh and Blood.
Erasmus was good enough to assist me with my Creatures, whilst I saw to the Closure of my Shutters, and poked up my Fire.
“Wilt tell me once again about Raw-Head-and-Bloody-Bones?” Erasmus began again, as he drew the Cloth over my Cage of Squirrells.
I stood up, and returned the Poker to its Stand with perhaps more Vigour than the Act demanded. “Egad, Erasmus!” I said. “What more dost require me to say? I have told you all I know. Raw Head is the Prince of Goblins, Ravisher of Maids; and Bloody Bones the Keeper of the Dead. They are two, who tho’ seeming Twins, are really the bitterest of Enemies.”
“Would it amaze you,” Erasmus said, “if I told you that I grew up in mortal Horrour of a Monster exactly alike to your Raw-Head-and-Bloody-Bones? My Mother convinced me that if I was disobedient, Lambskin would carry me off and skin me alive. There are many such nursery Fiends, Tristan, but none of them are real; and as we grow older, rational Men must cease believing in them.”
I laughed bitterly. “Verily, thou art wrong,” I said. “Our Cases are not alike at all. Raw Head and Bloody Bones are not one, but two; and they are no mere Boggarts fit only to terrify little Children out of Sleep. Raw Head is the Goblin Knight.”
“The Goblin Knight is a Character in a Ballad, and I can think of no Song in which he is also Raw-Head-and-Bloody-Bones.”