by Wolf, Jack
I found My Self remembering the Words of Katherine’s final Letter.
Oh, my Bloody Bones, my Deare, if it is within Your Capacity, forgive poor Leonora!—but if You cannot, then I will bear Leonora’s Shame and disappear for Ever from Your sight.
What Shame? I thought.
“I will Make you into a Woman”.
Nay, I thought, that cannot mean anything; I know ’tis from the faerie Tale she wrote me of Raw Head and Leonora.
Katherine, seeing that I had been forced to sit down, left off her playing and came over to me, her Expression poignant with Concern. She put her Hand upon my Shoulder and sate herself at my Side. Her blue Silks rustled.
“What hath he said?” she asked me. “Oh, he is a rotten old Man, my Uncle Ravenscroft! He would ruin Happiness at a Glance for naught but to brag that he hath done it.”
“The Rector hath said nothing that I could not easily repudiate,” I answered, catching up her sweet Hand in mine own and pressing it against my Lips. Nathaniel is gone, I thought, and for once the Thought was a Comfort. I looked into her grey Eyes and mine exhausted Heart lightened a little. “He is a Fool to have tried to annoy me; ’twill only make his own Life harder, in the Event that my Father die and I be left to deal with him.”
“Mr Hart may not die for Yeares,” Katherine said.
“Will not, I hope; I do not want to lose him now, when we have at last discovered each other’s Affection.”
“Is that what he said to you? That your Father shall die? He is a foul Pig.”
“No, no, he did not. His Talk was rather of Christenings than Funerals. It was his Implication that gave Offense. Let us not speak of it any longer.”
“No,” she said. “Let us not, Tristan.” She squeezed my Shoulder, and her Expression brightened. “Let us please be merry instead! I think our Breakfast is ready; afterwards, if you will, I shall send to ask James if he would play for us, for Mrs H. hath told me that he is no poor fiddle Player.”
“Indeed?” I forced My Self to sit up. “Then do so, and we shall dance until our Feet fall off.”
“I hope,” she answered, with a sly Smile, “that we shall not dance until we are quite as exhausted as all that, Bloody Bones.”
After many long Houres it was Time for Bed, and with the smallest Pother and Fuss Katherine and I took ourselves to what was now our marital Bed; and for the first Time, lay down together as Man and Wife.
But to my Shock, and bitter Disappointment, I found that even tho’ Katherine had plainly no Intention of being aught but willing, I could not dare attempt Consummation of our Marriage. I was not physically tired, and, as we had prepared ourselves for Bed, my Loins had sprung into Life with an Intensity so vital that they had hurt; but as soon as I allowed My Self to make any carnal Approach upon Katherine, the Image of Nathaniel entered my Mind, and my Flesh at once sank flaccid and purposeless. I tried to fight it; but no sooner had the one Image been banished, than it was succeeded by th’Apprehension of the two-faced Goblin Knight of his Ballad, and half remembered Words from Katherine’s last Tale fluttered about mine Head like Bats.
—upon Christmas Eve—who was really Raw Head in Disguise—“I will Make you into a Woman”—
Katherine made no Complaint, but when after some little while it became apparent to us both that we were not to enjoy a Union of that Nature, at least not upon that Night, she wrappt me tight in her Arms and laid mine Head upon her Breast, whispering: “I do not mind, my Love.” I could not help but wonder at her Patience, and the Thought struck me that she might, secretly, be relieved by mine Incapacity. At this, mine Heart sank lower. Verily, I thought, the Rector’s Words possess a sorry Irony. There will never be a Baptism to delay, if I cannot get Katherine with Child.
* * *
I slept fitfully, and light; until sometime in the Houre before the Dawn, rousing, I left my Bed and walked circuitously thro’out the Hall, eventually to find My Self standing at the great front Door. I moved to unlock it, thinking that perhaps the night Aire might banish my Sleeplessness, and steppt forth on to the sandstone Step. The Night was cold; Boreas rattled the old-berried Branches of the hawthorn Hedge. I took a deep Breath and turned about, intending to close the Door, and return me to my Bed, but then, from quite near, came suddenly that barbaric, porcine, Grunting I had heard before I had banished the Goblins, and I froze upon the Step, and turned again.
This Time, I thought, I must do everything I can to rid me of that Sound. I steppt back thro’ the Doorway, staring out across the dark Gardens, and listened. The Noise was emanating from the Ha-ha, from the slippery black Ditch where I had attacked Viviane. I knew, in mine Entrails, it was Raw Head.
Plucking up my Courage, I walked toward the Ha-ha. The Grunting, and its pulsating Echo, filled up mine Ears, deadening the Wind. Mine Head began to hurt. But mine Heart was pounding faster than a Drum, and my riding Whip, which I supposed I must have picked up along the Way, appeared by some Magick in my right Hand. I steppt thro’ the thorn Hedge, and as I did so the yellow Cold of Dayebreak flooded the Ditch; and all that had been hidden within Darkness burst into foul Clarity.
Raw Head, if indeed it was Raw Head, did not appear at all as I had anticipated. Before me, to mine immense Amazement, crouched Cox, the pig-Man. His Skin was darker than mine own, and hairy as a black Beast. Beside him, in the Mud, sweated an enormous, black Sow, deep in the last Throes of Labour, her great tusked Jaws working furious upon the Femur of a Man.
A savage, all-compassing Fury leapt up within mine Heart at the Sight. I perceived that the Sow’s Labour was come of her Ravishment by the Man, and from it would spring all Manner of unclean and evil Things, countless and unending, until all the World lay Fathoms thick in Vice, and all Virtue, all Beauty, was forgot.
I screamed. It was the primal Howl I had heard in mine Head before I had tortured Annie. I leapt forward, and laid about the pig-Man and his repellent Sow with all the Ferocity I could unleash from within My Self. The foul Brute, bawling, fled bleeding from the Ditch and hurtled wildly along the Driveway toward the iron Gates. I gave chase, determined that he should not endure this World, or any other, for one more Minute. But to my Dismay, altho’ I ran so fast that I near took to Flight, I could not catch him.
CHAPTER EIGHT-AND-TWENTY
Now I was married, I could no longer perceive the Force of any Argument by which Erasmus might continue to plead for Moderation in my philosophical and scientific Researches; for as far as I could discern, my mental Equilibrium was compleatly adequate to sustain my plunging My Self fully into my Studies. In vain too did he suggest that I should give at least some Attention to sealing the Breach that had opened up between my familial Household and mine Aunt’s. In mine Opinion, this Alienation would function to my Benefit, as it must portend fewer Interruptions to my Work, and to mine Honeymoon.
On the Morning after my Wedding, I returned, with a renewed Interest and Vigour, to my Treatise upon Stroake, and while Katherine sate beside me on my study Sopha, with a clear and critical Faculty I read thro’ it a great Number of Times. I was convinced of the Rectitude of my central Assertion, which I held in common with Willis, that the hemiplegic Paralysis associated with Stroake is the Result of an Injury to the nervous Tissue of the Brain. All that was to be done, as far as I could ascertain, at least for that Part of the Theory, was to prove a causal Link between a cerebral Aneurysm and the cerebral Lesions responsible for the Paralysis. As mine Excitement grew, I discerned the Possibility of rewriting my Treatise into a scientific Paper to be submitted before, and approved by the Fellows of the Royal Society.
I immediately discerned a Difficulty, however, in that this theoretical Paper must, I knew, be supported by practical Evidence, which I did not have. I thought upon this Notion repeatedly, and the more I thought upon it the more essential it appeared that I have Dr Hunter’s Assistance, for I could think of none other who might be in any Position to secure for me those Corpses I particularly needed: namely those that had died, tho
’ not immediately, succeeding upon an Apoplexy. Making my Decision, I leapt up from Katherine’s Side. “We go to London,” I said.
“What?” cried Katherine at once. Catching my Coat, she tried to detain me. “Oh, Tristan,” she said. “I would not go to London, not for anything! I would despise it!”
I gently removed her Hand and hastened to my Escritoire. I spread my writing Paper and dippt my Quill in its Ink, when all on a sudden the Realisation came to me that my Researches were not, in fact, in nearly as advanced a State as they must be if I were to be taken at all seriously by Dr Hunter. I was so startled by this Revelation, and the Thought of the publick Ridicule to which I had almost subjected My Self, that I droppt my Pen as quick as if’t had been a-burning. Before I even dreamed of approaching Dr Hunter, I ought to have acquired a supporting Body of Evidence by which to prove beyond Doubt that Willis himself had been correct, and that Damage to the cerebral Tissue did indeed cause Paralysis; and, beyond that, the Disturbances in Speech and, perhaps, in Thought, that had incapacitated my Father.
I looked up, and mine Eyes fell upon the multifarious winged and furred Specimens with which I had seen fit to populate my Sanctuary. At last, I thought, their Presence hath a discernible Purpose; as any living Creature is capable of experiencing Pain as an Human Being might, so it must possess a nervous Net and Brain that is in every Sense analogous to that of a Man.
I stood a while in Thought. “Nay,” I said to Katherine. “We stay here for the nonce.”
I began mine Experiment that very Afternoon. Leaving Katherine to occupy herself as she saw fit, I returned to my Study to spend the Houres until Dinner in close Examination of the uninjured Brain of a freshly killed male Rat, which I intended to set up as a Yardstick against which to measure those Specimens upon which I hoped to create Lesions. The Creature squeaked when I killed it, but I believe it felt no Pain, for my Knife was swift. I dissected out the Brain and having washed it, sate it before me in a porcelain Dish and took extensive Notes regarding its Shape and Condition. I now purposed to inflict upon another Rat an Haemorrhage beneath the Cranium, in the Hope that this would induce the Formation of Lesions upon the Tissue. Remembering Dr Oliver’s Operation upon the mad Man, I decided that the best Method was to drill a small Hole thro’ the Cranium and then suppress the Bleeding, which I intended would be re-directed inwards. Selecting a second Rat, similar in Size and Proportion to the first, I attempted to render it immobile ready for Vivisection, but the thing escaped while I was tightening the Straps and I was obliged to chase it all about my Study. When finally, after much Cursing, Confusion, and Delay, I achieved mine Aim, the Animal died immediately.
This second Frustration caused me to ponder whether I was rushing the Pace of my Research, and ought not first perfect the Art of causing Paralyses by inflicting Damage upon particular Nerves; which Procedure, tho’ it tell me little about Stroake, would reveal much about Communication betwixt Brain and Limbs whilst at the same Time greatly refining my Skill. This took me back to mine unnerving Intuition that Thought itself must be a material Thing; but I thrust it aside. It signifies naught, I told My Self, whether the Message that is supported upon the Nerves is material or mental. It matters not whether Pain is a corporeal thing, or whether it consisteth more in its apparent Meaning; no, what hath Importance to my Thesis is that it subsists upon Matter, and that the Nature of the Brain is thereupon disclosed.
I disposed of both bloody Corpses, washed mine Hands, and joined Katherine at Dinner.
* * *
This great Work absorbed mine Interest so thoroughly over the succeeding Weeks that I neither noticed the Time passing about me, nor mine own natural Hair growing thick upon mine Head; until one Morning I awoke to find that it was Christmas Eve, and two Yeares since Mary Fielding had taken in my Bat. This sad Anniversary put me again in Mind of London, and the Necessity of my Returning thither; but I judged that it was not likely I should reside again with the Fieldings, with Katherine or—Fortune forfend—without her.
My Marriage was everything I could have desired, except in one Area: it had remained unconsummated. Altho’ I had found My Self to be intirely capable of Emission when torturing my Darling into Agonies, when I considered performing any Act of natural Intimacy the Thought of Nathaniel would flash across my Mind, and mine Excitement wither on the Vine like poisoned Grapes. I had refused to allow this to matter. Katherine and I had, after all, our own Notions of Intimacy.
We passed Christmas Eve in playful Fashion. I secured Katherine firmly, by Means of several Coils of thick silk Rope, to the left Post at the Foot of the Bed, and slowly inscribed an attractive Euclidean Pattern upon the white Flesh of her upper Buttocks with mine ivory handled Lancet.
It was pure Delight to me to treat her thus, and to have her thus restrained, because when she was fastened upright, her welling Blood drippt down across her upper Thighs like melted Wax, and formed beautifull Shapes upon her Legs. This was all our Pleasure; I had never whippt her. I had still to hear that most magical Sound, that full throated, immoderate, wanton Scream that would have told me I had taken her to her Edge. I sometimes regretted this; but I had no more Desire to rush her than my Researches. The Memory of Annie pinked me still; I wanted to hear Katherine scream, not see her faint.
I had compleated the Outline of mine Inscription, and, seeing by Katherine’s Expression that she had descended deep into that State she treasured most, I kissed my Blade clean of her Blood and prepared to begin upon the lengthy Procedure of its Illumination.
There came a gentle, scuffing Knock upon my chamber Door.
It took me perhaps a Minute to realise that I had heard anything; Katherine did not appear to have noticed it at all. I turned, as if in a Dream, upon the Spot and stared at my Door, half unsure as to whether verily I had heard what mine Ears had told me. The Scuffing repeated, hesitant and soft, as if the Scuffer were afraid of my Response.
I rested mine Hand upon the Small of Katherine’s Back. “What is it?” I asked quietly.
“Mr Hart, Sir,” replied a muffled Voice, which I recognised as belonging to Molly Jakes. “Your Sister, Mrs Barnaby, is come, Sir.”
I stroaked Katherine’s velvet Skin; it rippled soft and pliable beneath my Fingers. A low, sighing Moan escaped her Lips. I would have been an unnatural Monster, or Man, if I had been able to break off at this Point. Moreover, I was still very cross with Jane.
“Tell Mrs Barnaby that she may wait,” I told Molly. “We will be an Houre.”
“Yes, Mr Hart.” I heard retreating Footsteps beyond the Door, then Stillness.
Once Katherine and I had brought our Game to a satisfactory Conclusion, I explained to her the Nature and Purpose of the earlier Interruption, of which, as I had discerned, she had at the Time been oblivious. Together, we dresst and headed down the Stairs to find my Sister.
Jane was a-waiting in the drawing Room, where Katherine and I had been married. The Evening was well advanced, but the curtained and shuttered Room was warm, and, owing to the reluctant Chimney, which refused to draw, its Aire was redolent with Ashes and holly Smoake. Katherine, in Defiance of Shirelands’ Tradition, had perswaded Mrs H. to deck the intire Hall from Floor to Cornice with an hundred Sprays of fresh Pine, and with ivy Tendrils long as driving Reins, all newly harvested from the Grounds and fragrant with Sap and Turpentine. In both drawing Rooms she had sparked a vivid Explosion of Leaf and Branch upon the Walls atop the Panelling, and winter Greenery chased round the dado Rail in a mad Saturnine Riot. Needles were dropping near the Hearth.
Upon our Entering the Room, Jane, who had been sitting at some Distance from the Fire, leapt to her Feet, then stood still, helplessly wringing her Hands, her Countenance tortured.
Jane did not look, to mine Eyes, exceeding well. She was very well attired—I should have been astonished if’t had been otherwise—but she had lost a lot of Weight, and her whiteleaded Features appeared drawn and haggard. Perhaps, I thought, ’twas all the Strain of her Pregnancy and recent
Confinement, or perhaps ’twas from the Worry of our Father’s Illness—and mine own; but whatever its Cause, the Effect was alarming. On a sudden, I recalled the private Warning I had given to Barnaby upon the Daye he had married Jane. If he abused my Sister, I had said, I would take it upon My Self to snap every Bone he possesst, beginning with the smallest Phalanges and the Metacarpals, and progressing of course to the critical Vertebrae at the Base of the Cranium, whence the Spinal Cord began its Exodus.
It struck me that this was the first Time my Sister and I properly had met since my Departure for London, which had taken Place mere Dayes after her Wedding. This Realisation was so odd, coming direct upon the other, it made me pause and shy, like a Stag, surprized by an hen Pheasant starting suddenly from Cover. I had not been properly My Self in Company with Jane for one and an half Yeares.
She hath caused me an Hurt, I thought. But I cannot hate her for it.
I held open mine Arms. “Sister,” I said.
Mrs Barnaby let out a miserable Wail, and breaking her Freeze, rushed across the Room and flung herself upon my Neck.
When Jane had ceased Bawling, I had Katherine summon Mrs H., to tell her to bring up hot Toddies to soothe all our ragged Nerves. Then we sate in an Huddle hard by the Fireplace and Jane became able to relate, slowly, and with a great amount of Hiccoughing, the Particulars of her current Existence at Withy Grange, and her extream Contrition at her Absence from my Wedding, which had resulted from too avid an Attention to the Opinions of her Mother-in-law.
“’Twas a Shock, Tristan,” she said. “I knew nothing of your Attachment, naught at all. And Sophy had seemed so certain that Miss Montague was a—a shameless Flirt.” My Sister hid her Face in shaking Hands. “Oh!” she suddenly cried, tossing up her Face to reveal to me its desperate beseeching Look. “Can either of you ever forgive me? I had to explain Mr Glass’s Newes to Mr Barnaby, because he is my Husband, I felt ’twas wrong to keep it from him. I knew he would tell all to our Aunt, but I did not imagine—I could not—that she would behave in such a dreadful Manner. He wrote her first thing in the Morning and she was caught by Surprize. Now she is quite distraught at the Rift that she hath provoked between our Families, but she is such a proud Woman that she knows not how to apologise. Oh, Tristan! I did not ever want to lose my Brother, or our dear Father, for you both are dearer to me than mine own Life, or Mr Barnaby’s!” Her Hands flew once again to stop up her Mouth, as if she feared what she might say next.