by Wolf, Jack
“Which Duty,” Simmins said, “I di-scharged most f-aithfully, until Miss M-ontague made it impossible by her D-isappearence.”
Katherine smiled at this Admission, and Simmins, shyly, smiled back. They reminded me of Children engaged upon a Conspiracy.
“I charged you with a Letter,” I said, suddenly remembering. “But that was all.”
“You must f-orgive me, Mr H-art,” said Simmins. “I exceeded your O-rders. I thought Miss Montague, as she was then, to be in grave Need of a Fr-iend.”
“And I was, and a Friend you were, Sir,” Katherine said. “My only Complaint is that you hid from me exactly how ill Mr Hart had become; for if I had known, I should have fled the sooner.”
Simmins’ Gaze flickered from Katherine to Erasmus, and then to me. “I-ndeed,” he said. “I am s-orry for that D-eception. It seemed for the B-est, at the T-ime.”
“Enough of this Palaver,” I said, putting mine Arm amicably about Simmins’ slender Shoulders and giving him a bracing Shake. “I take it, Mr Simmins, that you would prefer to change your Cloathing before Dinner. You are very dampe.”
“Indeed, I will,” Simmins said. He made no Effort, however, to leave, and his Eyes flickered, hesitantly, toward Jane, whom I had neglected, in my Confusion, to introduce.
My Sister made an impatient Noise. “My Brother is exceeding rude,” she said. “I pray you will forgive our rustick Manners, Mr Simmins. You and I remember each other well, I am sure, from our Childhoods. My Name is Mrs James Barnaby.”
Simmins, somewhat taken aback, as indeed we all were, by my Sister’s uncharacteristic Forwardness, bowed respectfully, and then made a swift Exit.
“Why should I not?” said Jane loudly after we were alone again. “I remember him from Yeares ago; and I am a married Woman, who may speak to whom she please. Do not you agree, Mr Glass?”
“Indeed, Madam,” Erasmus said, quite evenly, yet in a Tone that bespoke no small Irritation at being thus addresst. “I am in no Position to opine; as I have said before, there is a considerable Difference between our Stations, which would make any Comment I might make impertinent in the extream.”
Jane tossed her Head; a Gesture she might have caught from Katherine. “Impertinent?” she said. “I think not, as I have expressly requested it.”
To mine Amazement, this Statement produced, upon the Visage of Erasmus Glass, a Glare so fierce he might have been the Sunne itself. “I repeat,” he said: “It could only be impertinent, and improper for me to comment.”
“Do you not think Mr Simmins is handsome?” Jane said to my Wife.
Katherine’s Eyes widened. “I do not find him especially handsome,” she said. “Tho’ he is not unpleasing of Countenance.”
“I think that he is, indeed, very handsome,” Jane said. She turned, yet again, toward Erasmus. “Mr Glass, will you express any Opinion upon that?”
“Excuse me,” Erasmus said, stiffly. “I have some Business I must conclude before Dinner.” He bowed shortly, and left the Room.
“La,” said my Sister. “I care not. Wherefore should I care aught for Mr Simmins, or for Mr Glass either, and his Opinions!” She rose abruptly from her Chair. “I must dress,” she said, and whirling rapidly about, she left the drawing Room in a rose satined Flurry.
I turned, not comprehending, to Katherine. “What in Heaven?”
“Is’t not evident?” Katherine sighed. “Mrs Barnaby is desperately unhappy.”
* * *
Over Dinner Simmins entertained us with Anecdotes of army Life, and we were a chearful Party, despite the prickling Rancour that hung in the Aire like impending Lightning betwixt Erasmus and Jane.
Seeing Simmins again, after so many Months, was most pleasing; and yet at the same Time quite unsettling, for my Mind would not refrain from casting its Eye of Memory back upon that fragmented Evening of our last Encounter; and with every Recollection mine Heart sank lower in my Chest. Had I struck Simmins? I thought that I had; but he said naught upon the Matter and my Recollection was so unsure that had I not known that I had been ill, I should have dismisst it as a mere Dream.
After some while the Conversation turned to London, and Simmins, Eyes sparkling in the Candlelight, disclosed that he was, in one Month’s Time, to return thither to be made Captain. This Newes we all agreed to be most exciting, and my Sister ordered at once the Opening of a fourth Bottle of Burgundy, that it might properly be celebrated.
The Notion that little Simmins might become a Captain, with Authority over those Officers who ranked beneath him, struck me as more than passing strange. I could not repel the Thought that, should I desire it, I could command that he kneel before my Feet, and he would instantly obey. I possesst, I knew, no legitimate Power over Lt. Simmins; but the Conviction persisted, and with every subtile Twitch of Simmins’ Lips, every careless Shrug of his Shoulder, it strengthened.
James opened the Bottle and we toasted Simmins’ Promotion with a good Will. Simmins accepted our Congratulations with a broad Smile and an heated Cheek, and then turned the Subject at once from himself by asking after my Father. “I am glad,” he said, “to hear of the Squire’s returning H-ealth. Tell me, what is his View upon Mr P-elham’s Bill? Is it that it shall be p-assed, or no?”
“Egad,” I said. “I know nothing of it—our Father’s political Affiliations and Interests are a thing of which Mrs Barnaby and I have little Intelligence.”
“Oh!” Simmins’ furry Eyebrows lifted in Surprize. “That amazes me, Sir, for Mr Hart’s N-ame is well r-espected among those of Mr P-elham’s P-arty.”
“Which Newes,” I said, “astonishes me the more; but as I consider it, I do recall my Father having mentioned Mr Pelham’s Name in mine Hearing.”
“The Bill in Question,” Simmins said, speaking with great Care, “is to do with granting Nationality to the resident J-ews.”
“Why! I have heard of it!” exclaimed my Sister. “Mr Barnaby hath a strong Opinion against it, and hath spoke up about it often.”
“He is n-ot alone,” Simmins responded. “C-aptain K-eane says that there is such violent O-pposition, especially in the Sh-ires, he doubts that it will get thro’. But had I any P-olitics, I would s-upport it. With all due Respect to your Husband, Mrs Barnaby, I believe that there is little Ch-ance the J-ews will all c-onvert to our Ch-ristian R-eligion; and Britain hath enough D-iff-iculty in m-aintaining her C-olonies abroad, without su-ffering a f-oreign C-ommunity to persevere within her Sh-ores.”
“The Bill hath been much talked of,” Erasmus said. “For my Part, Mr Simmins, I agree with you; but I think for Reasons of Justice rather than the national Expediency, which you cite.”
“Mr Glass is intirely right,” said Jane. “I have never agreed with Mr Barnaby. I find his Opinions distasteful, and his strong Avowal of them provoking of Offense.”
“Can it be,” I said, “that everyone hath heard of Mr Pelham’s Bill but I?”
“I had not heard of it,” said Katherine at once.
“You have had m-ore i-mportant th-ings to think of, Mr H-art,” said Simmins, his shy Smile returning once more to play about his Lips.
He meant my Work, and recent Marriage; but nevertheless, my lamentable Ignorance of the Jew Bill, the Controversy in which it was mired, and most of all my Father’s Interest in its Proposal, made me feel sharply vexed at My Self; and to imagine that both he, and my Mother’s Ghost, must be sore disappointed in me.
“Our Mother,” I said suddenly, “was of the Jewish Faith, and were it not for the Fact that we were christened, my Sister and I would have been subject to all the Restrictions those People commonly languish under. I am unsurprised at my Father’s Connexion with it.”
“Fie, Brother!” Jane exclaimed, her Features reddening. “Our Mother was a Christian, Aunt hath always said so.”
“Fie yourself, Jane, she was not. Aunt Barnaby is telling Lies. Our Mother never converted. You may succeed in pretending she was English, having, as you do, our Father’s Countenance; but a
ll the Whitelead in the World cannot alter the Fact that I spent my Boyhood running from those Fellows who would have cracked mine Head and thrown me in the River to see how well I would float. I shall be delighted if the Bill is passed.” I thought suddenly of Mr Henry Fielding, and of how as we had first entered into the City of London he had spoken of his Ambition to see Society improved, and improved at a Depth more profound than that of mere Landscaping, by the Enforcement of just, incorrupt, Laws. “These petty Tyrants,” I said, “who pull a Child by the Ears because they reckon him insufficient English for their Liking must be held accountable. There is no Reason whatsoever why our Country should privilege one Religious Sing-song over another, when all are errant Nonsense.”
My Companions stared at me, astonished by mine Outburst, Indeed, I was surprized My Self, for never before had I thought such things mattered to me one Whit.
In that Instant I made the Resolution that, upon the morrow Morning, once Lt. Simmins had gone on his Way, I would betake me not to mine Experiments, but to my Father’s Library and thoroughly acquaint My Self with him. I would read all the Works of those Thinkers who had convinced him in his Atheism, and presumably in his Politicks; I would find him in Philosophy as I had found my Mother in a Poem, and then, when I knew him neither as Father nor Patient, but as an intelligent, feeling Man, I would at last know My Self able to address him, without secret Fear that if I spoke to him he would turn his Eyes from me, and send me sorrowing away.
Simmins went early to Bed, as he had to be up at Dawn to join his Commanding Officers at Highworth. The Ladies having retired before eleven, his Departure left me alone with a preoccupied Erasmus, and mine own Thoughts, which echoed around mine Head with an increasing Loudness and Intensity.
Over the Course of the Evening, my Suspicion that Simmins would obey me, even against his own Inclination, had hardened with every Glass into a Certainty; and my Yearning to prove my Certainty against Fact pricked me beyond Endurance. I made My Self believe that mine Urge had neither to do with Pain, nor Lust, nor Beauty; nor had it anything in common with that rare Species of Love that I shared so willingly with Katherine. The Desire seemed to me instead to represent the ineluctable Consequence of our Beginning; a Progression of our Friendship that was as proper as it was inevitable; and, this Time, I knew neither Guilt nor Terrour at its Promptings.
I thought hard upon what I might ask Simmins do, and for a long while no Inspiration was forthcoming. I had not the least Desire to whip him, and no Chores to set; and I could not see how he, with his Lack of scientific Training, might be of any Use to me in my Researches.
Then the shocking Possibility occurred to me that he might be of some Purpose as a live Human Subject for Experimentation; much as Polly Smith had been, whom I had tortured in the Name of scientific Investigation. Perhaps, I thought, I might be able to use Simmins to determine something of the Experience of Paralysis in a Subject who was still capable of describing its Progress, as my Father, with his more general Sickness, could not aid me any more effectively than my Rats. The Notion, that my Phantasy might become real, troubled me deeply; I thrust it forcefully away.
Finally, as the Clock struck one, and Erasmus, draining the last Drops of his Burgundy, rose to his Feet and bade me a firm Good Night, into my Mind came creeping the unwelcome Memory of Lady B.——, and Annie; and I understood at last what Service I must require of Lt. Simmins; for truly I knew no one else to whom I might have trusted it.
After Erasmus had gone, I picked up the Light from the Table, and made my way quietly, tho’ I was somewhat unsteady upon my Feet, to my Study, and thence to the guest Chamber in which Simmins had settled himself to sleep, and I knocked, hard, thrice, upon the Door.
The Night cracked open. I jumped back. Out of the chasm’d Silence came an irrational Impulse to fling My Self against the vibrating Wood, as if I might thereby muffle the Intrusion, and undo everything that I had done, or that I might yet do. Nonsense, I thought. I am not about to harm him.
There was no immediate Answer, but after three Minutes, or thereabouts, I heard Footsteps upon the Boards beyond the Door, and Fingers scrabbling at the Latch, and then the Door swung inwards, and open. Lt. Simmins stood blinking in white night-Shirt and yellow taper-Light.
“The D-evil?” Simmins said.
“Be easy, Lieutenant Simmins,” I said, taking him by the Shoulders and pushing him backwards into the Room. “I mean you no Harm. I would speak with you, now, in private.”
I closed the Door behind me, and made Simmins put his Candle with mine upon the Mantel and sit upon his Bed, whilst I took up the only Chair, wrapping my Frock tight against the springtime Chill. Simmins’ Face was a pale Lamp in the midnight Darkness. The Chamber seemed to spin slowly about me.
I had intended to reveal almost everything to Simmins: mine uncommon Proclivities, and how my pressing Need to inflict Pain upon another Human Being had led me, before my Marriage, into Vice. I had planned to tell him how the repeated Satisfaction of my vicious Lust had caused it not to slacken, but to grow beyond mine Ability to contain it; of the horrible Operation upon Lady B.—— and my Mortification at Dr Oliver’s Suggestion, as we had walked together afterwards across Covent Garden, that I needed to fuck. I do not know why I had intended this; perhaps I was hoping that to have confesst, to have baptised Simmins into my Darkness, would have brought me a preliminary Form of Absolution. I could never, after all, have spoken of these Horrours to Katherine. But as things fell out, I could not bring My Self to Scratch. I told him only, and in much truncated Form, of the Abuse I had inflicted upon Annie.
“This,” I said, when my Narrative had reached this Point, “is what you must do for me, and ’tis a Charge I would entrust to none other. When you return to London, you shall seek out Miss Annie Moon, otherwise called Antoinette, and present her with this Purse, which contains one hundred Sovereigns, with which, you are to tell her, she is to pay off her Debt to Mrs Haywood. Once she is free, she is not to return to the Whoring, but is to take up an honest Profession.”
Simmins took my proffered Purse, but his Expression was one of unquiet Perplexity. “Mr H-art,” he said, slowly, turning the kid-leather Pouch this Way and that several Times in his Hands. “F-orgive me, but I cannot see why you should shew such G-enerosity toward a common Pr-ostitute, who hath done naught to deserve it.”
I watched my candle-Shaddowe flicker up and down the plastered Wall. “We may call it Purgatory,” I said, at last. “I would pay for the Insult I inflicted upon her Person.”
“S-urely the P-urgation of Guilt,” Simmins ventured tentatively, “is G-od’s Affair; and I do not believe that He—” he flushed, and swallowed, and his Voice droppt until it was barely above a Whisper, “would j-udge you with any great Degree of H-arshness, Mr Hart.”
“My dear Simmins,” I said. “I care naught for how I may appear to any God; what matters is how I appear to My Self; and I am not—I will not be—any Kind of Monster.”
“B-ut you are not,” Simmins said. “I do not kn-ow, in Truth, whether it is possible to r-ape an Whore; and even if it is, you did n-ot. I do not u-nderstand, Sir.” He held out the Purse to me, as if desirous that I take it back.
I pushed his Hand away. “I do not require your Understanding,” I said gently. “Merely your Compliance. Will you give me that?”
Little Simmins looked up at me, his brown Eyes those of my most faithful Hound. At last he gave that little Shrug, so familiar to us both, and put the small leather Bag beneath his Pillow. “I shall, Sir,” he said.
I leaned forward, and taking hold of his Shoulders with mine Hands, softly bussed his Forehead, like an Emperor with his darling Slave, or a Father his beloved Son. “Thank you, Isaac,” I said.
* * *
When I joined Katherine in our marital Bed, some little while later, it was to find her still awake. “Where the Devil have you been?” she demanded, as I slippt beneath the Counterpane, and prepared to snuff out my Candle, which had burned extreamly low.
Surprized by the Vehemence of her Question, I sate up. Her Face had upon it the same Expression it had worn when I had made false Love to Sophy. “With Mr Simmins,” I said.
“Oh.”
“Art jealous?” I exclaimed.
Katherine glared at me. I felt mine Heart wither, like a Violet transplanted all on a Sudden from an English Bank unto the scorching Desert-lands of Araby.
“Tristan,” she said. “Put out the Light.”
“Oh, banish me!” I cried. “But kill me not! I am not so unworthy!”
“You are hideously drunk,” Katherine said. She turned her Back toward me, and pulled the Counterpane up to her Chin. “For God’s Sake put out the Light, and let me go to Sleep.”
CHAPTER THIRTY
Three Mornings after Lt. Simmins’ Visitation, I was busy about my Work when Katherine came unexpectedly to speak with me. I had decided that the Time was right to draft mine Epistle to Dr Hunter requesting his Support, even tho’—in fact, largely because—mine Efforts to reproduce the Effects of Stroake upon a living Animal had proved inconclusive. I could see no Way forward now for mine Endeavour unless I performed the Human Dissections I had previously considered, and proved thereby that a significant Injury to the nervous Tissue of the Brain was, at least, consistently present in these Cases.
I had begun to compose a Letter to the good Doctor detailing my small Successes, when there came Katherine’s soft Rap upon my Door, and it opened, and she steppt within, holding a lavender scented Handkerchief up to her small, straight Nose.
Instantly she gagged; my Study reeked with the Odour of a fox Cub, the Dissection of whose Spinal Cord I had been out of simple Curiosity engaged upon the previous Night. This Cub had been trapped by my Father’s Gamekeeper, and had been dead a Sennight; but nevertheless, the Corpse was in a fair Condition, despite the Decay that had already set in, and I was confident of being able to set up the Skeleton in my Display Case when I had compleated mine Investigation, after mine old Habit: Bloody Bones, Collector of the Dead. My Study was quiet, the Fire low in the Grate; the spring Aire remained cold, and was still. Of all my Creatures, only my Goldfinch now remained to me, and he, toward whom I harboured no experimental Intent, fluttered freely about my Study, perching oft-times on my Shoulder as I worked, and twittering his pretty Melodies into mine Ear. I found this mildly annoying, but I could not bring My Self to cage him for it.