by R E Gauthier
“Speaking of which, what are we going to do about Director Manley?” Deb asked.
Nikki had hoped she had more time before she had to fill Deb in on what she and Torres had discussed earlier. Sure, Deb wouldn’t like what she had to say, Nikki took a deep breath. “I was going to wait until the end of today to discuss this with you, but since you brought it up, I’ll tell you now.”
Deb frowned. “I don’t like the sound of that; tell me what?”
Torres shrugged.
Nikki bit down on her lower lip. “You’ve been reassigned.”
Deb gasped and shuffled a few steps back.
“You knew this might happen,” Torres said as she offered a comforting hand on Deb’s shoulders.
Nikki shrugged. “I’m surprised they took this long; the FBI officially listed Mack as missing and presumed dead unless we can find concrete proof to say otherwise.”
“But… but Dr. Tufts…what…what about the final report?” Deb stammered.
Feeling awful for springing this on Deb, Nikki softened her tone. “Dr. Tufts cannot do anymore with the body. There was too much damage from the heat to work with the bones. The jaw bone fell apart, so dental identification is impossible. She attempted to extract DNA, but again, the bones sustained too much heat damage to get a viable sample.”
“How long have you known about the report?” Deb asked.
“Dr. Tufts called me yesterday. She said the FBI based their summation of Mack’s presumption of death. Because Dr. Tufts cannot find anything that refutes the possibility that the body found in the vehicle registered to Mack isn’t Mack, she had to conclude that in all probability the body found in the SUV is that of Kelsey Laren MacGregor.”
“With Mack presumed dead, Director Manley doesn’t have a choice, but to dismantle the Cold Case Behavioral Unit.”
Deb looked from Nikki to Torres. “You knew about it too? What about the promise to stick together and all for one?”
“I’m sorry, Deb; I don’t have a choice. You’re still a probationary agent, and Manley wants you to get the rest of your training under a Senior Special Agent, and there is an opening in our old Violent Crimes Division. I could not let you jeopardize your career in the FBI if you were to continue working with me.” Nikki lowered her voice to barely a whisper. “You know this is best.”
Deb’s lips pressed together is a slight grimace, and her nose wrinkled.
Nikki felt Deb’s eyes boring into her own.
Torres cleared her throat and excused herself from the room.
Nikki said a silent thank you to Torres as she passed by. She wanted to tell Deb her news without interruption.
“What about you and Torres?” Deb asked as she drew closer to Nikki.
It was apparent to Nikki that Deb saw Torres’s departure as an opportunity to try and convince Nikki to reconsider. Being alone with Deb allowed Nikki to stay where she stood. The promise she made to Mack about staying away from Deborah Norman had to be upheld even in the absence of their Unit Chief. Torres served as a reminder of Mack’s rule, but with Torres leaving the room, Nikki allowed this one transgression. Besides, Deb would no longer be in a unit with her. “I’m taking a sabbatical from the FBI. I have a few weeks of unused vacation and sick leave, and then I’m requesting leave to pursue Intelligence Analyst training.”
“I had no idea you wanted to pursue…”
“I never told you, but that is what I did when I began my career with the FBI. The first two years, I spent traveling from Quantico to D.C. and then settled in with Torres’s Violent Crimes Unit three years out of the Academy. I decided I wanted to be a field agent specializing in Technical Analysis and Computer Forensics.”
“But, in reality, you’re not going to be pursuing more Intelligence Analyst training; you’ll be investigating Mack’s disappearance,” Deb said as her hand cupped Nikki’s cheek.
Nikki tried to ignore the sudden increase in her heart rate and breathing. “It will also be best now that the two of us are not working together.”
“Then I can do…” The rest of Deb’s comment got lost inside Nikki’s mouth.
The kiss was the first time the two women had touched in three days, except for an occasional brush of the hands. Nikki’s body heated up until she felt like she was going up in flames. Pulling away slightly, Nikki said, “Yes, we can do a lot of that and more because we won’t be working together. Manley said you'd be working here in Pittsburgh.”
“Do I have you to thank for being assigned to a field office near you?” Deb asked as she nibbled on Nikki’s lower lip.
Trying to steady her breath, Nikki managed to say, “no, I asked for a favor. Do you remember SSA Rachel Mitchell?”
Deb nodded as she played with the top button of Nikki’s shirt.
“Well, Rachel was able to get you onto a small Taskforce looking for two missing children here in the city. You’ll be working closely with a well-respected Senior Special Agent and Rachel. With your experience working alongside the FBI in the Baltimore case, you were a shoo-in for this assignment. Rachel didn’t have to do much to convince the Taskforces Leader to include you.”
“But I want to help you and Torres find Mack.” Deb pouted.
Nikki closed her eyes as Deb’s fingers had opened the front of her shirt, and the blonde’s tongue was tracing the edge of Nikki’s bra hugging the top of her breast. She decided she wouldn’t tell Deb about Torres not helping her find Mack either; it was best Deb knew little about what she was planning on doing. “Your career will be better for this; when we find Mack, she’ll be happy to have you back. You’ll be even a greater asset to our unit with more experience under your belt.”
“There is one more experience I’d like to have before I go.” Deb used her tongue to trace the hard nipple pushing against the soft material of Nikki’s bra.
This will be our last time, so I should make it special for her. She saw over the top of Deb’s head a text coming in on the monitor. Torres wrote she would be heading to her hotel room, and Nikki could call her when she could. Nikki smiled. She would have the time to say a proper goodbye to Deb before she chased after the clues of Mack’s disappearance hidden by the shady world of spies and international espionage.
“I’ll go lock the door and see what I can do about helping you fulfill that item on your bucket list.”
Deb giggled and smiled as Nikki pulled away from Deb’s mouth.
“I’d much rather call it something else, but we’ll go with a bucket list.”
Nikki lifted the blonde at the waist and leaned into her to position her onto the desktop behind Deb. Leaning in further, Nikki bent at the waist as Deb lay back, giving Nikki ample access to the delicate skin of Deb’s neck. “You can call it whatever you want; right now, I need to taste you. I’ve missed you.”
Deb purred as Nikki nibbled on Deb’s earlobe and ran her tongue down the throat, tasting the soft, quivering flesh.
Slipping a hand between the two of them, Nikki sought Deb’s button and zipper holding her pants closed. Sighing, Nikki closed her eyes as all thoughts of saying goodbye were overridden by saying hello to the little, wet nub greeting her fingers inside Deb’s panties.
Chapter Six
Nanna’s House, Canonsburg, April 6, 2012
“Randi, you need a getaway. Come and stay with me in New York. A change of scenery and some retail therapy will do you good.”
Jess continued explaining how they could go to Miranda’s favorite spa.
Tempted, Miranda wanted to say yes, but she didn’t want to leave Nanna alone. “I can’t right now, Jess. With Kelsey missing, Nanna needs me here more than she’d admit. The rest of the family is planning her memorial, but Nanna refuses to acknowledge the need for what she says is a farce.”
Jess sighed.
Miranda frowned. “I know you believe she’s not alive, but Nanna says she is alive. I’m not about to argue with her. You’d have to see the conviction on Nanna’s face when she tells me she can sense K
elsey’s soul’s light. The woman sensed it when Kelsey was still inside her mother’s womb and every day, since. I need to believe it’s true.”
“Oh, Randi, I’m not sure believing she is still alive is healthy. Didn’t you say Nanna has had some breaks with reality lately?”
Miranda knew Jess wouldn’t forget that conversation. “I told you that in confidence, Nanna isn’t crazy.” Choosing her words carefully, Miranda said, “Nanna does have moments when she lapses into the spirit world as she calls it. Her mind is tired sometimes, and it takes more energy to keep the spirit world at bay at her age.”
“You do know how crazy…out-of-this-world that sounds don’t you? I mean, I’m as open-minded as anyone can be, but these breaks are enough of a warning sign for me. Nanna may be sensing Agent MacGregor in the spirit world, and the FBI did declare her dead.”
“Technically, they had declared her presumed dead in the absence of finding any evidence to prove otherwise. The examiner couldn’t find anything to deem her alive because the body found in Kelsey’s SUV sustained too much damage by the fire for proper identification. They’re going on the assumption that if they found a body in her vehicle after a horrific crash and fire, it had to be her.”
“They did find identification at the scene as well,” Jess added.
“Her wallet with her FBI credentials and her gun isn’t identification.” Miranda corrected.
Jess whispered, “they found her engagement ring on the finger of the woman in the SUV.”
Miranda tried to swallow the lump in her throat and failed. Sobbing into the phone, she said, “she can’t be dead…I will not be able to bear it; not again.”
“Please, Randi, come stay with me. You need to deal with this properly; Nanna has her family, and you need me.”
Miranda knew Jess was right. Jess had helped her through the death of her aunt and brother while she was in college. Jess had been the closest thing Miranda had to a family before she met FBI agent Kelsey MacGregor and her family. “Jess, why don’t you come here? Nanna would love to have another to fuss over, and we can shop and go to spas here. I really cannot leave Nanna; she means too much to me. Besides, I made a promise to Kelsey, and I’m going to keep that promise.”
“What promise was that?” Jess asked.
“I told Kelsey that I’d stay with Nanna and keep her safe until Kelsey came home, and I promised to be here when she got back.” Miranda bit down on her bottom lip and swallowed a sob. “She left me a note that day that she’d be back and had a surprise for me; I have to believe she’s coming home to me.”
“I’ll make some arrangements and can be there for the weekend, but only if you can promise me something.” Jess didn’t explain herself but left it unfinished.
Miranda took Jess not elaborating as a cue for her to ask what Jess wanted her to do. “What is it you want me to promise?”
“I want you to say you will not allow yourself to fall into doldrums until I get there. I want you to let me spoil you, and if something happens that proves beyond any reasonable doubt that Agent MacGregor died, you will promise to accept it.”
Miranda took a deep breath. “That’s more than one promise.”
“I didn’t say I was asking only one of you. Can you promise me this?”
“I can promise you the first two, but this irrefutable proof will have to be pretty good for me to make the last promise.”
“All I ask is that you don’t blindly accept Nanna’s assertions in the face of concrete proof. Kelsey wouldn’t want you to hold onto fantasies and not move on if she is indeed dead. I’m sure there is some bad karma about keeping a spirit from crossing over by holding onto them.”
Miranda smiled. Jess was open to the belief that there could be realms outside of their physical ones. “Thank you, Jess. At the very least, talking to you has made me feel better. Call me when you have made your final plans. I’ll let Nanna know about your visit; I’m sure she’ll be happy to have you.”
“I’m not sure; she wasn’t happy about me lying to you after Baltimore. She said if it were not for me and my meddling, you and her granddaughter would have been together sooner. I don’t think she can forgive me for getting in the way of two halves of a soul coming together, as she put it.”
Miranda closed her eyes. Kelsey had said she was her Anam Charaid or the other half of her soul. She felt in Kelsey’s absence that half of herself was gone; It must be true. “I’m not going to lie, Jess, with Kelsey gone, I feel as if part of me is missing. That is why I cannot give up on her. Giving up would mean giving up on myself or my other half.”
***
Nanna heard the last of Miranda’s side of the phone conversation. Jess called every day since the day the FBI’s press conference announced Kelsey was missing and twice a day since the official death announcement. Miranda always asserted that she believed her beloved was still alive. Today, though, Nanna heard some hesitation and doubt creep into her voice. Frowning, Nanna vowed to make sure the younger woman wouldn’t give up on her granddaughter. “Everyone else may give up on you, Mo Chridhe, but I will not. I know you will find your way back to us.” She whispered an ancient Gaelic prayer to protect Kelsey’s soul. She sensed Miranda’s presence before she joined Nanna in the kitchen.
“Nanna, I hope you don’t mind that I invited Jess to stay with us for a few days. She is worried about me and won’t leave me alone until she sees for herself that I’m fine.”
Nanna smiled and shook her head. “I don’t mind at all. It will be good to have some company, and we’ll convince her of Kelsey still walking this world. I won’t let anyone give up on her. Mo Chridhe can feel us thinking of her, and when she can, she will come home to us.”
Miranda’s arms came around her waist and hugged. “Don’t worry; I will not let that happen either. Kelsey isn’t dead, and we have a wedding to plan. The fourth of June is coming closer every day. Besides, she has a birthday she promised she would be home for; that’s six days away.”
Smiling broadly, Nanna said, “yes, and when she gets home, she will be expecting your presents and to hear all the plans we’ve made. Nothing will stop her from coming home to marry you. I only hope she can take time off; she promised she would. You two deserve a real honeymoon without being dragged back for some FBI business. I do hope you two will also decide to start a family.” Nanna smirked when she felt the deep heat emanating from Miranda. Talking about the two women having children always seemed to make Miranda embarrassed. “There is nothing to be ashamed of when I talk about you and my granddaughter sharing your love and having children. I know you cannot have children the traditional way, but I’ve had visions of children looking like my beloved Mo Chridhe but with your hair and eyes. I know it may not be a realistic notion, but I believe my visions are not indicative of reality but that you two will have children together; however, you decide to make it happen.”
Miranda giggled. “We never talked about it, but I’d love to have a baby with Kelsey. I think Kelsey may have to be the one to carry the baby, though, because my body is getting too old for that.”
Nanna spun around. “Don’t be foolish. I know of women who had babies well into their forties. You’re in great health, and Kenny or Rory could donate the sperm, that way the baby would look like both you and Kelsey.”
Miranda gasped. “You have given this a lot of thought. I’m not sure how Kenny or Rory got mixed up in this, and Lynn and Muriel might have something to say on the matter as well.”
“Pshaw! They have their children. The baby wouldn’t be theirs in any way but biological, and I’m sure those two had unprotected sex at least once other than with their wives. I also know that Kenny donated to a sperm bank once in college on a dare.”
The red color on Miranda’s face deepened. “Oh my God, seriously Nanna, you have given this way too much thought. Kelsey and I are not even married, and you have not only planned our children but the method and logistics behind their conception.”
“Dear, you
said it yourself; you’re not getting any younger. Kelsey would make the best mother, and I know she would make an even better wife for you.”
Miranda paused and smiled. Her eyes filled up, and a tear escaped down her face.
Nanna’s heart clenched as she felt the most profound pain emanating from the younger woman. She couldn’t believe that much pain could be inside that small body, but feeling it’s crushing weight, Nanna almost toppled over. Miranda must have been hiding her worries and fears from her. “Miranda, you are my granddaughter’s deepest love, you’re her heart. Because she is my greatest love, you mean more to me than you’ll ever know. I don’t want you to hide your true feelings from me any longer. If you are worried or fear anything, please talk to me.”
The smaller woman sank into the chair at the breakfast nook. “I didn’t want to bother you with my problems. Besides, you said that Kelsey needed us to have positive thoughts, so she’ll find herself back to us. I’ve been pushing the negative things out of my mind.”
Nanna shook her head. “No, you cannot do that. You need to face these fears and turn them into hopes and dreams. If you push them away, they gain strength and come back stronger next time. Is e a bhith a ’leigeil às eagal a bhith saor bho na draghan agad.”
“You and Kelsey say the most beautiful things in Gaelic, but forget I don’t understand a word you’re saying.” Miranda leaned forward to play with a flower on the table.
“It’s an old Gaelic proverb, and essentially it means that to let go of your fears will give you freedom from your worries. You need to talk about what scares you, and then they will have no hold on you.”
Miranda took a deep breath and closed her eyes. “I’m afraid that Kelsey isn’t coming home. I didn’t tell her how much I love her, and now I may never get another chance again. I lost everyone I have ever loved to death, and life seems to keep taking away from me, the ones I cannot live without. I don’t want to know if I can do it again. I need her in my life. We only found each other, and I’m afraid we’ll never grow old together. I’m afraid I’ll never hear her voice, feel her lips on me, or see her wonderful smile. I’m afraid I’ll never smell her scent fresh out of a shower and taste coffee on her lips when she kisses me good morning.” Tears were rolling down Miranda’s face as she trembled with each sob.