by R E Gauthier
Aisling felt her heartache for her mother’s pain. Her mother may have raised her, but Aisling felt closer to her mother as if the older woman was her best friend. In truth, Aisling hadn’t had many friends growing up. They traveled and hid all over Europe and the Netherlands, and she was home-schooled by her mother. Aisling never saw many girls or woman her age for over half of her life.
For the first three years of their travels away from home, Aisling was told it was temporary. Then that night happened that would change her life forever. The men who shot her father, the man who assaulted Aisling and her mother; all of that horrible night changed everything. After that night, Aisling learned that her life wasn’t her own. She could never go back to her old life, and her loved ones were in danger if she did. That night Aisling became Ashley MacAskill. Everything she knew and loved had been ripped from her life along with the innocence the man took from her. “No, mother, you did what you did because you loved dad. You didn’t want him to go. If he went alone, we would never have seen him again. That would have broken your heart.”
“I should have done it for you. I cannot forget what happened to you. I don’t know how you can forgive me?”
“It wasn’t your fault. You were hurt as well that night. I don’t blame you or dad for anything that has happened. There is nothing to forgive. Dad was only doing his job, and for that, his life has been a living hell. They could have protected him better. This isn’t his fault; it is theirs.”
“Shhh, don’t let anyone hear you say that. They have ears and eyes everywhere. Haven’t you learned your lesson? She’s always around here somewhere.” Cat looked around nervously.
Aisling hated what had happened to her mother. These last few years, her mother was a shell of the strong, resilient woman she once was. Years of hiding, running, and pain had taken their toll on Catrina as it had on Aisling. She hated her name, and although Ash, her parent’s nickname, was closer to Aisling, she missed people calling her by her real name. When Kelsey said it yesterday, it had been like her prayers had been answered. But now, Kelsey was angry with her. “Mom, please don’t worry. She’s not here. Don’t you remember she and I broke up last month?” Aisling knew her mother and father didn’t like her relationship with Marina Carlotti, but the two knew each other since they were teens, having to hide who they were. Their bond had grown out of a need to find someone who would understand. Aisling and Marina were as close as friends could be until one day, they became lovers. Aisling then realized why her mother chose to do the most difficult things because of love. She thought she loved Marina with her whole being, but then Marina changed, and Aisling couldn’t be the woman Marina needed her to be. After what Marina did a few weeks ago, Aisling knew she could never forgive her, and what love she had for Marina, faded even more.
Cat’s brow furrowed, and she mumbled something incoherently. “She could still be here. She’s good at hiding. Remember how you two used to hide from us for hours. She could still be here.”
Aisling knew Marina wasn’t here, because she had spoken to her last night and the woman was somewhere in France. It was paramount she got Kelsey’s cooperation soon, so they could leave before Marina came home. “Mom, she’s not here. I promise you. Why don’t you have a nap, and then after lunch, we can go for that run? You are right; some fresh air will do us all some good.” Maybe she could convince Kelsey to come outside; if only she wouldn’t threaten to run away again.
Chapter Twelve
An Undisclosed Garden, April 12, 2012
Kelsey’s deep nauseating hunger finally won her over, and she relented and had something to eat. It had been several days since more than a few sips of water had passed her lips, and the food sat heavy in her shrunken stomach. She had only eaten a small piece of toast and some broth, but it felt like a four-course meal. Today she asked to sit out on the patio in the sun; she promised she wouldn’t try anything. After two days of sulking in her room alone, she craved human companionship. A maid told Kelsey that Aisling and her aunt would be joining her on the patio after lunch. She anxiously awaited their arrival. Wringing her hands, she thought of what she wanted to say to them.
The last couple of days gave her time to think, and she decided not to fight what had happened to her. She had to gain her strength back so she could escape. Although Aisling kept telling her they had rescued her from certain death, she felt like a prisoner and needed to get back to Miranda and Nikki. The only two women who had never lied to her were the two women in her life she could trust most.
The rustle of movement drew her mind back to her present situation, and Kelsey saw two women walking toward her. One she already knew was Aisling, but the other reminded her of a younger, shorter version of her grandmother. Tears burned behind her eyes. She had shed so many tears the past few days, her eyes ached. The soft brown hair and green eyes of her aunt Catriona reminded Kelsey of her mother. Biting down on the inside of her mouth, Kelsey tried to keep from sobbing. She had missed her aunt almost as much as she missed her mother. Even with all she had learned the last several days, Aunt Cat was someone she loved very much.
Aisling had spoken about her mother and warned Kelsey that she wasn’t the woman she used to know, but all Kelsey saw was the older version of a woman she loved deeply and who she thought had died over twenty-one years ago. Trembling, she rose and walked to meet the two women. “Aunt Cat,” she managed to get out before sobs escaped her. She drew the smaller, frailer woman into her arms.
“Kelsey, you have grown so much. You look like your father, but you have mother’s eyes, and your height is definitely from mother…” The rest of her comment was crushed against Kelsey’s chest.
Kelsey felt the woman in her arms shake with sobs. Kelsey’s heart broke for the woman in her arms, but she knew she needed to keep her emotions in check because. Aunt Cat had lied to her as well. Part of her would never trust Nanna, Aunt Cat, and Aisling ever again. Kelsey looked at Aisling from over her aunt’s shoulders, and she saw her cousin’s smile. “This doesn’t change anything,” Kelsey whispered to her.
“Ash has told me you don’t want her to explain to you about why we had to do what we did. I think you need to know so you’ll understand and stop fighting us. Ash only wants you to be safe. Please listen to what we have to say.”
Kelsey shook her head. “Ash? Is that your name now? I suppose you’re not Cat anymore?”
“No, I’m Catrina, so you can still call me Aunt Cat.”
Kelsey couldn’t believe how calm and matter-of-factly her aunt spoke about things. It was as if she had no emotional response to anything she had said. Like their identities changed, and it didn’t matter one way or the other. “I told Aisling or Ash as you like to call her that I won’t listen to anything you have to say until you let me speak to Miranda and Nikki; they deserve to know I am well.”
“We cannot do that. I noticed you didn’t ask to speak to your grandmother, why is that?” Aunt Cat smiled wistfully.
Aisling had been right; her aunt wasn’t anything like the woman she used to know. The years had taken away the light in those eyes, and she was only a shell of the woman she knew. “I’m sure Nanna already knows I’m safe, or am I to believe that she has had no contact with you all these years?”
Aisling sighed heavily. “I told you we haven’t spoken to Nanna in all this time. We could not risk someone finding out we reached out to her. She would have been in danger if they learned we didn’t die that night.”
“But you told me that they found you; that night you were attacked, they knew you were not dead. Or did you just lie; maybe that night never happened, and you just used it to garner sympathy from me.”
Aunt Cat and Aisling gasped.
“How could you think that?” Aisling sobbed.
“How could I think you would lie, or how could I think you would use me? No, you don’t get to act angry or shocked that I would think you would lie about something like that. I’ve been lied to my whole life. I will never know what is
real and true again. I wanted revenge for your deaths, I wanted justice, and it shaped me my entire life. Now, I find out it was all a lie. I don’t have anything to bring back that part of my life I lost to rage and vengeful thoughts. I buried so much of myself so that I could keep a promise I made to you to find justice for your deaths. You’re not dead; I kept a promise for nothing. I wasted my life for NOTHING!!” The rage she buried, the grief she suppressed, and the shock of learning the truth all hit Kelsey at once. The world she knew was crumbling around her and with it, her identity. Who is Kelsey Laren MacGregor?
“Kelsey, you have every right to be angry and feel like you have had everything taken away from you, but we all lost something, and that night was real. I hurt from that night every moment of my life. I wasn’t supposed to reach out to you, and mother got angry when she learned I had, but you were the only person I trusted. I love you as much as I did my entire life, and I hurt not having you in my life, but we didn’t do this lightly. They would have killed or done worse to you and Nanna. They threatened it many times!”
Aunt Cat gasped.
Aisling touched her mother’s arm. “I’m sorry, mother.”
Kelsey looked at the crumpled version of the aunt she once knew. Aunt Cat looked horrified and crushed.
“You shouldn’t have told her. It will only get worse if she knows the whole truth.” Aunt Cat got up and spun around on Aisling. “Your father will not be pleased. We will have to move again, and I have finally got the place to look the way I wanted it to.”
Kelsey looked about and then realized why the place had a familiar look; the garden was set up in the same way Nanna had hers, and there were even some of the same groupings of flowers and scrubs. Her Aunt Cat was trying to recreate the home she had left behind. “Who are the people you’re talking about? Did they threaten you? How? Why would these people care what you tell me?”
Aisling shook her head. “I said too much. I only wanted you to understand that mother and father did what they thought was best, and to keep us all together. They did what they did to protect the rest of the family. You can only see what you lost or how what you call our lie affected you. We all lost. We all suffered, and we all had our lives changed forever. At least for most of your life, you went about not knowing. You had the benefit of being happy or having the chance of a real childhood. You had a life and a chance to make something of yourself. We only had hiding in fear, losing everyone, everything, and we couldn’t do anything about it. What dad did was sacrificed everything so that you and the rest of the family would be safe? I was too young to make my own decisions, but once I was old enough, the choice was easy for me. I either could reach out to you and have my actions take you away forever, or I could keep living this lie as you call, but it was MY LIFE!”
Kelsey was taken aback by Aisling’s emotional outburst. Up until today, her cousin had been patient and smiling, but Kelsey’s honesty and accusations had struck a chord. She never thought about how the years had taken their toll on her aunt and cousin. Kelsey only saw her loss and pain. “I didn’t think, but you cannot blame me for feeling like the victim here. How could I have known you had suffered? How would I have known what you lost? How did I know your father sacrificed everything for my safety or the rest of the family’s safety? As you said, this was your life, and I wasn’t a part of it.” Tears were streaming down her face, and she tasted their saltiness.
Aisling drew nearer and took Kelsey into her arms. “I wanted you here with me. But to do that would have made you live like I did, in fear. I wanted you to have a life, and you did. I’ve watched you from afar for years and cheered you on. You made me so proud to hear about the cases you solved, the justice you got for the victims of those horrible crimes. Seeing you happy and in love has made everything I did worth it. If I were given a chance to do it all again or do something different, I would have done it the same.”
Kelsey held her cousin tightly as they wept.
Aunt Cat joined them and hugged them tightly. “I’m going to leave you two alone to catch up.”
Aisling and Kelsey hugged one another and sobbed. The years had brought so much pain to each of them that they couldn’t share. They finally could share all of that with the other, and they clung to one another for support. Both women had grown, but at that moment, they were the little girls hiding under the blanket, telling each other their hopes, dreams, and fears. Within the circle of their arms, they got the comfort they had craved for so long. The years they lost were swept away, and they remembered the fierce bond they shared since birth.
For the first time in her life, Kelsey felt the connection she had lost. The only thing that could make it better was to have the woman she loved with her also. She knew she needed to be patient; I’ll make Aisling realize I can help them. I’ll be with you again soon, Miranda, I promise.
Chapter Thirteen
Nikki’s Secret Bunker, April 12, 2012
Nikki’s fingers flew over the keyboard as she entered the algorithm into the mainframe. Every moment was another one lost without Mack, and she needed to find where they took her. Today was Mack’s thirty-fifth birthday, and Nikki said a silent Happy Birthday to her best friend. She promised she wouldn’t miss another one.
Tracing the origins of the text sent to the burner phone, Paul Washburg had on him when he died, was her only hope. Nikki spent endless hours the last two days, tracking down anything that could lead her to who took her best friend and where she was being held. Torres’s little hidey-hole in the ground was a perfect place for Nikki. The equipment was untraceable, state-of-the-art technology that Nikki needed to decrypt computer codes, hack into databases, and surveil every CCTV in the country. The military satellites were also not safe as she used them to look into Mack’s travels the day of her disappearance.
It had been years since she had allowed her alter-ego out to play, and now that ‘Speedy’ was out, she didn’t want to go back undercover. Nikki had taken on the persona of Speedy years ago, fresh out of high school. She hung out with computer nerds in school and then got in with a crowd of computer coders that could find their way into any mainframe in the world. They had competitions to see who could get there the fastest, and after one afternoon, Nikki was given the nickname Speedy for her ability to get into any mainframe undetected and quicker than everyone else.
A few weeks ago, Nikki put on her Speedy cap to help get the information that led Mack to discover the true identity of her uncle Ethan. Stephan McColl worked with Mi6 before he flew to the US under the alias Ethan MacDonald. She told Mack a ‘friend’ had helped her, all the while it had been, she as Speedy who found what they needed. Over the years, she had become Speedy when there was no way they could get the information by legal means. Speedy could do what Nicole Hyland could not.
Her burner phone rang, and she looked at the caller ID. Deb called her at least once a day, but she hadn’t heard from her yet. Frowning, she saw it wasn’t Deb. Not sure why it upset her not to have Deb disturb her, Nikki hit the don’t accept icon. The phone chimed again — Jesus, whose calling me. The name or number wasn’t displayed; she had no idea who would be calling her. Hitting the accept icon, she barked, “Hello, who is this?”
“I’m the person who is going to help you locate the woman you’re looking for.”
What the fuck? Nikki looked down at her phone. Who had gotten her number? She thought she had covered her tracks. “Who, the fuck, are you? How did you get this number?”
“It’s not important who I am but how I can help you, Speedy.” The distorted voice said.
Someone who knew Nikki was Speedy had found her; this wasn’t good. She wracked her brain to how anyone could have located her and traced her to this burner phone. Nikki had been more careful than usual because she knew the CIA, Mi6, and other agencies had ways to find her if she weren’t. The only way that someone could have found her was if they knew Speedy’s signature. That was it. This had to be someone from her early days; pre-FBI that recognized Spe
edy by her digital signature in the codes she wrote. “Why do you want to help me?” Nikki thought if she played along, she might learn who this person was.
“It’s been a long time Speedy, and when I saw your work, it piqued my interest. I’ve been trailing you for a few days. I think I know where you can find the woman you are looking for.”
Nikki knew she could use all the help she could get, but had to be careful to make sure she didn’t trust the wrong people. The people who had Mack were good at hiding in the shadows and lurking where no one could find them. But those same people also had people like Speedy working for them to locate the leaks or weaknesses in their organizations. If such a person were to find Speedy, Nikki would be in danger, and then she would never find Mack. “If you want to help me. Meet me somewhere, so I can make sure you’re not someone trying to stop me. There is a coffee shop on—”
“The corner of Lexington and Madison and they still make the best espresso in town. I’ll be there in twenty.” The voice said before Nikki could finish her sentence.
The call ended.
Nikki looked puzzled. This was a sign that it was indeed someone from her early coding days because the group always met at this little coffee shop in Pittsburgh. The person knew what shop before Nikki had time to complete her sentence. Buoyed by the knowledge that it wasn’t some spook or NSA analyst who had trailed her, Nikki jumped up to get ready to meet this person. I wonder who this could be?
***
Uncommon Grounds Coffee Shop, Pittsburg, April 12, 2012
Nikki arrived at the Uncommon Grounds coffee shop in record time. She wanted to be there before the person came, so she could scope it out for anyone who may be watching them or following her. She walked around the shop three times to make sure no one had followed her, and after entering the shop, she walked to the washroom and to the counter to look for anyone who looked out of place. After ordering a double espresso with extra foam, Nikki sat in a chair against the wall affording her a view of the door and counter. Several people walked through the door, but no one scanned their surroundings as if they were looking for someone.