by Gayle Wilson
Her eyes focused on the interior. That’s when she realized she’d been wrong. Something had changed. There was no one in the car now.
She scanned the parking lot. Although the people who lived in this complex usually came and went throughout the evening, not a single soul was outside now. Even the curtains on the lighted units across the way were drawn, shielding their inhabitants from the night.
Maybe she’d been wrong. Maybe one of them had been sitting in his car. Listening to the ending of a song. Or to one of the popular sports discussion shows. Finishing a conversation on their cell phone.
There were a dozen legitimate reasons for someone to be sitting in their car.
Jenna almost dropped the phone when it shrilled, vibrating in her hand. She lifted it, holding it out in front of her as she waited for the number to appear on the caller ID display.
It wasn’t one she recognized, but that didn’t mean anything. Maybe someone from work who’d heard about what had happened was checking on her. Or maybe the dispatcher had decided to pass her call on to the police after all.
When the phone rang a second time, she punched the talk button, bringing the receiver to her ear. “Hello?”
“Should I be expecting a visit from the cops?”
There was no doubt in her mind who was on the line. The same deep voice. The same nearly unidentifiable accent.
“Any minute now.”
“You don’t lie worth a damn, Dr. Kincaid. I would think that someone with your training would be much better at that.”
“I’m not lying.”
He laughed, sounding genuinely amused. That should probably have unnerved her as much as seeing him sitting outside her building had. It made her angry instead.
“What do you want from me?” she demanded.
“Absolutely nothing, I assure you. Not one thing.”
“Then why are you out there?”
“Out where?”
He wasn’t going to admit what they both knew. He had parked across from her apartment so he could watch her.
“I’m sorry you thought I was sympathetic to him.” If placating the man would put an end to this nonsense, Jenna was more than willing to do that. “Nothing could be further from the truth. He’s vicious and sadistic, and believe me, I want him caught as much as anybody in this town.”
“It’s good to hear we’re in agreement.”
“Look, I’ve said I’m sorry for the way I came across. I don’t know what else you want me to say—”
“I told you. I don’t want a thing from you, Dr. Kincaid.”
“Then why are you outside my apartment? Why did you wait for me to come out of the office last night? What kind of game are you playing?”
“I’m not your concern, Dr. Kincaid. Believe me, I don’t intend you any harm.”
“Then stop stalking me.”
“Legally, what I’m doing—”
“Don’t talk to me about ‘legally.’ You followed me. You’re outside my apartment. You’re calling me. If that isn’t stalking—” She stopped the tirade because she knew she was giving him what he wanted. Control. “Just go away and leave me the hell alone.”
The catch in her voice on the last word made her furious. The day she let this bastard make her cry—
“Did you read those papers, Dr. Kincaid?”
He must have been parked out there when she’d arrived this afternoon, the newspapers under her arm. She had been so focused on getting inside and devouring them that she’d never thought to check out the parking lot. Of course, that wasn’t part of her normal homecoming routine. It would be from now on.
“I read them,” she answered.
“Then you know what I told you yesterday is true.”
About how well she fit the profile? “I don’t think—”
“Good,” he interrupted. “Don’t think. Just close your blinds, lock your doors and stay inside.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means that if I were a woman in this town who looked so much like the rest of them, that’s what I’d do. It’s what other women all over this town are doing right now. I’m suggesting you join them.”
Jenna tried to come up with a response, but she couldn’t find words to express how his advice made her feel. Angry, of course. Yet fearful, too. And furious with herself that with a few words he could make her feel that way.
“Leave me alone.” Her voice was soft, but she allowed the emotion she felt into her tone, something she rarely did.
“I know you won’t believe me, but that really would be your worst nightmare. You do exactly what I tell you, and I promise nothing is going to happen to you.”
Jenna opened her mouth to respond, but the click on the other end of the line told her it was too late. He’d had the last word, just as he’d intended.
Frozen in shock by what had just transpired, she realized she was standing with the phone still pressed against her ear and her mouth open. She closed it, swallowing her fury, and lowered the phone. She pushed the off button as she took a deep breath, trying to think.
She wasn’t going back through 911. And she for damn sure wasn’t going to talk to the Mountain Brook police again. She was going straight to the task force instead and demand that she be allowed to meet with one of the detectives working the case.
At the very least, Sean Murphy had some kind of fixation with the killer. And at the worst…
She’d get the restraining order the dispatcher had mentioned. Something that would keep him off the grounds of her apartment complex and away from her office as well.
Paul knew a lot of people in this town. He would help her figure out whom she should call. Then, if this bastard pulled this same stunt tomorrow night—
The police would deal with him, and she wouldn’t have to. Never again.
And right now, that’s really all she wanted.
Five
“I saw the segment you did for Channel 47 on holiday depression. I confess that it struck a little too close to home. Especially the part about feeling let down that things don’t live up to your expectations.”
Despite Paul’s undoubtedly kind intentions in insisting she take yesterday afternoon off, it had made today a scheduling nightmare. And when Sheila had asked her this morning, Jenna had reluctantly given the okay for a new patient to be added to the end of her already full appointment calendar.
After less than five minutes spent with John Nolan, she was wishing she’d put him off until another day. Nothing he’d told her so far seemed to warrant the urgency he’d expressed when he’d called the office.
He had asked for her by name, however, and more importantly, he’d specifically mentioned the television interview. That had set off a few alarms. Enough that she had decided to work him in, just to see what kind of read she got.
Even before he’d arrived, she had discarded as ridiculous the idea that a serial killer would be brazen enough to show up at her office. Calls like Nolan’s resulted from most of the interviews the staff gave. Add that to the increased demand for counseling brought on by the pressures of the season, and there was nothing unusual about the guy’s request for an immediate appointment.
She’d already been booked solid the rest of the week with the makeups from yesterday and her regular patients, many of whom also had trouble dealing with the holidays. If she hadn’t agreed to see him today, Nolan would have been forced to wait until after the New Year, which Sheila said he really didn’t want to do.
“That’s something that’s extremely common,” she said, trying to sound interested. “Not only with Christmas, but with any occasion we look forward to with a lot of anticipation. Is this something you experienced last year?”
“Last year. Every year I can remember. It seems that nothing I do is quite good enough.”
“For your family? Or for yourself?”
“Both, I suppose. It just doesn’t seem to matter how much I plan or how hard I work, things…unravel. And there’s not
hing I can do about it.”
“And that makes you feel…?” She hesitated, allowing him an opportunity to fill in the blank she’d left.
His lips pursed slightly as he looked down at his hands. They were well shaped, the nails clean and neatly trimmed.
On the paperwork John Nolan had filled out, he’d written self-employed. He hadn’t put anything in the section on insurance or in the one that asked for his occupation. Which meant he could be anything, she supposed, from a writer to a day trader.
Nor had she been able to glean much about either his education or financial status from his appearance. The maroon V-necked sweater, which he wore over a white button-down collar dress shirt and the khaki trousers were too generic to offer much socioeconomic information.
His hair, light brown and slightly sun-glazed, appeared to have been freshly cut, although it was a little longer than she normally found attractive. And yet he was, she admitted. Very attractive.
Just as she reached that conclusion, he glanced up, meeting her eyes. His were hazel, tending more toward green than brown. They widened as he realized she’d been watching him.
“So how does that make you feel?” she prodded.
“Inadequate.”
Her smile widened. “The human condition. At least for most of us. Do you want to talk specifics? Something particular that happened last Christmas?”
“Not really. Suffice it to say that I again fell short. And they let me know about it.”
“Your family,” she clarified.
“My mother in particular. She’s always been hard to please. I know I should be used to it by now, but for some reason I always think that this time I’ve found something she’ll have to approve of.”
“So this is a pattern that’s been repeated over and over, no matter what you give her.”
“Implying she’s the problem and not me?”
His question was a little too glib, but perhaps he’d done some reading on the subject. Many people did these days, especially with the proliferation of mental health information on the Web.
“Is that a possibility?” she asked, her tone neutral.
“More than a possibility. It’s almost certainly the case.”
“Then if you recognize that…” Again she hesitated, waiting for him to draw the obvious conclusion.
“I should be able to do something about it. You’re right, of course. And believe me, I’ve tried. I still manage to end up feeling as if I’ve failed. Her. And myself.”
“Then maybe the first step in changing your feelings is to acknowledge that no matter what you do or how much trouble you go to, you probably aren’t going to please her. That should lower your expectation to a more reasonable level.”
“It sounds simple, but…Look, I’m a grown man. I’ll be the first to admit that she shouldn’t have that much power over me. Not enough to spoil one holiday after another.”
“She’s your mother. Most of us were raised to care about pleasing our parents. Just not, I hope, to the detriment of our own well-being. You mentioned that my comments during the interview about holiday depression had struck a chord. Do you think that what you’ve felt over the years might be classified as depression?”
“I don’t know. I guess one person’s depression is another person’s excuse for a stiff drink and a good dinner.”
Not too far off the mark, Jenna thought with an inward smile. Not that depression wasn’t real and serious, but to some people, anytime they felt disappointment or sadness about something, even if those feelings were justified by the situation, that qualified in their minds as depression. John Nolan seemed to have a more realistic attitude.
“Is that what you do? Indulge yourself to make up for how she makes you feel?”
“Occasionally. After hearing you talk, I realized the mistake I make every year is in still having any expectation of pleasing her.”
“So will that help with the stress this year?”
“It should. But then, I am here.”
“Taking steps to deal with your feelings is definitely a move in the right direction. So what do you think you need to do next in order to feel better?”
“What do you think, Dr. Kincaid? That is why I came, you know. To hear your advice.”
Again, something about the exchange seemed contrived. It was all too pat.
Of course, some patients didn’t want to give voice to the obvious conclusions. They wanted to have them spelled out, so that they became more like directives. Since Nolan’s mother was obviously controlling if not domineering, perhaps he needed that kind of instruction.
“All right. Other than on gift-giving occasions, what kind of relationship do you have with your mother?”
“Distant,” he said with a laugh. “Both physically and emotionally. That’s by choice, by the way. Probably by both our choices.”
“And she doesn’t want a closer relationship?”
“If she does, she’s never given any indication of it.”
Which was strange, considering the apparent power play at Christmas. Still…
“Then if you’re both comfortable with not seeing one another, why not mail her presents to her. That way she can’t express any overt disappointment in them. Not any that will be up close and personal.”
“She’s the only family I have. I’d feel terrible not flying out there for the holidays.”
“And how would that be different from how you feel now?”
He laughed, and Jenna gave him points for acknowledging the absurdity of the caveat he’d just offered. Actually, she liked him better for the laughter.
Still, she’d begun to feel that he was a little old to be so thoroughly manipulated by his mother and perhaps less than truthful about why he was here. Somewhere in the back of her mind was a sliver of uneasiness.
“Maybe I’d just feel more guilty.”
“Or maybe you’d feel more in control,” she suggested. “You said it doesn’t matter what you give her. This year send her an expensive bouquet of roses and then go out and have that good dinner, knowing that you’ve done the best you can. If she doesn’t like your gift, you haven’t lost anything. Except the experience of watching her disapproval.”
“Do you really think something like that will work?”
“I think if you tell yourself this Christmas is going to be different, it will be. Call her and tell her you aren’t going to be able to make it this year. Send the flowers. Then tell yourself that you’ve done your part, and if she doesn’t like them, that’s her problem.”
“She is my mother.”
“Yes, she is. And ultimately it’s your choice as to how much control you’re going to allow her.”
His eyes again dropped to his hands. “You’re right, of course. I know that. It isn’t easy to change the dynamics of a relationship as it’s existed all your life.”
“You want to or you wouldn’t be here.”
“I think I believed that you would just give me something to make me feel better about myself.”
“I thought I was,” Jenna said, smiling at him when he looked up. “You thought I’d give you some medication.”
“I did, but…If I may, I’d like some time to think about what you’ve said.”
“Of course.”
“And I can call you again if I want to talk?”
“Call my secretary and ask for an appointment. I have to warn you, though. I may not be able to fit you in so quickly.”
“I know. And I appreciate that you saw me today. I didn’t expect it, to tell the truth. Not with what you said about how many people have problems this time of year.”
“That’s why we try to see anyone who needs us.”
He nodded, and then he stood. Jenna rose as he extended his hand. She took it and was surprised to find his handshake firm, his palm slightly callused. Of course, a couple of sessions a week at a gym could explain that.
“Thank you,” he said earnestly.
“You’re welcome. Call ag
ain if you want to talk more.”
“I will.”
He released her hand, stepping away from the desk. He had almost reached the door before he turned back, nodding once more before he went through it.
Jenna blew out a breath, before sinking back into her chair. She should write up her notes on the session, but instead she pushed the folder that held John Nolan’s paperwork to the middle of her desk.
She crossed her arms over her chest and exhaled again, this one audible in the silence of her office. All she wanted to do now…
…was to have a stiff drink and a good dinner.
Maybe her last patient was a better therapist than she was. She picked up the phone and punched Sheila’s extension.
“I’m gone,” she said when the secretary answered. “Nothing at eight tomorrow, right?”
“And a cancellation at nine. You’re in luck.”
“Thanks, Sheila. Hold that thought.”
“I will, believe me. See you tomorrow.”
Jenna put the phone down and pushed her chair away from the desk. As she did, she turned to look out the expanse of glass behind her. Although she was an hour later than usual leaving, for some reason she was surprised to find that night had fallen with seasonal suddenness.
The anxiety she’d managed to hold at bay most of the day bubbled up again. She was no longer able to distinguish between the unease caused by the general hysteria that gripped the city and that created by her personal nemesis. All she knew was that she hadn’t had time to take care of the restraining order, and that she now faced the prospect of returning to her apartment to find him waiting for her again.
She thought about giving in and driving out to spend the night at her parents’ home. Only the knowledge of how isolated that big, empty house was made her decide that going back to her own apartment was the lesser of two evils. And if Sean Murphy was there again—
She would call the police. And this time she would keep calling until someone paid attention.
Head lowered against the wind, Jenna hurried across the parking deck, the sound of her heels echoing off the concrete. She had deliberately parked nearer the building this morning.
A good idea, she decided, since the staff lot was practically deserted. Of course, this close to Christmas everyone was eager to get away from the office as quickly as they could to take care of the hundred and one things that still needed to be done in preparation for the holiday.