by Jessica Wood
He stopped mid-step and stared at me. “You’re shitting me, right?”
“What?” I tried to hide my feelings.
“How are you okay with this? How is Connor not out here looking with you when it’s his dog, and one from a previous relationship no less?” He looked at me incredulously.
“He’s tied up at work. It was an emergency and he couldn’t get away.”
Ethan’s expression became darker and I saw his grip tighten around the umbrella handle. “I just don’t get it. How can Connor let his fiancée, who just recently came out of a coma with amnesia, wander the streets aimlessly by herself in the middle of the night, in the pouring rain, to look for his dog? What kind of man is he?” His jaw tightened with every passing breath.
For some reason, I felt defensive over Connor at that moment. “He doesn’t know I’m out here looking for Scooter. Connor’s a great guy, and he’s been amazing to me.”
“I’m starting to find that hard to believe. I think you deserve better, Liv.”
His words rang too close to home after what had happened tonight with Connor, and I felt my defensive walls go up against this man.
“Well, you don’t have to believe me. The truth is the truth. Connor’s been by my side through my accident. He’s been so understanding, loving, and patient with me through all this, and I know it hasn’t been easy for him to love someone who doesn’t even remember him. He may not be here right now, but he means more to me than you do.” The moment my last few words escaped my lips in spite, I regretted them.
Ethan’s face fell and he turned his gaze away from me. When he turned back to face me, his demeanor had changed.
“I know he means a lot more to you than I do. As hard as it is for me to accept, I get that. I just don’t want to see you hurt. I’m sorry if I’ve upset you with my comments—sometimes my straight-forwardness gets me into trouble.”
“Why do you care, Ethan? I don’t mean to be rude, but you hardly know me. At first, I thought you were just some guy who was looking for a fun time, and you saw me as an easy target. But that doesn’t explain why you’re here helping me tonight, or the comments you’ve made about Connor. So why do you care?”
To my surprise, he let out a chuckle and shook his head. “You know what? I can’t explain it, and I don’t understand why, but the more I get to know you, the more I want to be around you.” He paused and a smile curved onto his lips. “You really don’t know how different you are, do you?”
I frowned, confused by his question. “What do you mean?”
His infectious smile widened as he met my eyes. “You really care about the people around you, and you put others first. Instead of feeling sorry for yourself about losing your memory, or focusing on yourself, you’re thinking about how hard your amnesia has been on Connor. Instead of telling your housekeeper and butler to go look for the dog, or at least help you look, you don’t want to trouble them and want them to enjoy their evenings off. So while they’re having a relaxing night at the house, you’re out here in the pouring rain, without an umbrella, in the middle of the night, looking for a dog that your fiancé got with his ex-girlfriend.”
“There are a lot of people who would do that. It’s not that unlikely.” I tried to dismiss his comments as I felt my cheeks flush at the sincerity of his words.
He shook his head in disbelief. “That’s not normal, Liv. That’s you. The way you care for someone is selfless and unadulterated. You have real heart and depth. You’re unlike any woman I’ve ever met.”
I stared at him, unsure of how to respond to his words.
Then he laughed awkwardly, breaking the silence. “Well, I guess I was wrong. I guess I can explain why I care about you and why I want to be around you.” A sheepish grin appeared on his face and he looked at me expectantly, waiting for me to say something.
“You’re not what I’d expected, Ethan.” Our eyes met and we shared a smile. At that moment, I felt something shift inside of me. It was a feeling that was new, something that scared me. But it was also something I couldn’t seem to turn my back to. Something about this man intrigued me and as much as I wanted to deny it, I knew I wanted to know more about him.
***
After almost two hours of walking in the rain-drenched streets, Scooter was nowhere to be found. Ethan walked me to the house before grabbing a cab home.
As I walked up to the front door of the house, I felt the weight of anxiety return, constricting every nerve of my body.
But the minute I walked through the door, Scooter came running down the hall and jumped up at me.
“You’re home!” I cried in disbelief as tears of relief ran down my face.
“Hey, babe,” came Connor’s voice as he rushed toward me. “Where were you? I was getting worried.”
I stared at him, unsure of how I felt after our last conversation. “I was out looking for Scooter.”
“Good God, Liv.” He rushed over to the hallway closet and took out a bath towel. “You’re soaking wet. Why were you out there by yourself? How come Jim and Debra weren’t with you?”
I stood there looking at Scooter and then Connor blankly. “Was he here when you got home?”
“Yeah. He was waiting by the door when I got in half an hour ago. What happened to you? Are you okay? I tried to call you but your phone was turned off.”
I looked down at my phone and realized it was dead. “It must have died while I was out.”
Connor tried to wrap the towel around me but I moved away. I saw the hurt on his face at my brush-off.
“Liv, I’m really sorry about earlier. I was so stressed out about the deal falling through that I took it out on you. I’m sorry I snapped at you. I was an asshole.”
I met his gaze and for a moment, I felt my anger waver. Then a question popped into my mind. “Who is Cindy?”
“Oh.” An expression of understanding appeared on his face. “I’m sorry for blurting that out without giving you any context. I don’t know what I was thinking. At that moment, I think I completely forgot about your amnesia.” His face twisted with guilt.
“So why did you mention her?”
Connor sighed. “Cindy was my college girlfriend. We were together for three years. She passed away from cancer when we were together.” His voice shook as he spoke. “She’d always talked about getting a dog together while we were dating. So when she was diagnosed, I took her to the animal shelter and we got Scooter. She passed away five months later.”
Tears trembled down my cheeks as I took in Connor’s story. I looked at Scooter and realized why he was important to Connor.
“I’m sorry about Cindy, Connor. I didn’t realize earlier on the phone.”
“No, don’t be.” He rushed to my side and wrapped the towel around me. “I was an asshole on the phone. Sometimes I have to be when I’m dealing with business people, but I should never treat you like that. I’m so sorry.”
“It’s okay. I know it’s been a crazy day.” I forced a small smile as our eyes met. “I’m just glad Scooter is okay.”
Connor pulled me into his arms and hugged me tightly. “You’re amazing, Liv. I don’t know what I’d do without you in my life.”
I closed my eyes as I fell into his embrace, trying to reconcile my feelings. “I’m really tired from everything tonight. I’m going to take a quick shower and head to bed.”
He nodded, but I saw the worry in his eyes. “Okay. I have to do some more work before I can turn in.” He leaned down to kiss me on my forehead. “Sweet dreams, babe. I’ll see you in the morning.”
“Good night.”
As I headed to the bathroom, I immediately got lost in my own thoughts.
Despite everything that had happened tonight, I knew that I still cared about Connor. I knew that everything he’d done for me over the last month couldn’t—and shouldn’t—be erased by tonight’s events. I thought I had been lied to when Connor first mentioned Cindy tonight. I thought the man I thought I knew—the one who had ca
red for me and loved me—had all been a lie. But after hearing about Cindy and the way she died, my heart went out to him on how much he’d gone through, and it had reaffirmed to me the type of man he was. I knew the Cindy explanation could not excuse all of his behavior toward me tonight, but I also knew that he was human. And at the end of the day, he did apologize. That had to be worth something, right?
As I wrestled with these thoughts and tried to forgive Connor for his behavior, my thoughts drifted to Ethan and everything he had said to me tonight. Somehow, as a result of tonight’s series of unfortunate events, I felt as if I were standing in front of a fork in the road, being forced to choose only one path. As a result of tonight, I found myself torn between two men: the caring and protective fiancé whom I had no memory of, and the rebellious and surprisingly-sweet stranger who made me question who I once was.
CHAPTER SIX
I pushed against the glass door that led out into the darkness. Tears streamed down my face at how quickly tonight had turned upside down. I could hear the happy chatter from our engagement party in the main hall before it was absorbed by the silence of the night as the door shut behind me.
I ran as fast as my feet could take me in my jeweled Yves Saint Laurent stilettos. Maybe I should stop wearing heels all the time, I thought as I wished for my lone pair of tennis shoes that were collecting dust in my walk-in closet.
But this didn’t slow me down. I wanted to get out of here. It was the last place I wanted to be.
“Liv!” I heard a familiar male voice call after me.
The sound of his voice pushed me to move faster. I pulled up the jewel-encrusted blush-pink evening gown that weighed down on my body and restricted my movement. The air was bitter cold and cutting¸ but the adrenaline that coursed inside seemed to shelter me from its chill like a protective blanket. I didn’t have to turn around to know who that was. All my senses went into overdrive as I continued to move.
“Liv!” he called after me again, this time closer than before.
I stopped briefly and turned to see him about fifty yards away at the entrance of the building.
His wide eyes were filled with guilt and alarm, frozen against the stark-white complexion of his face.
It was Connor.
I jolted up in bed in a layer of cold sweat that had soaked through my camisole. My chest heaved up and down as I tried to catch my breath. My body was stiff with tension as I looked around the room, and it took me several seconds to register where I was. I wasn’t standing outside in the middle of the night. I was lying in a warm, king-size bed. From the soft sunbeams that broke through the sheer, white curtains, I knew it was early morning.
“You’re up.” His smooth, gentle voice caused me to jump, and I felt my body freeze up as our eyes met. He was standing at the doorway of our bedroom with a tray in his hand.
“Hi,” I managed to say, as the images of my latest flashback were fresh in my mind.
“Baby, I want to apologize again about last night. I was an ass.” He motioned to the tray he was holding. “I made you your favorite breakfast in bed to say I’m sorry—French toast, over-easy eggs, bacon, and strawberries.”
“Oh.” Confusion swirled inside me as I tried to reconcile between my flashback of Connor and the Connor who had woken up early this morning to make me breakfast in bed.
He placed the tray of food in front of me. “I also squeezed some fresh orange juice for you. I know how much you love fresh orange juice.”
“Thank you.” I met his kind gaze and saw nothing but the loving and sweet man who’d been there for me since the moment I woke up from my coma.
“Don’t thank me. Please just accept this as my apology. I promise it won’t happen again.”
I nodded and offered him a small, unsure smile as I wondered what had happened the night of my accident. Why hadn’t he mentioned to me that he was there right before the car hit me? Why had I been running away from him? I could still feel the one strong desire that coursed through me during that flashback—to be as far away from him as possible.
He sat down next to me on the bed. “You know how much I love you, right?” He caressed my face and leaned forward. My body stiffened as he kissed me gently, his wet, eager mouth demanding a response as it grew increasingly hungry for more. But as his tongue parted my lips, I abruptly diverted my face to end the kiss.
He immediately stopped and moved away slightly. “Liv, what’s wrong? You look pale.” He reached for my arm, but I shifted away from his touch and stood up from the bed.
“I’m okay,” I said quickly, as the feelings I had for him during the flashback lingered inside me.
“What’s wrong? What happened?” he asked in alarm as he sensed my unease. “Did you have a bad dream?”
I turned to look at him. “It wasn’t a dream. It was a flashback.” I wasn’t sure how, but I knew with certainty that it was a flashback.
“That’s a good thing, isn’t it?” He cocked his head and studied me.
I looked away from him as I tried to understand the memory. “It was from the accident…”
His eyes grew wide and he sat up straight. “What was it?”
“I saw you there.” My words came out as a whispered accusation as I met his concerned gaze. “You were there right before the car hit me. I saw you chasing after me. I heard you trying to stop me, but I didn’t listen to you. I was upset and just wanted to leave. And that was when the car hit me…”
“I’m sorry, Liv.” He looked at me with pained eyes. “I wish I had caught up to you in time. I wish it was me who got hit instead of you.”
“But why didn’t you tell me before that you were there when it happened?”
“I didn’t?” He frowned in confusion. “I thought I did.” His eyes begged for my understanding as he walked over and wrapped his arms around me. My body was limp against his warm embrace. I felt as if I were drowning in a pool of mixed emotions that swirled inside me.
He brushed his hand through my hair, pushing some loose strands behind my ear before tilting my chin up, forcing me to meet his gaze.
“I’m so sorry if I forgot to mention that, Liv.” His tone was apologetic, almost regretful. “Maybe subconsciously a part of me felt too guilty to tell you the details of that night.” His face fell. “It was all my fault.”
My stomach flipped uneasily as I looked at him in alarm, surprised by his words. “What do you mean it was all your fault? It’s not like you were driving that car.”
“No, but…” He bowed his head. “I…I just feel responsible for you.”
I frowned. I could tell there was something he wasn’t telling me. “Do you know how my accident happened? Do you know why I was running from our engagement party?”
He nodded and looked away. “I wish I could take it all back. I wish…”
“What happened? Please tell me.” I took a step back from him and held my breath, bracing myself for the worst scenario I could think of.
He looked up at me and I saw the regret in his face. “As you know, it was the night of our engagement party at the Franklin Institute Science Museum.” He paused and his expression turned somber. “But we had an argument toward the end of the night and you ran off and out of the reception hall…I went after you and when I got outside, I saw you running across the street. That’s when the car hit you.”
I felt a chill run down my back and I felt my throat tighten as I asked my next question. “What was the argument about?”
He shook his head regretfully. “It was over something really stupid. We both worked a lot of long hours for my company, but you wanted our engagement party to be free of any work. So before the party had started, I had promised you that I wouldn’t talk shop that night.” He paused and I saw the guilt on his face.
“Go on,” I urged.
“Well, the company was in the middle of this huge acquisition deal, and one of my business associates was at the party. We started talking about the deal and he had this great new idea duri
ng our conversation. I wanted to see if the idea would work within our financial projections. So we ended up going over the idea with the parameters the client set up for the deal on my laptop, which was in one of the admin offices. When we were there going over the numbers, you walked in and realized that we were working and that I’d broken my promise to you. You became very upset.”
“And I ran out because of that?” I tried to understand what caused the strong feelings I had felt during my flashback.
“Well, we had an argument, and we’d both said some heated words…and my words must have really hurt you because you ran off.”
“What did you say?” I wasn’t sure why I cared, but I wanted to know what had set me off. As much as I tried to push away the thought, his story took me back to the telephone conversation we had had last night.
“To be honest, I can’t even remember. You were upset and yelled at me, and I became defensive and yelled back.” He sighed. “I’m so sorry, Liv. I know that it was all my fault, and I hate myself because of it. I know that if I hadn’t broken my promise to you that night, we wouldn’t have had that silly argument, and you wouldn’t have run off like that…and you wouldn’t have been hurt.” His voice cracked as his face flushed red in anguish. “Please forgive me, Liv.”
I tried to digest his story and felt a lump in my throat. “Does this happen a lot?” I found myself asking.
“What do you mean?”
I met his pained eyes. “Do we argue a lot about work?”
“No, not at all. We actually rarely argued. Work was actually what brought us together. That’s how we fell in love, during those late nights at the office.”
“Oh.”
“Liv,” he held my hands with his, “I know I’m not a perfect man. I know I’ve made more than my fair share of mistakes. But please don’t give up on me. Please let me try to be the perfect man for you, even if there are days where I falter and fail at my attempts.” He pulled me into his arms. “I love you and need you more than you’ll understand,” he whispered in my ear before he started to kiss me gently on one of my cheeks, then the other, then my forehead, nose, and finally my lips before he pulled away and looked at me. “I hope you know that.”