by Lee Rose
She could still remember the moment they met as if it was yesterday. She had taken one look at the dangerous-looking man who had walked into her dad’s gym and had felt an instant case of lust. Then she got to know him better and found she really liked his company. He sometimes got quiet and moody, but when she cheered him up, she felt his smile all the way down to her soul.
She knew Royce’s professional story before she met him. He had risen to the top of the MMA game and won several belts. A severe injury to his back forced him to retire sooner than he planned. Even though she was surrounded by handsome fighters on a daily basis, she was instantly attracted to Royce. At thirty-four he was more mature than all the young twenty-something men her age. She had tried flirting with him, but at first he never did more than smile and practically pat her on the head. It had been frustrating but she hadn’t given up hope.
She had started being more open and bold in her flirting and he started responding. He finally admitted he felt the same desire but he thought mixing business with pleasure was a bad idea. Jessy had spent the better part of the year making him see that taking a chance with her would be worth it.
Finally, one night he asked her to have dinner with him. She had been so excited. After dinner they had a few quiet drinks and went dancing. Royce had kissed her right there on the dance floor and she had practically melted at his feet like hot wax. When he asked her to go home with him, she had quickly agreed, thinking he was ready to start a relationship.
Royce lived in an apartment above the gym. He had taken her up the stairs and into his apartment. They hadn’t bothered talking much and that had probably been a mistake. But when Royce had stripped her of her clothes all words and thoughts went out the window. They had stood in his living room, and once she viewed his naked, hard muscular body she had been speechless, and talking was the last thing she wanted to do. Making love with him had been as explosive as she knew it would be. They had burned the sheets up like a blazing inferno. But like any fire, it burned itself out quickly, a little too quickly.
“It doesn’t matter if she came on to you, Royce. You knew I was coming to that party, you could have told her to get lost. Do you have any idea how humiliated I felt walking in and seeing that groupie on your lap and with her lips all over your neck? You should never have let her sit on your lap in the first place,” Jessy told him in a voice filled with scorn. Anger was better than pain, she decided. She would just stay angry and ignore the deep ache of hurt lodged in her heart. “I have made no secret of how much I liked you. Why spend the night with me and give me hope? Why make me feel like you cared if you didn’t? Two days later you let me walk into that party with no warning that you had changed your mind about me. It would have hurt less if you had just taken me aside and told me our night meant nothing to you.”
Jessy hated the tears threatening to fall out of her eyes. Her dad raised her to be strong, not a crybaby. She blinked several times in an effort to prevent them from escaping. She had been holding it all in for weeks and trying to act blasé about the whole thing. She was sure she wasn’t fooling anyone with her cool act, but it made her feel better to think she was.
Royce ran his hand through his dark hair in exasperation. A muscle twitched in his jaw. “I didn’t plan that scene, Jessy. I drank too much and I made a mistake. Maybe part of me was feeling cornered because I knew you were thinking we were going to be serious. I should have talked about it with you instead of drinking all those shots. I’m sorry I hurt you though.”
“Fine, I accept your apology. Now we have nothing left to talk about. It’s over and we can go on trying to work together,” she stated tiredly. It had been a long, exhausting night and she wanted to put her old, comfy pajamas on and crawl into bed. His words were painful because she had been stupid enough to think that he wanted to be in a relationship with her. Now she felt like a stupid teen who knew nothing about men. He probably laughed at how naïve she was. She was around men all day long, but her experience with men was limited. Before Royce, she hadn’t been with anyone sexually in over two years. She used the excuse that work kept her busy, but most of the time she just never made an effort to meet anyone. She had made a big effort with Royce and now she felt like a fool.
“I want to explain. We spent a lot of time flirting but we never really talked.” He sounded like he really didn’t want to talk seriously now but he dredged on. “I was in a serious relationship before and I got hurt. I never wanted to be tied down, yet I let Trina talk me into it. I gave it a try and as soon as I was injured and could no longer fight, Trina dumped me for another fighter.”
Jessy felt her heart clench in pain. He was trying so hard to sound unaffected but that only told her he must have really been hurt. That meant he loved this woman who hurt him. She was filled with jealousy at that thought. She wanted Royce to love her and here he sat telling her it was hopeless. “Why have you never mentioned this before?”
He shrugged and sighed. “Those are not fond memories, so I push them away and try not to ever think of them. I never believed in relationships so to try and fail really reinforced what I already knew. I shouldn’t be surprised at how it ended. We fought most of the time and when I traveled I refused to let her go with me because I knew her jealousy would make me lose my concentration.”
“I’m sorry she hurt you, but not all women are the same,” she told him, knowing it was useless. His mind was set against being serious with one woman and she was too tired to fight him on it. Why chase a man who didn’t want ties? A man who wanted variety? She could never live like that.
“Relationships are not for me. I’m sorry, Jessy. I like you and I enjoy your company, but—”
“But you want a casual, no string relationship?” she finished for him.
His silence said it all.
She needed to put distance between them before she fell apart and cried in front of him. She loved him, jerk or not. Her feelings for Royce ran deep within her heart. She wasn’t sure a forklift could dig them out, but she also had pride that ran just as deep. He had humiliated her in front of all the other fighters. She had made no secret of her feelings for Royce, flirting with him openly and spending as much time with him as possible. Thank God her dad had been too tired that night to attend the party celebrating Sam’s winning match. Her dad knew how she felt for Royce and she had made him promise to stay out of it. She was sure he had his suspicions that she stayed the night with Royce when he was out of town. All he knew for sure was that he had come home to his head trainer and his daughter involved in a cold war. A war with no yelling, just cold glares and quiet uncomfortable silences. He had asked her several times what was going on between her and Royce, but she didn’t want her dad to be mad at Royce. He was a faithless jerk, but he was awesome at his job. They were lucky to have him. He could spot what the fighter’s strength and weakness were right away and help them. Her dad jokingly called him the fighter whisperer. Despite his back injury, Royce had talent and he knew how to bring out the individual strengths of all the fighters.
“That’s not me, Royce,” she whispered sadly, swallowing her tears.
“I know.” His voice sounded full of remorse and she knew he couldn’t help how he felt. Some men didn’t have it in them to be faithful. She was grateful she found out now and not months or years down the line. They sat in silence for a second as if each of them were lost in their own sad thoughts. Jessy stood up and started walking toward her car.
Royce walked with her to the small red sports car and opened the driver door for her. “Be careful, Jessy. I hope someday we can be friends again.”
She nodded and closed the door with a polite smile. She couldn’t give him a positive answer because she doubted she could ever be just his friend. It wasn’t until she reached the large house she shared with her father that she let the tears out. She lay awake in her bed that night, staring at the ceiling. Even though she was twenty-five she still lived with her dad. He was at the gym more than he was there, so it
was almost like living alone. Her mom had died from cancer when she was eight. Jessy closed her eyes, wishing her mom was around to give her advice from a feminine point of view. Her dad hated having emotional talks. He got all huffy and started stuttering when it came to female subjects. His philosophy was if someone pissed you off, kick their ass and move on. Somehow she didn’t think that advice would work in dealing with Royce.
Chapter 4
Jessy woke up the next day with a pounding headache. She took two aspirins with her coffee. She couldn’t afford to be stressed right now. She had too much to do. She handled all the publicity and bookings for the fighters. She was proud of the guys that did their training here. They all worked hard and it was finally paying off.
Sam “Steele” Wilson was working his way up the ladder in the MMA circuit in his weight class. Blake “Rage” Matthews was catching up quick and Jessy knew they could do it. Adam Sullivan was one of their newest fighters and she didn’t know him as well as Blake and Sam, but so far he showed he was willing to work hard. He had picked the stage name of Mad Dog. He was still young at twenty-three, but he was making a good start on his career. Her dad had also recently recruited another young fighter. His name was Jackson Delaney. She hadn’t spent much time with him yet but she would have to get to know him soon.
The cool thing about her job was she didn’t have to dress up. She put on her favorite pair of faded jeans that made her feel good about herself. She threw on a gray T-shirt that said Team Daniels on the front in bold black letters. After she put her long brown hair up in a ponytail, she headed out the door. Her dad had gone in early but she had been hoping if she slept in she would get rid of this lingering headache.
It may be cowardly, but she breathed in a sigh of relief when she didn’t run into Royce on the way to her office. Maybe one day this achy feeling in her heart would fade away, but right now it was too fresh.
Despite her headache, she got right to work outlining Adam’s promotional tour. He had a big fight in six weeks with a popular fighter who was already being billed as the toughest MMA fighter to come along in years. Her dad wanted Adam’s name to get out into the public so he could pick up not only fans who would pay to see the fight, but sponsors, too. She booked him a guest spot on the local radio station and a few public appearances. She enjoyed her job and was soon concentrating hard on her work.
A knock on her office door broke her concentration. She looked up to see Royce standing casually in her doorway. He wore his usual gym shorts and sleeveless T-shirt. He looked so sexy standing there and all she could feel was regret. Regret he felt nothing but a passing fancy for her and regret that she now knew how it felt to have him sink deep into her body. It was no longer imagination that filled her mind, but real memories that would not be easy to put away.
“Yes?” She hoped she sounded professional and she ignored the familiar feeling of her heartbeat increasing. So what if his white shirt draped over his muscular chest the way she wanted to? And so what if his shaggy brown hair made her ache to run her fingers through it? He made it clear he didn’t want a relationship and she had no desire to be another casual fling for him.
“Your dad wants to know if you’re done with Adam’s schedule?”
“Oh yes. You both need to look it over and approve it. Then I’ll finalize everything.” He walked in, making her office feel smaller. Luckily they had the width of the desk between them, because she was tempted to lean on his muscular chest and wrap herself around him. That would surely freak him out and make him quit. He grabbed the folder out of her hand but he didn’t look through it. Instead he kept his coffee-colored eyes on her, making her squirm uncomfortably in her chair. Once she would have leaned back and given him a smile that said, come closer and kiss me. Now the air was thick with tension, but not the sexual kind. She felt so awkward around him now and she wasn’t sure how to act. She could no longer flirt and tease him.
“Do you want to have lunch?” His question surprised her. It couldn’t be afternoon already?
Jessy looked at the clock on the wall and was shocked it was so late in the afternoon. “Actually, I’m still feeling a little off. I don’t think lunch is a good idea for me.” She surprised herself by saying no. Before she would have jumped at the chance to spend time alone with Royce.
She knew she could no longer pretend a friendship between them was possible. If Royce truly wasn’t interested in her then she had to move on and get over it. Maintaining a friendship would not help her cause. “I think I’m coming down with a cold, you don’t want to be around me, Royce. We’re too busy to deal with us both being sick.”
He walked around her desk and closer to her. He put his hand on her forehead. “You are kind of warm and your skin is flushed. Maybe you should take the rest of the day off.”
“I’ll be fine. I took some aspirin already.” She pretended to be interested in a paper on her desk so he wouldn’t see how affected she was by his simple touch. She was flushed from him being so close to her. She could smell his soap and it wouldn’t take much to reach out and caress him. She was determined to keep things professional, no matter how hard it was.
“I planned on going down the street to the sandwich shop. I’ll bring you some chicken soup. Doesn’t that cure everything?” He gave her his usual charming smile and she couldn’t help but feel anger that he was taking this so well. Obviously his feelings had been shallow if it was so easy to move on. Maybe it had been there for her to see all along, only she had been too blind to notice. She gave him a polite smile. “So I’ve heard. Okay, thanks, Royce. Soup sounds good.”
He smiled and held up the folder in his hand. “I’ll look at this after I bring you the soup.”
After he left she went out into the large main room where all the workout equipment was kept. It was filled with treadmills, punching bags, and other workout machines. Everything a fighter needed to keep in tip-top shape, including a boxing ring and floor mats. The sounds of fists hitting the bags hanging from the ceiling and the loud grunts of the men lifting weights were familiar and comforting to her. When her mom had been sick and Jessy couldn’t take the fear, she would sneak in here and sit in a dark corner, watching the men train. Watching their powerful fists hitting the bags made her envious. They had an outlet for their emotions, while she had to keep hers reigned in tightly. She couldn’t make her mom feel bad by crying and screaming at the injustice of her mom having cancer. She couldn’t burden her dad with her fears since he had so much on his shoulders already with work and taking care of her mom.
Tom, the gym manager, had found her crying in the corner one day and asked her if she wanted to put a glove on and hit the bag. She had silently nodded and looked at him with solemn eyes. Her dad didn’t like her spending time here but she liked it.
“Don’t hit it softly, Jess. Let out your anger. Come on, girl, do it,” he said loudly, and she hit the bag with all her strength. It hadn’t moved an inch but it felt good. She had cracked a smile, a small one, but he encouraged her until she was sobbing and hitting the bag wildly.
Her father had been mad at first until he realized how much of her emotions she had been hiding. After that day he let her come regularly and work out with his fighters. It had helped her deal with the hopelessness she had felt when her mother died six months later.
It had been a while since she had donned her workout clothes and blown off some steam. Maybe she’d feel better if she did.
She went to the vending machine filled with different types of water and sports drinks. Putting in some change, she pressed the button for a water.
“I need one of those desperately,” Blake said from behind her. He looked tired. “Why did I let Sam talk me into going out? I feel like shit now.”
“It was your idea, Blake. Glad I didn’t let you drag me down too, you big baby.” Jessy turned to look at him wearing his blue training trunks and no shirt. His dark hair was almost shaved off and he sported tattoos all over his hard chest. Too bad she had k
nown him for years and had sisterly feelings toward him and Sam. Blake was closer to her age and one good-looking male. But like most men his age he was busy sowing his wild oats.
“At least I’m not puking my guts out in the locker room like a wuss.” He grinned, putting coins in the vending machine. “Tom’s giving Sam hell for overdoing it.”
“I bet.” Jessy felt some sympathy for Sam. Tom took care of all the equipment in the gym now and let Royce train the men. Now that he was older, he didn’t like working long hours, although he still often helped the men spar and he was always around for advice. He had been with them for years and Jessy really liked him despite his grumpy personality. He was a big husky man in his late fifties and tried to never appear soft in front of anyone except her.
Blake grabbed his sports drink and twisted the cap open. After he took a big, long swallow he sighed with satisfaction. “Want to work out with me?”
“Yeah. I was just telling myself I need to get back to a workout schedule. I’ve got some free time. Let me go and change.” She headed back to her office and locked the door. There was only a men’s locker room so she used her office to change clothes. She threw on some tight black shorts that clung to her and a white tank top. She grabbed an elastic band from her desk and put her hair up and out of the way before heading back out to the gym. Maybe she could use the equipment to pour out her pain and sadness. She was tired of moping around. So Royce didn’t want her, maybe someday she would find someone who did.
Blake was using one of the machines to do arm exercises by pulling down some weights. Jessy sat next to him and adjusted the machine to her weight level. No way could she lift as much as Blake. He gave her his usual challenging grin and she rolled her eyes. Blake liked to turn everything into a competition, but he was a sore loser.