by Andres Mann
Carmen volunteered. “I’ll get the minty stuff.”
Tess came out, looking white as a sheet, and sat on the bunk.
“So, who is the daddy?” Carmen asked a perfectly legitimate question.
“I have no idea.”
“Jesus!”
***
Tess went through the discharge motions, paperwork and medical evaluations necessary to complete her deployment in Iraq. The medical exam confirmed her pregnancy.
She said goodbye to Colonel Reynolds, her crew, and colleagues and hugged Carmen, making plans to get together soon.
Waiting to board the aircraft for Germany, she retreated to a quiet corner of the terminal. She had run out of birth control pills in Naples but got some from a pharmacy in Istanbul. She was not familiar with the brand, and apparently they didn’t work. Now she understood why she experienced strange feelings in her belly, her cravings to be with a man, wanting to be protected in his arms, alternately Jake and sometimes feeling a hunger for Amir. The biggest question was: which one of them is the father; it could be either of them. “Great job, girl,” she thought. You really messed up this time. What am I going to tell Jake?”
Then she thought of the child within her. Her feelings toward Aara had primed her with the cravings that women have when they want to have a child. Her dreams of babies and puppies were nothing more than manifestations of a primal need to hold a baby in her arms, to nurture and to love. She felt an urge to protect the miracle growing in her body. “I don’t care if the father is Jake or Amir. I loved both of them. I will have this baby.”
***
There was one more thing that she needed to do. Amir had asked to see her before her departure.
They met for lunch at the Officer’s Club, but hardly touched the food.
“Amir, my deployment is over, and I am flying to Germany tomorrow to be with Jake, my lover. I will go on with my life.”
“If that is the case, why are you here with me, Tess? Are you trying to hurt me again?”
“Amir, something happened between us. Much of it was painful, and I will never forgive you for deceiving me about Aara. However, I confess that there is something else: I can’t help feeling that we now have a connection which is deep and profound. I will not lie about what I feel. You helped me become a real woman. I am struggling to forget about you, but can’t. For better or worse, it is hard for me to contemplate not seeing you again.”
“Tess, I want nothing other than to be a part of your life. I want you desperately, and I can feel that you want me too. What will it take for us not to lose each other? I will never be complete without you.”
“Amir, I came to acknowledge what I feel. I love you in spite of what you did to me. When I see you, I am no longer able to control a desire within me that was long dormant. But I could never live with you because I would end up like a moth to the flame. If I get too close to you, I will burn.”
“Tess, if you wanted to forget about me, you wouldn’t be here.”
“I didn’t say I wanted to forget about you. I came here to tell you that I want you in my life, somehow.”
“Tess, I understand that you think you can’t live with me. If that is the case, and you won’t change your mind, I have no choice but settle to see you time to time. How can we make that happen?”
“I will be a married woman who meets her lover whenever she can. It is good that we will live far apart, and I don’t know how and when we can meet in the future, but we should leave such a possibility open.”
“I know that you have a strong moral compass, Tess. You don’t like to lie, yet you are already planning to deceive you husband even before you marry him. Can you handle this?”
“Six months ago, the thought of deceiving my husband would not even occur to me. Now I have become more selfish. You have helped me develop a lust for life. You opened my horizons to a range of new possibilities; most of all, you have awakened a powerful sexuality in me. It’s a tragedy that our being together all the time would result in a catastrophic collision of wills that would destroy both of us. But as I said, I now must have you in my life, regardless. Forgiving you is the right thing to do. I hope to compartmentalize our relationship so that others don’t get hurt.
Will you tell your husband about us?”
“I don’t think so. Knowing about us would hurt him, and he does not deserve that. But he understands the need for secrets. This will be ours.”
“I love you, Tess. I will cherish our secret.”
“Goodbye, Amir.”
She had one more secret that she chose not share with him.
***
Amir had achieved a partial victory; Tess did not plan to be away from him forever. In his mind, the compromise just gained him time to pursue what he desperately wanted. Somehow, he will find a way to persuade Tess to be exclusively his. He could not bear the thought of sharing her. Having her as a mistress was not enough. She must not be allowed to be with another man, possibly bearing him children that should be rightfully his own progeny.
He did not have children other than Aara. He loathed his wife, a mindless cow whom he would not allow to bear his children and contaminate his noble bloodline. He had instructed his lawyers to commence divorce proceedings.
The only woman worthy to be his wife and to bear his children was Tess, the fierce Amazon, who captured his heart and soul.
He craved to be in her presence. He remembered the horse race that finally brought them together, her exquisite and passionate playing of the piano, her brilliant mind.
He kept thinking of their night of love, the exhilaration of locking their bodies together, her refusal to be passive, and the thrill of feeling her body shudder and spasm with him inside.
Making love to her from time to time would just heighten his craving for her. He could not bear the thought of another man tainting her with his seed. Tess was his and his alone. He must find a way to change her mind and finally come to him forever.
***
Tess left to catch her plane. The turmoil in her heart raging, she struggled to justify her planned deceit even before she went to join Jake — the gentle, caring and loving partner with whom she felt safe, warm and protected.
Her aircraft landed in Germany. Every day, planes land at Ramstein, carrying the severely injured from Iraq and Afghanistan. The soldiers are taken to the U. S. Military Hospital at Landstuhl, the largest American facility in Europe. There, lives are saved, limbs amputated and gunshot wounds patched up. The less fortunate will be maimed for the rest of their life.
Tess hugged Jake and went with him to talk in the lounge.
Jake sensed that Tess had something important to say. “What is it, Tess? Do you need to tell me something?”
“Yes, I am resigning my commission in the Army. I have seen too much blood and tears during this deployment. I now believe that you have been right all along. It’s no longer acceptable for me to continue saluting the flag just because I am a professional soldier duty bound to follow orders no matter what. I am shocked that misguided naïve fools in Washington have created this calamity, assuming that we would be able to bring democracy to that part of the world. I feel guilty for letting others continue the fight, but I can’t do it anymore.”
“For my selfish point of view, that’s wonderful news, Tess; I know it’s a big step for you. You worked your whole life for your career. What are you going to do now?”
Tess caressed his cheek and swept his lips with a finger.
“Jake, I have a new career now. I am pregnant. I don’t know if the baby is yours or Amir’s.”
Jake’s face went white. He did not know how to react. Having a baby was a beautiful thing. He always wanted a family. But he was not prepared for this new surprise. All he could manage to do was to ask a practical question:
“Tess, weren’t you taking the pill?”
“Yes, but I ran out them in Naples and substituted something I got from a pharmacy in Istanbul. Obviously, it didn’t
work.”
Jake was blindsided.” “What are you going to do?”
“I will not have an abortion nor allow a DNA test at this time if that is what you are thinking. I have something precious growing inside me, and I will not kill it.”
“I didn’t suggest anything of the sort.”
“Jake. I love you very much, but I need to know that you are okay with this.”
“At the very least, the baby is part of you. I will love you both.”
“I love you, Jake. You will make a wonderful father.”
Chapter 39
Life Goes On
Tess and Jake flew to New York.
The first stop was to have dinner with General Morgan Turner, her dad, now a top executive for a defense firm. Dad was delighted to meet Jake. He was impressed with Jake’s intelligence and broad knowledge of contemporary politics and international issues.
Jake and Tess had planned a simple wedding in Sleepy Hollow, where he owned a beloved small farm. They only wished for close family members and friends to attend. They instantly met objections from Tess’s dad, Jake’s siblings and Carmen Cabrera, her co-pilot in Iraq, who was visiting them.
Carmen was the most vocal: “Tess, getting married is a big deal; it’s unthinkable not to throw a big party in New York. We are all looking forward to it.” Dad insisted that he wanted a lavish function so he could invite fellow executives and a host of top military leaders, not to mention several Arab leaders who were on a shopping spree for advanced weapons.
Tess stated unequivocally: “I have been married once before, Carmen. I don’t see how a big wedding is necessary.”
“Of course it is necessary; after all we have been through, we are entitled to have a little fun.”
Tess finally gave in to the pressure. Reluctantly, the betrothed went through the whole process including pre-marital counseling and rehearsal. They also hired Blanche, a wedding planner, a peripatetic perfectionist who usually managed to drive everyone around her nuts. She correctly pointed out that a large wedding in New York needed a minimum of three months’ planning. Six would be better. General Turner informed her that money was no object, thus getting her attention. Blanche was so good at what she did that things came together within a month. Everything went as planned.
Tess designed her own wedding dress and hired a skilled seamstress and her team to make it. The fabric of the dress was iridescent metallic bronze silk. The top sported a generously dropped neckline, showcasing her beautiful breasts, a suggestion from Carmen whose philosophy was ‘if you got it, you might as well flaunt it.’ The dress bared her beautiful shoulders and back; long sleeves provided a measure of modesty. An empire waist hid her slight bump. The whole ensemble was a stunning sheath with a mermaid tail skirt broken above the knees. The fabric fell languorously into a magnificent soft drape.
Jake hoped he could get away with a plain suit and tie. Tess and Carmen overruled him and dictated that he was going to wear a beautiful designer tux. His sole responsibility was to choose between the sleekness of Tom Ford and the dramatic drape of Giorgio Armani. Considering the elegance of his soon to be wife, he opted for the Armani. Done deal!
They were married in a Methodist Church on Park Avenue. Family, friends and a horde of dad’s business contacts attended. Tess chose the music, Bach’s beautiful Jesu, Joy of Man’s Desiring that was played on the Church’s magnificent organ.
The reception was held in an 1893 landmark building. The beautiful interior featured tall Corinthian columns, a beautifully decorated coved ceiling, and an art glass skylight on its 65-foot ceiling.
Afterward, the newlyweds retreated to Jake’s farm outside the village of Sleepy Hollow on the eastern shore of the Hudson River, 25 miles north of Manhattan. Jake had purchased the farm a few years ago as a refuge from his stressful job. A caretaker maintained the place, and even though there were a barn and a tractor, there were no farm animals except for a couple of Palomino horses that Jake liked to ride when he was in town.
The newlyweds got out of the Land Rover. Jake picked up his bride and carried her over the threshold. He kissed her before putting her down. Tess turned around and saw a beautiful Steinway grand piano, her wedding gift from her new husband. She cried in joy and flew back into his arms, kissing him passionately. He carried her to the bed, laid her down and removed her clothes.
This was not going to be passionate lovemaking. Jake was conscious of the baby in Tess’s womb. He kissed her breasts, buried his head in them and kissed her down to the slight bump showing on her belly. Tess was unusually docile, just letting Jake give her pleasure. He finally joined her and gently moved inside her until they both came. Just like she wanted it; warm and loving.
They had a quiet honeymoon, enjoying each other and doing absolutely nothing other than Jake listening to her play the piano. The stress of the past few months in Iraq, and the wounds that Jake was recovering from made the farmhouse just the right refuge for them.
They drove to town to make purchases and for occasional visits to local restaurants. The world had come to a stop. All they cared about was each other and the child that soon would be born. Peace and quiet did not prevent Tess from enjoying a renewed desire for frequent affection; the pregnancy kicked her sexuality into overdrive, and Jake was happy to oblige.
Tess selected a crib and furniture for the nursery and Jake painted and fixed things. They did not commit to a color scheme because they refused to learn of the child’s gender. They wanted it to be a surprise.
Tess proceeded to plan for the arrival of the baby in her usual manner. With military precision, she created healthy menus, banned liquor from the house and generally imposed an austere regime. Jake, the avowed gourmet, was not happy. He grudgingly ate alfalfa sprouts, fish and beans for protein, vegetable soups, and assorted ghastly vegetarian fare. He looked forward to the day of the child’s birth when liberation would come, and they would finally be able to eat real people food.
Chapter 40
A New Family
Tess followed a sensible exercise routine until one evening she felt contractions. “The baby is coming, Jake. Take me to the hospital.”
Jake put her in the car and sped to the regional medical center. Tess felt the contractions come more frequently and started to feel true pain. They rushed her to the birthing room. Severe pain started; Tess thought she was tough, but she was not prepared for the dreadful intensity that was building up in her belly. She finally screamed, much to her chagrin. ‘I am tougher than this,’ she thought. Not really; the pain became more intense, tearing at her insides.
A nurse had Jake wear a surgical gown and mask and let him come into the operating room, briefing him on what he needed to do to witness the birth of his child. Tess let out a scream, “Jake, get out of here!”
Jake took her hand and kissed her on the cheek. “It okay, love; I am here with you.”
Tess looked at him, her face twisted in pain. “Jake, please leave, I don’t want you here. You don’t need to see this.” She let out another scream.
The nurse led him out and showed him the waiting room. Jake was visibly upset. He really wanted to be with her, to hold her hand and comfort her in any way he could. Why did she throw him out? He held his head between his arms, listening to Tess scream.
Delivery was relatively quick and uneventful. The doctor slapped the baby on his little butt, and he started to cry lustily. He was covered in blood, but that did not stop Tess from grabbing him and putting him on her chest. The doctor protested, telling her that they needed to clean the baby. Tess kept hugging the infant close to her body, refusing to let him go. She needed to feel the miracle that had come out of her body. Finally, she gave him up. The nurses cleaned the baby and wrapped him in warm swaddling clothes.
Eventually, they let Jake back in; he witnessed the wonder of his wife cradling the baby in her arms. They were now parents of a beautiful baby boy. Jake gently chided Tess. “Why didn’t you let me stay with you?”
&
nbsp; Tess grabbed his arm with her hand. “I didn’t want you to see me like that. When you make love to me, I always want be beautiful for you.”
This was so typical of Tess; Jake did not see the point in arguing.
They named the baby Morgan, thus enabling Tess to fulfill the family tradition. Her father was beyond delighted.
The baby was healthy and soon sported huge, beautiful black eyes and a mass of black hair. There was no question in Tess’s mind that little Morgan was Amir’s son. She knew that eventually this will be confirmed by a DNA test.
Tess carefully observed Jake’s behavior towards the baby, worried that he would reject the child. On the contrary, Jake spent every available minute playing with the baby, cuddling him and showering him with affection.
Finally, after three months of new motherhood, she wanted proof of his parentage. She requested without Jake’s knowledge a DNA test. What she suspected was now a reality: Morgan was Amir’s son. Her emotional and analytical response was how to break the news to Jake. The first being: would Jake accept another man’s child? And second, even more problematic, what would Amir’ reaction be if he found out that he finally had a son?
Suddenly her hostility to Amir’s game playing raised to Olympic peaks: should, or could she bring the same havoc to his life that she had suffered by his actions?
Tess’s honesty was at once her best quality and her most foolish one. She knew that Jake was tolerant of secrets, but this was an entirely different situation. She was aware of Amir’s ability to potentially threaten them if he found out that she had borne his son. The disclosure that she planned with Jake needed to be as calm and placid as humanly possible. A nice, quiet dinner might be the best way to deal with this. Jake, certainly nobody’s fool, was very surprised at the candlelight and the carafe of wine. He knew something intense was coming.
“Tess, would you please tell me what’s on your mind?”