“What the fuck was that? I thought you were supposed to be Captain Fantastic, not a sloppy idiot. You almost knocked her out. You’re supposed to shoot towards the goal, you dick. Go, get back to the game. I’ll take it from here.” She pushes him away from me and shoos him back onto the pitch.
He goes reluctantly, but not before looking back at me with regret in his eyes and mouthing, “I’m so sorry.”
Becki yanks me into her arms then pulls back slightly to look me in the eyes. “Are you okay, hun? That was some whack you took there. God knows what he was doing. He’s usually so accurate with his passes and shots. He must have been distracted.” She looks confused as she glances back out on the pitch.
I’m still in shock, I think. I also think it’s not so much from the blow to my head, but from the way I reacted to the tall, dark and very handsome man who’d been standing over me like some celestial mirage. Becki carries on, muttering curses under her breath, while I gaze out onto the pitch and keep my eyes focused for stray balls. That’s what I tell Becki when she asks why I’ve become so engrossed in the game suddenly. And of course, the dark haired, green eyed vision of male athletic sexiness keeps on running past.
I can’t take my eyes off his rather fine physique as he runs about the pitch. When he pulls his right leg back and opens his body up for a strike, I’m sure I’m going to hyperventilate. Never have I seen such a fine specimen of pure raw hotness, and I find myself wishing I could join him in the showers after the game. I could help scrub him down and massage those tired muscles. I wonder what those amazing biceps would feel like bunching under my fingers…
I’m pulled out of my erotic daydream by a loud high pitched screaming noise and realise the referee has blown the final whistle. I’m not even sure what the final score is. I startle when I feel someone wrap their arms around me, dragging me into a tight embrace, and bumping us up and down. Then Becki is shouting in my ears, “They won! They won!” I wince as my ears protest at her near drum bursting volume and pitch, and quickly look over her shoulder to make sure no one is staring at us. I pull away from her and give her a forced smile. “Yaaay,” I drawl with fake enthusiasm and turn to look back out onto the pitch. I want to congratulate Scott on the win, although I really couldn’t tell you how much of an impact he’d had on the game. My focus had been on one particular player.
As I’m searching through the mass of blue and white and yellow and black for my tall brown haired friend, I see a dark haired masterpiece jogging over to me. I can’t help the grin that tugs at my lips as he gets closer. It’s like my facial muscles have a mind of their own. There’s no way I should be excited about the prospect of an encounter with a guy, especially a guy like him. I’ve sworn off guys, remember? Still, as he approaches me, the grin becomes a full on beam, and my pulse quickens in anticipation. I have to discreetly rub my hands on my denim clad thighs to wipe my suddenly sweaty palms.
“Hi,” a deep, husky voice laced with pure sin rumbles over to me when he stops a few feet in front of me. “Are you okay? How’s your head? I’m so sorry I caught you like that. I… um… I was distracted by a vision of beauty and lost concentration there for a second.” Once again, his hand comes up to gently stroke the side of my face and across my forehead, and then he leans in to place a soft, chaste kiss on the spot on my head where the ball caught me earlier. At the feel of his lips on my skin, my breathing completely ceases, and all I can do is close my eyes and enjoy the moment.
Another deep male voice booming across the pitch breaks me from the spell I’ve fallen under. “Dev, get your arse in the changing room now for our team talk. And leave the lady alone. Haven’t you caused enough damage to her already today?” The laughter of his team mates slowly disappears as they walk towards the brick building off to the left of the pitch.
He pulls back and drops his hands, and I feel the cold air swirl around me where he’d been touching me. I feel oddly lonely and wish he would wrap his arms around me and hold on forever. “I really am sorry about the renegade ball. I hope you’re not in too much pain… I’d better get inside for that team talk. It was nice to see you again.” And then he’s gone, jogging across the grass and out of sight.
I don’t realise that I’m standing stock still, staring after him, until Becki comes up beside me and coughs loudly near my ear. The unexpected noise makes me jump, and I twirl around to see her looking at me with a scowl. “What?” I say to her and start walking off towards the car park. “Do we wait for Scott or just head on home?” I ask over my shoulder.
“Oh, no you don’t, missy,” Becki says as she catches up to me. “What the fuck was that back there? You looked like you wanted to jump his bones right there on the pitch. I’ve never seen you like that with a guy before… oh God, please don’t tell me you like him, Ambs. He’s a great guy and all, but a total playboy. He’s definitely not someone you should be looking at with all you’ve been through.”
“I wasn’t looking at him like anything, and no, I don’t like him. I know nothing about him other than he likes to act like an overgrown school boy once a week when he runs around on that pitch,” I point over to where we’d just been standing, “and acting like he’s his childhood football hero. Seriously Bec, you have nothing to worry about. I was just surprised by his actions, is all. New me, remember? That means finding out who that is and staying away from the opposite sex for a long time, if not forever. I won’t risk being destroyed again.”
“That’s good, because when I offered to introduce you to him on Friday, it wasn’t so you would go all gooey eyed and fall madly in love with him. I just wanted you to enjoy the night. Seriously, Ambs, if or when you’re ready to date again, we’ll find you a nice Mr Dependable. Someone who will love you unconditionally and give you the commitment and devotion you deserve. He’s out there for you when you’re ready. So please don’t go falling for the first idiot who flashes you his ‘you know you wanna’ smile.”
“Thanks for the concern, but I’m okay. Honestly. He’s a good looking guy who obviously knows how to use those looks to his advantage, but I can tell you now that I have no desire to become another one of his conquests. Okay? I doubt I’ll ever see him again unless I come to another game, and no offence to Scott or any of those other guys out there, but I would rather sit at home and watch paint dry than come to another match. I don’t understand the game, have no intention of understanding the game, and certainly can’t be arsed to stand out here bored shitless for two hours when I have other stuff I could be doing. Like now, for example, I should be home planning for tomorrow’s lessons. I’m all behind because of the move, so if you don’t mind, I’d really like to get home and get on with it.”
“Okay, hun, whatever you say,” she says and steers me toward her silver Golf to make our way home.
***
Later that evening, I’ve done the marking I had to do. I’ve prepped for tomorrow’s classes and made my sad and lonely dinner for one. What a waste of time and effort cooking for myself is. I think a trip to the supermarket to stock up on Micro meals is in order. I know they’re not the healthiest option and will no doubt contain more than my recommended daily amounts of fat, salt and sugar, but a girl’s got to do what a girl’s got to do. I can’t live off take-out for the rest of my life.
I’m just putting the last of the dishes away when my phone starts singing U2’s ‘I Still Haven’t Found What I’m looking for’ to me. David! I assigned that ringtone to him when he broke my heart. I pick the phone up and nervously answer, wondering what he could want.
“Hi Ambs. How are you?” He sounds as nervous and awkward as I do.
“I’m good. You?”
“Yeah, I’m okay. I’ve just finished boxing up the last of the stuff here. Matt’s coming over with the van tomorrow to help me move.” He pauses, and I’m sure I hear him sigh. Wow, this really is awkward. “Are you settled in okay? Sorry I didn’t call Friday. I wanted to give you time and space to get settled in.”
“I�
�m all sorted. I thought it would take forever, but I actually got through it all yesterday.”
Yesterday?” He sounds surprised. “I thought you would have done it straight away on Friday. You are usually so organised. What happened?” His disapproving tone is pissing me off. What I do and when I do it has nothing to do with him anymore.
“Not that it concerns you, David, but I went to a club with Becki and Scott. Becki thought I needed a good night out.”
“Oh… did you? Have a good time, I mean?”
“Yeah, I did actually. It’s been a while since I went anywhere like that with friends,” I say with all the resentment I feel. I need him to understand how he made me feel all those years I was with him.
“I never stopped you going out with your friends, Amber. That was your choice to not go out,” he bites back.
“Yeah, you’re right. It was, because I knew it just wasn’t worth the grief I got off you when I got back home.”
“You know how insecure and paranoid I get. I was always so scared you would meet someone else and leave me.”
“Yeah, and how did that work out for you, huh?” Now I’m really seething and having to fight back the tears. How dare he do this to me now? “Seems like your insecurities and paranoia pushed me away anyway. Oh, no wait. Actually, it was the breaking my heart thing that did that. I can’t do this anymore, David. You made your choices. You chose to treat me the way you did. You chose to shatter my dreams and my heart, and now we’re both living the consequences.”
“I’m sorry.” He sighs again and sounds genuinely apologetic. “I didn’t phone for an argument. I did just want to check that you got settled. Despite what you think about me, I do love you, Amber. I care what happens to you. I thought… I don’t know… I just wanted to hear your voice and make sure you’re okay... I’ll go now. If you need anything, just call me, okay? Oh, and I guess the solicitors will be in contact too, once the sale completes tomorrow. Take care of yourself, babe. Bye.”
I manage to say goodbye before the floodgates open and the tears freefall down my cheeks. Angry at David and frustrated with myself, I throw my phone across the room and watch as it clatters to the floor. How is it that even now, when we are no longer together, he can still have this kind of effect on me? What I do with my life now has absolutely nothing to do with him. He made it pretty clear he didn’t want me when he said he couldn’t marry me. Yet, here he is phoning me and telling me he still loves and cares for me. Then he acts all jealous at the thought of me being out and around other people, or more specifically, other guys.
I find that I’ve wandered into my bedroom, so I grab one of my pillows and scream loudly into it. He really is still screwing with my head. I drop the pillow back on the bed and collapse on top of it. Hugging it to my chest, I let my sobs consume me and eventually fall into a disturbed sleep.
CHAPTER FIVE
I arrive at school on Monday morning with dark circles under my eyes and the mother of all headaches that no amount of painkillers seems to be easing. After the emotional yo-yoing of the weekend, I really didn’t sleep well last night. First thing on my agenda is coffee, and lots of it. In the staff break room, I make my coffee and then head back to my desk to check my emails and get ready for the day ahead. Thankfully, I didn’t miss much on Friday. There are just a couple of messages about upcoming events and deadlines for coursework submission, usual stuff that I’m on top of. I’m just about to lock the PC and head off to my classroom when a new email appears in my inbox from my boss.
To: Amber Merchant
From: Peter Brady
Subject: CAS Technologies – guest lecture
Hi Amber,
I trust your move went okay on Friday?
Sorry about the short notice, but we have arranged for a guest speaker to come in to talk to the year ten students this afternoon during last period. Mr Silver, the MD of CAS Technologies, will talk to the students about his company and relate its running to the current curriculum.
Please ensure your students arrive in the hall quickly for a prompt start. I will escort Mr Silver over when he arrives.
Please contact me if you need any further details.
Terrific. I had something planned for my year tens today. I guess I’ll just have to carry that on over to their next lesson. I’ve not heard of CAS before. I better do some quick research during my lunch break.
My morning flies by, and before I know it, I’m sitting at my desk eating my Chicken Salad sandwich and Googling CAS Technologies. There isn’t a huge amount of information on the company. What I can decipher is that it’s a fairly large organisation based in offices in Hammersmith, London. The company is a supplier of IT products, services and support throughout the UK. Mr C Silver took over the organisation in 2009, and since then the company has grown and profits have been improving each year. Having quickly skimmed through their recent annual report, I’m feeling a bit more positive about this visit. I just hope Mr Silver is as good at public speaking and engaging the students as he is at running a successful business.
At just after two pm, I’m sitting in the hall with my students, awaiting the arrival of Mr Silver. I’m situated in a chair near the front of the room, reading through some literature about changes to the curriculum from next year, when the hall doors open and two sets of footsteps pass by heading towards the stage. I listen to Peter introduce Mr Craig Silver from CAS Technologies to the students, and then he hands over to our guest.
“Thank you, Mr Brady. It’s a pleasure to be here today to talk to you all about my company and about business out in the real world…” I recognise that deep gravelly voice. I peer up from my reading material and look towards our guest. I can’t help the gasp that escapes my lips, or the fact that my report crashes rather loudly to the wooden floor of the hall when I drop it in favour of bringing my hands up to my mouth in shock.
Ho-lee shit. It’s him. Mr Sexy. He’s wearing a black suit with white shirt and a dark blue tie and looks absolutely edible. But wasn’t he introduced as Craig Silver? I’m sure they were calling him Dev at the football match yesterday. I’m really confused. It’s definitely him though. He has a small scar just above his right eyebrow, and yes, I noticed it whilst gazing at his handsome face yesterday.
I realize I’ve been staring at him when I turn to find about fifty pairs of eyes watching me. I return my gaze to the front, and find his deep green orbs fixed on me, a look of surprise and a touch of humour etched on his face. I feel the heat rise in my cheeks and quickly look away, using the dropped paperwork as an excuse to hide my embarrassment. Craig clears his throat, refocuses on his notes, and continues with his speech.
Once I manage to calm my racing heart, I watch and listen with fascination to his inspiring speech. His voice is deep and powerful yet soft and soothing, like he’s reciting a lullaby. My thoughts drift off, and my gaze fixes on his lips, remembering what they felt like as they skimmed over the skin on my forehead and fingers, lips that are currently making profit and loss and productivity sound sexy. I wonder what it would be like to have those same lips caress my own, to feel them across other areas of my body.
When I hear murmuring, I look around to see the students appear to be nodding in agreement to something Craig has said. He’s a fantastic speaker, and I’m surprised that for the first time ever, my students are quiet and paying full attention. Near the end of the lesson, he has a brief question and answer session, and I’m floored by the enthusiasm the students show, and the questions they ask him. Hmm, I need to think how I can incorporate what they’ve heard today into future lessons and assignments.
At three pm, the bell rings and Peter dismisses the students. While they file out of the room, I gather up my papers and walk over to the stage where Peter is talking to Craig. As I approach, Craig looks up and we lock gazes again as Peter introduces us. “Ah, Mr Silver, may I introduce you to Amber Merchant, our Business Studies curriculum leader here at St. Marks. Amber, this is Mr Silver from CAS Technologies.”
Craig reaches his hand out, and I place mine in his to shake. There it is again, that now familiar tingling through my arms and down my back. And if I’m not mistaken, I’d say he feels it too when I hear the slight hitch in his breathing. “Please, call me Craig. It’s nice to meet you, Amber. May I call you Amber?”
I smile at him and nod then pull my hand from his. “Of course. It’s a pleasure to meet you too, Mr Silver. Thank you so much for taking the time to come and speak with our students. This is a very important year for them, and I think you just re-energised their enthusiasm for the subject. I’ve never seen them so quiet and focused before.”
“You are most welcome. They seem like a good bunch and had some great questions there at the end. I think you might have some potential entrepreneurs on your hands with the right coaching.”
Peter reaches his hand out to shake with Craig. “Mr Silver, it was very nice meeting you. We really appreciate you taking the time to come in and inspire our students. I’m afraid I have to attend another meeting now, so I’ll leave you with Amber here to discuss the opportunities we spoke of earlier.” They say their goodbyes, and it’s suddenly just me and him. He’s looking at me with a wicked grin on his face, and the look in his eyes instantly makes my mouth bone dry and my lady parts tingle.
“We really should stop meeting like this… Amber. How’s the head?” Just like he did yesterday, he reaches up and brushes his fingertips across my forehead, down my cheek and stops at my chin. He uses his index finger to tilt my head back slightly so I’m looking directly at him as he leans forward slightly so our faces are mere inches apart.
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