Walking over to the balcony doors, I stare out at the park opposite and try to rub the tension out of my neck. I watch the kids running around, kicking balls, swaying back and forth on the swings and chasing each other, and think how easy life is when you’re young. When you’re little, your main worries are if little Molly is going to come out and play or which outfit you’ll dress your Barbie in. There’s none of this relationship bullshit.
As I’m standing there having an internal debate about the rights and wrongs of the situation, Becki comes up behind me and rests her hand on my shoulder. “Why didn’t you tell me, Ambs? Why hide it?” she asks softly.
“I don’t know.” I shrug and turn to face her. “Like you said, you warned me off him. You said he’s no good for me.”
“He isn’t. You deserve to be with someone better than him, Ambs.”
“I don’t even know what this is between us. I mean, we’ve only known each other what, a week? We’ve been out once and had a few phone conversations. I know nothing about him, about who he really is, so all I can go by are my gut instincts.”
“And what are those gut instincts telling you?”
“That I like him,” I reply quietly as I direct my gaze back toward the laughing infants below. “I don’t want to, Bec. It scares the shit out of me, letting someone else in, but he makes me laugh, and I feel comfortable with him.”
With a sigh, Becki stands next to me. “Okay, Ambs, if you like him, then I’ll back off. I just want you to know what you’re getting yourself into. He’s well known for tossing women aside once he’s gotten out of them what he wants. And he has skeletons in his closet.”
“Who doesn’t, Bec? If we’re meant to be, then we’ll learn what we need to about each other. If we’re not, then it doesn’t matter.”
She remains silent for a couple of minutes, looking thoughtful as she joins me at the window, watching the world go by. “Please just be cautious and take things slowly. I couldn’t stand to see you get hurt again.” She eventually says and reaches her arm across my shoulder to give me a quick squeeze. She then walks back toward the hallway to pick up her discarded box. “Is my room ready?” She shouts over her shoulder, and I nod my confirmation.
I’m in the kitchen a while later making coffee for everyone. Becki and Scott are in her room sorting her stuff out, and Craig is in the living room looking through my DVD collection. Since Becki’s outburst earlier, we’ve barely said a word to each other. I’m beginning to worry that maybe Scott said something to him, and he’s having second thoughts about us. ‘Us.’ Is there really an ‘us’, or am I just making up fantasies in my head based on a few conversations and a couple of make out sessions? Maybe I’m just building an illusion of an ‘us’ in my mind as a fantasy after my recent imperfect relationship experiences. I mean, God, I met him only a week ago. I shouldn’t be thinking of an ‘us’ so soon. Surely I’m just projecting my deepest yearnings because he’s the one here showing an interest.
“Don’t do that. Don’t over-think things, Amber.” Craig’s deep voice coming from the doorway breaks me from my contemplation.
Keeping my eyes fixed firmly on the coffee maker, I shake my head. “I’m not.”
“We may not know each other that well yet, but I’m sure I know you well enough to see that you're tying yourself up in knots for no reason.” I feel him move up behind me and his body heat scorches my back as he moves in close. He places his arms on either side of me, gripping the edge of the worktop and pinning me in.
Pressing his cheek against mine, he whispers, “I don’t give a shit what other people think or say about me, Amber. Unless they know the real me, their opinions mean nothing. The only thing I care about is what you think and feel about me.” Moving his hands to my hips he tugs so I turn to face him. “Give this a chance, Amber. Give us a chance to see where this is heading.” He then tilts his head forward and places his soft lips over mine.
***
“Okay, I’ve had enough,” Becki huffs as she flops down on the end of the sofa. “What’s left to sort out can wait. I’m bored and need to get out. What do you say guys? Are you up for it?”
“Bec, it’s been a long day. I’m not up for clubbing tonight. Sorry,” I murmur as I stand to take the empty cups into the kitchen.
“No, I don’t mean clubbing. Something quieter, just to get out and relax a little… Oh, I know. Bowling! I haven’t been bowling in ages.” She claps her hands together like an excited five year old on Christmas morning. “C’mon guys! We’ll have a laugh. One game. That’s all I’m asking.”
I look towards Craig and Scott who are both looking at me. It would appear this decision comes down to me. “Okay, I suppose. If you guys are up for it, so am I.”
Becki is grinning from ear to ear when she jumps up off the sofa. “Yay! This sounds great. Can you give me ten to freshen up?” She darts off towards her bedroom before anyone has a chance to respond.
“If you guys don’t mind, I’ll just quickly go change too.” I head off towards my room, wondering what I should wear to go bowling… with Craig.
I’m standing in my walk-in wardrobe in just my lacy black and pink underwear, contemplating what to wear, when I hear a light tap on my bedroom door. Thinking it’s Becki, I shout for her to come in. I could use her expert fashion skills anyway.
“I’m so glad you’re here. I really need your wisdom on wardrobe choices. I can’t decide what to wear.” I shout to her while rifling through the garments hanging on the rails. When she doesn’t respond, I look over my shoulder to see it’s not Becki standing there, but Craig. He’s leaning back against my closed door with his arms and ankles folded, staring at me with heated eyes.
Oh my God, that look. It sends my pulse racing. My chest expands with each attempt to catch a breath, and heat pools at the pit of my stomach. “Craig, what are you doing?” I squeak out so quietly I’m not even sure he heard. I should be trying to cover myself up. I should be trying to shoo him out, but I’m doing neither. I can’t. I literally cannot move. I’m spellbound by his gaze on me.
Craig starts moving, or rather prowling, toward me, his eyes never once leaving mine. When he’s just a few feet away, he stops and slowly licks across his bottom lip. “Christ, Amber. I vowed I’d keep my hands to myself until I was sure you were ready for something more.” He tears his eyes from mine and slowly trails his gaze down my body. “You’re stunning. You know that? Absolute perfection. Why anyone would let you go is beyond me.” He takes the final few steps until he’s standing right in front of me, our bodies almost touching. “I’ve got to do it, Amber. I’ve got to taste you. I can’t wait anymore.” Before it registers what he’s doing, Craig has grabbed both of my wrists and is holding them together behind my back, secured by one of his large strong hands. His other hand moves up to sweep my hair away from my face and gently, he angles my head to give him better access to the sensitive areas around my collar bone and neck. “So beautiful,” he whispers as he trails feather like kisses from my temple downwards along my jaw, and finally resting on my lips.
I moan and slam my eyes shut when he gently nips and laps at my parted lips and navigates his tongue through every groove and curve of my mouth. When my own tongue meets his, tangling together in a sensual frenzy, I completely lose it and return his passion with my own unrestrained need for more. His fingers glide slowly down the side of my body and come to rest on my thigh with a light squeeze.
This feeling of being alone with him, half naked and totally at his mercy, has my body reacting in ways it never has before. Every lick from his tongue and every suck from his lips has me gasping for air. Every touch from his fingers leaves a trail of fire burning my skin, a raging inferno that can only be doused one way; a way that I’m not sure I’m ready for yet.
As Craig continues his frenzied assault on my lips and gentle massage of my thigh, I vaguely become aware of movement. The next moment, the backs of my thighs are hitting the bed and Craig is slowly lowering me back, never
once breaking our kiss.
“Craig,” I whisper against his lips, “what are we doing? They’ll be waiting for us.”
“Shhh, let them wait. I need to do this.” He returns his lips to my neck and continues his licking and sucking torment as he slowly continues downward. When he traces his tongue along the upper swell of my breast and moves his hand to my inner thigh, my breathing stops completely. I want him to do more. No, I need him to do more. Fuck not being sure, I’ve never been so sure of anything in my life. Right here, in this very moment, I need him. I need his lips to move lower on my breasts. I need his fingers to move higher up my thighs. I need him to strip me bare and make love to me until I scream for him to stop.
“Craig, please.” I plead as he continues his leisurely licking and sucking just above where I need him. He slowly pulls his other hand out from under my back and hooks his finger in the cup of my bra. With an excruciating slowness, he drags the lace down, bearing my now swollen and sensitive nipple to the cool air, making it harden even further. He repeats the action with the other cup until both breasts are fully on display for him. Craig takes a moment, shamelessly staring appreciatively. His green eyes alight with pure carnal hunger.
Eventually he lowers his head and moulds his lips over my right nipple, sucking on it hard, whilst pinching the left. I whimper in delight. “Oh God, Craig,” I cry out when the contrasting sensations become too much.
His mouth and fingers leave my breasts as he continues his journey down my body. When his lips reach the top of my underwear, he sucks in a deep breath and groans. “Fuck, this is too much, Amber. You smell amazing. If I don’t stop now, I don’t think I’ll be able to.” He lifts his head slightly and raises his eyes to look up at me. “Tell me what to do, Amber. Tell me what you want.” I want to tell him I don’t want him to stop, that I need him to take me and devour me and make me his, but Becki chooses that very moment to knock at the door and yell that they’re ready to go.
Way to ruin the moment, Bec.
Realising the moment has passed, I suck in a deep breath and stare up at the ceiling. What am I doing? What am I thinking? Laying here half naked with my breasts exposed, shame washes over me. I can feel the weight of Craig’s stare on me, but I don’t dare look at him. If I do, I know I’ll break down and make a fool of myself. Instead, I scramble off the bed and grab my robe that’s lying over the end. I quickly pull it on and tie the belt tightly around my waist. Keeping my back to Craig, I wrap my arms around myself and hang my head in shame and embarrassment, praying that he gets the message and leaves me alone to pull myself together.
His strong arms curl around me from behind and wrap over my own. He pulls me tight into his chest and buries his face in my hair. “Are you okay?” he asks in a low soothing voice. I shake my head. “I’m sorry. I took things too far. I couldn’t stop myself when I saw you standing there looking the way you were.”
Stepping us backward, Craig lowers down until he’s sitting on the edge of the bed and pulls me down to sit across his lap, continuing to hold me close. “Amber, talk to me, baby. Tell me what you’re thinking. Please.” I honestly don’t know what to say to him. I feel so conflicted right now. I want him. That much is evident, so why am I so embarrassed that things went that far?
I’m contemplating how to explain to Craig what I’m feeling when another loud bang startles me and I jump from his grasp. “Are you two coming or not? And what the hell are you two doing in there… oh wait. No, don’t answer that. I don’t think I want to know. Just hurry the hell up. I want to go bowl.” Becki’s muttering gets quieter as she moves further away back toward the living room, and once again I’m left in awkward silence with Craig.
Craig stands so he’s looking directly at me. “What happened wasn’t wrong, Amber. Just the timing was. When I do finish what I started, and believe me I will, it will be with no distractions, no time constraints, and no unwelcome visitors. It’ll be just you and me and as long as we need to enjoy each other.” Then he goes to the door and walks out, leaving me alone with my thoughts.
Ten minutes later, I’m dressed in a pair of dark wash loose fit jeans, a cosy black and white cashmere jumper, and black ballet pumps. The events of the last thirty minutes had me deciding on comfort and cover up rather than style and sexy. I pull my hair back and secure it with a simple beaded clip. I’m hoping for the plain Jane look to keep Craig at arm’s length, at least for the time being, until I can sort out these feelings running riot through my head right now.
My attention is brought firmly back to the here and now when raised voices coming from the living room capture my attention. I take one last look in the mirror before opening the door to go and find out what’s going on. What I hear stops me dead in my tracks.
“No, Craig, you listen. She is my best friend, and she doesn’t deserve that shit. She’s had enough of it already. Either be totally honest with her or walk away, because I am telling you now, if you hurt even one hair on her head, I will cut off your dick, wrap it in parcel paper, and mail it to some weirdo tribe somewhere so they can put some freaky voodoo curse on you. Do you understand me?” What is that all about? What does Becki mean by “be totally honest”? Is there something I should know now, before I get too invested in thoughts of an ‘us’?
Biting down on my upper lip and leaning back against the wall, I inwardly curse at how quickly this evening has gone downhill. What was supposed to be a fun filled, relaxing evening out with friends seems to be morphing into a cataclysmic disaster. I know I need to go in there and pretend that everything is ok when really all I want to do is curl up in bed and forget everything.
I can’t hide out in my room all night, though, and I’m going to have to do a mighty fine job of acting like I’m ok. No matter how I’m feeling, I want the night to be enjoyable for Becki’s sake if no one else’s. Dragging myself away from the wall, I plaster a smile across my face and head into the living room, mentally preparing for whatever else this evening has in store for me.
CHAPTER NINE
Scott has to drop the van back off at work and pick his car up, so he leaves Becki and me to travel with Craig to the bowling place. I opt to sit in the back of Craig’s Rover with Bec, and we chat quietly about what we’ll do with the flat, how we’ll split the chores, that sort of thing. Craig pulls the car into a parking space at the leisure complex and switches off the engine. He turns to face us and asks Becki to give us a minute. She turns to face me, a look of sympathy clouding her face, “Is that okay with you?” I smile and nod at her. “Okay then. I’ll go in and book a lane.”
She exits the car, but I stay where I am, hoping the bit of distance between Craig and I will allow me to concentrate on what he wants to say. It’s a pointless gesture, though, because he gets out of his front seat and takes Becki’s place in the back with me. Damn.
Craig settles his steely gaze directly on me and reaches over to take my hand. “Amber, talk to me. You’ve not said two words to me this past hour. Please tell me what you’re thinking. I’m not going to apologise again for what happened back in your room, because, quite frankly, I’m glad it happened. I think there’s more to this though.” The look of concern on his face breaks my heart. I’m confused about what’s happening with us, confused about my feelings for him, and scared to death that he’s hiding something from me that could end up destroying me all over again. I have to be cautious and protect myself, and to do that I need to distance myself from him.
“I’m confused, Craig… about us, about what happened earlier, about my own fears and insecurities.” I turn my head to peer out at the muted early evening light. “I heard what Becki was saying to you. If you’re lying to me, if you’re hiding things from me that are important, I couldn’t handle it. I’ve already been in one relationship that couldn’t survive because of lies and deceit, and I won’t do it again. I have to be able to trust you, Craig.”
He pulls his hand from mine, and through his reflection in the window, I see him drag his finge
rs through his hair as he leans back into the seat. “What you heard was Becki being Becki. She was warning me off, Amber, doing the protective best friend thing. She knows a little of my background, probably from Scott, and thinks I’m still that person… shit… I’m not going to go into it now. It’s my past, one I’m not proud of, but I can’t change it. All I can do is make sure I’m the best person I can possibly be in my present and future. I’m not your ex, Amber. Don’t shut me out because of what he did to you. All I’m asking is that you give this attraction between us a chance to see where it goes.”
So he’s got some sort of past, a bit of a dark one by the sounds of it, but he’s obviously not that person anymore. From what I’ve seen of him, he’s gentle, kind, a fantastic business man and is great company. Does his past matter? Should it matter? It worries me that he doesn’t want to tell me, but then wasn’t I the same, holding back the full story of what happened with David? Protecting myself from my own truths? Maybe he’s just doing the same and trying to move forward with his life.
“Don’t hurt me, Craig. Please,” I whisper.
That’s all he needed. Suddenly, he’s pulling me over onto his lap. He places his palm to my cheek and angles my head so that he can place a soft kiss to my lips. We remain that way, content to just sit with our lips pressed together, breathing each other in, enjoying the moment.
“I promise,” he eventually whispers against my lips. What he’s promising, I’m not entirely sure, but I’ll take it.
***
We walk into the bowling alley hand in hand and find Becki in the bar area chatting to a guy sitting at a high table there. When she sees us approaching, she smiles and waves us over. “At last. I thought you got lost. Is everything okay?”
With a smile in her direction, I nod. “Yep, everything is fine. Did you get a lane?”
“Yep, the lane is booked. We’re just waiting for Scott. He shouldn’t be too long.” She turns her gaze to look at the man sitting next to her who’s intently listening to our exchange. “Guys, this is Ben. Ben, this is my best friend, Amber, and her…umm…this is Craig.”
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