“I’ll make sure I get you to work on time, and Becki will still be there tomorrow night. I’m going to be busy with work for the next few days and I’m not sure when I’ll get to see you again.” He looks so defeated and almost pleading. I find I can’t say no to him. I don’t want to say no to him.
“Okay,” I whisper, touching my lips to his. He deepens the kiss, running his hands up and down my back.
Soon, the music is forgotten. Everything is forgotten as the world around us becomes centred on the passion and emotion of two people connecting and joining to become one.
CHAPTER TWELVE
The sound of birds chirping in nearby trees and sunlight streaming in through the slight gap in the curtains rouses me from a particularly restful sleep. With a smile and a stretch, I turn in search of the man who has brought me such contentment in the past forty eight hours. My smile soon fades, though when I realise Craig is not in bed with me, and judging by the fact that his side of the bed is remarkably cold, he hasn’t been there for a while.
Pushing the duvet back and throwing my legs over the side of the bed, I pull on Craig’s T-shirt that’s lying on the bench at the end of the bed and go in search of him. I try the en-suite first, hoping he’s in there shaving or something. When I see he’s not there, I quickly take care of my own business then head downstairs. The place is quiet other than the persistent sound of those pesky birds. Their squawking is now elevating my feelings of apprehension.
I find Craig sitting at the end of the island, his back half facing me, staring down at his phone on the counter. He’s fully dressed in a charcoal grey suit, crisp white shirt and charcoal grey tie. He looks amazing, every bit the confident and powerful businessman that he is; except at the moment, his face is set with a perplexed frown, his shoulders are slumped, and he looks almost defeated.
Leaning against the doorframe, I take in the scene in front of me. This isn’t my kind and gentle lover. This is a man who looks as though his world is about to collapse.
“Craig, what’s wrong? Has something happened?” I push myself away from the doorframe and slowly walk toward him.
He flinches slightly, startled from his thoughts, and presses his finger to his phone screen before pushing it away. He abruptly pushes his stool out and, without looking at me, starts to walk out of the room.
“Craig, please, what’s wrong?” I ask again, more than a little concerned about the sudden change in demeanour from the man who had pleaded with me to stay the previous night.
“Have I done something to upset you?” Last night everything was wonderful. We’d enjoyed each other’s company, made love a few times, and finally fallen asleep wrapped up in each other. This reaction is making me nervous.
“Everything’s fine, Amber,” he says brusquely. “You need to get ready so I can get you home in time for work.” Then he walks from the room towards the study at the front of the house.
Unsure what to say or do, I watch as Craig walks away from me then peer over at his phone on the counter. Whatever has caused this mood is obviously something to do with whatever he’s received on that. I contemplate grabbing it to see if I can get some answers, but he’s probably locked it. In any case, I don’t want to be the prying, insecure girlfriend. I leave the phone and head back to his room for a quick shower.
Standing under the hot water, letting it flow over my skin, I contemplate whatever it is that’s bothering Craig. I know he said he has some legal matters that he needs to deal with, but that doesn’t explain the coldness toward me. I guess I’m just going to have to wait and hope that when he’s ready, he’ll confide in me.
Out of the shower and dressed in yesterday’s jeans, sans underwear – that will have to wait till I get home – I find one of Craig’s clean T-shirts and pull it on. I grab the brush out of my bag and yank it through my damp hair before pulling my boots on. Finally, I pick up my bag and go down to find Craig.
He’s in the kitchen again when I get downstairs, looking slightly mellower with a mug of coffee in his hand. “Would you like a coffee before we go?” He asks, waving his mug in the air.
Looking down at my watch, I notice it’s getting late. If we don’t head off soon, I’ll be late. Shaking my head, I tell him we just need to get going.
***
Twenty minutes later, we pull into a parking spot outside my block. The journey over was silent, both seemingly caught up in our own thoughts, so when Craig turns off the engine and thumps his hand against the steering wheel it startles me.
“Fuuuck,” he shouts and throws his head back against the headrest. “For Christ’s sake will you just say something, anything… this silence is killing me.”
“What do you want me to say, Craig? Something is obviously pissing you off. I’m just giving you the space to work through it.” I reach to open my door but he grabs for my arm and stops me.
“Don’t do that. Don’t pretend you’re okay. Your silence tells me you’re not.”
“Craig, I’m fine, honestly. I just need to go and get ready for work now.” I reach for the door handle again, and again he stops me.
“I’ll get the door for you.” He jumps from his seat, quickly makes his way around the car and opens the door for me. Before I can make a move to get out, he’s standing in the doorway looking down at me, his expression mixed with regret and frustration. “I’m sorry,” he says as he takes my hand and helps me out of the car.
“I better go. I’m going to be late otherwise.” I take a step away from him and turn to walk away, but he grabs my elbow and holds me still.
“Amber, I…Don’t go like this. Let me walk you up.”
“No, Craig, it’s fine. I just need to rush in, get changed, grab my stuff and go. I don’t want to be late.” I tug on his grasp, and this time he lets me go. Stepping up to him, I give him a quick kiss on his cheek. “Bye, Craig. I hope you have a good day.” Then I turn away and rush off toward the front entrance.
At the door, I peek over my shoulder and see Craig still standing there, looking at me with his hands buried deep in his pockets. I give him a weak smile and a wave before unlocking the door and going inside.
Inside my flat, I close the door behind me and sag back onto it with a sigh. How could everything change from being so wonderful last night to so cold and distant this morning?
Becki’s sudden appearance with a look of concern on her face is my undoing, and the tears that I was so desperate to hold back, free fall down my cheeks.
She’s at my side in an instant, pulling me into her arms. “Amber, what’s the matter? What did he do? I warned him not to hurt you. Do I need to go find him with the meat cleaver?”
Her words bring a small smile to my lips, and I chuckle through my sobs. “He didn’t really do anything. He’s just been quiet and distant this morning after a really nice day together.” I sniff. “I don’t understand what happened.”
“Look, sweetness, I have to get going to work now, but if you don’t have plans tonight, how about you and I go to the Swan for something to eat and catch up properly?”
“Yeah, that sounds good.” We say our goodbyes, and I walk to my bedroom as she heads out of the front door.
***
The Swan is a traditional style local riverside pub that I love coming to. The food is heavenly, and the atmosphere is calm and relaxed, perfect for a girly catch up. It’s a balmy evening, so we decide to take our drinks and sit out on the terrace under the shade of a fading red parasol. Out on the riverside, people are walking dogs, families feed the ducks, and joggers are out for their evening exercise regime. I watch them, wondering if their seemingly harmonious existence is filled with as much confusion and angst as mine seems to be lately.
After placing our orders for Roast chicken breast wrapped in bacon with crushed potato, we chat about work, friends, the economy, and everything but the guys. Eventually, when she realises that I’m not going to bring up my issues with Craig willingly, Becki does what Becki does best.
&nbs
p; “Okay, enough of this bullshit waffling. What the fuck is going on between you and Craig?”
I take a sip of my wine and peer at Becki over the top of the glass before turning my gaze back out onto the river. “I’m not sure, Bec. Honestly, I don’t know where I stand with him.”
“I thought you guys were getting on great. You seemed pretty cosy over the weekend.”
“I thought we were. After the incident at the match yesterday, he seemed to go out of his way to show me he cares. His mum came round to cook a lovely meal for us, then we spent the evening chatting, watching movies and… well… you know.” My cheeks flush and I look away as Becki starts giggling.
“You are such a prude, Ambs. You mean you were doing the dirty… getting busy…playing hide the sausage.” She laughs hysterically, and I nearly choke on my mouthful of wine, resulting in it spewing from my mouth and down my chin. “Oh, nice, Ambs. Real lady like,” she sputters and does the same thing.
“Anyway, as I was saying, I thought we were getting along great. I even managed to put all thoughts of David and all my insecurities behind me and just enjoy our time together. This morning, when I woke up in his bed alone, I found him in the kitchen brooding at something on his phone. When I asked him what’s up, he cut me down, and then we hardly said anything to each other after that until he dropped me back home. I’m so confused, Bec.”
“Sounds like you really like him.”
I look out toward the river again and watch as a young couple strolls past, arms wrapped around each other, laughing and so obviously in love. “Yeah, I think I do … I see nothing of the man you made him out to be. He makes me laugh, he’s smart, he makes me feel content and comfortable – something I realise I hadn’t felt with David for a long time, if ever. I just get the feeling that he’s keeping things from me, and I don’t know if I can go through that again.”
Becki reaches across the table, takes my hand, and gives it a reassuring squeeze. “You know, Ambs, a week ago I would have told you to steer clear of Craig at all costs. From what I hear, he was a bit of a bad boy growing up and got involved in stuff he shouldn’t have. And since I’ve known him, he’s always been a bit of a player, getting his kicks and then tossing them aside. He seems different with you though.”
“I don’t know, Bec. Perhaps it’s all just a front. Reel me in, use me until I’m out of his system, and then throw me back. Isn’t that what guys do? Ultimately, it’s what David did. It just took him a bit longer to chuck me back.”
Becki looks to me with a sad smile. “You know, Ambs, you need to forget about David and move forward. You can’t use what he did against every guy who looks your way.”
“I know, but it’s hard. He’s shattered my trust in guys. I guess I’ll always be on guard to protect myself.”
“Oh honey. Just try to remember that every cloud has a silver lining. For too long David was the dark cloud, diminishing your bright light. Maybe, just maybe, Craig is the one to come and edge out that darkness and allow your sunny side to shine through, to let you be who you really are.”
Tears prick the backs of my eyes as her words sink in. David did overshadow me for far too long, but can I really give Craig the chance to get close at the risk of another broken heart? “Wow Bec, are you going all deep and meaningful on me? I never knew you had it in you.”
Shrugging, she looks out toward the river herself. “You know how it is. I can’t show my amazing philosophical self all the time. It might damage my cool rep.”
I burst into laughter, and she looks over to me and winks. Just then, our dinner arrives, and we leave discussions of men and love behind.
***
When we get back to the flat later, I say goodnight to Becki and head off to my room. I need to freshen up and curl up in bed with some music and my e-reader. Today has been one long, emotional gut wrench. On one side, I’m trying to heal the wounds from one guy who hurt me more than I ever thought possible. On the other, I’m trying to build my defences against another, but he’s gradually chipping away at them. It scares me that I’m feeling what I am for Craig, even while fearing that he’s keeping things from me.
With a raging headache and a heavy heart, I pull on my favourite comfy pyjamas, place my iPod in the dock, and put it on shuffle. I grab my e-reader from the dresser and climb into bed. With various tunes of love, betrayal, deceit and building lives playing, I flick through my unread books and settle on the latest romance about a love triangle. At least I’m only struggling with the idea of loving one man. Having to make a decision over two men just sounds like pure torture to me right now.
The words on the screen begin to merge into one, and my eyes start to droop. I’m about to drop my reader and drift off to sleep when my phone’s loud text alert startles me awake, and I drop it for an entirely different reason. Scrambling to reach for the phone on my bedside table, I pick it up and see a message from Craig. The sudden feeling of relief that washes over me highlights how nervous I’ve been all day because I didn’t hear from him; not that I would admit that to anyone, even myself.
Craig: Hi Pingu, hope u had a good day? Miss u. C x
He misses me? Had a good day? That’s a joke. It’s been crap since walking into his kitchen this morning. And what is the Pingu thing all about?
Amber: Day’s been ok. Had meal out with B 2nite. In bed now. What’s with the Pingu nickname Xx
No reply comes back straight away, so I switch off my music and settle back down to go to sleep. A few minutes later, my phone chirps again.
Craig: Hope ur meal was gd. Wish I was there with u, I cld help u burn off a few of those extra calories ;) C x
Okay, he’s pulled a full one-eighty obviously. Easy going Craig is back.
Amber: Ha, sure u cld, but I’m shattered, need sleep. Xx
Craig: In that case I’d hold u close C x
Craig: And Pingu is after the cartoon PENGUIN C x
Scrunching up my face in confusion, I quickly reply.
Amber: Cartoon penguin? Xx
Craig: A song by Christina Perri, thought of it 1st time I saw u. Nite PINGU C x
Scrambling for my Ipod, I access the music store and search for Christina Perri. All becomes clear when I see a song called ‘Penguin’ listed. I quickly download it and start to listen. As the words filter through my sleepy haze, a warm fuzzy feeling washes over me. I’m speechless. It’s such a beautiful song and conveys so much.
Amber: Wow, I’m speechless. What a beautiful song. Goodnight Xx
Craig: Beautiful song for a beautiful lady. Goodnight baby. Sleep well C x
With Penguin playing on repeat, I settle back down under my duvet and close my eyes. I soon drift off into a relaxed sleep.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
My iPod is still playing when I wake in the morning, and it makes me smile. I jump straight in the shower and dress in a simple black trouser suit with cream blouse, Penguin colours. Heading into the kitchen, I hear the shower turn on in the bathroom so I get the coffee going and set out breakfast stuff for both Becki and me.
I’m sitting at the table sipping my coffee and searching the news headlines on my phone when Becki comes through. “Morning, my little cherub. How are you this fine morning?”
Rolling my eyes at her persistent use of that name and at her inappropriate chirpiness for this time of the morning, I point toward the kitchen counter. “I’m fine, slept well. There’s a coffee there for you.”
“What was that noise I heard creeping from your room all night? Sounded like all kinds of cheese to me.”
“If you’re going to be like that, I’m not telling.”
“Suit yourself, bitch.” She shrugs. “Did you hear from Craig?”
“Yeah, he texted me last night.”
“And?”
“And what?”
“What did he say?” she asks, rolling her eyes.
“Not much. He just asked about my day really.” I’m not going to explain about the song. She’ll just take the piss, and
I’m certainly not telling her about Craig’s proposal for a post meal workout. My cheeks heat at the thought of what she’d say.
“Oh really? So why do your cheeks resemble beetroot?”
Busted.
“None of your bloody business.” I need a change of subject and quickly. “What do you have planned for today? Do you want me to cook tonight?”
She looks at me a little sheepishly. “Err, no, it’s fine. I’m going out straight from work.”
“Oh. Who with? Anyone I know?”
“That would be me,” a familiar sounding male voice from behind surprises me. I twist round to see Scott standing there grinning at us. “Is there enough coffee there for one more?”
I look from Scott to Becki and then back again. “Yeah sure. Take a seat and I’ll make it for you. Milk, one sugar right?”
Scott walks over to Becki and kisses the top of her head before sitting in the seat next to her. “Yeah, thanks Ambs.”
“So, you stayed last night?” I ask Scott as I place a mug in front of him.
“I did. You don’t mind do you?”
“Well, that depends.” I think it’s time someone tries to interfere with these two. Their games have gone on long enough. After what Becki told me on Sunday, it’s clear they should be together. I just need to help them along the way.
“On what? This is my place now too.” Becki blurts out.
“On whether you two are finally sorting your shit out.”
“Meaning?”
“Do I really have to spell it out for you, Bec?”
“It’s okay, Ambs,” Scott interjects. “Bec and I are together. We finally had that conversation and told each other how we feel.”
Thank God for that.
The biggest grin spreads across my face, and I run around and wrap my arms around my best friend’s shoulders.
“Oh my God!” I shriek. “I am so happy for you both. It took you bloody long enough though.”
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