by Shan
My cell phone vibrated in my hands as I quickly ran to one of my neighbors house.
"Hello," I answered my phone.
"Baby, where are you?" Quad asked.
Hearing Quad's voice made me breathe a sigh of relief. Made me wish that the day I found I was pregnant that I'd stayed my ass at home and mothered my unborn the way it was supposed to be. Everything Quad said to me when he brought me to his house was true. I'd been irresponsible and acting as if I didn't have an innocent life inside of me. I wish I'd been smarter and now it was too late.
Quad
"So, these the cats that's been talking? Tamar asked.
"Yea, I actually caught him,” I said pointing to a picture of Bubba, “with my own eyes talking to Agent Tommy. Tommy gave it to me and said that you've been working with him for a while," I said looking around nervously.
"Who is this Bubba? I don't think I know him," Tamar looked through the stack of pictures of him and some Italian guy in deep conversation, and other pictures of Bubba and Bear speaking with federal agents. The pictures didn't really show much and I doubt that had anything behind it that could convict Tamar, but it did show that niggas was snitching. Because of those snitches, Herm was behind bars, traps were being hit, and muthafuckas were losing money. I've lost and so has Tamar.
"He's really just muscle for Herm. He does a lot of the dirty work. You know sort of like what Keylan did," I said.
Tamar nodded, "Good looking. How is Starr? Heard she got roughed up yesterday evening."
"She is in the hospital. Lost a little fluid but they saying her and the baby should be fine," I sighed.
"That's what's up," Tamar looked over his shoulder then back at me. "Aye, I need those two handled. I've lost over two hundred and fifty thousand dollars in the past three weeks and that's not including the hundred grand that Starr got out of those bricks. You murk them niggas and I'll forget all about the paper the two of you owe me."
I swallowed hard. I'd thought that telling him who was doing all the talking would help him out, but I guess I should’ve known it wouldn’t be that easy. I'd already been photographed murkin’ a nigga in the middle of the damn the street and he wanted me to go off two niggas that's working with the FEDs.
"I wanna get these dudes bad man. Especially Bear for what he did to my girl, but they working with the FEDs. I know they gotta have surveillance around them."
Tamar sat back in his chair and looked at me like he was choosing his words carefully before he spoke them. He sat back up, gathered up the pictures, and placed them back in an envelope.
"You got my money?" Tamar asked.
I sighed. I had the money but I didn't wanna give it to him. I already gave Agent Tommie half of what he asked for so that I could give this shit to Tamar; I still owed him the other half to get whatever info he had on me. All I had was a quarter million saved up and giving him practically half would set me back a grip.
"Bear lost your shit, so why not make Bear pay for it?" I questioned.
"Who said he already hasn't?" Tamar raised a brow. "Do you have my money?"
"Double collecting," I mumbled.
Tamar smirked, "You need to come and get money with me and stop messing with this small time shit. A hundred grand would've been like toilet paper, had you got up with the right people."
"You completely back in the game? I thought it was just temporary," I said.
"I only quit to be a family man but since me and my wife or no longer together, I gotta do something to occupy my time," Tamar said.
He removed a blunt from his ear and fired it up. We were sitting in the middle of a Catfish place, filled with people either eating or waiting on their food and he smoking weed like it’s nothing.
"Look I'll handle them fools. I worked too hard for my money and as much as I love Starr; I just can't give up my bread like that. I'll take care of them," I said shaking my head.
"Already," he took a deep toke off the blunt and stretched it in my direction. "You good. Nobody's gonna trip."
I accepted the blunt from Tamar and took a quick puff before passing it back to him. We sat at the table for about thirty more minutes discussing how far Tamar could take me in the dope game. I'm not even gonna lie and act like the shit he was telling me didn't sound tempting to me. He was known to flip money to the extreme. Working with him might be just what I needed to reach my goal and settle the fuck down. I have two babies on the way and didn't want to be doing this shit when neither of them got here.
"What's up Mrs. Mitchell?" I asked as I strolled into Starr's hospital room.
"They're gonna send me and your daughter home in the morning. My fluid is returning to normal and they said she looks fine," Starr said rubbing her stomach.
"Daughter? It's a girl?" I asked.
Starr giggled, "Yep, they just did another sonogram about ten minutes ago and she had her legs wide open."
"Damn, I just knew you were gonna have my Jr."
"Don't sound so disappointed. I’m sure Fatima will be more than happy to give y'all son your name if she has a boy."
"Starr, I was just fucking around. I’m cool with whatever you have. I'm just happy that you decided to keep it and I didn't have to kill you."
"Yea, whatever," she rolled her eyes.
"Don't be like that. I love you and I'm with you. That's where I'm gonna stay. I'm a take care of my lil’ one with Fatima and that's it," I said and pulled a chair up next to the bed.
"When is the last time you talked to her?"
"A couple of days ago. My auntie never did put her out like I asked her to so she still in South Carolina."
"How far along is she?"
I shrugged my shoulders, "I don't know like eight or nine weeks."
"Eight or nine weeks? We've been together that long Quad."
"Starr, I don't know how far she is. Shit I just know she got pregnant right before I broke up with her."
"You've been fucking her while we've been together, haven't you? Don't lie," Starr pushed the hand away that I had resting on her stomach.
"Man, when is my baby due? I need to know what kind of time frame I got to get shit taken care of," I said skating away from Starr's question.
"Answer the damn question Quad! Don't play with me!" Starr screamed.
"Will you stop getting loud? Damn!"
"Answer me. Have you had sex with her while we've been together?"
I sighed and turned my head away to look at the wall. Damn, do I tell the truth or do I lie?
"Yea, I have," I said deciding to be truthful. I reached for Starr's hand but she snatched it away. She crossed her arms over her crest and refused to look my way. I stood up from the chair and leaned over the bed to kiss her. I lightly sucked on her neck and licked on her ear.
I pulled the covers back and tried to run my hand up her gown when she bowed me in the jaw, "Fuck Starr!"
"Don't touch me! Don't ever fucking touch me again!"
"Calm down before you upset my child!" I said rubbing my jaw.
"Fuck you! I'm sick of this shit Quad. You always cheating. Always sticking your dick in places it doesn’t belong and I'm tired of it!"
"It was one fucking time and that shit haven't happened again," I said.
"Yea because she's hundreds of miles away. Who knows who else you done fucked? Nasty ass bastard!"
"I haven't fucked nobody including you! I'm too busy running behind you and trying to get myself out of the bullshit you got me into! Out here risking my life behind your shit."
"You got yourself in that shit; you'll figure it out the same away I had to figure my way out of the Croy situation. Forced me to suck his damn dick, slammed my face into the steering wheel, and tried to fucking kill me but do you hear me complaining about the shit you got me into!" Starr yelled. "Brian no longer wants to fuck with me, Bubba who I've known since I was a damn kid ratted me out to any and everybody and then to top it off my daddy's longtime friend raped me! Do you hear me fucking complaining? Get the f
uck over it!"
"He raped you?" I asked looking at Starr wondering why she left that part out when she told me what happened.
"Is everything okay?" a nurse asked when she walked into the room.
I stared at Starr for a moment before making my exit. My heart rate pounded so hard that it literally felt like it was going to pop out of my chest. I don't think I've ever been this mad in my damn life. After what I just heard, I really didn't give a fuck if Bear and Bubba had FBI agents protecting them or not. Both of them niggas was gonna have to see me real soon.
Starr
I lay in my hospital bed peacefully sleeping until I felt the force of someone’s hands around my throat. My guard went up, my arms flailed, and desperately I tried to get up. Every breath I took in was filled with lent from the fabrics of the pillow case.
"I guess you thought this shit was over after you killed my patnas in the middle of the street. It ain't over yet baby girl," the raspy voice spoke with venom. "What I have in store for you is just beginning."
The monitors in my room began to beep rapidly, and that’s when panic began to set in.
"Code Blue in room 5-13, Code Blue in room 5-13!" a voice yelled over the loud speaker.
"Looks like you've been saved by the bell," he laughed.
Desperately I opened my eyes and caught the back of the muthafucka that was trying to kill me. Four nurses rushed in right after pushing a cart with pedals and other lifesaving equipment. I huffed and puffed for air and scratched at the pain that was in my throat from not being able to breathe.
The nurses began to pull at my gown, check my vitals, and pull different types of needles from the cart. I wanted to stop them but I was too much in shock. It all felt like a dream; I'd never felt so vulnerable before. No pistol or nothing to protect me; I had to get out of here. I sat straight up in the bed, pushed the nurses away, and screamed for them to get off of me.
"Don't touch me! I gotta get out of here!" I yelled.
"Starr! Mrs. Conners calm down, you're gonna be okay," one of the white nurses said as she tried to get me to lie back down.
"Bitch, get the fuck away from me! Call my boyfriend so I can get outta here! Y'all trying to get me killed!" I screamed.
"We're only trying to help you! Mrs. Conners you have to calm down!" another nurse calmly stated; she was a black older later.
"Ya'll didn't see that muthafucka’ run up outta here! Y'all trying to get me killed. Fuck away from me man!" I held my hands up warning them not to touch me.
"There was no one in here. It may be the Valium, let's lower the dose on that," the black nurse said.
I ripped the IV out of my arm and climbed out of the bed. They were not about to sit here and make me out to be some crazy, pregnant woman.
“Ms. Conners it’s not a good idea that you leave. Let me just call your boyfriend to come back up here. Please get back in the bed,” the black nurse came and gently grabbed my arm. She walked me back over to the bed, and then walked over to the phone. She directed someone at the nurse’s desk to call Quad.
“I’ll wait until he gets here, but I’m checking out. Go ahead and get my paperwork ready ‘cause I’m leaving,” I pouted.
After sitting there for a few moments, calming down, and having them turn every light on the room, I began to think if maybe I had been dreaming. It was crazy how the fool had his hands gripped around my throat so tightly and damn near killed my ass but when I opened my eyes; I didn’t see nothing but his back or just an image of his back.
Hell I don’t know what the hell is going on right now; this place and all the shit going on had me going crazy. I didn’t tell the nurses that but did agree with them about not giving me anymore medicine. I told them that they didn’t have to call Quad and that I would call him myself. It was time that I tell him about this unknown fool that has been threatening and harassing me. He was beginning to show up in my dreams, had me looking over my shoulder every second of the day, and it was becoming too much.
The next week and a half I spent at Quad’s house hiding out and taking care of myself. Quad claimed to be out looking for the fool that was messing with me and looking for Bear.
I hated this low-down shit, hiding from the world like I was some scary bitch but I knew that it was necessary. Everything that Quad has been fussing and preaching about, I was trying to practice; I mean what kind of mother parades around carrying a gun, setting up robberies, and carrying them out. I’d cried something terrible when I lost my last child and I wasn’t even doing the things that I’m doing now. Although, I threatened on numerous occasions to kill this child, I knew deep down I didn’t really want to. If I’d lost this baby I’m quite sure that I would feel worse than I did the last time; especially knowing that I was most likely the ‘cause of it.
“How you feeling?” Quad asked coming into the bedroom with a greasy, brown, paper bags.
“I’m fine. Bored as hell but I’m good,” I said reaching for the bag. “Man I swear you trying to make me fat.”
“I’m just trying to feed my princess since her mama too busy trying to watch her figure," Quad teased.
"Whatever. Oh my God a Philly Cheesesteak," I said taking no time to devour the grease soaked sandwich.
"Aye, these cats stressing the fuck outta me. Somebody told me that Bear was just around here asking for you but he seemed to have disappeared. Where would he be hiding?" Quad asked.
I shrugged my shoulders, "He could be anywhere. This shit is just fucking crazy to me, Bear is like my daddy’s brother and---"
"Ain't no fucking brother of his. He raped you! Please don't reference that nigga as a brother ever again!" Quad's voice peaked with anger.
"Quad, I've never done anything wrong to him besides taking those bricks and my daddy has been more than good to him so why do me like this? I don't know; I'm just trying to understand it."
"Fuck trying to understand it. I need to find him and whoever this other muthafucka’ is that’s been messing with you and I need to find them quick."
"He has a sister that lives in Fulton; she lives alone with her two children. He always told my daddy that when he needed to get away that's where he would go. As far as the other dude goes, I don't know. Every time he comes around it’s always dark and I never get to see his face."
"You don't know the address to Bear’s sister house?" Quad questioned.
"No, I've never been out there before. I don't know, why would Bear---"
"Starr, Bear has been snitching fuck do it matter why! He just did, and it's not just Bear, Bubba has been doing it too!”
“What? No, Bubba wouldn’t do that----he might’ve told on me but he would never say shit to no police!” I protested wanting to believe what I was saying but somehow I knew it was true. I’d said myself that he would go singing if he ever got into a bad situation and it seems that I couldn’t have been more than right.
“Look I seen the shit with my own eyes, ask Neek if you don’t believe me. They the ones that's been talking to the FEDs and got your pops locked up. They telling on any and everybody; including me. It's most likely to shy away from some shit they did."
"Bubba snitched on my daddy? It can’t be possible," I said still hoping that it wasn’t true.
Quad nodded his head and took a big bite of his food. I finished my food but immediately felt sick afterwards. Bubba and I were childhood friends, so this was shocking to me. My daddy fed both of these fools good, they were eating and the shit they were doing was shiesty as fuck. I only wanted to end my friendship with Bubba and never talk to him again but now I’m feeling as if I want him dead.
Quad and I sat up in the bed for the next couple of hours talking about our futures together and I just had to be honest with him. After hearing that he cheated on me with Fatima I wasn't so sure on what our future held. Yes I was with him now but truthfully this pregnancy had me all into my feelings. One day I loved him and wanted to spend a lifetime with him but the in the next moment when I thought about his
lying ways I wanted to kill his ass.
After my daughter was born and my hormones returned to normal I felt I would be better equipped to make a decision on where our relationship stood. Quad was not too happy with hearing that but what did he expect? If I'd done him the same way, we would not be having this conversation today. Quad would be through with me and the muthafucka' I cheated with would be half-dead or just flat out dead.
"Oh my God! Look at H.J,” I yelled after receiving a text from Stacey. She sent me a picture of my little brother. She’d just had him last night, after being a week overdue. He weighed eight pounds nine ounces with a head full of hair. I couldn’t wait to get this pregnancy over with so that I could hold my baby. Tears came to my eyes suddenly after staring at H.J. a little while longer; Stacey had her sister with her but I know she preferred for my daddy to be there. I know that he wished he could’ve been there as well. His first son and technically his first child just came into this world and he was locked up facing charges in a federal prison.
I text Stacey back and told her congratulations and that I would be at the hospital tomorrow to come and visit. I didn’t care what Quad said about hiding out. I’m going to see my little brother and my step-mama tomorrow.
I got up and walked out of the room into the kitchen where Neek was making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. He looked at me, licked his lips like he always did when he saw me and smirked. I rolled my eyes at him returning the same smirk and grabbed a bottle of water out of the fridge.
“Can you make me one too?” I asked.
“Man I seen Quad come in here with them damn bags of food. You already ate,” Neek said taking a bite of his sandwich.
“That was a couple of hours ago. Please I’m hungry again,” I whined.
Neek, peeled away a piece of his sandwich and handed it to me. I smiled and jumped up on top of the cabinet, taking a bite out of the PB&J sandwich.
“Where Charlene at?” I asked looking around.