Behind in the Count: A Portland Pioneers Novel

by Micah K. Chaplin

  “So did I say anything stupid in there?” he asked.

  “No. You did very well,” Zella said.

  “You sound surprised.”

  “I’m not. Impressed is more like it. You seem so comfortable speaking in front of people.”

  “It’s never really been an issue for me,” he said shrugging.

  “Clearly. I can see why they send you to these things.”

  “Actually, I volunteered.”

  She turned her head to look at him. “Really?”

  “Yeah. Not long after I signed with the club, I overheard Ms. Marks trying to convince one of the other players to go speak to a community group. He threw out several excuses. It was clear he just didn’t want to,” Derek said. “So I approached Ms. Marks and told her I’d be glad to go. It’s usually a good meal, and I feel like I’m doing something good for the team.”

  “Pitching isn’t enough?” she asked.

  He smirked. “Not for me, it’s not.”

  Zella considered his response for several moments, unsure of what to make of it. She heard him let out a long breath, though it wasn’t quite a sigh.

  “This club signed me when everyone else thought I was done,” he said. “I owe them everything. I plan to give them whatever I can.”

  “Well, I know Ms. Marks appreciates it,” Zella said. “She speaks very highly of you.”

  “That’s good to know.”

  They had to slow down for an accident, and their conversation was lost for a few moments. When they were travelling at the speed limit again, she asked about which players he’d watched and idolized growing up. She learned he’d been a Kansas City Royals fan, which surprised her. She knew he was from Oklahoma, so she’d assumed he’d cheered for the Texas Rangers.

  “I liked being different, I guess,” he said, chuckling. “All of my friends were Rangers fans, but not me. I didn’t get to watch many Royals games, but I could usually find them on the radio. The only time I chose a Rangers game over a Royals game was when Nolan Ryan was pitching.”

  “So are there any Royals pitchers you looked up to?” she asked.

  “I would have loved to see Dan Quisenberry pitch. Everything I read about him sounded incredible,” Derek said. “I listened to a lot of Bret Saberhagen starts. He had some rough ones, but his overall numbers are solid.”

  Zella shared a few of her childhood favorites as well, with Randy Johnson at the top of her list.

  “It’s a shame he was never the number one starter for them,” Zella said. “But from my observations, sometimes the number two guy can be more formidable. Opposing teams are so busy studying the ace that they forget to prepare for the next guy. He can sneak up on them.”

  She paused, thinking about what she’d just said.

  “Wait … that doesn’t sound right,” she said. “I don’t mean the number two guy excels because the other team overlooks him. I mean, I think that’s a factor, but I also think the number two guy, sometimes, is kind of like a second ace. The club trusts him to take a lot of innings.”

  She wasn’t necessarily referring to Derek with her statement, though she could see how it certainly applied to him as well. That was part of why she attempted to amend her words. She didn’t want to sound like she was discrediting him in any way.

  Derek nodded. “Yeah, I could see that. I like to think the Pioneers trust me.”

  “I think it’s clear they do,” Zella said. “And why shouldn’t they? You were nails last season.”

  “I had a few bad outings,” he said, clearly uncomfortable with her praise.

  “The good far outweighed the bad,” she said. “That complete game shutout in the postseason? Unbelievable. I’m pretty sure I stopped breathing during the last inning.”

  “Me too,” Derek said, chuckling. “It was a little bit of an out of body experience.”

  Conversation continued to flow as easily as the traffic. She felt relaxed with him for the first time since they’d met, and he seemed to be comfortable with her as well. She felt better about the whole situation by the time they pulled up outside the ballpark.

  “I enjoyed having lunch with you today,” Zella said.

  The moment she said it, she realized how it sounded. Almost like she was thanking him for a date. But he didn’t seem affected by her words.

  “Yeah, the Kiwanis are always a good time,” he said.

  “Have a good afternoon,” she said as she exited his car.

  “You too,” he said.

  She gave him a little wave and walked to the entrance. When she reached it, she turned, surprised to find he was still sitting there, watching her. She waved again. Because of the way the sun was shining, she couldn’t see his expression, but she could make out his silhouette and she saw him nod. Then, without anything further, he pulled away from the curb and continued down the street.

  Derek felt unsettled as he drove away, mulling over the events of the past few hours.

  He’d been shocked as hell to walk up to the GM’s office and find the mystery girl from the gym sitting at the desk. He hadn’t expected to see her again so soon, or really ever again. But at least now he knew why she’d been using the weight room and how she knew his name.

  When he learned she would be accompanying him to the lunch, he wasn’t happy. He’d expected to have some time with Ms. Marks, maybe campaign a bit for his buddy Reid, who would be trying to make the roster. He felt a little slighted that she’d passed the duty onto her assistant, but Zella was friendly and she’d complimented him more than once. She also seemed to know her baseball, which shouldn’t have been a shock. He couldn’t imagine Ms. Marks hiring anyone who wasn’t well-versed in the sport. Zella had ended up being pretty great company for the day.

  They’d gotten off to a bit of a rough start though. The ride to the Kiwanis lunch had been uncomfortable. And that was putting it mildly. He’d never been great at small talk, but conversation wasn’t usually difficult for him, but with Zella, it was another story. Maybe it was because he was used to talking to men since he spent most of his time with his teammates. The only female he talked to on a regular basis – besides his mother – was his therapist. And it had taken time for him to build a rapport with Dr. Olsen.

  And then Mr. Johnson had made comments about Zella being his date. What semblance of comfort he’d started to find with her disappeared for a few moments. Derek froze and didn’t know how to respond even though he knew should have immediately corrected Mr. Johnson about Zella’s role. Zella had shown a little discomfort but recovered much quicker than he had. Derek had been grateful for her response and redirection.

  The ride back to the ballpark was considerably easier. Talking baseball with her had been fun, and he liked the way she’d looked at him when he was talking and truly listened. He also enjoyed hearing her perspectives.

  He’d felt a little disappointed when he dropped her off at the ballpark. He didn’t know when he’d get to see her again.

  Why should I care about that?

  And he had absolutely no idea why he’d just sat there and watched until Zella was out of sight. It was broad daylight, so safety wasn’t the issue. It had just felt like the right thing to do even if it didn’t make a lick of sense.

  He shook his head and turned on the radio, letting 90s jams distract him from wondering things for which he didn’t have answers. And things for which he didn’t want to have answers.

  Derek was so distracted, he almost forgot about his dinner plans with Reid until his teammate texted to double-check where they’d agreed to meet. As it was, Derek was late to the diner, for which he quickly apologized to Reid.

  “I don’t know where my head was. We just talked about dinner this morning and somehow I forgot,” Derek said, shaking his head.

  “It happens,” Reid said, chuckling. “No big deal.”

  The two talked for a while about their workouts and what more they wanted to accomplish before leaving for Arizona. Derek felt like he needed some more strength
workouts while Reid planned to spend some extra time in the batting cages. He claimed to be more worried about his timing than anything else.

  Finally, Reid asked Derek about his odd behavior with Carson the previous day. Derek knew he couldn’t pull any punches. He let out a long breath before answering.

  “Hearing Carson talk about his kid … I just got jealous,” he said.

  “Because you don’t get to see Brynn very much?” Reid asked.

  “Well, I guess that could be part of it,” Derek replied. “But it also reminds me of how much I missed. I don’t have very many memories of Brynn as a newborn, and I didn’t see her again until she was a toddler. I chose that with my actions, and I can never get it back. I kind of hate myself for it.”

  Reid nodded, listening. “So it’s not that you resent Carson in any way?”

  “Not at all. I couldn’t be happier for the guy,” Derek said. “But I’m sad for myself. And angry at myself.”

  “That’s understandable,” Reid said. “Did you talk to Carson about it? He seemed kind of put out by your response.”

  “Not yet. I don’t really know what to say,” Derek said. “He seemed fine during our workout today.”

  “I’m sure he did. He’s a professional like that,” Reid said. “But I talked to him after yesterday’s workout, and I know he was not OK.”

  Derek nodded and sighed. “I’ll talk to him tomorrow. I want to be upfront with him about this. That it’s about me, not him.”

  “I think he’ll understand if you explain it just like you did to me,” Reid said. “Just be honest and sincere.”

  “I will,” Derek said.

  “Good,” Reid said. “You two work so well together on the field. I’d hate to see anything mess that up.”

  “Right,” Derek said. “We’ll get it cleared up before the season. I promise.”

  “So … how are things going with Brynn? Have you gotten to see her lately?” Reid asked.

  Derek’s face split into a grin and, as he dug into his biscuits and gravy, he eagerly launched into a series of stories from his most recent visit with his daughter. Having her at his parents’ house for an entire week had been exactly what he needed. It was the first time he actually got to feel like a father. Her father. His parents helped, but for the most part, Derek was the one caring for her. He dressed in the morning, fed her, changed her, played with her, read to her, and – his favorite – held her each evening until she fell asleep.

  “I can’t even begin to describe how amazing it is to just hold her and have her look up at me and really seem to know me,” Derek said. “I love her so much, and I feel like she actually realizes that now. I didn’t like feeling like a stranger to her.”

  “That’s awesome, Derek,” Reid said, his smile genuine.

  He’d polished off his omelet and toast while Derek talked. And now he sat sipping a glass of milk. Breakfast for dinner had been Reid’s idea and Derek hadn’t objected.

  “So what’s new with you?” Derek asked.

  “Not much,” Reid said, shrugging.

  “Any women in your life?”

  “Nothing like your Brynn. But I am seeing someone.”

  “Oh yeah? Who is she?”

  “It’s kind of new, so I don’t want to say too much. But we’re having a good time. We’ll see how things go.”

  “Fair enough,” Derek said. “It’ll probably get tougher when season starts. You’ll be gone a lot. Hopefully she can handle that.”

  Even as he spoke, Derek couldn’t completely relate. By the time his baseball career really got going, he was married and his relationship with Keely was well-established. Neither of them had enjoyed being apart for spring training or road trips but she understood, and coming home was always fun.

  “Have you thought about dating again?” Reid asked, breaking through Derek’s thoughts and seemingly reading his mind.

  “Nah,” Derek said, shrugging.

  “How long were you with Keely?” Reid asked.

  “Seven years,” Derek said.

  “That’s a long time,” Reid said. “Have you gone on any dates since your divorce?’

  Derek shook his head from side to side. “I’ve been kind of focused on baseball. And getting my head right. I don’t think I even have time for anyone else right now.”

  “I can see that,” Reid said. “But don’t you ever get lonely for some female company?”

  “Not really,” Derek said, shrugging.

  He could tell Reid didn’t believe him. He didn’t expect him to. The outfielder was famous for his womanizing past. Though that part of Reid’s life had quieted some as he worked to rehab his image, Derek knew Reid couldn’t imagine not dating. But Derek was different. He hadn’t dated since high school and even then he’d been one and done. Keely was his first girlfriend. His first love. His first everything. He wasn’t sure he’d even know how to ask a girl out now. He wasn’t even sure he wanted to. He had enough to focus on with his career, his daughter, and his recovery.

  “Do you even notice all the beautiful women at the ballpark?” Reid asked.

  “Of course I do. I’m not blind,” Derek said.

  “But you don’t want any of them?” Reid asked. “Not even just for a little fun?”

  “Not really,” Derek said.

  “So how long has it been since you got some?” Reid asked.

  “Well, Brynn will be two in a few months, and Keely and I didn’t have sex those last few months before she was born, so … you do the math,” Derek said.

  He almost laughed when he saw Reid’s expression of horror.

  “Are you serious? You’ve gone two years?” Reid asked.

  “Yeah, it’s not really a big deal,” Derek said, shrugging.

  Reid shook his head. “I don’t get it, but whatever works for you, man. You’ll go after some when you’re ready, I suppose.”

  Derek nodded, but he didn’t necessarily agree. He definitely wasn’t the kind of guy who could do “fun.” And he couldn’t really see himself dating at the moment either. He wouldn’t even know where or how to start. Plus, his life was already so full. Where would a woman fit in? He remembered how much time he spent with Keely when they first started dating. When he wasn’t in school, playing baseball, or sleeping, he was with her. These days, he didn’t have a lot of time to spare. Between baseball, Brynn, and counseling, his time would be stretched thin enough. Dating was out of the question.

  Chapter Three

  The next day, Derek woke with his alarm and set out for the ballpark. He wasn’t quite as early as the previous day, but he still had a half hour to work out before Carson would arrive. He headed straight for the weight room, which was still dark. He’d been hoping to see Zella, but he wouldn’t admit that to anyone. Not really even to himself. As the disappointment in her absence crept up, he quickly squashed it, feeling confused. And stupid.

  He jogged on the treadmill for a while and then did a quick set of squats and lunges. He didn’t want to wear out his legs too much before his mound session, but they still needed a good warm-up and workout. He was just finishing up when Carson entered the weight room.

  “I saw your car, so I knew you were here somewhere. Only took me two guesses to find you,” Carson said, grinning.

  The catcher was definitely a morning person. Annoyingly so, as Derek and other teammates had discovered during road trips the previous season.

  “Yep. I’m ready to hit the mound if you are,” Derek said.

  “Of course I am,” Carson said. “I need to stretch a little, but I can do that out there.”

  “Before we go, I need to apologize to you for the other day,” Derek said.

  He went on to explain his rude interjection while Carson was showing Reid the video of Camden. It was pretty much the same speech he’d given Reid, and even though he’d been nervous about having this discussion with Carson, his words flowed easily.

  “I figured something was off, so I didn’t plan to hold it against
you,” Carson said. “But I appreciate the apology. We’re good.”

  As they were headed to the indoor pitching area, they crossed paths with the familiar face Derek had been hoping to see earlier.

  “Good morning, Derek,” Zella said, smiling at him.

  “Hey. Running a little late today?” he asked.

  He immediately regretted his query.

  She must think I’m such a creep.

  “Yeah,” she said, sheepishly. “I stayed up a little too late last night, so getting up this morning was hard.”

  “Right,” Derek said. “Well, have a good workout.”

  “You too,” Zella said. “And you too, Carson.”

  “Oh, I will,” Carson said.

  Derek looked over at the catcher, who was smiling at him in a way that made him uncomfortable. He shook his head as Zella disappeared behind the weight room door and they continued to their original destination. Carson barely let ten seconds pass before opening his mouth.

  “Who was that?” Carson asked.”

  “Zella. She’s Ms. Marks’ new assistant.”

  “She’s pretty cute.”

  Derek shrugged. He didn’t disagree, but he wasn’t going to agree either.

  “You two seemed to know each other a little.”

  “She was in the weight room at the same time as me yesterday.”

  “And?”

  Clearly, Carson was not going to drop this.

  “And she went with me to the Kiwanis lunch thing I had to attend,” Derek answered.

  “You took a date? It’s about time.”

  “It wasn’t a date. She went in Ms. Marks’ place.”

  “So when are you going to take her on a date?”

  “Ms. Marks?” Derek asked, confused.

  “No, dummy,” Carson said, smacking Derek playfully on the head with his glove. “Zella.”

  “Why would I take her on a date?”

  “Because she’s cute. And she’s clearly into you.”

  “She is not.”

  “You don’t think she’s cute?”

  “No … yes … I mean, she is cute. But she’s not into me.”