Transference. She was transferring the love she had for Angel onto Tessa. But what about him? He was her son, but she didn’t seem to possess the same love for him. “So, the reason you’re obsessed with Tessa is because you love Angel so much? And because you never cared about my father, you never cared about me?” He sneered at her. “Nice.”
“No! That’s not what I meant at all. I love you, Mason. I’m your mother.”
“You’re not my mother. Audra Abelman-Wilder is my mother.” He wasn’t sure if he spat the words to hurt Kendall, or because it was true. Kendall was never his mother. Even before he came to live with his father, his memories were of late nights with Aunt Mary, never Kendall. He remembered crying in bed and asking Aunt Mary when Mommy was coming home. The answer was always the same – soon. But he’d fall asleep with Aunt Mary stroking his hair and when he’d wake the next morning, sometimes Kendall would be there and sometimes she wouldn’t. He remembered running to her bedroom the moment he woke up to see if she had come home, only to find a perfectly-made bed and Aunt Mary sleeping in the recliner in the living room.
He stared at the woman next to him, no longer a stranger, but nothing more than a bad memory brought to life that had come back to haunt him. “This is ridiculous. We’re done here. You’ve said what you had to say.” He stood up and took two steps before questions started lighting up his brain. This is your chance, Tessa had said, and he realized he needed some clarification. “What the hell is the story with that DVD? How did you get a sex tape of Tommy, Angel and Jessi?”
Kendall lowered her eyes to the object still concealed in her hand, and her cheeks flushed bright crimson. “As I said, I’m not proud of the things I’ve done. I’m quite ashamed, actually.” She took a deep breath and slowly let it out. “One night, when I was with Jimmy, I made him think Jessi and I were friends. It was easy because, at that point, Jessi and I didn’t have any open hostility towards one another. We had some words and rubbed each other the wrong way, but unless you were privy to those conversations, you wouldn’t have known.”
So, this is how it all started, Mason realized, and sat down to hear the story from the beginning.
“I convinced Jimmy to take me to Angel’s home one night. He’d just bought this big house with Tommy and Jessi.” She looked down the boardwalk in the direction of Long Beach. “I believe it’s the same house they live in now, only it’s been expanded tremendously. I remember how surprised I was that they let me in.” She shrugged one shoulder. “I did what any jealous woman would do. I snooped. I wasn’t looking for anything in particular. I just saw this DVD sticking out of the bookcase and picked it up. That’s when Jessi came looking for me and I shoved the DVD into my bag. I honestly forgot I had it. Weeks had gone by before I found it again and watched it. When I did, I knew I had a goldmine sitting in my hands. You don’t know what it’s like to want fame and to be able to perform for people. I craved recognition. It all came naturally for you. And it’s well deserved,” she quickly added. “You’re incredibly talented. I wasn’t. All I wanted to do was join Immortal Angel. I wanted the notoriety and the glory. I worked so hard and couldn’t understand why it didn’t happen for me.” She huffed out an ironic laugh and shook her head. “I was so foolish back then.”
“So, you tried to bribe your way into the band with a sex tape of Angel, Tommy and Jessi?”
She shook her head. “It was just Tommy and Angel on the DVD. That’s why the furor started. I think Jessi was upset because it was just the two of them.” She shrugged. “I thought everything was perfect between the three of them, but maybe there was discontent. Their relationship was new back then, and maybe there was jealousy. Maybe she was still adjusting to sharing Tommy. I don’t know. Maybe it was the content of the DVD, which was . . . unexpected. Anyway, Jessi was outraged. Angrier than I’d ever seen anyone to this day.” Kendall sighed, as if the admissions were draining on her. “Jessi is a smart woman. Smarter than I gave her credit for. Much smarter than me. She coerced me into a confession and recorded it. She made me hand over all copies of the DVD. I had no choice. No recourse. No more rabbits to pull from a hat. I didn’t have Angel – she did. I didn’t have the limelight – she did. Not many people were fond of me, and I understand that was my own fault, but everyone loved her. They adored her from the moment she stepped into The Quadrangle. I blamed her for ruining my life and taking away my chance with Angel. I thought she took everything from me. She had everything I ever wanted.” Kendall’s eyes remained focused on her hands as she continued. “I thought I was creating my own look, donning high fashion that I put together myself. Then she came along with her edgy style and looked like a rock star. I felt as if I was wearing a garbage bag compared to her. I was so jealous of her. I guess I still am.”
Mason’s head was spinning from the information thrust at him, but clarity was slowly calming the storm. She was telling her story. It didn’t excuse her actions or justify them, but at least he was beginning to understand how she must have felt.
Kendall suddenly clenched her hands into tight fists and pressed them against her eyelids. Her posture bore physical pain that radiated from her shaking shoulders. When she pulled her hands away from her face and placed them in her lap, wetness framed her eyes. “I still wish Angel and I could be together. But I accept that it will never happen. I must keep reminding myself of that and let him go for good. Otherwise, I turn into the maniac you saw last night.” She picked her head up and looked Mason directly in the eyes. “He’s the only man I’ve ever loved. And the only man I ever will love. But I need to move past this. I need to forget about him. Not just for my sanity, but for you, Mason. You have no idea what it’s like to be totally consumed with someone and know that they love someone else. Not just someone else, but two other people. When I found out that he had a baby with Jessi and it became clear that they had a physical relationship . . .” She paused and looked up to the sky. “I literally lost my mind. I pretended that Tessa was my daughter, with Angel. It’s delusional, I know. I’m afraid it might be time for me to go back on my meds for a while.” She shook her head. “I was doing so well for so many years. I want you to know that I had an online session with my therapist last night, whom I should have called days ago. I know I’m fully responsible for all my actions, and I can’t apologize enough. Something snaps when I’m around these people. Rationality goes out the window. I lose myself.” Two tears spilled down her cheeks. “I’m so sorry.” Her voice trembled. “I do love you, Mason, and I do want a relationship with you, but I can’t be near Angel. Or Jessi. Last night, I had my first drink in 21 years. She opened her hand and revealed a gold coin. It took twenty years for me to earn this. Twenty years,” she stressed. “I carry this little tidbit with me every day to remind me of how far I’ve come.” She slowly shook her head with remorse. “I threw it all away because of my inability to deal with unreciprocated love. That’s not the worst part of it. The worst part is that I fear I’ve lost any chance at a relationship with my only child.” She pressed her lips together, yet they still trembled, and two more tears streaked down her face.
She placed her hand on his cheek, and a memory flashed across his mind. She’d touched him in the same way when he was a child, he was sure of it. Emotion suddenly filled him and made the corner of his mouth twitch. How he had longed for her gentle touch, or only her attention, when he was a little boy, but had barely gotten it. He had pushed those feelings aside for so long that he’d totally forgotten about them.
“I know you think I’m a vile, evil person, and maybe deep down I am, but I don’t want to be like that. I’m trying very hard to be a better person. And I have been. I do volunteer work. I have friends in London. People who like me and think I’m clever and fun. I have a wonderful husband who adores me and takes care of me. I’m in a theater group.” She pursed her lips and shook her head. “It’s just this place. New York. It has too many bad memories that grab hold of me and don’t let go. It changes me. I don’t think I’ll
ever come back here again. It’s too toxic for me. But I do want to see you again Mason. And Tessa. I understand if you don’t ever want me to be around her again. I can only imagine what that lovely girl thinks of me, and it breaks my heart.” She was quiet for several seconds while she stared at her hands. “What I did was awful. I can’t change it. God knows I wish I could.” She clutched his arm with desperation, clearly holding back tears. “Please don’t write me off so quickly. Try to remember me the way I was when I first arrived. That’s the person I am, not the psychotic mess I’ve been lately. I know I don’t deserve it, but, if you could find it in your heart to forgive me, I might be able to forgive myself.”
Maybe he was a fool, but despite everything she’d done, his heart went out to her. She laid everything on the line and sat before him exposed and raw. He wasn’t ready to forgive her, but he wasn’t ready to banish her from his life for good. He hated the woman he saw yesterday. Loathed her. But the woman who showed up after Aunt Mary’s funeral had been charming and pleasant and refined. That was the woman he wanted her to be. The woman he wanted to know. He wanted to tell her that it wasn’t completely over between them, but he didn’t think he could get the words out over the baseball in his throat, so he slowly nodded.
New tears streamed down her cheeks, and she smiled, but it quickly turned into a sob. “Thank you, Mason. You’re such a good-hearted man. I knew I was doing the right thing letting Jimmy raise you. It’s the smartest decision I’ve ever made. And the most important one.” She leaned in and kissed his cheek, her tears leaving a wet streak on his face. “I’m sorry for messing up everyone’s lives. I’m going to leave now. I won’t ever bother you again. But, please know that I’m always here for you. You’re always welcome to visit me in London. Or ring me. Or send a text message.”
He didn’t have a definitive answer. She’d hurt people he loved, and he didn’t trust her to be around Tessa. He wasn’t sure what would happen, but he knew that the woman who sat next to him wasn’t the woman he saw last night. The idea that she was about to leave, and he could never see her again, filled him with regret. He nodded again. “Maybe. In time. I have to think about it.”
“Of course, Mason. Take all the time you need.”
She ordered an Uber, and he sat with her until the car arrived to bring her to the airport and out of everyone’s lives. Before she left, she turned to him and said, “I love you, Mason.”
He didn’t know if she was expecting him to say it back, but he couldn’t. He watched the car as it drove away, her hand never leaving the window as she gazed at him until distance separated them. And then she was gone.
He returned to the lobby to find Tessa sitting on one of the couches scrolling through her phone. She jumped up as soon as he walked through the door and ran to him. She hugged him, and he clung to her. He was never overly emotional, but everything seemed to come crashing down on him at once, and a sob left his throat. He mourned for the mother he lost for the second time.
Tessa stroked her hand up and down his back and just let him be. That’s the kind of person she was – caring and nurturing, never pushing for information someone wasn’t ready to offer. Mason composed himself and kissed the remarkable girl in his arms. “Thank you for always being my rock.”
A watery sheen covered her eyes as she looked deep into his soul. “Are you all right, Mase?”
“Yeah.” He let out a deep breath. “I’m glad I got to talk to her. It didn’t admonish anything she did, but I understand a little more. I don’t know what’s going to happen. I don’t know if I’ll ever see her again.”
Tessa rested her hand in the center of his chest and kept her eyes fixed on that spot. “You’re a good man Mason Wilder, with a beautiful heart. That’s why I love you so much.”
Placing a knuckle under her chin, he lifted her face upwards so she could meet his eyes. Today wasn’t about the drama Kendall brought into their world. Today was the first day he and Tessa were an engaged couple, and that’s what he was focusing on. Light and hope immediately filled his heart and his usual magnetic smile returned and dominated his face. “I love you, Tessa Blade Garcia, and I’m going to make you my wife. But first, we’re going for that walk on the beach I promised you and then we’re going to breakfast.”
Mason pulled the Lambo into a spot on 47th Street, the heart of the diamond district, sending Tessa’s heartrate into a static frenzy. They were on their way to his apartment after a walk on the beach and a lengthy breakfast, but he never mentioned anything about stopping to look at rings. “Are you buying me a ring?”
Mason leaned forward to look past Tessa and out the passenger window. “Nah. I don’t think they have what I’m looking for here. It’s too pricey.” He pulled into traffic before he even put the car into park.
Momentarily disappointed, Tessa’s spirits fell. Then she realized he was only playing with her. Mason probably had more money in his own right than her three parents combined. The Abelman family came from old money. Jimmy was ridiculously wealthy. Besides an enormous trust fund that Mason had received, which she was sure tripled her own, he was rich from a lucrative career as a drummer that had started when he was still a child. Mason Wilder did not bargain shop. “Stop teasing me!”
He laughed, and the joy at hearing his happy carefree laughter return made her feel like she could fly.
“I’m not teasing you,” he said. “I don’t think they have the quality I’m looking for.”
She settled back in her seat, wondering what he planned on buying her. She naturally assumed she’d pick out the ring of her dreams, but maybe Mason had something specific in mind. She didn’t want to seem bossy and had no intention of overriding his idea. This was as special to Mason as it was to her. “Where are you going? Canal Street?”
He scrunched his nose and glanced at her, taking his eyes off the road for a brief second. “They have shit.”
Canal Street had shit? What was this man thinking? She sat quietly, excited nerves making her feet tap on the lush carpeted floor of the car. Mason drummed his thumbs on the steering wheel and smiled his million-dollar smile but didn’t offer any clues. A few traffic lights later, he stopped on 52nd Street in front of China Bistro. “Are we having lunch?”
“Yeah.”
She was joking. They had breakfast only an hour before. She exited the car and stared at the black building, still questioning what Mason had in store. Maybe there was a surprise party inside the restaurant. She stepped toward it, but Mason pulled her down the sidewalk.
“Walk with me.”
His gaze was pensive, as if he had something on his mind, and she thought he might want to talk about Kendall a little more, so she walked in silence. He put his arm around her and smiled warmly. Not his usual animated grin, just a small cozy smile filled with affection that made her insides melt.
“Why so quiet?” he asked when they reached the corner and waited for the traffic to clear so they could cross.
“I don’t know. I thought you wanted to talk, and I didn’t want to hijack the conversation. You know how I ramble.”
Now, he gave her his killer smile. “You really do love me, you little chatterbox.”
She poked him in the ribs as they crossed Fifth Avenue, and he giggled. It was the musical, lighthearted giggle that he had when he was a boy, and childhood memories filled her with happiness.
He pulled her diagonally across the street, and she stumbled in her heels on the uneven asphalt. He immediately tightened his grip on her hand for support. “Sorry. Why don’t you wear more practical shoes?”
“I didn’t know we’d be walking through the City streets.” She rolled her eyes. “You Manhattanites.”
He stopped when they reached the east side of Fifth Avenue and faced her. Running his hands up and down her arms, then taking both her hands, he gazed at her in a way that made goosebumps rise on her flesh.
“Do you know where I’m taking you?” he asked.
“No.” She looked back over her
shoulder toward the China Grill. I thought you wanted to eat Chinese food.”
He wore a silly smile but didn’t say anything as he pulled her toward a storefront and out of the stream of New Yorkers walking briskly down the sidewalk. Then he took her by the shoulders and turned her toward the display window. She gasped and held her breath for a few seconds as an array of sparkling diamonds stared back at her from the window of Cartier.
“We’re here to pick out your engagement ring.” Mason kissed her temple. “Only the best for my girl.”
MASON WILDER: Radical Rock Stars Next Generation Duet Book 2 Page 25