by Ani San
My head was still throbbing, so my next move was to head into the kitchen and get some Tylenol and a large glass of water. I drank the water by the window facing Kensington Gardens. It was a beautiful Saturday morning, and a lot of people were already out enjoying the weather. I loved this view, and hated the thought of giving it up. I wondered how long it would take before Alfred called and asked were I would go next, and if I were returning home. I knew it wouldn’t be him wondering.
I was staring out in the park lost in my own thoughts, and didn’t hear him enter the kitchen. I almost jumped as I felt his arms around my waist.
‘Good morning, beautiful.’ He dragged me away from the window, and I lost my grip on the curtains, creating a dim lightning in the kitchen. He pushed my back against his naked chest and kissed my neck. I felt my body stiffened. I hadn’t expected our intimacy to continue now that we both were sober. Then I realise that I was the only one affected by alcohol last night. My previous behaviour made me blush. I put my glass on the counter and placed my hands over his at my waist. I didn’t know how to react, I only knew that I didn’t want him to let go. My body relaxed and eased into his embrace.
‘I woke up, and you were gone,’ he whispered in my ear.
‘I woke up with you next to me. I don’t even remember going to bed.’
‘I carried you.’
‘You carried me?’
‘Yes. I’m a bit insulted, actually. You fell asleep while I was telling a very fascinating story.’
He squeezed me tighter, and I tilted my head to give him easier access to my neck.
‘It couldn’t be that fascinating, if it made me fall asleep.’ I turned around and had to laugh when I saw his reaction.
‘You bloody, little funny girl. I’ll get you for that!’
He started tickling me, and I tried to squirm away and hold of his hands. We were standing face to face wrestling when his expression changed and he kissed me on the mouth. It took me by a surprise, but it felt right. So I kissed him back. My hand moved behind his head, grasping his hair, pulling him closer. His hands were on my back, holding me to him. My heart was raising, and I felt the warmth spread all over my body. My robe opened, and my bra pushed against his naked chest. He gasped, and moved his head lower, and soon his lips were on my breast, nuzzling the skin that was showing. The heat in my body started centring, moving south. I could feel it pulsing. I tighten my grip on his hair and pushed him harder against my breast. My breathing got heavier.
‘Oh!’ I exhaled as he hand reached my panties, and pushed against my crotch. I wanted him to rip them of.
But the sound of my voice seemed to awaken him. Suddenly he dropped his hands and stepped away from me. I didn’t understand why. He was breathing as heavily as I was. I could see his reaction were as strong as mine was. He drew his hand through his hair, agitated.
‘Did I do something wrong?’ I asked.
‘No, it’s me. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to… I don’t know what went in to me. It’s hard to control myself when I’m with you.’ He’d turn away from me now, leaning against the kitchen counter. His eyes were locked on the floor. I tried to get my breathing even, and closed my robe.
‘I don’t understand.’ How could he just stop what he was doing?
‘I didn’t mean to attack you like that. I know you think it’s too soon, and I don’t want to seduce you into something your not ready for.’ He looked at me now, and I could see pain or frustration in his face.
Too soon? I didn’t think it was too soon. I wanted him, now. He was irresistible. I felt a strong pull to be near him. But I couldn’t blame the alcohol this time. I was awake, sober, and should be able to have a clear mind. I should be able to be rational. I wasn’t. Every time he got near, I lost my self-control. I needed to get it back. I didn’t hesitate because I didn’t know him. I felt like I had known him my whole life. I hesitated because he had a wife. I didn’t want to be the other woman. I knew better than to screw a married man. I took a step away from him. I didn’t trust myself to be near him. My body was still in a firing heat. He was still looking at me. Like he was waiting for an answer. Maybe he wanted me to deny it, that I didn’t want to wait. I should tell him that it didn’t matter if we waited or not. It wasn’t right no matter what. I didn’t expect him to divorce his perfect wife just so he could get in bed with me, that was a terrible wishful-thinking. And I didn’t want to get hurt, either. I couldn’t imagining letting him in and then have him leave me. He was out of my league, and the sooner I realized that the better. I didn’t bother to respond to his comment, there weren’t any point in that.
I didn’t want to have this conversation. I changed the subject.
‘Can I make you some coffee or tea? Or breakfast?’
I wondered if I ha any food in the fridge. I was supposed to go shopping for groceries today.
‘Coffee sounds nice.’
I headed for my espresso machine and turned it on. There was a rack on the counter with different types of coffee capsules. I picked Caffé Intenso for myself, and held it up for him to choose what he wanted. My robe opened slightly as I stretched and revealed my bra. I pulled my hand back when I noticed, and closed the robe with my other hand.
‘I can make this if you want to get dressed,’ he said, and picked the same capsule for him self.
‘That’s probably a good ide,’ I blushed, ‘the mugs are in the cabinet above.’
‘If you find any male clothes, I would be most happy to borrow some,’ he said as I walked out of the kitchen.
‘Sorry, I gave them away to the last man I brought home,’ I laughed, relieved that the tension was gone.
I went into my bedroom, and looked over at the place where he had been sleeping. I wanted to lie down and inhale the scent of him, but I didn’t. I would save that for when he left. I opened the sliding doors and found a pair of navy pants that reached below my knee, and then put on a grey tank top with double-crossing straps in the back. I was in a hurry to get back to him, I didn’t want to miss a single minute before he left. He held the mug up for me when I re-entered the kitchen.
‘Thank you,’ I said as I grabbed it. ‘Are you hungry?’
I started opening and closing the cabinets and the fridge, only to confirm that the choices were limited.
‘I’m sorry, but I only have some cereal and some fruits. Can I make you some?’
‘No thanks, I’m fine. Have you seen my phone?’ His voice was distracted, and he moved into the living room.
This is it. My heart sank while I was contemplating saying goodbye to him. I took a deep breath and followed him. He had already found the phone, and was sitting in the same place he had yesterday. I didn’t look up as I sat down beside him. He was reading messages with a frown on his face.
‘I need to make some calls,’ he said as he rose. I remained seated, aware that he needed some privacy. He was walking back to the kitchen, holding his phone to his ear. ‘Hang on, Anna. Do you have any plans for today?’
I didn’t realise he was speaking to me at first. But he had turned around and was obliviously waiting for something. He was asking me of my plans. Why?
‘No, not really. I need to go get some grocery, though.’ My voice sounded as insecure as I felt. Maybe he wasn’t leaving yet. I didn’t let myself hope that.
He turned back around and continued to the kitchen. ‘Hey Anna, I’m at Sara’s. In Kensington. What...? No, I had it on mute, I just got up.’
He actually told her were he had stayed the night. My body froze. I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, it was kind of inevitable. My apartment wasn’t that big. Besides, he hadn’t closed the kitchen door. I continued to listen. Not because I was curious, well maybe that too, but mostly because I loved to hear his voice. The sound of it made me tingle all over. And it was fascinating the way his voice shifted when he talk to Anna, in comparison when he talked to me. It was softer with me and warmer. Or maybe my imagination was running wild.
‘I know that
,’ I heard him continue. ‘You have to cancel it. I don’t care, just do it! And give the message to Jules please.’
The mention of her stung in me. It was my guilty conscience taking a stab. I knew him being here was wrong, no matter how right it felt. He was about to finish the call when he abruptly came back, holding his hand over his phone, looking at me.
‘What did you need at the store?’
‘Just some food,’ I answer, not sure where he was going with this.
‘What kind of food? Anything special?’ His hand was still covering his phone.
‘No, it’s ok, I can get it tomorrow.’ My voice trailed of as he hold up his hand to me and spoke into the phone again.
‘Anna, are you there? Can you please pick up some groceries and have Charles deliver them here? Fine. And I need a change of clothes. Yes, that would be fine. Thank you. Yes, I promise to turn the sound on. But don’t call unless it’s important. … Maybe, I don’t know yet. I’ll talk to you later.’
He sat down beside me, grinning at my astonish expression.
‘Did you just ask Anna to buy me food?’
He laughed at me, and I got annoyed. ‘That’s not funny. Did you?’
‘It’s no big deal, she does that all the time.’ His word didn’t relax me, they got me more annoyed.
‘So this is usual for you, is it? Seducing innocent women and bring them food the next day?’
He stopped laughing, but kept a smug smile on his face. ‘Firstly, this isn’t usual, it’s quite rare actually.’
‘Well, hurray for me!’ I said sarcastically. He ignored me.
‘I only meant that she’s my assistant, she is paid to run errands for me. Secondly, I hadn’t succeeded in seducing you, I’m still working on that. And I thought that food might change your mind.’ He stopped smiling when I didn’t change my expression.
‘Joke! That last one was a joke. I wanted to get you food, so I could keep you prisoner here today. Your not throwing me out, are you?’
My mood changed abruptly. ‘You are staying all day?’ Before I could think of my actions, I jumped into his lap.
‘Did you notice that I didn’t comment on your innocent-remark?’ His smug grin was back.
I blushed, and started to get off him. He grabbed my behind, and held me tight.
‘I think you should stay put, I like having you on top.’ He caressed my back, and I could feel him harden again. Then Christopher cursed as his phone went of. I glanced down at it and saw the name Julia flashing the display.
‘You better take that,’ I said, and crawled of him back to my side of the couch. He got up and took the phone with him, walking towards the kitchen again.
‘Yes?’ He turned before reaching the door, and walked to the windows instead, fidgeting with the curtains. I didn’t know if I should leave. This was probably not a conversation I wanted to hear. Still, I stayed and listened.
‘I know about that, you can cancel it or handle it yourself.’ He seemed annoyed.
‘Well, did she also tell you that I didn’t want to be interrupted? … I don’t know yet. No, I haven’t forgotten. Look, I’ll call you when I’m on my way home, ok?’ He hung up without another word.
If I was astonished by his last conversation, this was worse. Did she know were he was? Did she know he spent the night here? I suddenly felt nauseous. The realization of my actions slammed into me. How could I be so stupid?
‘Maybe you should leave.’ My words were an echo from yesterday, but I felt sadder saying them now. The joy of having him stay the day was overshadowed by my guilty conscience. I kept my eyes on the table. I knew he had stopped in the middle of the floor, but I didn’t dare look at him.
‘Are you throwing me out?’ He sounded surprised.
‘No, of course not, but...’
He cut me off. ‘Then I’m staying.’
He sat down next to me like nothing had happened and started flipping through messages on the phone. I could hear him laugh at something he read. I got up and took both our mugs to the kitchen for a refill. While waiting, I drew the curtains back to let some sunshine in. The sky was beautiful blue and cloud-free, this was going to be a hot day. I heard Christopher step behind me, and he leaned over me to close the curtains again.
‘Lets keep them closed today, ok?’
‘But it’s such a beautiful day. We should enjoy the sun while its here.’
‘But if we can see outside, then the outside can see us.’
‘What? Are you afraid that someone might see you?’
I could see that he was. ‘But we’re at the seventh floor. And nobody knows that you’re here.’
He didn’t smile like I did. He didn’t think it was absurd.
‘And we should keep it that way,’ he said seriously, and went back to the espresso machine and replaced the mug. He handed me the finished one. Suddenly I felt dirty. I didn’t like being the secret. I ran from that in Norway. I didn’t want to be hidden away like something to be ashamed of. I should deserve better. Then I started to think about the consequence if somebody knew he was here. I pictured the headlines again. Maybe it was best to stay hidden, and enjoy the time I had with him. I could save the regret and shame for later. I shouldn’t waste my time with him now. I was going to focus on the positive, and be happy the rest of the day.
We took both our mugs back to the living room again. My stomach did a nice job of informing me I hadn’t eaten yet, but I was experienced in ignoring it. It wasn’t a smart thing to do. I knew I had to be careful not to fall back to my old ways, I was recovered, but not cured.
‘What do you want to do to day? We can do anything. You decide.’ We sat down again as he said it.
‘Well,’ I answered him, trying to hold my face serious, ‘I was thinking we could take a walk through Kensington Gardens, it’s such a lovely day. Then maybe we can have lunch. I know a perfect café in Notting Hill. Oh, and I can text Alice, and have the gang meet us at Red Lion, it’s a bar not far from here.’ He’d frozen, and I tried hard not to laugh at his reaction.
‘No, I meant anything here. We can’t go out together.’ He was actually blushing. I thought that was my thing. I couldn’t hold myself. I started laughing.
‘You were kidding!’ He seemed relived. ‘Ha ha!’ He fake-laughed.
‘Oh! I know! Why don’t you tell me your story again? I could probably use a couple of hours of sleep.’ That comment got me a pillow in the head, but now he was laughing too.
He did tell me the story again, but I didn’t fall asleep this time. Then he’d ask about my home country and how it was growing up there. I didn’t like to talk about that, and changed the subject over to him each time. We sat there for an hour just talking, when the caller buzzed. I got up and answered it, praying it wasn’t Alice showing up unannounced.
‘Miss Nord, there is a deliverance for you. The carrier says he is Mr Charles, and that you are expecting him.’ I didn’t know why Frank sounded unsure.
‘Yes, that’s right. Thank you, Frank. Just send him up.’
A few minutes later, I opened the door to a big, muscular black man with larges tattoos on his biceps. He would have scared me if I weren’t expecting him. Frankly, he scared me anyway. But Christopher was right behind me, greeting him and asking him to follow into the kitchen. Charles put five full bags on the dining table, and then handed a backpack to Christopher. I started to unpack it all while Christopher showed him out. I heard them mumble something to each other in the hallway. To minutes after he came, Charles was out the door again.
‘This is insane!’ I told Christopher as I placed the groceries on the kitchen counter. ‘This is a month worth of food.’
‘No, it’s not. You need to eat more. Is there anything here your missing?’ He started to look over what we got.
‘I think the whole store is here.’
He shakes his head laughing. ‘Do you mind if I use your shower again?’
‘Sure, I’ll make us some lunch in the meantime.�
� I started putting away the things I didn’t need right now, wondering how I would fit it all. I needed to find a way to pay him back the money; I couldn’t take all this food for free. I decided to make some sandwiches for lunch, and hoped he liked pastrami. Anna had made sure we had fresh bread, salad, vegetables and mayo. And fresh squeezed orange juice; I loved that.
I could hear the shower running, and I started picturing him inside. I’ve been staring at his perfect naked chest all day, and knew every curve. My imagination fantasied of the parts below.
‘Ouch! Shit!’ I curse, as the knife that should be cutting the tomato, slashed my index finger instead. It wasn’t a deep cut, but the pain got excruciating as tomato juice ran into the open cut. I stomped my foot, I didn’t do pain good. There was blood on the cutting board. I threw the tomato in the trash, and wrapped some paper towel around my finger. I needed to clean it and put on a patch, but that was in the first aid kit in the bathroom. The pain decreased but I couldn’t continue with the food with a bleeding finger. I walked towards the bedroom. The shower wasn’t running anymore, but I couldn’t bring myself to enter. Instead I waited outside the bathroom door. I could hear him roaming inside. A minute later, the door opened. His naked chest was now covered in a white shirt. And the long johns were replaced with a black Nike pants. He was still breath-taking. He seemed startled to see me standing outside the door, then he noticed the finger wrapped in paper towel.