by Beth Kean
Tea! It would buy her time to think. She had been caught very much on the back foot, he was supposed to be a her, “But plans change,” she told herself, “I can't even complain about Chief Joshua, he didn't know either.” But what had confused her far more had been her own reaction less than ten minutes earlier, she had capitulated! When faced with an unacceptable situation, Esther was certainly not scared to voice her opinion, women were not supposed to have opinions... but they were discouraged from education also... she had broken that mould. Yet under the Muzungu’s steady gaze she had melted, she had accepted Joshua's orders... meekly. She had knelt at the chiefs feet out of tradition, yet she knew that she would kneel at Peters feet without a seconds thought, willingly.
Yet despite her firm belief and acknowledgement that God had truly sent him to her, just as she had predicted, he terrified her. She felt rustic. He had shown consideration, but hadn't she heard about white men, how they charmed innocent girls, showered them with gifts and promises, only to use them disgracefully and discard them without a care. I think that he is different, she attempted to convince herself, he seems to be genuinely nice, he looked annoyed that I knelt, he told me that I shouldn't do that for him. Maybe because he doesn't think I'm worth his time? Esther peeped toward the back door to her home, she felt a wave of shame envelop her, she had been to the city, she had seen the houses, the apartments, she knew how the white people in Uganda lived, now she had one within her walls, mud walls, manure floor, tin roof, dust and flies. She felt another tear threaten and swiped it away with her sleeve. “I am who I am,” she declared quietly as she sieved milky tea into a flask, “He can accept me... or not, if he is from my Lord, he will see me for who I am, not how I live!”
Once again he had shown her consideration, she found her hands trembling as she placed the flask on the table. Quickly she looked around as though seeing her humble home for the first time, taking in the atmosphere, seeing through his eyes, feeling her embarrassment deepen.
Her heart almost stopped when he casually informed that she should allow him to help... with cleaning? How could he consider such a thing?
“Oh, that is very impossible.” the words escaped before she could stop them... and she saw his reaction. I have offended him, she chastised, he must not clean, he must not do any of those things, that is my responsibility, but I should have been clever and tactful, I should have found a way to explain that it is my duty... and my pleasure to do such things for him. But no, I open my mouth and insult him!
With a heavy heart she sat in silence and sipped her tea, desperately hunting for any conversation to break the ice.
“Ssali, the driver told me that there is no water in the village!” Peter broke the silence. Esther grasped the lifeline.
“Not anymore,” she nodded, “Now we must walk to the river every day with containers.”
“It must be difficult,” Peter replied, “Is it far?”
Esther shook her head, “It is about three hours to walk, if I take my time, but only two if I hurry.”
“Each way?”
Esther smiled, “Yes Mr Peter, each way. But I do this every day, so now I have become used to it.”
“So you use all of what you carry every day?”
Esther shrugged, “Mostly, if there is any spare I pour it on my vegetables, I grow some Nakati at the back, along with ground-nuts and cassava, but there is not usually much left after washing clothes, cooking... my shower!”
Two trips! The realisation struck her and set her mind racing. Eight hours walking, she would be exhausted, two trips for water, cooking, cleaning, translating... almost impossible. What am I going to do? The question taunted. Chief Joshua, he must find someone to help me, he created the problem, he should solve it.
“That is going to create difficulties.” Peter had obviously seen the water problem, a point that surprised her. He was a man, and a man should not show concern over such things, it was her responsibility.
“So I think I will be walking to the river with you tomorrow Esther, I don't think I can manage without a shower!”
Seriously? The question formed but never reached her lips, she caught his expression and thought better.
“I know that you want to object!” he held her eye, his gaze steady, his eyes strangely pale, a shade of grey-blue, so unlike her own dark chocolate, “But I will not accept oh that's very impossible this time. Esther, you must understand this about me. I will not permit you to suffer because of me, because I am staying in the village. I understand that you were expecting Tina, well unfortunately she had a death in the family back in England, so they sent me. I appreciate that it must be difficult for you to imagine a strange man sharing your house, even for such a short time... and I will understand if you want me to stay elsewhere. But if I am to stay here with you, please accept that I am different, please accept that I want to share your load, please respect my wishes, just as I will respect you.”
Esther swallowed hard, he had put her in a confusing situation, she was determined to cater for his every need, to comply with his every wish, yet his stated wishes turned her understanding of relationships on its head. She wanted to obey, yet he was commanding that she not fulfil her duty to him... it was a conundrum and completely unexpected.
“Agreed?” he questioned and reached for her hand.
Esther looked up, her confusion; absolute.
“Agreed Esther?” he asked again, his tone more direct and forceful.
Feeling numb she nodded, she felt back into a corner, she was submitting to his will, just as she had been raised to do, yet she submitted to idleness... which flew against everything that she held dear.
“That's good,” he chuckled, “It would make me very uncomfortable if I wasn't helping you, I want to be involved in your daily life Esther, I want to experience everything.”
Again she glanced up, everything, could the tales that she had heard about muzungu men be true, was he confusing her deliberately, would he try to charm her to get her into his bed, did he want to use her, then discard her?
Keep him satisfied. Chief Joshua's words rung in her head and she felt a wave of nausea.
No, I will not do what you want, I refuse. Silently she rebelled before reality resurfaced and she sighed, don't be a fool Esther, the village needs the well, we won't survive much longer without a reliable supply, if I have to make that sacrifice for the community... so be it.
“You will experience everything Mr Peter... I promise.” her eyes remained glued to her tea cup, her voice emerged with the slightest of tremors, she felt sick and her hands began to shake as the enormity of what she had agreed hit her
“Everything that you desire.”
Chapter 6
Another uncomfortable silence had descended following her ambiguous statement, spoken softly it had raised difficult questions in Peter's mind. Words can have two meanings, he told himself as he sipped the over sweetened tea, inflection, nuance, the tone of voice or facial expression, all had bearing... and as he had only just met the girl he couldn't say for sure that he had grasped the correct end of the stick. Everything that I desire! A strange statement – definitely. A loaded statement – who really knew!
It's possible... I suppose, the words echoed in his mind, but much as he would like to imagine that his charisma had bowled her over, the realist that he was at heart doubted. One, I don't exactly have a track record of pretty girls throwing themselves at me, and two, yes she said what she said, that's beyond question... but I'm sure I heard a hint of resignation in her voice, almost as though she felt obliged! Am I an obligation? He shook his head, different cultures, he reminded himself, and I don't know enough about the rural peoples of Uganda, maybe there is some feeling of obligation when visitors arrive! Now that's what I call hospitality, he resisted the urge to chuckle as he sensed her eyes on him, studying.
Start afresh, he told himself as he caught the smallest of smiles on her full lips, she was a pretty girl, but the smile definitely suite
d her better than a frown.
“So what do you do for fun around here?” He didn't expect an extensive list of activities, but was surprised to see her shaken head.
“There isn't really anything. I understand what you mean though, I stayed in Kampala, I know about bars and restaurants... such places do not exist out here. When the sun goes down... we sleep, when the dawn breaks, we rise. During the day we are too busy with the business of living to have fun, even if there was any to have around here.” she added displaying a growing confidence.
Peter looked at his wrist watch, noting the time. “And the sun sets at seven, correct?”
“Around that time,” she replied, “But it is still early... is there anything that you would like to do?”
“Show me around the village Esther.” Peter stood and placed his cup on the table, “Tell me about life here, tell me about yourself, tell me where you would like to be this time next year, in five years, ten years.”
“That would be a very boring story,” she laughed freely now, “But I will try... if you will also tell me about yourself, where you come from, what you enjoy, what you hate.”
“It's a deal.” he replied, “Although I don't hate much.” Only African attitudes toward women, he wanted to add, but remained silent, preferring to maintain the developing friendship, I don't want her to think I am against her culture.
***
The afternoon passed swiftly, and Esther's guard dropped steadily as she fell deeper under the spell cast by his intense grey eyes and deep voice, she found herself chattering like a schoolgirl, and constantly had to make a concerted effort to curb her enthusiasm.
“I was scared earlier,” she admitted, “It's true that I have translated for the Chief many times, I've met your people often... but I never spent time, just to talk.”
“I'm sorry that you were scared of me. But I hope that's behind you now, I would hate to think that being with me is a worry for you.” The evening was drawing in rapidly, and Peter understood that her home comprised only two rooms, another tricky and potentially embarrassing situation was fast approaching and the last thing that he wanted was to be worrying that she lay awake in the darkness terrified of what he could do to her!
“I was scared,” she nodded, “But that was just fear of the unknown.”
“You're feeling more secure now?” he probed gently and searched her face for reaction.
“Very secure,” she replied quietly, “I have no worries now.” He sensed no deception in her tone, her face gave nothing away, but her former resignation appeared to have faded to nothing... and that was a relief.
“That's good, I like talking with you, I love learning about the village, and your culture. I think that this is going to be a very nice assignment.”
The dusk was setting in rapidly, Peter had eaten his fill of matoke, now they were relaxing over more tea. He would have preferred a cold beer and his usual scotch, but somehow he was enjoying the experience despite the lack of alcohol.
Esther stood and wandered toward the back door, which faces west, Peter instantly understood as the sun's final effort of the day burst through a break in the banana barrier, illuminating her in a fierce golden glow.
“Did you say something?” she paused in the doorway and turned her head, she had heard him gasp.
“I didn't say anything.” Peter stuttered hoping that she wouldn't notice that his cheeks burned. As she had paused in the doorway, the sun had struck her, a wonderful natural effect he had agreed, until he noticed that her thin blue cotton dress had been burned from his vision, what remained was a perfect silhouette, shapely, wonderfully proportioned, she stood naked to his eyes, courtesy of a trick of the light, and he gasped in both amazement and approval. Keep her talking, don't let her move, his mind demanded, at least until the sun sets! “I coughed,” he lied as she began to turn, “It must be from the dust, my throat has been dry all day.”
“I will make more tea.” she replied instantly and began to turn.
“No,” he cried, possibly a little too forcefully, “Please don't worry on my account, it's nothing, it's normal.” and as he spoke those delaying words the sun blinked out obscuring her perfect figure with light cotton again. Peter felt a sudden loss, he had witnessed something wonderful, and it had left him wanting more.
***
“I should sleep on the sofa!” he stated. They stood inside the door to the bedroom, both armed with a candle. Peter looked at the blanket barrier and swallowed. It blocked a direct view to her mattress when standing, but it failed to reach the floor by some margin. Lying down he would have a clear view to where she slept and although he had a pressing desire to watch her, gallantry and good old fashioned decency demanded that he should at least suggest the sofa before gracefully accepting her assurance that they should both use the beds available.
“It should be me suggesting that,” she laughed light-heartedly, “I'm short, you're tall, you wouldn't be comfortable.”
“I couldn't possible accept that,” he countered, “It's me that disrupting your routine, I am making the problem!”
“I agree,” she replied taking the wind from his sails, “You are making a problem... where no problem exists. We are two people, there are two mattresses, and a barrier in between. I see no problem... only the sensible solution.”
“Well, I can't argue with that logic,” he chuckled and dropped his ruck sack onto his makeshift bed, “As long as you are comfortable, then so am I.”
“Good.” Esther smiled and wafted her candle toward the door, “Now, another issue!” she paused, suddenly coy. “The bathroom,” she whispered softly, “There isn't one, just these two rooms.”
“I guessed that,” he replied, “And I have been intending to ask you... what about a shower?”
“That isn't an issue, I will show you tomorrow.” she replied quickly, “I was talking about something else... I will lock the doors now, it's safe around here, but not if you want to go outside in the dark, there are many snakes, it is too dangerous to be wandering around at night.” She looked away and he sensed discomfort, his heart reached out to her.
“The toilet.” he stated softly and saw an almost imperceptible nod.
“I have a bucket,” she replied, “In the corner.”
“A perfect solution, I have a bucket in my room back at base camp,” he lied, “It's the same there... far too risky to go plundering around in the darkness.”
“You are okay with that?” he sensed a tension leaving her voice and smiled.
“I'm very okay with that.”
***
Peter lay awake and stared into nothingness. The darkness in Esther's bedroom was absolute. A heavy square of fabric covered the small window, identical to the living room, not that there was any light to block aside from starlight, and a new moon that cast no more than a token glow.
I wonder what time it is?
He debated lighting his candle and hunted beside the mattress with his fingertips until he found the matchbox. No, he decided, to strike a match would only serve to wake Esther. They had chatted for some time, each in their own bed, in the darkness, but gradually her responses had become increasingly slurred as sleep crept up, after very few minutes more he could clearly hear her breathing deeply, sleep having carried her away. It doesn't matter what time it is, it’s the middle of the night, it's dark, enough said! He settled again and closed his eyes, her steady breathing sounded loud in his ears, rhythmic, soothing, arousing! His mind wandered back to her stunning illumination and he felt a very familiar, but not entirely welcome stirring as he focussed on the shape of her breasts. So beautiful, he smiled, she's a very sexy girl, and very trusting. We only met today for the first time, and here we are, sleeping I the same room, living together... she is close enough to reach out and touch. He turned carefully onto his side and stared into the darkened gap below the blanket. He knew that he gazed directly at her face, given a spark of light he would see her, and once again his mind wandered back to
the matches.
Just go to sleep, he rebuked silently, and closed his eyes.
Peter wasn't sure if he had dozed or not, but it felt like only seconds before he snapped back to full consciousness, he had heard a sound, the rattle of a matchbox. Not knowing how to react he closed his eyes again and pretended to sleep. He heard her moving, the faint rustle of a sheet, a striking match, through his closed eyelids light flared. No, he ordered as the urge to peep approached overwhelming, he heard the sound of bare feet on the floor, temptation proved stronger than resolve. His side of the blanket remained dark, but her side appeared illuminated as clearly as day despite the smallest of flickering flames.
He watched her feet shuffle, her lower legs exposed up to just below her knees.
Oh my God, Peter bit down on his lip as he realised that she shuffled toward the bucket. She's probably half asleep, he realised and risked opening his eyes a fraction wider.
Oh wow! He bit harder, clearly still in the clutches of sleep she squatted over the bucket, lifting her nightdress above her hips, gathering the material in her hand against her stomach. With a strangely arousing hiss she voided her bladder, Peter screwed his eyes tightly shut as what had begun as no more than a mildly uncomfortable swelling began to strain forcefully against his boxer shorts. The rush of fluid slackened and he opened his eyes again, he couldn't see her face, and with relief he realised that if he couldn't see her eyes, then she couldn't see his, she would be oblivious to his voyeurism. Stand slowly, he willed her, please Esther, stand very slowly. Amazingly she obliged, Peter suppressed a deep and pained groan as she began to rise, the night dress still lifted high, the candle flickered on her legs, her strong and shapely thighs, a sight so beautiful that it took a superhuman will not to groan. Briefly her pubis stood clearly displayed, her tight dark curls like individual peppercorns, she had shaved into a perfect triangle, and in the dancing light he caught a momentary glimpse of glistening pink. I want you! The voice in his head screamed, Esther, I want you... I want you now!