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1.
After all of this time, it was finally happening. Emma watched Dale pack his bags. He was tipping the drawers out onto the bed and sweeping his clothes inside them in big crumpled balls, refusing to look at her as he went. She had never wanted this to happen, but after two years of trying to make their relationship work, she knew now that she had to cut her losses and get out before it was too late.
“Dale,” she whispered. “Please, at least talk to me.”
“I’ve got nothing to say,” he hissed as he zipped up one bag and started on the other. “I get it, you don’t want to be with me and that’s fine. What else is there to say…?”
Emma sat down on the edge of the bed and looked at him. He was right, but she still deserved some closure. They had been in each other’s lives for such a long time and even though it would be futile, it seemed wrong to simply end everything without a proper discussion.
It hadn’t always been so bad between them. When they first met, Dale had been everything she thought she wanted in a man. He was handsome, together, well brought up, and he had ambition and was going places. But as the weeks, months and years passed, Emma grew to realize that just because someone is conventionally good on paper, it didn’t mean that those particular set of characteristics were right for her. Dale was dependable and safe, he was a sure thing…and even though his predictability had become tedious and boring, that hadn’t driven her away. For all of his good points, he had one major flaw and that was he was unprepared to give her the one thing she wanted most.
Even though it had terrified her to admit it, she finally did one night as she watched him sleeping and knew that she felt nothing…
She needed more.
She needed something exciting.
Dale zipped up the second bag and turned to look at her.
“Let’s not leave things like this,” she began. “I never meant to hurt you.”
Dale held up his hand to stop her from speaking.
“Let’s not do this,” he said. “I don’t want to hear any more of what you have to say.”
“But…”
“No,” he said as he slung both of the bags over his shoulder. “I knew this was going to happen one day. I was just kidding myself.”
“You never really wanted me either, admit it,” she said, standing up to face him and placing her hands on her hips.
She remembered back to their conversations, all of the nights they had talked about their dreams and aspirations. He knew how much Emma wanted children, but he always laughed it off like she was a fool for having that basic human desire. It was like Dale had never even entertained the idea, and the more she brought it up, the more he seemed to resist. After a year, she had almost given up talking about a baby altogether and that was when the love she had for him began to die. She knew what she wanted and he was never going to give it to her.
“I just don’t want to be forced into something,” he said finally. “But maybe we never have been on the same page.”
The relief Emma felt when he admitted it was overwhelming. She sat back on the bed, flopped backwards and closed her eyes, exhaling and letting go of all of the negative energy. It was sad to part with a person who had been her whole world for over two years, but she had put her life on hold and it eventually ground to a halt. She couldn’t wait forever for something that was never going to happen.
“So I guess this is it?” Dale said from the doorway.
They had shared that room for over a year and slept side by side every night. They had cuddled together underneath the covers and watched old movies, they’d eaten tubs of ice cream and Dale had helped her pick outfits for nights out with her girlfriends. But it was also the place where he had on a countless number of occasions made her cry, made her feel like she wasn’t good enough for him and repeatedly refused to discuss their future. Emma knew that when it really came down to it, there was no deep emotion running under it all. They weren’t unbreakable, and she knew that she could live without him.
“Goodbye, Dale,” Emma said without even looking up.
He sighed and she heard his footsteps heading down the hallway before the slam of the front door. She was alone in the house for the first time in months, but she didn’t mind. She was about to completely restart her life, and this time, she was up for anything.
2.
“I can’t believe you actually did it,” Leanne said giddily as she poured Emma a refill on her coffee, as well as one for herself.
“No,” Emma sighed, “I can’t either...”
Emma had driven straight across town to see her best friend less than an hour after Dale left and now they were in the coffee house where Leanne worked on weekends. Emma had always liked the place; it was homey and welcoming, and if there was anywhere she had to be after a bad break-up, it would be there. She could sink back into the big, comfortable couches, turn off her cell phone and relax while enjoying some people watching. When Leanne was working, she didn’t have to worry about outstaying her welcome. The other staff barely seemed to notice her as she sat cradling her cappuccino and staring out the window as she watched the world go by.
“So how did he take it?” Leanne sat down on the arm of the couch and rubbed Emma’s shoulder.
“Not great,” she sighed. “In fact, he made me feel terrible.”
“He was a jerk, Em,” Leanne said, getting to her feet. “Don’t feel guilty, you just didn’t work… You both want different things.”
“I guess,” Emma said. “I know you’re right. I just hate feeling like this, you know?”
“Sure,” Leanne smiled. “But you did the right thing, you couldn’t keep ignoring how you felt… He was never going to commit all the way, and he seemed to just think he could string you along…”
“Yeah.” Emma smiled meekly as she wiped a tear from the corner of her eye.
“Come on,” Leanne smiled. “Not only that, but now we’re free to let loose a bit.” She wiggled her eyebrows, and Emma couldn’t help but smile.
“Oh, God,” Emma rolled her eyes. “I dread to think what you have in mind…”
“Well, I’m not telling. You’ll just have to trust me.”
Leanne grinned and turned on her heel before making her way back to the counter and picking up her notebook and pen. It was nearly 5pm and it was getting busy in there. Emma let herself sink further into the couch, and she turned so her back was to the majority of the room. She didn’t want to risk seeing someone she knew who might ask how Dale was doing and where he was. That would be the last thing she needed, along with all of the awkward questions that would follow…
She sipped her drink and closed her eyes. It had been a long, emotionally draining day. All she wanted to do was go home and crawl into bed, but at the same time she wasn’t sure if she was ready to be alone. She opened her eyes and looked around. She noticed all of the happy couples sitting at the adjacent tables and she felt a small pang of jealousy. She had never wanted to end up single again, but she knew she had to be honest and true to herself, and Dale was never going to be the one.
On the table in front of her was a magazine aimed at women just her age. It was glossy and the cover had a gorgeous stick-thin model splashed across it with big, juicy, pouting lips. She opened it up and her eyes were instantly drawn to a two-page spread on dating for millennials. She shuddered at the thought.
Me, dating… she thought. I wouldn’t even know what to do.
It had been such a long time since she had dipped her toe in the dating pool, she hadn’t even heard of half of the things that were listed in the magazine’s guide. Out of nowhere there were apps for meeting people around you or by similar interest, there were hook-ups and hot-or-nots. It all seemed so scary and intimidating. Emma closed the magazine and threw it back on the table.
That is not for me, she thought. I think I’d rather stay single forever.
She picked up her coffee and finished
it before getting to her feet. She swung her purse over her shoulder and made her way to the counter.
“I’m going to get going,” she said to Leanne.
“Okay, hon,” Leanne smiled and kissed her on the cheek. “What are your plans for tomorrow?”
She hadn’t even thought about it. The weekend loomed ahead, empty and terrifying.
“I don’t know,” she replied, “For once, I have absolutely nothing planned.”
“Good,” Leanne slapped her hands together. “I’ll be at your place at eight tomorrow night. I’ll bring some wine and we can have a few drinks before hitting the town.”
“Seriously?” Emma groaned. “I don’t think I’m ready to go out and be sociable.”
“What happened to restarting your life?” Leanne demanded. “That’s all you’ve talked about since you decided a few weeks ago that you were going to dump Dale, and now you’re backtracking.”
“I know, but…”
“No buts,” Leanne snapped. “This is exactly what you need, and I’m not taking no for an answer.”
Emma nodded her head and smiled. Although Leanne could be harsh with her and sometimes hard work, she did know how to bring her around and make her feel better.
“Okay,” Emma agreed, “I’ll see you at eight… Where are we going? What should I wear?”
“Don’t worry about that now,” Leanne grinned. “We can sort that out tomorrow. Just leave it to me.” She nodded at Emma with wide, confident eyes. “Now go home, get into bed, do your crying if you need to, and tomorrow you’ll be a new person and we’ll never speak about Dale again, okay?”
“Okay,” Emma smiled as she saluted her. “Thanks, Leanne. I appreciate it.”
“I know you do.” She tapped the cash register and it pinged. “Now go on, I don’t want to have to tell you twice.”
Emma laughed as she turned and walked towards the door, waving over her shoulder as she went.
3.
Emma slid her key into the lock and opened the front door to an empty house. The darkness loomed towards her, and as she flicked on the light, she had the overwhelming urge to slam it behind her and just run up to her bed. Instead, she closed it quietly, locked it behind her and walked slowly into the kitchen. It was early still, and even though she was exhausted, she felt like she owed it to herself to enjoy some alone time.
She opened the cupboard, grabbed a bottle of Rioja and set it down on the island. She looked around. It was the first time she realized that Dale had barely kept any of his possessions in her home. Even though he had pretty much lived there for the past year, his clothes and a toothbrush were all that he ever brought with him. Now he was gone, and everything still looked the same. All that was missing was him and the sound of a football game coming from the TV in the living room.
“This is good,” she said aloud. “Now I can watch anything I want, I can cook anything I want and hell, I can even drink wine every night if I want!” She laughed as she uncorked the wine and poured herself a large glass. She took a sip. It was warm, woody and smooth and slipped down her throat easily. She glugged it again and instantly felt a wave of calm wash over her.
“Perfect,” she whispered, before she scooped her purse up under her arm, the glass in one hand and the bottle in the other, and made her way down the hallway to the stairs.
Up in her room, she lit candles in every corner and some incense. She lay back on her bed and closed her eyes. She could easily get used to this. It was refreshing having her whole house to herself and knowing that no one was going to burst in and ruin the tranquility. She sipped the wine and turned on some soft music. She couldn’t believe she had actually been upset earlier! This was fantastic. Leanne was right. It was exactly what she needed, and she certainly wouldn’t be crying herself to sleep. She sat up and looked over at her closet. Leanne and her were hitting the town the following evening, and she didn’t even know if she had anything to wear. She turned the soft music over to dance music and skipped over to the closet, throwing the doors open and flicking through the hangers. She hadn’t even seen some of the dresses in there for years. Dale had never approved of some of them because they were too short. Apparently.
“You’re so boring, Dale,” Emma said to herself. She took another swig of wine and giggled. She couldn’t even remember the last time she had had a drink, and it felt good that she didn’t have to answer to anyone.
She pulled out a little black dress that was low cut and figure hugging. Emma had been blessed with a beautiful, large set of natural breasts to complement her soft, curvy frame, and she knew that she would look fantastic in it. She held it up against herself and smiled. She couldn’t wait to get back out there and start living. Tomorrow couldn’t come quickly enough.
***
She spent most of her Saturday spring cleaning and preparing for Leanne to arrive. She threw open all of the windows and let new air circulate through the house. She was determined to start again, and that meant rejuvenating everything in sight. She flicked through home magazines and began making a scrapbook. She could finally get around to decorating and making everything fresh and exciting. By the time it hit six o’clock, she was startled and couldn’t believe the whole day had passed her by. She went up to the shower and began getting ready. Leanne said she would be there at eight, and she wanted to get out of the house and hit the town as soon as possible.
At her dressing table, she looked at herself in the mirror. She had always been told that she was attractive, but she never really believed it… Or had it been Dale who made her question everything? After being away from him for twenty-four hours, she certainly felt free and unburdened from all of his negativity. Maybe Leanne was right; maybe he was a complete jerk.
She smoothed some ruby red lipstick across her lips and blotted it with a Kleenex. She looked alive again, as if she had been revived and given a second chance. She was about to give herself a little motivational speech about how she was a strong, fabulous woman and deserved the best in life when the doorbell echoed up the stairs and she jumped to her feet.
“Coming!” she called down the hall as she trotted down the stairs.
She opened the door to see Leanne standing in front of her with a bottle of white wine clutched in her fist.
“Let’s get this party started!” she laughed as she wrapped an arm around Emma and pulled her inside. “It is so goddamn good to have my best friend back.”
The girls sat at the island in the kitchen, and Emma poured them both a drink. She held her glass up to meet Leanne’s and they clinked them together.
“Cheers,” Leanne smiled.
“So,” Emma said, “Am I allowed to know where we’re going yet?”
“Hmm,” Leanne grinned and shrugged, “But that will spoil the surprise.”
“You know I hate surprises. Come on, tell me!” Emma said, jumping to her feet. She was too excited and needed to know so she could mentally plan how the night was going to pan out.
Leanne laughed and rolled her eyes.
“Okay,” she said cautiously. “I heard about something and I thought it would be good for both of us.”
“Sounds ominous,” Emma said with a giggle.
“Not really…” Leanne trailed off. “It’s going to be exciting, that’s for sure.”
“This is all very cryptic,” Emma said as she took a sip of her wine. “Just spit it out, come on.”
“Okay,” Leanne said as she rolled her shoulders and smiled. “Well, I heard about this beach party, and I thought it would be good if we went.”
“A beach party?” Emma said with disappointment. “Is that it? I thought we were going to be hitting some exclusive club and hanging out with celebrities!”
“Oh, this will be much more exciting than that, trust me,” Leanne said, raising her eyebrows.
“Well, you better tell me then, because I suddenly feel very overdressed.” Emma looked down at her tight LBD and held out her arms. She had felt so in control and sexy when she wa
s putting it on, and now she knew there was no way she was going to be able to wear it. She couldn’t head down to the beach in that and four-inch heels. She would look ridiculous.
“I’m dressed up, too,” Leanne said sternly. “Plus, the beach isn’t the only place this party is going to be.”
“God, stop killing with me with the suspense and just tell me!” Emma grabbed hold of Leanne’s shoulders and shook her with joke fury.
“There’s an initiation ceremony down there,” she said quietly. “I heard about it because a friend of mine is going out with one of the bikers…”
“Bikers?” Emma asked, genuinely confused.
“Do you not watch the news?” Leanne said with a laugh. “The gang that’s basically been running this town for the past twenty years.”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Emma shook her head.
“Well, all you really need to know is there’s a new wave of them, and they are sexy as hell… There isn’t a girl in this town who wouldn’t kill to do what we’re about to do tonight, and if you ask me, this is more than the perfect way to finally put Dale behind you.” Leanne was gripping onto her by the shoulders and smiling with wide, excited eyes.
“Are they dangerous?” Emma asked, concerned.
“Who knows…” Leanne bit her lip. “And even if they are, don’t you think that’s a turn-on?”
“When you say initiation, what exactly do you mean?”
“They’ve taken on some new members and they’re celebrating… My friend Jane is going to be down there with the guy she’s been seeing, and she invited me along.”
“And where is the party going to be after the beach?” Emma asked, still confused by the whole situation.
“Well,” Leanne said excitedly, “I’ve heard that if one of them likes you, they give you a ride back to the club house,” she squealed and clapped her hands together. “I mean, can you imagine that, Em? Being on the back of one of their bikes, flying down the highway on our way back to a secret party at an outlaw’s den!?”
BREAKER (Forsaken Riders MC Romance Book 14) Page 150