by Chloe Lang
Instead of turning to Sawyer to try to get a read on what he thought about Reed’s statement, Nicole closed her eyes. Did it matter what she or Sawyer thought now? Though never discussing it aloud, they’d silently agreed during their lovemaking through quick glances and hurried winks to try to push Reed to open up to her. It hadn’t worked.
“Everything is going to be okay, baby.” Sawyer kissed her on the cheek. “You’ll see.”
Nicole wanted to look at both of them, really look at them to create a lasting image she could call up whenever she wanted. But she didn’t. Instead she kept her eyes shut. “Good night, guys,” she said in the steadiest tone she could muster.
“Good night, Chicago.”
“Good night, baby.”
How long she stayed between them with her eyes closed forcing her tears into submission she didn’t know. It felt like back-to-back eternities. When Reed and Sawyer’s breathing changed to a rhythm that let her know they’d fallen asleep, Nicole let the tears fall. She would never find love again, of that she was certain. Even though her heart seized a tiny bit at the thought of another being held by them, Nicole truly hoped they would find a future with someone special. They deserved to be happy.
Chapter Nineteen
Sawyer sat next to Nicole in the sheriff’s office holding her hand and sensing he and Reed were already losing her.
He looked over at Reed, who was staring out the window. What a fucked-up mess. Both Nicole and Reed had come so close last night to getting real with each other. How the hell was he going to get them to see that the three of them belonged together?
Shannon, the sheriff’s dispatcher, opened the door wearing a bright pale-green wig. Colorful hairpieces had always been her signature statement. “Dylan just drove up, Jason. That Alexei guy is with him.”
“Thanks,” the sheriff said from his seat behind his big desk. “Send them right in.”
Shannon nodded and went back to her desk in the other room.
Nicole seemed to be staring at the painting on the wall behind Jason, but Sawyer knew better. Her pupils weren’t tight enough to focus on the landscape depicted inside its frame. She was terrified about what they were going to learn about her former partner, Jaris. The guy was still in a cell awaiting the verdict.
Dylan and Alexei came in.
Nicole stood and Sawyer spotted her hands trembling by her sides. “Don’t leave us hanging. What did you two find out?”
“Jaris is legit,” Dylan said from behind his ever-present sunglasses. “His story checks out. Jaris is an undercover operative with the FBI.”
“Thank God.” Nicole breathed out and returned to her chair.
Sawyer put his arm around her shoulders. “You were right, baby.”
She nodded. “What about Henry? Did you find him?”
Dylan shook his head.
Alexei shrugged. “I do have news, too. Not good, I’m afraid. Niklaus Mitrofanov visit someone I believe the sheriff is familiar with. A Mr. Kip Lunceford.”
“Who is Lunceford?” Nicole asked.
“He’s a demented sonofabitch but he is also a brilliant bastard.” Jason sighed. “You’ve met Megan. Kip Lunceford is her ex. He’s also a serial killer who is locked up in a maximum-security prison. How the hell did Mitrofanov get access to Kip, Alexei?”
“Niklaus got favor from some major players in Chicago,” the former Russian mobster said. “Bad idea for him. Better to be a loaner of debts than a taker of them.”
The sheriff frowned. “Sounds like you care about this fucker’s success too much.”
Alexei shook his head. “No. I just know ropes of organization. They are very tricky things to be tying. Niklaus will have high interest to pay one day to The Outfit, mark my words.”
Reed’s eyebrows rose. “The Outfit?”
“The Chicago mob is known by that name,” Nicole informed. “What favor, Alexei?”
“The visit,” the big man continued. “It happened with blessing of some dirty politician. I don’t to be finding out name yet, but I will.”
“You think this Kip fellow might have Henry stashed somewhere?” Nicole asked.
“I can’t see how since he’s locked up.” Jason’s face was twisted into a knot of concern.
Nicole wrung her hands on her lap. “Could Lunceford be involved in Henry’s disappearance somehow?”
Sawyer hated hearing the dread in her voice as she grasped at straws.
“I don’t know. Maybe,” Jason answered. “I just don’t see what reason these two would have to join forces. To what end?”
“Revenge,” Dylan answered. “Niklaus hates Destiny and its citizens for killing his son. Kip hates the Knights and has a horrible fascination for his ex-wife, Megan, their new love. They’re both seeking the same thing. To destroy us.”
“What else do you have for me?” Nicole asked, the harsh tone he’d heard from her back in her voice.
“This is all I have for now,” Alexei said. “I am not through with my diggings though.”
“Well get a bigger shovel then. I agreed to your plan because I thought it would help me find my friend. It didn’t. My friend is still missing. I’m no closer to finding Henry than I was yesterday when Sheriff Wolfe put my other friend in cuffs and locked him up in a cell.” Nicole turned to Jason and glared at him. “Don’t you think it’s time to release Jaris?”
“Okay. I’ll get him.” Jason got up and headed out his door. The jail was part of this building but sat in the back through another door to the right of the sheriff’s office. Six cells. Sawyer had spent a night in one of them a year after his parents’ deaths. He’d downed half a bottle of tequila and then gotten into a fight with some guys from Clover.
When Jason returned with Jaris, Nicole jumped up and put her arms around him, filling Sawyer with a big dose of the green-eyed monster. Sure she’d said she wasn’t interested, but what about her old partner? How did he feel about her?
Nicole stepped back. “I’m so sorry, Jaris. This is all my fault.”
“Why? You didn’t put me in a cell.” He pointed to Jason. “He did. Nicky, you’ve got to stop beating yourself up about everything. Sometimes shit just happens.”
Sawyer’s instincts backed down his resentment of Jaris. Her old partner clearly looked at Nicole as a little sister more than anything romantically. Also, Jaris wasn’t trying to pull her into him in another embrace, to make all the other dick-swinging guys in the office know she was his. Of course, that was what Sawyer wanted to do right about now. Pull Nicole into his lap away from Jaris no matter his seemingly good intentions. Sawyer didn’t, of course, knowing Nicole’s current state. He had to keep his cool. Winning her heart had been the easiest part. The difficult part would be to earn her trust. Sawyer looked at Reed, who was calm on the outside but clearly a wreck on the inside. “Difficult” didn’t even begin to describe the task in front of him.
“I’m going to Chicago to find Henry,” she said.
“Not without me and Sawyer, you don’t,” Reed growled.
Nicole addressed Dylan, Alexei, and Jason. “Gentlemen, do you mind giving us a moment?”
The three left the room.
Nicole sighed. “I think it would best for us to part friends, don’t you?”
“Hell no, I don’t.” Reed stepped up to her. “What’s wrong, Chicago?”
God, how dense could his brother be? He wanted to scream at him. If Reed didn’t wake up right now and tell her what was holding him back, they were going to lose Nicole, the woman of their dreams.
She turned to Jaris. “Will you help me find Henry?”
The cop nodded and a new wave of jealousy blasted Sawyer’s insides. “Do you mind if we get some breakfast first, Nicky? I’m starving. The sheriff told me about the diner a block away from here. Blue’s, I think he called it. I’d love some bacon and eggs.”
“Sounds great.” Nicole’s walls were obviously up and intact again.
“We need to have Dylan set up a detail fi
rst,” Reed said.
“I’ve already told you I’m done here. No detail. No bodyguards. No one. Jaris isn’t just a cop as it turns out. I was right. I’m also right about Henry. He’s in trouble. I know it in my bones. Jaris is FBI. Counting me, that makes two law enforcement officers that can take care of any mobster who might show up at our breakfast.” She shook her head and closed her eyes tight. “But no one is coming. I’ve wasted time here in Destiny when I should’ve already been looking for Henry.”
“Like it or not, Chicago, we are going with you to Illinois if that’s where you’re going.” Reed might be coming around but was it too late? Still, Sawyer wasn’t about to give up on having a life with Nicole and apparently neither was his brother.
“I’m so grateful to you both. Thank you for everything.” She blinked several times but not a single tear fell.
Knowing she was shoving her emotions down crushed Sawyer. It wasn’t just that he wanted her—God, knew he did. It was that she needed them. And he and Reed needed her, too.
There wasn’t a day that Sawyer didn’t think about his parents. Grief was part of him, too, but he’d learned long ago how to live through it and embrace life. His brother hadn’t. All Reed’s bravado and lustiness was just another kind of defense to keep himself locked away from the world. When Nicole had arrived he saw something in his brother he’d never seen before. Hope. But the woman who’d wrapped herself around their hearts had her own suffering. She didn’t see her own value. Value? Fuck, she was priceless, a precious light that chased away the darkness inside his lonely world. In his heart, Sawyer knew that she was the only one for him and Reed.
The only one.
Nicole let out a long sigh. “I’d like to be alone with my friend of many years, a man who I knew in my heart was trustworthy.”
“Thanks, Nicky. I trust you, too,” Jaris said.
“We don’t give a fuck what you think, Simmons,” Reed snapped. “I won’t leave you alone with Nicole. Not now. Not ever.”
Nicole shook head. “God, you’re killing me, Reed. Why can’t you trust me?”
“I do trust you, Chicago. It’s him I don’t trust.”
“You don’t trust me. I know Jaris. I’ve known him much longer than I’ve known you. A lifetime compared to our time together.”
“Baby, you—”
“Don’t. It’s too hard. All of this is too hard. It’s also not fair to me. I want to talk to my friend alone. Can you give me that?”
“Yes,” Reed said reluctantly. “Just breakfast. Sawyer and I will be right behind you and then we’ll sit at another table.”
“Dylan’s proof is clear. It’s safe for me to be with Jaris.” She folded her arms over her chest. Sawyer could almost feel her heartache as she was plainly pulling away from them. His own heart was ripping apart. “I want you to stop trying to protect me.”
“Have I missed something?” Jaris asked, glancing back and forth from Sawyer and Reed. Then he looked at Nicole. “If I were in these guys’ position, I would feel the same way, Nicky. Why not let them come with us?”
“Because I don’t want them to.” Her words were like a knife to Sawyer’s heart and by the look on Reed’s face, they were to him, too.
Sawyer loved his brother and loved Nicole. They shared a bond that could heal their pulverizing pain. Somehow he had to find a way for them to open up their hearts, really open them up, to see how much they all needed each other.
She looked back and forth from him and Reed. “You’ve done so much for me. I’ll never forget you. I promise. But it’s time for me to go.”
“Don’t push us away. We’re going to Chicago with you.” Reed’s rage boiled to the surface. Was he finally realizing what was going to happen if he didn’t change course with Nicole?
“I wish you wouldn’t, but if I can’t stop you then I guess I can’t. Do what you must.”
“I don’t understand,” Reed said, the confusion evident on his face.
“That’s the problem, cowboy.” Nicole sighed. “Because I do understand.” Then she left the sheriff’s office with Jaris.
As the door slammed shut between Sawyer and the woman of his dreams, he realized she wasn’t just headed to Blue’s Diner for a private meal with her former partner. She was headed for Chicago and for a life without him and Reed.
* * * *
“What the fuck just happened?” Reed marched to the door. No way was he letting Nicole go without him.
“Wait,” Sawyer said.
“I’m not waiting and leaving her with that fucking partner of hers.” He felt every muscle tighten in his body.
Sawyer nodded. “Me either, but you and I need to talk for a second. Then we can head out. We’re only steps away from her right now. If anything happens, which I strongly doubt, she and Jaris can handle it until we get there.”
“She’s in danger, bro. Have you forgotten about the insider?”
“Of course not. Give me a sec.”
“The insider may not be Jaris, but that means Henry is the only suspect we have left. And we don’t know where he is.” Reed hated seeing Nicole leave. When that door had closed, it was like losing his parents all over again. He couldn’t let that happen. Not with her.
“That’s just it, Reed. We need to trust Nicole. She was right about Jaris. She’s probably right about Henry, too.”
“Then who is it?”
Sawyer shrugged. “We’ll find out. We are going to Chicago. The Stones will give us the time off. They understand love’s price.”
“Yes, they do.” Reed thought about Amber and how much she’d changed the Stone brothers’ lives just like Nicole had for him.
Sawyer’s eyes narrowed. “Do you understand love’s price?”
Love’s price? “What do you mean by that?”
“You think I don’t see what Nicole sees. You’re holding back, Reed. She asked you to spank her last night and you refused.”
Reed’s jaw tightened. “I didn’t refuse. I knew we needed sleep.”
“Don’t bullshit me. I know you. Talk to me.”
Sawyer and Erica were the only people he’d let himself trust and love after the crash. Until Nicole.
His brother deserved to know the ugly truth. “I just can’t. I enjoyed training subs with you. I’ve always prided myself in being a great Dom. You know why? Because I kept myself detached. The scene was the important thing to me.”
“You didn’t care about the women we shared?”
“As sub students? Yes. More than that? No. I’m not sure I can be a good Dom with Nicole.” The truth. Tell him the truth. “I love her. I’ve never loved anyone as much as I love her. How can I show Nicole the life if I can’t control my emotions around her? I never thought I would choose a vanilla existence, but for her I will.”
“What a fucking load of crap.” Sawyer’s face was hot. “Your choice isn’t for her, Reed. It’s for you.”
“What the hell are you talking about?” He didn’t like where this conversation was going. Not one fucking bit.
“She wants to try BDSM. She’s told us that again and again and you’ve pushed her away.”
He grabbed the doorknob, needing an escape from Sawyer, who was getting dangerously close to something he didn’t want to face.
“Get a grip on yourself, Reed. And your new emotions. It’s time for you to embrace your inner Dom.”
“I can’t, damn it.” He’d never felt so raw, so exposed before. But he had to let it out, had to make Sawyer understand. “If I could, don’t you think I would have already? Nicole matters to me. I can’t be a Dom with her. You’ve got to see that, bro.”
“You want to know how a real Dom feels? They feel so much it would crush most, but they care more for their sub than themselves. Goddamn it, Reed, be a Dom. You’re a fucking selfish idiot and we’re going to lose Nicole if you don’t open up to her.”
Lose Nicole? No way. He wasn’t losing her. She was his. Theirs. The love of his life. Sawyer was right. He had
been an idiot. Nicole had told him her darkest secret and deepest fear. And what had he done? Crawled back into his shell.
With all his heart Reed wanted a life, a future, a family with her and Sawyer.
Time to Dom up.
“Let’s go get our Chicago.”
* * * *
With her heart ripped to shreds, Nicole walked with Jaris out of the sheriff’s office and onto the sidewalk that ran up and down East Street.
“Nicky, are you okay?” Jaris asked.
“No, but I don’t want to talk about it.”
“You love them, don’t you? Those two cowboys back there.”
She nodded, leading the way across East to go down the park side of North Street. “Crazy, huh?”
“Not a traditional life but not a crazy one either. The sheriff here isn’t half bad. He brought me dinner last night. He filled me in on what sets Destiny apart from other places. Why not choose love? You’ve been through so much, Nicky. You deserve a chance at a better life, don’t you?”
“Here? With Sawyer and Reed?” Coming to the base of the dragon statue on the northeast corner of the street, she glanced up and looked at the heart on the shield it held. “This is the Red Dragon. Did the sheriff tell you about the town’s dragons?”
“He did. I think Wolfe needed a friendly ear, and apparently, even though I was his prisoner, he chose me. This dragon is about passion, right?”
“That’s what I’ve been told. Reed and Sawyer and I spent a couple of days together just talking.” She swallowed down her heartache. Her recovery from addiction had been hard. Her recovery from love? It would be hell, if it ever arrived at all. “Let’s go. Since you seem so interested in Destiny, let me show you another dragon. It’s just up the block between us and Blue’s.” She increased her pace, and Jaris kept up beside her.
“Nicky, listen to me. You deserve happiness. There’s nothing for you in Chicago. Here, you can build a new life.”
“It doesn’t matter. It will never work out for me with Reed and Sawyer. Let’s go eat and then we can get back to Chicago and looking for Henry.”