by Meg Ripley
“Off?” Sera flushed to scarlet. “Um, what do you mean by that? I did shower this morning—”
“No, nothing like that. It’s just...not the same.”
Stephanie slowly handed the beer over, but Sera had lost her taste for it. She’d lost her appetite, too. “Not the same as what? The night we met?” When Stephanie didn’t answer, Sera pressed. “What do you think it is?”
“It’s probably too early to tell but…”
“But what?”
“I think you might be pregnant.”
Sera blinked at her. Then blinked again. Pregnant? It was possible. She certainly hadn’t insisted on protection every time they had sex. But pregnant? Now was not a good time to have a child. Maybe in a year or two. If she and Seth were still together, she would love to have a baby with him. But now? She didn’t even know how she felt about him and she definitely didn’t know what he felt for her. What if he didn’t want to spend his life tied to her?
“I’m sorry. I didn’t want to freak you out,” Stephanie said. “I shouldn’t have said anything. I could be wrong.”
“Do you...do you really think you could be wrong?”
Stephanie shook her head, still wearing a solemn frown. “Here. Eat your sandwich.”
“Thanks,” Sera muttered, though she still didn’t have an appetite. She didn’t taste it. Barely felt herself chewing it. Pregnant. She would take a test to confirm it, but deep down inside she knew the truth. She knew Stephanie was probably right. Sera took another bite of her sandwich because it was something to do, and Stephanie mirrored her. They chewed in silence, both caught up in their own thoughts.
“How am I going to tell Seth?” Sera finally asked.
“If it makes you feel better, you don’t have to tell him.”
“He’ll be able to smell it?”
“He will,” Stephanie confirmed. “If he hasn’t already.”
Sera shook her head. “I’ve only known him for two weeks.”
“Maybe that’s all you need if it’s the right person.”
“You think I’m the right person for Seth?” Sera would never admit it out loud, but she did want Stephanie’s approval, if only because she was so important in Seth’s life.
Stephanie took her time to answer, chewing another bite of her sandwich and taking a deep drink before saying, “Yes.”
“Care to expand on that? You don’t even know me. How could you know I’m the right person for him?”
“You’re right, I don’t know you at all. But I know him. We grew up together. We’ve led the pack together for the past ten years. He’s never been like this with anybody.”
“Like what?” Sera asked.
“We lead the pack together because we took over when we were very young. Only eighteen. Since then, his only concern has been the pack. Taking care of his wolves. He’s never dated anybody. He might have had some one-night stands, but nobody who stuck around long enough for breakfast. And you...he’s moved you into his house.”
“Well, the Wolf Brotherhood did try to kill us.”
“Honey, don’t take this the wrong way, but you have your own home and he has his own problems. He could have sent you home and walked away from the whole situation. Instead, he’s brought your problems right into the middle of his life.”
“Do you think it’s too early for a test?” Sera asked.
“It might be, but I can pick one up at the drug store and you could take it anyway. I’ll look for one that can give the earliest results.”
“Where is he? He was gone this morning when I woke up.”
“He’s with Chen and a few other pack mates. Chen has been having a difficult time adjusting and there are some...concerns.”
Sera had the feeling that she wasn’t supposed to pry into Chen’s issues or what those concerns might be. That was still pack business, and she wasn’t part of the pack. For the first time in her life, it struck her that she wasn’t a part of any pack or community. Her family was distant—so distant that they only spent a single day together in the wake of a tragic death. And her work was just that—work. She didn’t socialize after hours and didn’t care to make any connections with her co-workers. Her favorite pastimes were all solitary activities—reading, crafting, or taking long, quiet walks through her city’s parks. She’d been alone for so long, it never occurred to her that there was any other way to be.
Now she had the opportunity to be a part of something. Her child would be born into a family. She’d already had a small taste of what that life would be like. Stephanie didn’t even know her, and yet she’d been willing to search for leads and provide any other support she could. Seth had come back for her, and as Stephanie pointed out, made her problems his problems. Lightening her burden by sharing the load. A part of her was curious, excited by this sudden change of expectations.
And another part of her wanted to get away as quickly as she could.
Deep down inside, she knew the truth and feared that truth would become evident to everybody sooner or later. She had no business being in a pack. She didn’t know the proper behavior of a pack mate, didn’t know the dynamics of a healthy, functioning family. She wasn’t even a wolf. Stephanie had been kind to her, but would the rest of his pack accept her?
“Hey.” Stephanie put her hand on Sera’s arm, dragging her attention back to the present. “Are you okay?”
“I...I don’t know. There’s so much to think about.”
“I’ll go get the test.” Stephanie stood and gathered her purse. “Is there anything else you need?”
“Thank you, no. I don’t think so. Nothing else I can think of right now, anyway.”
Stephanie gave her arm a friendly squeeze and gathered up her purse. She promised to return soon, and then she was gone, leaving Sera alone with her own thoughts. For the first time in days, those thoughts weren’t full of Aiza. But her sister hovered right on the periphery, a ghostly reminder that Sera would never have the pleasure of introducing her baby to his or her aunt.
My baby, Sera thought, her hand going to her soft stomach. Soon it would grow and swell, and she would feel the life they created. Would it be a wolf? Sera didn’t know how that worked, but Seth probably would. What if her baby was a wolf? How would she raise it? How would she know what to do?
Her stomach growled then, so loud that it sounded like she might have a wolf in there after all. She still didn’t have much of an appetite, but a different instinct guided her now. She didn’t just need the energy for herself any longer; she needed it for her baby, so she could nurture its body, its organs, its tiny hands and feet. She scarfed down the giant sandwich, feeling a little better, a little stronger, with each bite.
Forty-five minutes after Stephanie left, she returned with the test in hand and an apology. “I’m sorry it took so long. Something came up. I got a phone call.” She handed the test over and added, “I’ve already called Seth.”
“Called Seth? About what? The test?” The thought of him coming home now when she didn’t even know the answer yet, much less what the hell she was going to say, nearly tipped her right over into panic.
“No. That phone call I got? That was from Amelia.”
“Who?”
“The chick who said she’d meet you in the park to talk, but you guys never actually made it.”
Sera nodded. “Oh right. What’s going on? What did she say?”
“It sounds like Dwight has gone to ground and she has the address for his safe house,” Stephanie said.
“How did she get that? Is she a reliable source?”
“Let’s just say that he’s a man of particular tastes and she is a good source.” Stephanie guided Sera towards the bathroom. “Seth will be here soon.”
Sera nodded. She definitely wanted to get this question answered. The sooner she could discuss it with Seth, the better. They needed to be on the same page as soon as possible. The stakes were too high to be left with any ambiguity. If he didn’t want this baby, if he didn’t wa
nt her, she would have to know so she could make her plans. She didn’t even know where to begin.
Feeling herself begin to panic again, she took a deep breath and marched into the bathroom. One thing at a time. That was all she could do. Focus on one thing at a time and everything would be fine.
7
It was the strange, the difference between thinking you know something and actually knowing something. The heavy feeling in the pit of her stomach moved to her throat, tightening her vocal cords and holding her jaw closed. The more she wanted to say something, the more difficult it became to find the words. A part of her thought she could wait it out. Surely Seth would notice the difference in her scent, sooner or later. Surely he would be forced to comment on that change. Eventually.
She was distracted and quiet during their meal, and so was he. The reality of the pregnancy crashed through her head like a hurricane, and she didn’t quite register Seth’s withdrawal. They watched a movie together after dinner, a quiet, normal activity, with her tucked safely in his arms. For the first time since Stephanie’s visit, her raw nerves were soothed and she almost felt at peace.
They didn’t make love, but he held her close in the dark. She listened to the steady rhythm of his breathing, tracking time with every exhale. She couldn’t tell if he was sleeping or if he was still lost in his own thoughts, still consumed by his pack. She would ask him, but she still had the sense that his pack and his life were none of her business, though her life and her family seemed to be very much their shared business.
Her business was his business. He’s brought your problems right into the middle of his life. That’s what Stephanie had said. And this wasn’t her problem alone; the baby was his, too.
For the first time, she felt her throat muscles relax and finally the words came. “I’m pregnant.”
His hand moved immediately, as if by instinct, to her stomach and his arm tightened around her. “I know.”
He held her so tightly she felt the press of his heartbeat against her back. Only then did she realize how tensely she was holding herself and she exhaled, forcing herself to unclench her muscles. In response, he held her closer, and she exhaled again, willing the stress to flow away.
“That’s better,” he murmured, his mouth close to her ear. The warmth of his breath made her shiver with pleasure, and more knots released from her stressed muscles. “Just keep breathing.”
“I’m scared,” she whispered.
“I know. But you don’t have to be. I’m not going to let anything happen to you.”
“We barely know each other.” She couldn’t speak above a whisper. She felt breathless.
“I know you’re the one I want. I know I’ll do anything necessary to keep you safe. And I know you don’t have to make any decisions right now. Right now all you have to do is let me hold you and get some sleep.”
Tears stung the corners of her eyes, but she wasn’t sad. She was relieved. The pain that had at her tense and afraid finally snapped free, allowing her to take a deep, completely unhindered breath.
“Stephanie said she had information about Dwight Lance...I haven’t been able to think straight all day.”
“She told me what she knew.”
“Is there any good news?” Sera asked.
“I think we should talk after you rest.”
“I won’t be able to sleep if I don’t know,” Sera countered, though her eyes stung and her head felt heavy.
“We think we have a location. The safe house where he’s hiding low. I need to check it out.”
“What if it’s a trap?”
“That’s why I’m going to check it out before we do anything.”
For the first time, Sera thought about the implications of that. She’d been interested in answers, an explanation, something that could give her a sense of closure, or at least of understanding. But now she realized she couldn’t just walk up to the man and demand an explanation. It was far more likely he’d rip her throat out before she could get a single word out.
“Once you check it out, what are we going to do?” Sera asked.
“We’ll save that discussion for later. You said you wanted to know what I know, and I told you.” He kissed her temple. “Now go to sleep.”
She closed her eyes and felt the last of her tension melt away as she drifted into sleep.
8
Sera had a very bad feeling.
Like she left the oven on in her apartment. Like her parents were trying to reach her but couldn’t find her. Like there was an emergency and the phones were down, the roads were blocked, and a storm was closing in. She paced through Seth’s house, unconsciously holding her abdomen while she looked for something to distract her from her growing sense of unease.
“You’re just nervous because Seth isn’t home. Calm down. He can’t be with you all the time,” Sera muttered, trying to talk some sense into herself before she had a nervous breakdown.
But it didn’t feel like an unreasonable anxiety. It didn’t feel like she was just being crazy and lonely. She never claimed to be psychic or even have an uncanny sixth sense, but there was something wrong and she knew it. Seth had gone to scout Dwight’s safe house, promising he would keep in touch and he would not take any unreasonable risks, but after his initial text telling her he’d arrived, there’d been radio silence.
After six hours of no news and no response to her texts, she couldn’t take it anymore. She called Stephanie, her fingers shaking, her voice trembling.
“Have you heard from Seth?” she asked by way of greeting.
“No. Have you?”
“No. I think there’s something wrong.”
“I’ll be there in ten minutes,” Stephanie promised.
Sera paced through the cabin as she waited, her imagination unhelpfully supplying bloody scenario after scenario. In each one, Dwight was faster, stronger, meaner, deadlier, and Seth didn’t have a chance. Considering how close he’d come to killing Seth already, and considering that he’d likely murdered Aiza, Sera found very little to comfort herself with. What reassurances did she have that he would be okay? What wellspring of hope could she draw on to sustain herself and their child?
“Do you know where he is?” Sera demanded as soon as Stephanie arrived. “He wouldn’t tell me the exact location, but I figure you must have it.”
“I have it. But he made it very clear that we were not to follow him.”
“He should be home by now. He hasn’t texted. He hasn’t called. It’s been six hours; we’re not waiting here any longer,” Sera announced.
“He forbade it.”
“Forbade? Are you kidding me? I know he’s the alpha but so are you! What if he needs us, Stephanie? What if he’s waiting for us right now?” What if he’s already dead? Sera forced that question out of her mind. She wasn’t going to think like that. She couldn’t. Not if she wanted to keep her wits about her.
“It’s dangerous. This Dwight guy is very dangerous.”
“So are you. Hell, so am I. Let’s show that jerk what happens when he messes with a couple of dangerous bitches, yeah?”
Stephanie hesitated and for a moment, Sera thought she would have to do this alone. But then her thoughtful frown disappeared and she nodded in agreement. “Let’s go get him. And then we’ll wring the bastard’s neck.”
“You hold him down, I’ll do the neck-wringing,” Sera said.
“Deal.”
There was an awkward silence as they both realized they had absolutely no idea how to stage a rescue mission. “So...what do we need?” Sera asked.
“A way to get in.”
Sera nodded. “Weapons for once we get in.”
“Weapons?”
“Well, you don’t need one, but I do. A gun or a knife or something.”
“I don’t have a gun. Seth has some really sharp kitchen knives,” Stephanie said.
“Okay, I’ll grab one of those. You go get the car.”
Stephanie nodded and then they were both in mo
tion, and Sera realized they were actually going to do this insane, dangerous thing. She wasn’t ignorant of the danger. Aiza had already lost her life and Seth’s could very well hang in the balance. Could be hanging by a very thread. Her child would never know her aunt, but Sera would be damned if she allowed the same fate to befall Seth.
“Have you tried calling Seth again?” Stephanie asked as Sera slid into the passenger seat.
“Called and texted. No response.”
“I tried, too.” Stephanie put the car into gear with a look of such grim determination, Sera almost laughed. Not because it was funny, but because she felt the same way on the inside.
“Tell me what you know about the place.”
“It’s a lake house just on the other side of the border. Just on the edge of the Brotherhood territory. My source didn’t mention if there were guards, but Seth and I both think there’s likely a few patrolling the property. She said it’s not big. There’s only one floor with two exits.”
“So there’s a back door and a front door. I guess we’ll go in through the back door.”
“It might be better to use the front. The back door opens into the kitchen and that’s where my source always made her food deliveries. She said he was always waiting for her in there, watching TV and smoking.”
“Then the front door. Or maybe a window?”
“Do you think Dwight would recognize you if he saw you?” Stephanie asked.
“Probably? He might have taken a good luck at me at the funeral.”
“The funeral?”
“Aiza’s funeral.”
Stephanie looked at her from the corner of her eye. “He was there?”
“Yes.”
“Why would he go to the funeral if he—if he had something to do with it?”
“I don’t know. Maybe that’s how he gets off.”
“Well, maybe if we get a hat and some glasses he won’t recognize you. You can knock on the kitchen door.”
“And pretend to be his food delivery?”
“Precisely.”
A plan began to form and Sera quickly opened up her notepad to make a list of what they would need. Mainly because it gave her an excuse to stare at her phone as she prayed for Seth to text her and put an end to their wild scheme. But the miles fell away and the minutes wore on—and a text did not come.