Bacon and eggs. It made him think of Caroline. He bet she wasn’t indulging in her favourite food. She was probably eating some healthy granola crap that tasted like cardboard.
“Hello to you too, son. Good to see you.”
“Yeah, it’s great. So what’s with the couch?”
“It’s between your mother and me,” his dad grumbled into his coffee.
“You must have done something really dumb. It takes a lot to piss Mom off.”
His dad grunted.
“Are you going to be this cheery right up to the wedding?”
“This wedding is a farce.”
That answered that question. Josh turned his focus back to his food. But looked up when his dad made a strangled noise.
“What the hell happened to you?” His dad’s attention was on the doorway.
Josh followed his father’s gaze to where his mother stood stiffly. Her hair was short, and stuck out from her head. It looked like she’d been assaulted by Edward Scissorhands.
She touched her choppy hair self-consciously. “What do you care, Andrew McInnes?”
She smiled at Josh, who had to work at closing his mouth. His mother had worn the same hairstyle his entire life, and now she looked like an abused version of herself.
“Hello, sweetheart.” His mom pulled him into a hug.
Josh swallowed his shock. “Good to see you, Mom.”
“Even when she looks like that?” His father’s words made him cringe. No wonder the fool was sleeping on the couch.
“We’ll catch up later.” She patted his cheek like he was five years old. “I’m going out right now.”
“Wear a hat,” his father said.
Josh willed him to shut his mouth. The man barely spoke. Surely he had enough sense to know that now wasn’t the time to start talking.
“Why on earth did you do that to yourself, woman?”
Josh groaned quietly. Apparently the family skill for dealing with women had skipped a generation.
“What I do and don’t do is none of your business anymore. Now why don’t you concentrate on what you do best and keep quiet.”
Josh let out a low whistle. He took a step back towards the door. If things got ugly, he’d make a break for it.
“I know you’re upset.” His father just didn’t know when to quit. Josh kept inching his way towards freedom. “But that’s no reason to mutilate yourself.”
“You know I’m upset?” His mother’s voice rose higher with every word. “You know I’m upset?” She marched towards his father. Josh stopped his retreat, wondering if he should stay and referee. “How would you know I’m upset? We don’t talk. We never talk.”
“And what do you want me to do about that?”
His mother let out a strangled groan before grabbing Josh’s half-empty cup of coffee off the table. She held her hand high and tipped it over his dad’s head. “Why don’t you do something about this instead?” She stormed out of the kitchen.
Josh stared after her for a moment before turning to his dad. The man was wiping coffee out of his eyes with his sleeve.
“Want to tell me what’s going on?” Josh handed him a dishtowel.
“If I knew, I’d tell you. Everything has gone to hell, and I’ll be damned if I understand any of it.”
With that, his father stalked from the room, leaving Josh with cold bacon and eggs and a deep regret that his house had guest rooms.
Caroline was up to her ears organising a wedding. Add to that liaising with the castle restoration team, her duties at the community centre and the many committees she was on, and there was no time to think about Josh. Which was perfect, because she figured the only way she’d make it to the wedding without freaking out completely was to avoid him.
She knew it was stupid to be scared of your fiancé touching you. She resisted the urge to bang her head on her desk. It wouldn’t knock any sense into her anyway. Intellectually, she knew she had to touch him. Physically, she wanted to touch him. But emotionally, she wasn’t ready. It was all going too fast. And she was scared. Scared she wouldn’t be good enough. Scared he’d expect more than she was willing to give. Scared that he would be repulsed by how little experience she had and wouldn’t want her anymore.
She needed to become more knowledgeable about sex. And fast. There was only one thing for it—research. She checked that no one was looking and sneaked into the library. There was exactly half a shelf dedicated to helping couples with their sex lives. With her cheeks burning, she scooped up all the books and practically ran back to her office. She dumped them into a shopping bag beside her desk, quickly turning over The Joy of Sex so that no one could see the title. And then she did something she’d never done before—she didn’t check any of the books out in her name.
She was on a slippery slope. First she was lying to the police. Now she was borrowing books without telling anyone. Who knew what depths she’d sink to next? Guilt gnawed at Caroline long into the afternoon, and overflowed into her meeting with the wedding planner.
“So we’re agreed, then?” Millicent Price’s question jarred her back to the present.
“Yes.” Caroline looked at the proof for the wedding invitation on her computer screen. “They look perfect.”
“Good.” The wedding planner made a note on her iPad. “I’ll make sure they get posted today. I’ve also made appointments for you with Pronovias and Browns in London.”
Caroline tucked her hair behind her ears. “I’m sorry, I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
Millicent’s smile was kind. “They are prestigious bridal wear boutiques. Pronovias is at Harrods and Browns is a legend. We don’t have the time frame to get you into something bespoke, but we can at least get you a dress that you’ll love and make sure it’s fitted perfectly.”
“I guess I should look into flights, then.” The thought of going wedding-dress shopping in Harrods made her weak at the knees. She was a girl who bought her work clothes in her local charity shop. Harrods was so far out of her league it was on another planet.
Millicent seemed to read her mind. “Perhaps you should take someone with you. For a second opinion.”
The compassion in her eyes made it clear that she thought Caroline needed way more than a second opinion. She needed someone to hold her up.
“That’s a good idea.” Caroline swallowed hard.
The question was who to take. Her sister was in Dubai. And she still hadn’t managed to marshal her courage enough to tell her best friend Kirsty that she was getting married.
“I’ll go with you,” said a deep, masculine voice.
Caroline’s head shot to her office doorway, where Josh was filling the frame.
“What are you doing here?” She flushed at her rudeness. See? Slippery slope.
“My house is a building site, so I can’t work there. Looks like you’re stuck with me.” He cocked an eyebrow. “Unless you want to talk some more about a studio.”
Caroline stuck her nose in the air.
“I didn’t think so.” He flashed a mischievous smile that made her stomach flip.
“You can’t go with me to choose a wedding gown. Bridegrooms don’t shop for wedding dresses. I don’t believe in bad luck, but I do believe in tradition, and shopping together just isn’t done.”
Today’s T-shirt had Elmo on it. He folded his arms over Elmo’s face and leaned against the doorframe. “Nothing about this wedding is traditional. We’ll go together.”
His tone seemed to indicate that the conversation was over. Caroline opened her mouth to speak, but Millicent intervened. “That might not be a bad idea. Josh has to get fitted for a morning suit too.”
Josh grimaced. “I have a closet full of suits. How about I wear one of those?”
“In Scotland, it’s traditional for the groom to wear a morning suit to his wedding.”
“I’m American. Does it really matter?”
“Why don’t you get married in your Cookie Monster T-shirt?” Carol
ine snapped at him. Why was he making such a fuss? He wasn’t the one who had to parade about dressed like a meringue.
“Don’t tempt me, baby.” He turned back to Millicent. “Make the appointments. We’ll go together.”
“Lovely. If that’s all for now”—Millicent stood—“I’ll get on with things.”
Millicent passed Josh, and as soon as she was gone Caroline felt the room shrink. She shifted uncomfortably in her chair. With a little over two weeks to the wedding, she still had the urge to be wherever Josh wasn’t.
“About last night.” Josh took a step towards her.
“Caroline.” Beth popped her head around the door and almost fainted at the sight of Josh. “You need to get into the blue room. There’s a problem.”
Saved by the bell. With relief, Caroline headed out of her office and away from a frowning Josh. Who, much to her disgust, just followed her. She heard the domino boys before she saw them.
“What’s going on here?” Caroline put her hands on her hips.
The men growled at each other.
“Numb-nuts over there”—Brian pointed at Hamish—“ordered electric fencing for the perimeter of the castle, and cattle prods in case anyone gets out of line at the wedding.” He faced Hamish. “You can’t use cattle prods on people.”
“Why the hell not?”
“Because, you old fart, you use Tasers on people.”
“What the hell is a Taser?”
Brian threw his hands in the air. “I’m dealing with idiots.”
Caroline massaged her temples. There wasn’t enough aspirin in the world to deal with the headaches this wedding caused. By the time the day came around, she’d be hooked up to a morphine IV.
“Look.” Caroline held her hands up to quieten the boys. “I told you that you could help with security. That means liaising with whomever Josh has hired to police the event.” She turned to Josh, hoping he had something sensible to say.
He shuffled his feet. “I thought Mitch was organising security.”
Caroline clenched her jaw and counted to ten. “Someone better organise something, don’t you think?”
“Why?” Archie demanded. “We’re sorting it out. The wedding is in good hands.”
“What wedding?” Beth said from behind her.
Caroline was about to tell her to mind her own business and take care of the library, but James spoke first. “Caroline and Josh. It’s the wedding of the year. And we’re helping.”
The men grinned. Caroline groaned. Josh sauntered into the room and sat beside the domino boys.
“You are marrying him?” Beth pointed at Josh. No one answered. “No!” Beth wailed. “You can’t marry her. She doesn’t even like your music.”
His lips quirked, but he didn’t say anything.
“That’s enough, Beth. Go and sort the library,” Caroline told her.
“This is wrong. You can’t marry Josh. You’re too uptight and mean for him. You don’t even know how to dress properly.”
“Beth.” Josh’s tone was a warning rumble. Caroline’s eyes darted to him. His displeasure was soundly focused on Beth. “Watch what you say about my fiancée.”
Caroline felt something surge under her ribcage. She thought it might be her heart.
“I’ve had enough.” Beth stamped her foot like a two-year-old. “I can’t work here anymore.”
She spun on her heels and stormed out of the centre. Josh frowned after her. The domino boys, for once, were too shocked to speak. Caroline sat down in the free chair beside Archie.
“You stood up for me,” she said to Josh. “People don’t do that.”
He shrugged like it wasn’t a big deal.
“It’s true,” Archie said. “She’s so damn scary, most folk assume she can take care of herself.”
“And I can.” She scowled at Archie, and he patted her hand patronisingly.
“Up for a game of dominoes?” Brian asked Josh.
“Sure.” Josh pulled his chair over beside Caroline and stretched his arm across the back of her chair. Caroline found herself leaning in to him. Archie watched every move with rapt fascination. Josh bent towards Caroline. She held her breath. “Just for the record.” His words were soft against her ear. “There’s nothing mean about you, baby, and I don’t have a problem with anything you wear.”
Her breath hitched as her heart beat faster.
“We playing or what?” Archie demanded.
“We’re playing.” Josh used his thumb to trace little circles on Caroline’s shoulder. “We betting on the game?”
Brian thumped his elbows onto the table. “Pies and cakes. Winner visits Morag’s bakery.”
“Done.” Josh’s hand slid to the back of Caroline’s neck and gently held her.
She felt his touch shoot through her body like a ball in a pinball machine. She didn’t dare glance at him. She wasn’t sure what her face would betray.
“While I remember.” Josh turned to her with his dominoes in hand. “My parents are in town. We’re having dinner with them Sunday night.”
Caroline felt her eye begin to twitch. She put a finger up to stop it. Josh gave her a questioning look.
“Your parents are in town? From America?” Caroline tried to keep her tone calm. She wasn’t sure it was working. “And you didn’t tell me?”
“I was about to tell you, then you bolted from your office.”
It was all a bit much. “I need a cup of tea.” Caroline jerked up from the table.
As though she didn’t have enough to deal with, now she had to spend an evening explaining their wedding to Josh’s parents.
Helen had borrowed a car from Mitch and driven to Fort William to go shopping. She needed new clothes. Something brighter and more modern. She also needed someone to fix the mess she’d made of her hair. She’d managed to stay away from Andrew for the whole day, and almost felt calm when she sneaked into the castle a little after ten o’clock that night. The place was dark. Josh had sent her a text saying he was at the pub with Mitch. And experience told her that Andrew was probably already asleep. Helen tiptoed past the living room, so as not to wake him, and headed for the stairs.
She patted her new cropped hair. It feathered over one eye and curved around to the base of her skull. It was young, it was chic and for the first time in forty years it was her natural colour—or as close as she could remember her natural colour to be. It was a warm honey shade, too dark to be blond but too light to be brown. She liked it. A lot.
“I liked your hair better the way it was,” a voice said from the TV room.
Helen spun to find Andrew standing in the doorway.
“I don’t care what you think.”
“I don’t know who you are anymore.”
Helen scoffed. “You haven’t known me for years. And I don’t understand why it’s bothering you now. As soon as we’ve told Josh all about the divorce, we’ll go our separate ways and you won’t have to puzzle over me any more.”
As usual, he didn’t say anything. Helen made herself shrug like she didn’t care, and continued to walk up the stairs.
“It’s just…”
Helen looked down at him. “Just what?”
He thrust his hands into his pockets and scowled. Helen waited longer than she probably should have for him to make up his mind to talk. At last she shook her head. “I’m going to bed.”
She was done waiting for Andrew to speak. She was starting afresh and she didn’t need his permission to do it. She turned at the top of the stairs, ready to climb the next flight.
“I never meant to hurt you.” Andrew’s voice floated up to her.
Helen stopped dead. Her heart thumped in her chest. “You should have thought of that when you started to shut me out.”
Although she couldn’t see him, she could imagine how uncomfortable he felt. Good. It was time he felt it too.
“I don’t know what to do.” He sounded lost.
Helen let out a deep breath. She walked back down enough
of the stairs to see him. “About what?”
He looked her in the eye, the way he used to do. She felt his gaze zing straight through her body to her toes. She staggered back a step from the shock of it.
“Us. I don’t know what to do about us.”
She drew a sharp breath. “There is no us. That died a long time ago.”
There was silence. She turned back to the stairs.
“What if it isn’t dead for me?”
She closed her eyes briefly. Not now. Not when she’d let go of the man. She looked down at him and felt pity. But she didn’t feel any urge to throw herself back into a life of silence and dread.
“It’s dead for me. I’m tired of living in silence and tired of being invisible.”
“I can fix this.” She heard some of the same stubborn streak she’d once loved in him.
“Can you?” Helen turned away from him and dragged herself up the stairs to bed.
She was starting a new life. She was becoming a new person. And it didn’t matter how much Andrew protested, there was one thing she was certain of—he didn’t want to take the journey with her.
CHAPTER TEN
By Sunday afternoon, Josh was convinced Caroline was avoiding him. He’d tried calling but couldn’t pin her down. He was fed up with being ignored. It was time to track his reluctant fiancée down. After trying her house, where there was no answer, Josh worked his way down through town asking people if they’d seen Caroline. It was no surprise that everybody knew exactly who he was talking about. But no one had seen her. When he reached the pub at the bottom of the high street, he found Dougal behind the bar.
“I’m looking for Caroline.” Josh ordered a Coke and a burger. Might as well kill two birds.
“Didn’t you see her at church this morning?” Dougal placed a tall glass of ice-cold Coke in front of him.
“I don’t go to church.”
Dougal nodded as though that made perfect sense. “Of course, you’re a heathen.”
Josh spluttered out a mouth full of Coke. “I’m not a heathen, I was brought up Catholic. I just don’t do church.”
Dougal leaned across the bar. “So you’re one of those agnostic people, then?” He scratched his beard. “I’m not sure we have any of those in town. You might be the first.”
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