It would have been tempting to back down and get her guys out of harm’s way, but she couldn’t surrender the third floor to the fire.
“Shit!”
She turned in time to see a beam fall, narrowly missing Grant’s helmet. He reacted, jumping to the right, but then went right back to the line. Looking past him, Jamie saw the old furniture surrounded by stacks of magazines and swore under her breath.
“You need to find that kid now,” she shouted into her radio. Not that they weren’t trying their best, but they were losing ground and she needed him to pick up on the sense of urgency.
It was at least five more minutes before they found the toddler hiding in a lower kitchen cabinet and got her out onto the ladder.
“We’re pulling back,” Gullotti reported. “Ladder 37 is clear of the structure.”
“Let’s get the hell out of here,” Jamie shouted. The fire could have the building and the piles of junk somebody had been collecting since probably before she was even born.
They started their retreat, which wasn’t easy since they had to manage the line as they went. And they were halfway back to the stairs when the building shifted and a ceiling joist dropped onto Grant, whose knees buckled.
Shit. Jamie moved to his side, wondering why the hell this house had it out for the young guy. He was already trying to get back on his feet, but he was wobbly and she could see the joist had damaged his tank connections.
They had to get him out of there.
“Go,” she yelled, gesturing at the other guys. They could handle the line and make sure she didn’t run into a dead end of flame. “Make sure the exit’s clear.”
She grabbed Grant’s coat, pulling him close. But before she could get into position to hoist him up onto her shoulders, Scott was there. “I’ll take him.”
“I told you to clear the exit.” The smoke was seriously hampering visibility now, and she knew the flames were devouring the place almost unchecked at this point.
“Aidan’s got it, and there’s another company in support. Let me carry him down the stairs.”
She was so angry she couldn’t even speak for a few seconds. Carrying Grant down the stairs she could do. Physically it was harder for her to backtrack out of the structure while wrestling with the line, and therefore more dangerous for everybody. “I gave you an order.”
He ignored her and hauled Grant onto his shoulder. The younger guy struggled, trying to tell them he could walk, but he was so shaky and disoriented, it would be faster to carry him.
The building shifted again with a creaking groan, and she knew they couldn’t spare even another second to have a pissing match about who was in charge. She took off toward the stairs, staying just far enough ahead to make sure their path was clear without losing sight of Scott and Grant.
They caught Aidan, and Jamie grabbed the line behind him as he sprayed what had to be a reignition point. She waved for Scott to take Grant behind them and then pointed at a window. It had already been smashed out, probably by another engine company, and it was only a few seconds before guys appeared on the other side to take Grant.
Scott didn’t go out, though. He came back and tapped her on the shoulder. “I’ve got this. You should get out.”
She ignored him and shouted to Aidan. “We’re clear, Hunt. Let’s get clear.”
Once outside, they grabbed waters and protein bars from the volunteers and walked as a group to check on Grant.
He was sitting up on the stretcher in the back of the ambulance with a white collar on, looking annoyed. The paramedic who seemed to be in charge looked at them and, noting the rank on her helmet, addressed her comments to Jamie.
“He says he’s fine.” She rolled her eyes. “I think he might have a mild concussion. Initial smoke inhalation, but he snapped out of that pretty quickly when we put the oxygen mask on him. We’re taking him in to have a look at his neck and spine just to make sure there aren’t any hairline fractures in there. It looks like his tank took the brunt of it, but his tank’s on his back, so we want to be cautious.”
“I’m fine,” Grant called, trying to catch Jamie’s eye.
She pointed a finger at him, having had her fill of people not doing what they were told. “You’re going to the hospital. When they say you can leave, you can leave. Do you understand?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
Once the ambulance doors were closed, they walked back to the truck to start getting their equipment together and repacked. They’d hang around for a while in case it took a long time to burn down, but for now they could rest for a few minutes.
“Jamie.” She heard Scott’s voice and turned to face him, giving him the look. It was the look she’d been about to unleash on the guy in the bar before Scott punched him instead. He stopped in his tracks, his eyes widening.
“I gave you an order and you disobeyed it.” She didn’t want to do this in front of both companies, but if he wasn’t going to give her a choice, at least she could steer him toward keeping the conversation about the job.
“For a good reason.”
“The only good reason for you to disregard what I say is if you think I’m unfit for duty or command. You didn’t indicate to me or to anybody else that you believed that to be so.”
“I had personal reasons,” he said, not giving up.
Keenly aware of the fact they had an audience, Jamie made sure her voice was low. “Your personal reasons have no place here.”
She turned to walk away, which, in hindsight, was probably a mistake. Scott grabbed her arm, spinning her to face him. In her peripheral vision, she saw the other guys stop trying to pretend they couldn’t hear as they all turned to look. Aidan even took a step forward, but Rick held out his hand to stop him.
“I couldn’t do it,” he said in a hoarse voice. “I couldn’t stand there and do nothing but listen to the radio, praying to hear your voice. I did that with Danny and I knew I couldn’t leave without you. And if you think I was disrespecting your ability to do your job, then I’m sorry. But I love you, Jamie. I fell in love with you and I couldn’t stand by and do nothing.”
His words fell on her like blows. At any other time, in any other place, those words might have made her the happiest woman on the planet. But not here, on an active scene in front of the guys in her command.
She jerked her arm away. “If you loved me—hell, if you really knew anything about me and paid attention—you would never have done this here.”
Without giving him a chance to say anything more, Jamie turned and walked away with her back straight, her eyes dry and her heart splintering into ruin.
* * *
SCOTT LOOKED UP when the swinging doors to the emergency room opened, but the nurse walked to a family sitting across the hallway from them. Since it wasn’t anybody about Grant, he dropped his head back against the wall and stared at the ceiling tiles some more.
He’d blown it. His temper and lack of impulse control had gotten him into a lot of trouble over the course of his life, but he’d never sabotaged his own happiness the way he had today.
“Stop beating yourself up.”
Scott wanted to ignore Aidan, but right now he was the only person Scott had to talk to. The others were back at the station, since Jamie had volunteered the two of them to go to the hospital and wait for news on Grant. Or to bring him back if he was released.
He knew she’d just wanted him out of her sight.
“Why the hell did I do that? I mean, I know why I disobeyed her. It was wrong and stupid, but I know what happened. But telling her I did it because I love her in front of everybody? I opened my mouth and it came out.”
“I have to ask. Is it true?”
“That I love her?” He sighed. “Yeah. I do love her. But I also know that wasn’t the time or place to tell her that. And I knew it
when I was saying it.”
“I have a theory, but it’s probably best if you figure it out on your own.”
“Really?” Scott swiveled his head so he was looking at his best friend. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
“It means just that. I have a theory, but I think you should figure it out on your own because I might be wrong and then I’d just look like an asshole.”
“You can’t look more like an asshole than I do.”
“That’s pretty much been my life motto since the day we met. I can’t look like more of an asshole than Scotty Kincaid does.”
Scott actually chuckled, which he knew was Aidan’s intention with the insults. But his amusement was short-lived. “Even if you’re wrong, at least you have a theory. I can’t wrap my head around why I would pull a stunt like that. I knew she wouldn’t forgive that.”
“Because you’re scared.” Aidan’s voice was very serious now. “You’re scared of taking a chance on Jamie, so you did something you knew would make her walk away and not come back.”
Scott swallowed past the lump in his throat and shrugged. And not come back.
“Why am I scared?” Deep in his gut, he suspected Aidan’s theory might be right. “We’re great together. We have a good time and we enjoy each other’s company. We laugh and talk. I mean, I love her. I know I do. How can I love her and be scared of being with her?”
“I don’t know. I think if you want to dig deeper into that psyche of yours, you’ll need a professional. Or Lydia.”
“I don’t even want to think about telling Lydia what happened. Don’t tell her.”
“Really?” Aidan shifted in his chair, leaning forward with his elbows propped on his knees. “I knew there would come a time when my loyalty to you would conflict with my loyalty to my wife, but I thought I’d have more than three days.”
The swinging doors opened again and this time Grant walked out. He looked annoyed and slightly chagrined, but whole. “Hey, guys.”
A doctor was with him, and he looked at them over the top of his glasses. “Mr. Cutter here will be fine. He was lucky and escaped with a very minor concussion. He needs to rest for a couple of days, but as long as he remains symptom free and pays attention to any messages his body might send him, there’s no reason he can’t resume his duties on his next shift.”
“Thanks, Doc.” Aidan looked around the waiting room. “Can I take him out in a wheelchair?”
The doctor didn’t even crack a smile. “He can walk. You guys have a good day and be safe.”
They rode back to the station in silence. Grant probably because he had a raging headache. Scott because he was still trying to make sense of his moment of stunning stupidity, and Aidan because nobody else was talking.
Everybody was on the third floor when they got back, except for Cobb and Jamie. He went into the kitchen to make Grant a cup of coffee, which he probably wasn’t supposed to have but really wanted, while the kid shared the diagnosis. Because it was good news, Grant took a ration of shit, which would have made Scott laugh if he wasn’t so focused on Jamie’s absence.
When he saw Rick by himself, Scott walked over to him. “Where’s Jamie? She’ll want to know that Grant’s back.”
Rick gave him a look that could have set a glass of water on fire. “The lieutenant’s in her office, doing paperwork. Not the least of which has to do with the car you hit today. And she already knows Cutter is back.”
Temper at being iced out by a guy who’d known him as long as Rick had flared in Scott, but he shoved it back. This wasn’t personal. Scott hadn’t done what he was told to do. Firefighters doing whatever the hell they wanted put their companies at risk. And anything that put Engine 59 at risk was probably going to put Ladder 37 at risk, too.
“Yes, sir.” It killed him to say it and not try to defend himself, but he didn’t have anything to say that would make it okay.
But as he turned away, he caught a flicker of something on Rick’s face. “Scotty.”
He turned, bracing himself for more censure. “If Jamie wasn’t leaving this week, we’d have a problem.”
“I know. But I’m the root of the problem, not her. What happened today shouldn’t reflect poorly on her at all.”
“Oh, I’ll make sure it doesn’t.” Rick gave him a humorless smile. “Luckily, I think the only guys paying attention were our own, so that issue’s moot. But on a personal level that’s none of my business, you need to make this right. Not only for her sake, but for yours. Even if it’s over, this isn’t the way you want it to end.”
“I don’t want it to end at all,” he said, though his subconscious must have differed for him to so blatantly shoot himself in the foot. “I’ll talk to her. Maybe try to make her understand.”
“You should. But not here and not today. I’ve got a couple of guys coming in. I want you to take Grant home and make sure he has whatever he needs to keep him on the couch for a couple of days. And then you can head home, too.”
“Am I being suspended?”
Rick shook his head. “Not in an official capacity, that I know of. But she doesn’t need you here. And if we have to go on a run, everybody’s going to be distracted and less confident. Go home. Or go see your old man. Have a beer with Tommy and see if he can help you figure this out.”
Scott snorted, not really able to picture his dad giving him advice. “Okay. I guess space is best for everybody.”
“Yeah, but not too much. And not for too long.” Rick slapped him in the shoulder. “I’m rooting for you, you know. Even if you are a dumbass.”
Once Grant was ready to go, Scott followed him down the stairs, but he paused on the second floor. Maybe he should knock on her door and at least apologize briefly. He could test the waters, so to speak, and see how open she would be to seeing him later, when he could really apologize. Leaving without saying anything at all didn’t sit well with him.
But they were still at work. He’d disrespected her once already and there was a good chance she’d see him knocking on her door as more of the same. She didn’t want to talk about their personal lives at work.
With a last glance at Jamie’s office door—which remained firmly closed—Scott shoved his hands into his pockets and followed Grant down the last flight of stairs.
SEVENTEEN
JAMIE SAT WITH her elbows braced on her desk and the heels of her hands pressed to her eyes, praying like hell the alarm didn’t sound. Red, puffy eyes and a stuffy nose from crying wouldn’t do much to inspire confidence.
He loved her.
Even now, when everything had gone to crap and she’d shut him down before sending him away, her pulse quickened at the thought. She’d known he cared about her more than he let on. She felt it in the way he touched her and the way he looked at her.
And when a woman was in love with a man, she was sensitive to those kinds of things.
He could have told her he loved her when they were tangled up in her sheets, hot and out of breath. He could have told her while they were curled up on the couch watching one of his stupid movies. But not Scott.
Instead he’d pissed her off by defying her orders and then he’d turned what should have been the sweetest words she’d ever hear into professional embarrassment. He knew what that scene would do to her—that he was pushing one of her biggest hot buttons—and he’d done it anyway.
And that made her doubt that what he had said was actually the truth.
And damn, there were more tears again. She rubbed at her eyes and then pressed the wet washcloth she’d grabbed from the bathroom to her face. It wasn’t cold enough to help anymore, but it calmed her a little.
He loved her. He’d told her he loved her and she’d rejected it. Coldly and as publicly as he’d thrown it out there. It was over. Her time at E59-L37 was over and her time with S
cott was over.
Rather than give in to more tears, Jamie pushed back from her desk and looked around the office. There were very few personal items in it. Most belonged to Danny, and the stuff that was hers would barely cover the bottom of a box. But she had things in the officer’s bunk room to pack. And she’d have to remember to take the box of tampons from under the bathroom sink so nobody was traumatized by it after she left.
That thought made her smile. She probably wouldn’t feel like laughing any time soon, but she wasn’t going to curl into a ball and weep for hours, either. At least not here.
Too many hours later, she left the awkward silences and too-polite conversations behind her and went home. Her apartment felt emptier than usual. Quieter. And she knew it would feel that way for a while because Scott wouldn’t be filling it with his energy and big personality. She was alone again.
After forcing herself to take a shower, she put on her comfort pajamas—old sweats she’d stolen from a college boyfriend—and crawled into bed. If she slept a few hours, maybe things wouldn’t look so depressing when she woke up.
But life didn’t look any better when she finally decided to roll out of bed and force herself to eat something. Sleep hadn’t been easy, and the nodding off and waking up and trying not to cry had given her a headache.
She was halfway through a bowl of cereal she didn’t want when her phone chimed. She really wanted to ignore it, but there was a good chance if it was a well-meaning friend who knew what had happened, that friend would show up at her door.
It wasn’t, though. It was Scott. Can we talk for a few minutes? I’m downstairs, but I can keep walking if you want.
It was tempting to tell him to keep moving, but she couldn’t do it. I’ll be right down.
She took a few seconds to look in the mirror, and then wished she hadn’t. Her hair wasn’t awful, but her face had the look of a brokenhearted woman who’d cried too many tears and not slept enough hours.
There was no help for it, though, so she forced herself to go down the stairs to get some closure. She saw him through the glass door and her heart ached so badly she had to resist the urge to raise her hand to her chest to rub the spot.
Fully Ignited (Boston Fire #3) Page 21