by E. J. Mellow
I look into his golden eyes, the way his dark skin enhances their vibrancy and all the emotions they hold, knowing the precariousness of that statement. “You can’t truly want this.”
“It’s not about what I want, Molly. It’s about doing what’s right for Terra, for you.”
“But I’m not asking for you to do this for me!”
His hand rests on my shoulder. “I’m doing it so you won’t have to.”
My lips tremble, and I have to turn from the group as a sob escapes me. “Why?” I gasp out, covering my face with my hands, annoyed that I’m crying, since I promised myself I wouldn’t do that, not anymore. Yet here I am—again. “It’s too much,” I say. “I’m losing too many people. I can’t risk losing you too.”
Rae’s strong arm curls around me, bringing me back into his chest. “You’re not losing me,” he whispers. “This will work, and neither of us will be in any danger. I told you I’d get you back, no matter what, and I am.”
“I didn’t want you to sacrifice yourself to do it.” I dig my fingers into his shirt.
“That’s not how I see what I’m doing. I’m still going to have a life, Molly. Hopefully a happy one. It will just be a bit different than I had originally planned.”
I push my face into his chest as I let the final my sobs out, knowing I still have an audience, and the last thing they need to see is the Dreamer they are counting on show weakness. So with a forced swallow, I make myself stop and brush away the tears. I can mourn separately, alone, for the first time understanding why Terra saves such a thing for behind closed doors.
Taking a deep breath, I slowly step away from Rae. There’s no changing his mind, any of theirs, and deep down I understand why. But it doesn’t make me feel any less horrid, selfish, and sick. There’s a piece of me that’s starting to hate myself. For how can my purpose on this planet be any more important than anyone else’s?
Leveling a gaze on Sonja and Raymond, who both have remained silent while warily watching our exchange, I straighten my shoulders. “We should let you guys get back to work,” I say. “Because before I let this man get into that machine, you better be two hundred percent certain that nothing will go wrong.”
— 11 —
Tell me something that’s made you happy recently.
I need something that will help me smile.
—Part of a letter from Molly to Dev
The men and women ran by in their organized rows of two as Dev placed another box of weapons onto a conveyer belt leading up to an awaiting airship. Aveline was supposed to help, but she was currently stunned motionless by his side.
“No,” Aveline said with a shake of her head. “It can’t be true.”
“I wish it wasn’t.” Dev grunted as he transferred another crate. The hangar they stood in buzzed with Terra’s military rushing to continue their defense along the damaged western wall of the city, where the engineers were working quickly to repair it.
“But…I thought Aaron was looking for the next Dreamer anyway and found out Molly was it when she visited him in the hospital?”
“From the sounds of it, Hector gave Aaron everything he needed to stay in the area longer when he traded information for news on Robert. He learned Robert had a granddaughter, and when she got hit by lightning…well, as crazy as he is, Aaron’s not an idiot. He must have pieced together a few things. Her discussing her strange dreams with him must have solidified it. Are you going to help me with these or not?” Dev nodded to the stack of weapons.
Still in a daze, Aveline bent to pick up a crate by her feet. “Why are you so calm?”
Dev scoffed. “I certainly wasn’t in Elena’s office, and I hardly am now. It’s taking all my strength not to hunt down your Metus turd of a boyfriend and put an end to his miserable life.”
“He’s not my boyfriend.” Aveline scowled.
“Sure, whatever.” Dev removed the crate from her still form and placed it on the belt.
“I know Hector’s a lot of things,” Aveline went on, “but he would never intentionally bring harm to anyone.”
“Don’t be so naïve.” Dev shot her an annoyed glare. “People are capable of all sorts of things, and it’s not like Hector surrounds himself with the most honorable of people, given his area of work.”
“Still, he wouldn’t willingly put anyone in danger. Especially not with what happened in his past.”
Dev turned to regard Aveline carefully. “What do you know of his past?”
“Enough.” Her chin tilted up.
“Tell me.”
“No, I can’t betray his confidence.”
“I’m your partner, not him,” Dev ground out.
“So? That’s not how secrets work. You don’t tell me everything about all of your friends.”
Dev let out a frustrated sigh. “Just tell me this. Is what happened going to, in any way, put Molly in danger?”
Aveline looked away for a moment. “No,” she said. “I think it will make her safer.”
Dev’s eyes narrowed. “Why would it do that?”
“Because now he has a chance at redemption.”
“Well, that doesn’t make me feel in the least bit better. What in all of Terra did he do, Ave?”
“You’ll have to get him to tell you,” she said and handed him another container.
Dev worried his bottom lip before transferring the box onto the conveyer belt, a drop of concern mixing in with his consistently palpable rage. He knew Hector abandoned his post as guardian to Molly’s grandfather, Robert, during World War II. But that didn’t give Dev the reason why. What could have led a Vigil to react in such a way? The ones sent out to guard Dreamers were supposed to be trained for all sorts of situations, and Dev would have thought the one assigned to watch over a chosen Dreamer would be from a hardier stock. He certainly knew Rae was. He was the bravest and most dedicated Vigil Dev knew. Which meant whatever led to Hector’s abandonment must have been very bad. Would the elders really partner such a risk with Molly? Dev knew he needed to keep his faith with their choices, but lately their decisions left him more than doubtful.
“So what’s going to happen to him?” Aveline asked, bringing Dev back to the loud sounds of the military hangar. A few airships took flight and zoomed up and out of the large opening in the ceiling, mixing with the shooting stars streaking by.
“Nothing,” he said.
“Wha— How is that possible?”
“Everything he was doing with Aaron was legal.” Dev wiped at his face with the bottom of his shirt, exposing some of his stomach and garnering a few catcalls from nearby cadets. He gave them a responding smirk before turning back to Aveline. “The Nectus and the rest of the information he shared wasn’t going against any laws.”
“What about the Conscious knife? Did he…was Hector responsible for that?”
Dev’s knuckles turned white from how hard he was pressing them to the container he held. “Hector knew about them and admitted to mentioning something to Aaron, but only after he brought up their existence first.”
“Do you believe him?”
“I don’t have to. Elena said Hector passed the truth serum interrogation. But if you ask me, I think Aaron was fishing, seeing if whatever rumors he heard about the weapons were true before he went seeking them out.”
There was a beat of tense silence before Aveline said, “I’m so sorry, Dev.”
He looked out to the sea of action before them, a sense of weariness washing through him, and on a resigned sigh, he stepped onto the lip of the awaiting airship’s cargo bay. “Come on.” Dev extended a hand to Aveline. “Unfortunately, there are other monsters we have to deal with first.”
Dev and Aveline strapped into their seats toward the back, Dev’s team already in place as the ship’s doors closed with a puff, shutting out the light from the military base. Leaning his head against his headrest, Dev pushed away his distracted thoughts to focus on what needed to be done now, instead of who was still so far away from his re
ach in another dimension. But even as the slick airship lifted out of the hangar and raced toward the angry glow of orange in the distance, he knew her vision would never dim, and distraction or not, he was glad for it.
— 12 —
While cooking, I caught Tim singing with the spatula again.
I didn’t show myself until he hit the high note.
You can imagine my delight and his mortification when I did.
Now, my midnight, you must be smiling at that.
—Part of a letter from Dev to Molly
The squawking of seagulls mixes in with the lapping of waves hitting up against the edge of the dock as the setting sun paints the Hudson River in an hombre of pink and orange, a watercolor set tipped over. Two women jog by, one laughing at something the other said, and I follow them with my eyes, watching their friendship with a sadness I hadn’t previously known.
Taking in a deep breath, I turn back to stare at the water, enjoying the lightly salted air. This is the only part of the city, besides Central Park, where I can truly fill my lungs with something that doesn’t smell polluted. While Manhattan is peppered with wonderful sites, people, and restaurants, the air is often fragranced with less-than-desirable surprises. I didn’t realize the relief the freshness of Terra brought me until I stopped experiencing it.
Reaching for my iced coffee on the bench beside me, I take a generous sip. It’s a little late in the day for caffeine, but the desire to stay up and not slip into sleep has slowly strengthened in the growing weeks. A behavior, I’m sure, wouldn’t take a team of psychiatrists to figure out why.
A high-pitched squeal turns my head, and I catch a little girl grabbing for her family’s dog’s leash. She coos for it to keep moving like a mother to her child, evoking me to smile. My grin is short lived though, the melancholy that has circled me since leaving the lab the other day rearing forward once more. Rae, I think. You’re loyal to a fault. If there were a way I could convince him not to do this, I would be smothering him with it right now. Unfortunately, I know this Vigil, and I know what’s at stake. It seems like my life has been filled with a lot of decisions that are not my own lately. Funny how someone that’s said to hold limitless power can feel so powerless. Slumping lower on the bench, I gaze at the shifting orange sky above. All of this only makes me more terrified for what’s next. There’s no room for failure now. Too many people are sacrificing things for my sake, with the belief that I’m the difference they all desperately need.
“Is this seat taken?”
I sit up with a start, finding Becca regarding me with a hesitant smile.
“Bec—” I begin to stand, but she shushes me to stay put as she joins me on the bench. “What are you doing here?”
“Rae told me where you were.”
“Rae? You saw him?”
She nods.
I watch her for a moment, anxiously tapping the lid on my cup. Her red hair is pulled into a messy bun, and she wears a light-gray jacket slung over a black tank and jeans. “Are…are you guys okay?”
She takes in a deep breath and stares out at the water, her green eyes darkening to moss with the setting sun. “We will be,” she says, turning back to me. “I believe you, Molly. What you guys showed me and admitted to. It took a few days to process, but…I believe you.”
It’s like I sprouted a thousand balloons and have begun to float, that’s how light I feel after hearing her say those words. “You do?”
“Yes. I mean, if it were a lie, it would be a pretty friggin’ elaborate and detailed one. What would be the point? And if I were being honest, after sitting with it, I don’t really think we can be the only intelligent creatures out there.” She gestures in front of us. “It’s pretty narcissistic to believe, actually. I mean, we’ve got to get our fantasy stuff from somewhere, right? It can’t all be make-believe.”
I’m momentarily rendered speechless.
Can this really be happening?
Without thinking further, I throw my arms around her. “Oh, Bec, you don’t know how happy I am to hear you say this. I thought…I thought I lost you.”
She laughs lightly, returning my embrace. “Well, you kind of did for a little bit. It’s not every day you learn that there are other dimensions, and your boyfriend is an alien, and your best friend is some sort of warrior badass.”
“I’m not a warrior badass.” I lean back.
“Um, from the sounds of it, that’s exactly what you are,” Becca says with raised brows. “Rae told me the things you can do there…what you have done. Can we say, holy shit?”
I hide a smile. “Yeah, I guess that’s one way to describe it.”
She shakes her head. “I only wish I could see it.”
“I wish you could too.” I squeeze her hand, the desire to share Terra, and everything else I’ve been forced to keep from Becca, is suddenly overwhelming. “The city, the people—everything really, it’s all so…amazing,” I say. “Well, when it’s not getting attacked by giant smelly nightmare beasts.”
She chuckles as her features soften. “I can’t believe you’ve been dealing with this by yourself.”
“Not completely by myself. I had—” I stop myself, realizing what I was about to say and not sure how Becca will react to it.
“You had Rae. It’s okay. I understand. But I do think a part of my anger came from you not feeling like you could tell me about…”
“Terra,” I say when it’s obvious she’s unsure of the name.
“Yes, that.”
“I tried to tell you once, but I knew how crazy it sounded. I mean, I thought I was losing my mind in the beginning, before I understood what was going on.”
“Yes, I remember,” she says dryly. “I was there too.”
“And then after…well, I’m pretty sure humans aren’t allowed to know about Terra. If any do, it’s very few, and I have yet to meet them.”
“So you’re saying I’m special.”
I laugh. “I don’t know if I should be concerned or grateful at how awesome you’re taking this.”
“Probably both,” she says with a wink and settles more comfortably on the bench.
I marvel at how quickly this day has turned around. It looks like life could afford to hand me a bit of a break after all.
“Rae explained what’s going to happen this weekend,” Becca says after a moment.
And then there’s that.
“Yes.” I press my lips together. “I don’t want him to do it.”
“He seems to think there’s no other options.”
“Everyone seems to think that. And even if there are, I understand that we’ve run out of time to perfect them. It’s not good in Terra right now. From all the violence we’re seeing on Earth, I know it must be tenfold there.”
She chews on the inside of her cheek while studying me. “And you’re really the only one that can fix all this?”
I snort. “Crazy, right?”
“Not entirely.” She tilts her head. “You’ve got an edge to you that wasn’t there before. I couldn’t put my finger on it until now, but you seem…mature, worldly or something.”
I roll my eyes.
“I’m serious,” she says. “You’re still you of course, but different somehow. Your eyes…” She looks at me intently. “It’s obviously they’ve seen things most haven’t. Rae told me of your memory training.”
“Geez, he really left no rock unturned.”
“He better not have. I grilled him about all this until he was blue in the face.”
I smile. I wouldn’t have expected her to act any differently.
“It’s still crazy though.” She shakes her head.
“Which part?”
“That you have to somehow save two worlds from war.”
I swallow, not needing the reminder. “It not just me,” I say. “I have help.” And then after a beat of silence, I admit, “I’m scared, Bec.”
Glancing up at her, I find her watching me, compassion in her gaze. “Of course you
are.” She pulls both my hands into hers. “Who wouldn’t be?”
“It’s not just about the fighting though,” I explain. “What’s about to happen…if it works, it will change everything. My time in Terra won’t be limited anymore. The elders, the people in charge there, I’m sure they have some sort of plan for me. I might not be able to make it back to Earth for a while. And Rae…he’s giving up everything.”
“Not everything,” she says meaningfully.
I sigh. “No, but there are people in his life, people that he loves, that he’ll never see again. And this transfer might not work. There’s still risk for—”
“Let’s not talk about that,” Becca cuts in. “Let’s not throw any bad juju around. Both of you will survive this, and it will work.”
I can’t help smiling at how much she sounds like Rae.
“And as far as giving up loved ones”—Becca drapes an arm over the back of the bench—“if what I’ve gathered from Rae is true, you’re talking about the same someone you love that you were never going to see again.”
I swallow, my chest tightening. “Yes.”
“Chicken,” Becca says gently. “I can’t believe you’re in love and you couldn’t tell me.”
“It’s definitely been hard.”
“Is that why you and Jared didn’t work?”
“One of the reasons,” I say, knowing that even if I didn’t meet Dev, deep down Jared and I wouldn’t have survived in the long run.
“Well, I’m not going to pretend that I really have the best sense of what exactly is going on in this Terra place or how important you really are there or how much Rae is giving up, but I can tell you this. If the man you’re referring to is the same one who gave you this letter”—she pulls a small envelope from her purse—“then you need to do everything and anything possible to get back to him, because let me tell you”—she fans herself with the piece of paper—“this guy is not someone you never want to see again.”