by Tina Beckett
So for now she would just watch movie characters slice and dice each other, and try very hard not to think about the slicing and dicing she might soon have to do. She would face that bridge when and if she came to it. Even if she didn’t dare cross over it.
From what she’d seen, Rafe didn’t believe in forever any more than she did. And she couldn’t let her babies pay the price for her poor choices. She knew from her own childhood what was at stake, and she wasn’t willing to play games with their future.
In the end, she would sacrifice anything and everything for her twins, even the chance to have a relationship with their father. Because that’s all it was right now: a chance, an uncertainty that might lead nowhere. Unless Rafe could promise her more than that, it wasn’t a chance she was willing to take.
* * *
Rafe leaned forward to kiss Cassie on the cheek, only to have her duck away from his touch.
Not the reaction he’d expected.
Stuck in meetings for the last two days, he’d been looking forward to seeing her. To discussing what had been percolating in his brain during their time apart. That he would like to see where things between them might lead.
When he’d spoken with her on the phone this morning, she’d seemed just as eager to meet him. She’d even set the place of the meeting: the parking lot of the hospital. He figured they would go to a special restaurant...and then? Who knew?
He leaned a hip against the side of her car, studying her face. “Is everything okay? The babies?”
“Yes, they’re fine, as far as I know.”
“Good.” A few muscles relaxed. Maybe he was just imagining things. “I hope you’re hungry. I made reservations for us at Casa Lucia. I thought we could go back to my place afterwards.”
Her eyes widened. “Oh, I’m sorry, Rafe. I wish you would have asked.”
His muscles went back on high alert, a strange foreboding growing in the pit of his stomach. “You already have plans for this evening?”
“No, I don’t have plans. As for meeting here, I just...” She stared at the keys in her hand, as if already planning her escape. “Things have happened really fast between us, but I think it’s time to stop and take a breath. To slow things down a little.”
“Slow things down?” Things were a hell of a lot slower now than they’d been the night they’d met. And with her pregnancy he’d suddenly felt a sense of urgency—the need to hurry things along. Unless...
Unless she had other ideas.
Something dark floated in the periphery of his mind.
“It’s just with all that’s happened... I won’t deny we’ve had some good times together.”
“Yes, we have.” Times he’d hoped would get even better. Except Cassie was using the past tense. Was she simply being cautious about jumping into another relationship? If so, he couldn’t blame her. “Are you worried because of how things ended with Darrin?”
“Yes. No.” She hesitated before continuing. “I don’t know where you saw this...” she motioned between the two of them “...going, but I need you to tell me. I want to make sure we’re on the same page.”
The “page” he’d been reading seconds earlier suddenly went blank. Because he was pretty sure that what was written on hers was something totally different from what was printed on his.
Okay, if she wanted to take things slower, he would do his damnedest to give her what she wanted. “I was hoping to continue like we have been. To take things one day at a time—see how it all plays out. No pressure—none—on either side.”
There, he’d even cadenced the words, making sure they didn’t come across as rushed. Or desperate.
Instead of smiling in relief, Cassie’s fingers clenched around the keys, her face turning ashen.
“I’m not here to pressure you.”
“I didn’t say you were.” He had no idea what was happening. Only that things were imploding in front of him, and he had no idea how to stop them. “I’m trying to take responsibility for my actions the best way I know how.”
The best way wasn’t the right way, evidently, because her arms went around her waist and her eyes closed for a few seconds. At first he thought she was going to be sick, like she’d been in his office.
He took a step forward, only to be stopped in his tracks when she looked at him again.
She wasn’t feeling sick. Instead, there was a quiet resolve in her gaze that ripped at something inside him.
“I don’t hold you responsible, Rafe. For anything. My pregnancy was an accident. You don’t have to stick around.”
A beat went by. Then two.
“Are you saying you don’t want me to?”
Cassie’s chin wobbled, and then her teeth dug into her bottom lip, leaving a mark in the soft flesh. “You know, I think I am saying that. It might be best for everyone.”
Everyone. Except him.
She was letting him off the hook. Helping him dodge a bullet. Allowing him to skate by without facing the consequences.
Dammit!
Rafe could spin her words a thousand different ways, but no matter how hard he tried it boiled down to the same thing. Her vision of the future did not include him.
This was the very reason he never opened himself up to relationships. Because there was one thing he had never learned how to deal with. Not with his parents’ deaths. And not with his brother Santi’s disappearance afterwards. And that was how to tell someone he loved goodbye.
Well, it was time he learned.
And so Rafe did the only thing he could under the circumstances. Without a word, he took his hip off her car and backed up a step to let her open the door.
He didn’t say anything as she got in and shut the door behind her. He didn’t try to protest as she started the engine and shifted the transmission into Reverse.
And the hardest thing of all...he didn’t try to stop her when she backed the car out of the space and then slowly drove away.
CHAPTER TEN
CASSIE MEASURED THE newest baby’s head. Perfect. Juliana Sanchez was right within the normal range, even though her mom had moved from a Zika-affected part of Brazil four months ago. In the last couple of weeks there had been no more confirmed cases of the virus. Either it was on a downswing or cases were going to come in on a cyclical basis, depending on the time of year women got pregnant.
It was her first day back at work after taking a two-week break to recoup her strength and try to get over Rafe. She’d failed miserably on that count.
Instead, she’d gone through her days a blubbery, waterlogged mess. There’d been no way she could have faced her tiny patients. Runny mascara and red eyes gave reassurance to no one. Especially not worried parents.
How many stages of grief were there again?
Too many to count, and she’d experienced every single one of them. Multiple times.
Rafe hadn’t called since that devastating scene in the parking lot. Then again, she hadn’t really expected him to.
What had she hoped to gain by confronting him like that? Had she really thought that by asking him where he saw things going, he would profess his undying love to her and take her on a Caribbean cruise?
Not exactly. What she had hoped for was something more than a ‘continue as they were...take things one day at a time and see where they went’ kind of plan. As she’d stood there, she’d realized it wasn’t enough. She’d lived her childhood that way, taking life one day at a time—one temporary relationship at a time. Now that she was an adult, she had the ability to change course. While Rafe had scrambled around for an answer that would placate her, that’s precisely what she’d decided to do.
Even though doing so had split her heart in two.
She couldn’t bear to see him day after day, knowing she loved him. Not when he’d handed h
er nothing to hold onto. It would destroy her. So she’d offered to cut him loose. And what had he done? He’d taken his newfound freedom and stepped away from her car, letting her drive away. He hadn’t contacted her since. Didn’t that tell her all she needed to know?
She forced a smile as she handed Juliana back to her mother. “Your baby is perfect.”
So were hers. So far her twins were doing well. As was Cassie.
At least physically.
It was stupid. Rafe—like Darrin—was probably grateful he didn’t have to pretend to feel something he didn’t. She couldn’t blame him. Right now she was a hormonal, neurotic wreck. Maybe he was counting his lucky stars that they hadn’t gone further than they had.
But what about his babies? By doing what she had, she’d cut him out of their lives as well. At the time she’d told herself it was for their own good. Now she wasn’t so sure.
She finished her visit with this patient and headed on to the next. She rounded the corner and was shocked to spot Carmelita wandering along the hallway, looking around as if she was lost.
Oh, great. The last thing she wanted to see was someone involved with the Valentino brothers. She could turn around and walk the other way, but Carmelita had already seen her, because her gaze cleared and she walked quickly toward her with a little wave that asked her to wait. “Cassandra!”
Closing her eyes, she tried to muster the strength needed to smile and make small talk. Then a thought hit her. Were the brothers okay?
Rafe...was he okay? Could something have happened?
She moved toward the woman, waiting through the customary kiss on the cheek before posing her question. “Is everything all right? Rafe?”
Carmelita shook her head, clenched fist over her heart. “I’m afraid not. Rafe is...”
She’d been right. He was hurt. Or worse. “Where is he?”
“In the air.”
“Is he being medevaced in?” Panic swept through her. Why else would Carmelita be at the hospital? Had he been in an accident?
“Medevaced? I do not know this word.”
“Is he being flown to the hospital?”
Her hand dropped back to her side. “No, but he should be. He will not listen to reason.”
Cassie had no idea what the woman was talking about. “Does he need to see a doctor?”
The bodega manager smiled. “Yes, he does.” She paused. “He needs...what do you call it? A head doctor. He is not seeing straight.”
Her mind raced. Vision problems could indicate something serious. “You need to talk him into coming in, Carmelita. I can recommend a neurologist.” She pulled out her smartphone and started to flip through the lists of phone numbers.
A touch to her hand stopped her. “Rafael does not need to see just any doctor. He needs to see you.”
“I’m a neonatologist. A baby doctor.” She thought for a second. “What about Dante? He’s a neurologist. Can’t he talk some sense into him?”
Carmelita’s brown eyes looked into hers, a wealth of meaning in them. “No. He cannot. Santi and Alejandro have already tried talking. He will not listen.”
Her heart stuttered. “I don’t understand.”
“Rafe has told you about his parents, no?”
“A little. And you mentioned that they’d been killed at the bodega.”
“Mmm. Yes. But you did not know that his father lived for a short time afterward? It was hard for everyone. And Alejandro...a bullet hit him too. We almost lost him.”
Cassie hadn’t known that. But she’d seen Alejandro. He’d survived. “I’m glad he’s okay. But I’m not sure what this has to do with me.”
“No? Alejandro carries his father’s heart.”
Shock wheeled through her. She had to assume the woman didn’t mean he literally carried his father’s heart around in a box, so that must mean...
Before she could ask, Carmelita nodded. “Yes. It is true. Rafe...well, he wasn’t ready to say goodbye to his papi. None of us were.” She clasped her hands in front of her. “It is very difficult for him, even today. The thought of losing those he cares about. So he pushes people away. Then he does not have to make hard choices.”
She tried to sift through the woman’s words—to force her sluggish brain to function. In the end, though, it didn’t really change things between her and Rafe. Or did it? “I’m so sorry, but I’m not sure why you’re telling me all of this.”
“That is something you must figure out for yourself.” She leaned in and gave Cassie another kiss on the cheek. “But do not take too long.”
Then she was gone, leaving Cassie standing there with her mouth open.
Had the bodega manager come to the hospital just to deliver that cryptic message?
He pushes people away. So he does not have to make hard choices.
Was that why he he’d talked about not putting pressure on anyone? She thought about the note and money he’d left before she’d woken up that first night. He hadn’t wanted to face her. Had made sure neither of them had the other’s contact information—not that she would have given it to him.
He hadn’t wanted to take any chances that he could come to care for her or any other woman. Was that it?
And she’d made it easy for him. He hadn’t needed to push her away. No. She’d pushed him away instead. For the very same reason. So she didn’t have to make the hard choice of trusting him with her heart.
She reached back and tightened her ponytail. Damn. She could stand here speculating about this all day and come up with nothing. If Rafe couldn’t be a big boy and face up to his fears, then did she really want him?
Her fingers went back to her hair—to the hair tie, actually. Although he claimed that first elastic band had gotten mixed up with his things accidentally, he’d kept it. And she’d found it. He’d never expected to see her again, and yet he hadn’t tossed it into the garbage. He’d held onto it.
Why?
Because he couldn’t toss aside that encounter as easily as he wanted to? They’d come together two more times.
She hadn’t been able to resist him.
Was it the same for him?
If so, what was she supposed to do about it?
You must figure it out for yourself. But do not take too long.
Why? What was going to happen? Rafe would just move on to the next woman?
He could have done that at any time over the last couple of months. But he hadn’t. Maybe that was what he’d wanted to talk to her about in the parking garage, only to have her cut him off.
So why was she standing here, doing nothing, instead of going over to his office and talking about this head on, rather than skating around the issue like she’d done the last time?
Fine. If that’s what Carmelita meant, maybe that’s what she would do.
Then, if the man really wanted to tell her goodbye, he was going to have to do it to her face.
* * *
She didn’t get that face time. A half hour later, she walked out of his office building with a frown. He wasn’t there.
So where was he? His condo? One of the receptionists had told her Rafe had taken the day off. She’d been nice enough to try calling him for her, but he hadn’t picked up, and Cassie was loath to let the other woman leave him a message.
He’s in the air.
Carmelita’s strange words suddenly made sense. Of course he wasn’t being medevaced to the hospital. He had taken that backpack-looking thing and gone flying. But where?
Wasn’t there a beach at the northern end of Miami where there were always paragliders? She wasn’t sure but she knew someone who would know. Someone who had told her that Rafe had been spending a lot of time in the air recently.
Dante. And because of the neurologist’s meeting with Renato, she just so ha
ppened to have the man’s number programmed into her cell phone...
CHAPTER ELEVEN
RAFE’S BOOTS TOUCHED down on a sparsely populated section of the beach, and he ran several feet to keep his balance while his paraglider continued to descend. When it finally drifted to the ground he shut his eyes, jaws clenched tight against the tide of emotion that rushed in.
Hell, instead of making him feel better, the two-hour flight had made him feel worse.
She doesn’t want a relationship with you, Rafe. It’s as obvious as the red on your paraglider.
She’d seemed softer after they’d had sex in the exam room. And then something had shifted in the two-day break afterward. Instead of talking it out and asking why, he had let her get in that car and drive out of his life.
And he couldn’t get the damn image of her pale features out of his head. There had been something off about her behavior that day. But unless he wanted to confront her and demand to know what it was, he was stuck.
Or was he?
He unhooked himself from the harness and quickly stretched out his paraglider wing until it lay flat. Then, folding the material back on itself until it was a manageable size, he took the stuff sack from his back. Then he loaded the craft into it and wound the cord until everything was stowed away. In the process, he came to a decision.
He wasn’t going to fly away from his problems any more. Because they were always waiting for him when he came back down. If things were over with Cassie, then they were going to be really over. And that meant getting closure. The closure he’d never gotten when his parents had died.
He would head over to Cassie’s apartment and ask some direct questions. And then, if he was right, and she no longer wanted to see him, he would be done.
Shouldering the pack, he turned to walk down the beach, only to be stopped in his tracks. Because there stood the person he’d just been agonizing over. The person he’d come here to forget.
He dragged a hand through his hair, not quite trusting his eyes. When he looked closer, though, she was still there.