by Mia Ford
He tries to loosen me up by pushing a little deeper each time which is a little uncomfortable but nothing bad. Not until he draws a lazy circle in my nubbin, pushing near to the edge that he pushes all the way in.
"Luke!"
The pain cuts through me in an unimaginable, mind numbing feeling.
He stays still, whispering in my ears. It helps me distract from the pain until it ebbs to a distant memory.
I pivoted around to tests if stills hurt and it does sting a little but nothing like before.
"Alright, you can move now."
Luke asks a couple of times if he can actually and I assure him I won't break if he does.
Little do I know how I am.
After a while, all niceties fly out the window. Luke pulls all the way out to slam back in. The feeling of him filling me up is a foreign feeling in my body yet beautiful.
"Luke!" I complain making him laugh.
He hooks one leg over the crook of his arm for me to accommodate his size better. From there, he buries himself deep making me forget my name.
He only asks if I will be okay if he goes faster and after my approval, we both lose ourselves in oblivion.
My worlds are shaken hard and fast until we're grasping each other's names.
"Look at me, Olivia."
The moment our eyes meet is the same moment we let our love making burst into a white-hot fury. We hold onto each other for dear life as our body wracks with the force of our love.
*
Luke prepare us a warm bath, filling the tub with warm water with relaxing salt to it. The scent of scented candle not only helps with the relaxation but also casts a romantic lighting. After that, Luke allow me a couple of hours of sleep before waking me up with hot kisses. From then on, we try every position. One is when he makes love to me slowly to the side and then fast and rough when I'm on top of him.
It's already mid-afternoon when we wake up, my body aching in delicious places.
He's not there beside me when I fully wake up unlike when I'm dozing in and out of sleep, playing unconsciously with my hair. Nevertheless, I can smell the smoke of bacon and egg in the air.
There's a note on the night stand with his cursive writing written classically.
I'll have the breakfast ready soon, sweet.
I smile at the letter, rereading it and again.
Finally, I manage to make it to the shower and rinse myself decently then throws on one of his t-shirt and boxers. I slowly descend downstairs, wincing every step of the way.
I spot him skilfully work around his well-equip kitchen in nothing but his pyjama pants, bare feet. He's still hair slightly damp from shower making me thankful that I force myself to go for one myself.
"I include it in the note for you to stay there, sweet." He says without looking up.
I shake my head for thinking that I can ever sneak up on him.
"I can't just sit still. I'll feel like a damsel in distress."
He looks up from what he's doing, the afternoon light catching his eyes. They were the color of pale blue, gone is the harshness I always see in them.
Frowning, he says, "You're too hard headed for a damsel in distress, my love."
My heart skips a beat at his chosen endearment.
"Is that a bad thing?" I raise my brows.
His eyes grow hooded, "It can be."
Just like that, we make a memory to his magazine model kitchen as well.
Chapter Ten
Luke
Some things are better off undiscovered. That way it'll be nice and intact to a place where it fits to be. But with so many skeletons I keep dumping on my closet, they're now coming out slowly. I can't keep them hidden anymore; it's getting hard to maintain it and pretend they're never there.
I've been playing the hero role lately that even I deceive myself from believing it's true. Now I'm paying the price for dreaming.
"Does she know that you have a child from one of your whore, Luke?"
I don't know how or why but I keep finding myself to a place I want to bury along with my black and white pass. But it's like running in a circle inside a maze; you'll always end up in a spot you've been.
The blinding light makes the pounding in my temple worsen, making it harder for me to form a coherent thought.
"Or do you keep her in the dark as well?"
Despite the boosts, I've consumed for the past couple of days, I can still process the image of the face I never want to see. He's the reason why my family falls apart. He's the reason why I fucking try so hard to be where I am now. And for what?
I only find out later that no matter what I do, Dawson Hemmington will never be a father I need him to be. I'm sorry that I continue to waste all my life trying to live up as the ideal son. And in the end, the very person I hold so much hate from becomes me.
My tongue heavy, I try to speak but to no avail.
The little asshole laughs, enjoying himself. It's not every day he gets to see me beyond my organized and collected world.
"Think you did your worse already? Well, why not go ahead and be a man, big bro. Tell her that you kill your son's mother so you can keep your dirty little secret."
His taunting's sucking me back to that day where her body lays motionless on the floor, eyes vacant.
There's not a day where she doesn't haunt me. Those smiling brown eyes that glow with so much warmth or how her eyes will crinkle by the corner with so much smiling and not a single in the world she has is no more. They're filmy and unseeing. For years, it has me drinking myself to stupor, but when I realize that it won't numb the pain away, I try to end my life. But Isaac saves me from that dark moment, walking in on me with the most innocent eyes.
"I'm going to be late for school."
I can't help but remember how those simple little statements pull me up to my feet.
"Go ahead, why don't you?" He taunts after fishing out for his phone, taking pictures of me that could ruin me and everything I build so hard.
Well, I guess this is where I'm heading at the end of the day anyway. Just got a little too early than anticipated. The asshole got a few steps ahead of me; I give him that.
Chapter Eleven
Olivia
Luke and I agree on still living in our houses although he insists I move in with his already. He points out all the logic why it's smart to move in with him and almost persuade me to it. But I manage to hold my ground even through his different tactics on convincing me. Yes, that includes the delicious part which is hard for me. But after a while, he stops bringing the subject and just enjoys each other's company whenever we drop by to our rightful places.
He's been to my studio type of an apartment making it smaller than it is with his towering height. He moves around cautiously, but he never makes a single comment about it. We sit on the roof of my window one night watching the stars since it's a good weather then we get to cuddle in one blanket because it's the beginning of fall.
Vice versa, in his house we have a movie marathon with lots of snacks or enjoy a cup or two of wine. Some days we read in silence, and there are also days where we don't see each other fully to focus on paper works. My work mates notice his extra special treatment on me which I ask him to keep down. Asking him that small favor is like asking a wall.
This past week that went by is the first time in forever that we get separated for so long. He informs me that he'll have a week of business dealing overseas, but it's already Monday, and he hasn't come around. I leave him a couple of messages, but it's his record that always picks up.
I keep telling myself not to jump to conclusion, but I have this sick feeling in my guts. Lorina reassures me that Luke's fine and that he does this now and then when work gets too busy. I hold on to her every word hoping that she's right.
It doesn't help that my worry is messing up with my sleep pattern and eating. Lately, I keep waking up dizzy and nauseous due to lack of sleep. The sight of food makes me want to throw up.
Austin o
ffers to bring me to the doctor one time when I come across him heading home. He drives me to the nearest clinic, and that's when my world falls apart.
My feet dangle as I sit in a patient's bed with Austin keeping me company. He's been kind and helpful, offering help where he can.
Finally, the doctor, Ms. Faustina comes with the result, a big smile on her face reassuring me that I'm perfectly fine just over fatigue.
"Alright, Olivia. I'm pleased to be the one to congratulate you for your first child."
My breath's knock out of my chest, making my head spin.
"Congratulations, Mr. and Mrs. Hemmington." She says joviantly.
*
The days blur uneventful. After that afternoon Austin drop me off, he offers to stick around in case I need help, but I manage to kick him out after a while of convincing him. I mope in my room waiting for a call I never get.
Until one day...
I fall asleep in an awkward position, waking up to a blaring sound of my ringtone. My heart is drumming; I don't bother to look at the caller because I know who's it going to be. Except not.
"Hey, Liv. It's Austin..." I try to listen to what he's saying, but I only got a few words since I keep dozing off. The only thing I can comprehend is that we'll have to meet up. He sounds urgent, so I guess it's important.
As if guessing that I never really listen to our conversation even with my response to his every question I never actually hear, he texts me where and when to meet up.
I try to make myself look at least as decent as I can, taking the taxi to town where I meet up with Austin in a French cafe. He's already sitting at the back when I arrive. He got up and assists me to my seat.
"I didn't mean to pull you out in the forbidden hour with this deadly weather, but it's essential Liv." With the way, his eyes keep watching my expression with weariness has my stomach sinking.
"This has to do with, Luke?"
He nods, grim.
I steal myself.
Wordlessly, he glides an envelope I fail to notice. "This is for the best, Liv."
I open it with a heavy heart, finding pictures of what looks like a beautiful woman once, lying cold on the floor. Her lips purple blue, her skin ashen grey. My stomach heaves at each angle of pictures taken and wonders how this woman connects to Luke or me for that matter.
At last, I come across a newspaper where the woman fits into the picture along with Luke.
Each word is like a knife being stab on me.
Unable to hold it anymore, I throw the empty content of my stomach until I can't anymore.
Chapter Twelve
Olivia
A year later…
My stupidity got me knock-up and heart broken, but it only lasts too long for me to bounce back on my feet. But my bundle of joy pulls me back to life. I realize when I nearly lose my daughter that I have to wake up from my delusion. My daughter needs me, and that's when I finally realize that there's use of crying my heart out for nonsense.
Luke makes it obvious that he has nothing to do with me or our daughter. Swallowing my pride, for the sake of my daughter, I contact him. He's apparently drunk, telling me he has no connection with me or my baby. Just when thought that my wound cannot be anymore beat a new, he goes ahead and beat at it far worse.
Austin helps me move forward. He finds us a secure place to settle and keeps us fed. He drops by now and then to inquire if we're holding up or if there's anything else he can do which is a sweetheart of him. He'll have nothing of my reassurance, and so I just let him do what he always does. My daughter's very fond of him in fact.
After a year that goes by, the last person I expect to see is him. I mean, I do see him in entertainment news now and then as well as in magazines but never again in person. I just finish buying milk formula and diaper when a hand grabs me by the elbow. My immediate reaction is to call for help, but one word from him and the fight drains out of me.
He spins me around, making me glimpse for the first time in forever those swirling mists of in between grey and icy blue orbs.
"I need to talk to you."
A dry, humorless laugh escapes my lips. "Now you want to talk?"
He regards me with a long hard look before deciding to throw me over his shoulder like he uses to do in the past, not caring of the little audience that he draws.
I gain a lot of weights after Ophelia, but he carries me as if I weigh the same as before. He deposits me on his black sports car and quickly got around the other side to lock us in. I'm too shocked to come up with an idea to escape. As he drives away, all I can think of is my daughter.
*
Luke turns off my phone, leaving me with no means of communicating from the outside world but his fortress. His opens the door with me beating his back and him spamming me on the buttocks. She jumps in surprise but asks nothing but offer her assistance in any way.
"Have a long vacation, Ms. Delhia until I summon you."
I scowl at his choice of word, glaring at him. Delhia silently slips upstairs and comes back a moment later with a few of her things with that she's out of the door.
He locks the door, making my heart drums like crazy.
I keep looking at my phone in his pocket thinking of a way to get it from him and yet at the same time not wanting to put the spotlight on my daughter. He makes it clear that he's nothing to do with my daughter. Why he's bugging me now, I don't know.
Running his hand through his hair, a habit he never really takes off.
"How do I begin, Olivia?"
Even after all this time, I can't help but shiver at the mention of my name in those sinful lips that whispers dirty promises on my ears after a satiating love making.
I purse my lips tight, refusing to talk.
He sighs, loosening his neck tie and unbuttoning the first three buttons of his dark polo. He rolls the sleeves up as if getting ready for a fight.
"I have a lot to set right, but that won't begin until I have you compliant and all ears."
I should have known that he'll use everything in his power to get what he wants...
*
"I'm sure that Austin's already enlightened you with his poisonous lies." He starts, staring off outside the window, his back to me.
My voice comes out cold, unfeeling. "Don't taint your brother's kindness just because you want to redeem yourself, Hemmington."
He's quiet for a while, and when he starts to speak again, it's as if he never hears me.
"The woman you saw in the picture," his words hang heavy opening my wounds fresh. Just when it's starting to heal he opens it again to salt it. He turns around to put more impact to the blow. "She's my fiancé." A bitter smile crosses his face, not reaching his eyes that swirls with grey at the memory.
"Or I'd like to think before because that same fiancé of mine married my best-friend and got a son along the way. They were happy for a while until he became deep in gambling, alcohol, and women."
I school my face to an emotionless expression, but I'm finding it hard every word he draws.
"Kelly falls into depression and commit suicide."
Finally, my will crumbles, making melt into a hopeless heap of a bawling mess.
But he's too lost in his memory to notice or else he will have come to me and hold me in his arms. That's just how it is even now.
"I'm a little too late just like I always was with my mom. Both of them a similar death. I don't know how broken can I be anymore but so suddenly, their son Isaac barely five years old saves me from my death myself. He stands there innocent, reminding me of myself. Ever since my mom died, I swore to myself not to put anyone in that situation. It's dark in that place and cold."
How am I supposed to hold my grudge to a man I become to hate? How can he change my mind so easily without effort? And what about me? My daughter, who he left, can I forgive him easily for that?
His eyes lose that distant look in them, looking at me now this time. "Time and time again I will play in mind whether I got your p
hone call that day. I was out of myself, drinking myself to death. After some time, I figure that you called. I debate with myself if I intrude in your life after all the misery I've caused you already. Most of all, I'm so afraid to befall the same fate on you and our daughter. I thought you both are better off without me. It's safer that way..." he hangs his head low, hands shaking.
"Then why did you come back?" is my croaky question, one that's been burning to ask.
He looks up, pain and misery playing in those eyes. "I've been looking everywhere for you both. I lift up rocks and around the world, but I can't track you down. It's until I have Austin followed that I finally found you both."
"How long have you known?"
"A month."
"What took you so long to approach?" I don't know why I'm asking this question trying to give him the chance to give me a good reason.
"Because of fuck it, Olivia. I will make you mine, whether I have to carry you over my shoulder to the altar I will do it."
My temper rise. "You don't have the right to leave and then make yourself welcome out of nowhere, Luke. You lost the chance!"
He doesn't miss a beat. "Once I have everything sort out I will move you and my daughter here, Olivia. I will marry you first and work hard for your forgiveness." He says each word in a slow deliberate manner as if I have a hard time understanding him if he speaks normally.
Fighting him when he's stubborn like this won't get me anywhere.
Chapter Thirteen
Olivia
With his money and influence, he can do whatever the heck he pleases, and that includes having my daughter stolen out of our house without effort.
Despite his flaws, I can't deny him his place in my daughter's life, set aside my personal feelings for him. He holds her with such tenderness as if he's afraid of breaking her. She's sleeping comfortably in his arms without a care in the world. I ache at the sight of them, of the year that they miss together.