by A. J. Downey
“You don’t have to worry about hurting my feelings, babe. We do this at your pace.”
“Yeah, but I don’t even know what ‘this’ is,” I said, and unhappy frustration crept into my voice.
“Shhh,” he soothed. “You don’t have to define it. It doesn’t need a name or a label. You want your space, you tell me to get the fuck out and go to my room.”
I choked on a shocked little laugh.
“I’m not grounding you,” I said.
He chuckled, “Didn’t work anyway, even when I was a kid, but I mean it. You want time to yourself or some space, just tell me you need your space. Otherwise, I figure I can stay with you at night, we can fool around if you want. If you don’t, we don’t.”
“That sounds an awful lot like a relationship,” I said suspiciously.
“It does, doesn’t it?”
“You don’t do relationships,” I said dryly.
“Correction, I didn’t want to do relationships.”
“And now all of a sudden you do?” I asked, stunned, wondering how on earth plain old me could suddenly change his mind.
“I wouldn’t mind giving it a go, if it’s what you want.”
“You would change for me, just like that?”
“Not for you,” he said softly. “I only change for me. You just came along and made it seem like it might be a good idea.”
I stared at him, mystified as to how that could possibly even be a thing. He reached up and pulled me down gently so that he could kiss me. I closed my eyes again and sank into it, bathing in the sensation, in his warmth, and clean, masculine scent. I lay back down, my ear over his heart and listened to the steady thrum of it. Strong, sure, and even, the way he’d been for me since I’d come clean about what’d happened to me before we’d met.
“I don’t understand that at all,” I said softly.
“I don’t always get it myself, but what’s honestly not to like about you, babe? You’re beautiful, you’re smart, you don’t take any shit, you keep the place clean, you’re a half-decent cook when it’s your nights to cook, and my family likes you.”
I scoffed. “Pretty sure Maria hates me.”
He laughed. “Maria is bound to hate everyone I choose but she hasn’t screamed at you or tried to knock your block off; that pretty much means she likes you. Plus, I was more going off what Manolo thinks of you, and my twin. If Angel didn’t like you, that’d pretty much be it. Dude’s like a dog that way. He likes you, you’re good people; he doesn’t, and, well, sorry, you gotta go.”
I giggled and stuffed a hand against my mouth to keep from outright laughing. Golden’s chest shuddered beneath me with a laugh of his own.
“What’s so funny?”
“I’m sorry, it’s just… with as much as you sleep around, you compare your twin to being a dog?”
He laughed outright then and said, “Okay, okay, I’ll give you that one.” I swallowed hard and he tipped my chin so I would look up at him. His eyes were very serious when he asked, “What was that for?”
“You promise I’m not boring in that department?”
He smiled and it was genuine. “Baby, you’re my new favorite thing to do.”
I felt my face crack into an unexpected smile and he sat up, turning me onto my back, kissing and nuzzling the side of my neck until my breath caught, and fell ragged from my lips.
“Let me show you again,” he whispered in my ear and drove every bit of self-consciousness out of my head with his lips, hands, and well-placed gentle nips of his teeth. One thing I had to give him was that he was definitely good at sex.
The next morning I woke to Golden settling himself on the edge of my bed, a cup of coffee in his hands.
“Hi,” I murmured sleepily. “What time is it?”
“Hey, and it’s nine-thirty.”
“Mm, guess I’m not going in today,” I murmured.
He chuckled, “Good thing you told Avery it was a possibility?”
I swore and groped for my phone while he waited patiently for me to call in. I talked to Avery briefly; she laughingly brushed me off, saying I was the boss and I really didn’t have to be there every Saturday. I laughed and admitted that was true. She had Sunday and Monday off, Jeremy was only Monday through Friday. I really only needed to be there on Monday and four other days of the week. Things had eased up enough that I really could contemplate making my sixth working day of the week an administrative day from home, crunching numbers, paying suppliers, dealing with all the things that didn’t require my presence at the shop to do.
I hung up and set my phone aside and took the proffered coffee from my lover’s hands. I smiled around the rim of the mug as I took that first, blissful, caffeinated sip. His hand, once free, naturally gravitated to the outside of my thigh, kneading through the blankets from my hip to just above my knee and back again. I sighed in contentment, and after enjoying it a minute, carefully shoved myself up into a sitting position so I could enjoy my coffee more and look him in the eye.
He raised an eyebrow and I smiled impishly once more from around the rim of my coffee mug when the sheet slipped and I didn’t bother with trying to cover up. I mean, why? He’d seen it all only hours ago and hadn’t given me a bit of cause to regret it. At least not yet. I shoved the pessimistic thought aside and simply tried to enjoy it.
“Any thoughts on what you would like to do today?” he asked smoothly.
“None, actually. I have a really bad habit lately of not making plans or thinking beyond the next few minutes.”
He gave me an amused look, “Nothing wrong with that.”
“I guess not,” I said, but I still didn’t know how things were going to work from now on, with us living together and these latest developments, I mean, Yikes.
“How long have you even been up?” I asked, changing the subject.
“An hour or so. Figured we could get a shower, maybe go grab something to eat. What do you say?”
“I say that sounds fantastic. I’m starving.”
“You care for some company in the shower, or..?” he trailed off, raising an eyebrow and I realized he was seriously not taking anything for granted, that he really intended to ask or give me some sort of notice for anything intimate. I appreciated that more than words could say, so I didn’t say anything. I leaned forward and put my lips to his and hoped he couldn’t taste the slightly bitter edge of sadness to it.
It hurt my heart that he felt he had to go to such lengths, and it hurt my heart even more that he honestly wasn’t wrong to feel that way. The sadness was chased back by a pang of anger at Ray for breaking me down so far and locking me into a prison of fear and mistrust. I vowed that I wouldn’t stay. I could escape those confines, couldn’t I?
“Hey, what’s going on in there?” Golden asked softly, his fingertips caressing over my unkempt hair, his thumb sliding gently along my temple.
I closed my eyes and decided that the first order of business for this particular prison break was trust. I told him what I’d been thinking, and he smiled slightly and nodded.
“You’re an incredible woman, you know that?” he asked.
“No.”
“Well, you are. Incredibly self-aware, and that takes a hell of a lot of bravery.”
I swallowed hard and again tried to change the subject by saying, “I think I would very much like that shower together,” and his smile grew.
“Your place or mine?” he asked.
I smiled and said, “Mine.”
“Okay, go get it started and I’ll meet you in there.”
I smiled back, “Sounds good.”
I finished my coffee in three big gulps as he stood and went across the hall into his room wearing nothing but his boxer-briefs from the night before. I slid out of my bed and took the time to make it really quickly before grabbing down two of my towels from my closet and going into my bathroom. I started the water running and he slipped into the bathroom behind me with towels of his own, making an appreciative noise as
I bent over to pull up on the little knob on top of the faucet to start the shower.
I laughed and straightened, whisking the curtain closed against the spray. His hands fell on my shoulders and he stepped up warm against me, placing a chaste kiss against one.
“You’re a beautiful woman, Lys.”
“Thank you,” I said softly. “You’re a devilishly handsome man.”
“Devilishly, huh?” he asked, amusement in his voice.
“Mm-hm.”
“That’s cool, I’ll take it.”
He held back the curtain so that I could get in then joined me, pulling it shut. His hands went to my waist and he stepped into my space and I welcomed him with open arms. We kissed as the shower spray wet my hair, slicking it back from my face and plastering the strands to my back.
We didn’t go much beyond kissing or heavy petting because I was sort of tender and sore from the night before, and he was totally cool with that, which was nice. When we finished up and went to get out, he handed me my towels first.
“Dress for the ride and not for the slide, Chica,” he said with a wink, opening the bathroom door. I smiled and laughed a little as I finished running my brush through my wet hair.
“A ride sounds lovely,” I called after him, despite how I ached where my legs met my body.
I took the time to put my hair into a French braid before going to my room. I dressed in jeans and a nice blouse, swishing hangers along the rod until I came to my leather coat. I shrugged into it and slung my purse across my chest just as he knocked on my doorframe.
“Ready to go?”
“Yeah,” I agreed and he held out his hand. I took it and stepped across the carpet in the same pair of boots he'd selected for me the last time he’d taken me out on the bike.
We walked at a leisurely pace to the garage and chatted comfortably about how to spend the rest of the day, both agreeing that a lazy Sunday was in order. Even though it was Saturday by the calendar, it was Sunday for us. Although, I was sorely tempted to make mine a three-day-weekend. Even though he had work tomorrow night, I felt like I could use some time to decompress.
That wasn’t to say I wasn’t loving every minute of the time I got to spend with Golden, because I was; I just had some introverted tendencies. Likely, it was the byproduct of spending so much of my time alone in the last couple of years during my marriage to Ray. Maybe, I’d always been this way. I don’t know, I couldn’t ever remember a time where I didn’t take time to get lost in a book or a show by myself, after spending time with other people. It was like I needed it to recharge. Likewise, if I spent too much time alone or on my own, I started to crave human contact and cuddles. I didn’t know what it meant, I just knew it was how I was and that sometimes it was hard for me, because I always seemed to be lacking in either one or the other with little balance.
“You’re thinking awfully hard over there,” Golden remarked as we prepared to get on his motorcycle in the garage.
“It’s like I can’t stop worrying about everything, I don’t know what my problem is,” I told him truthfully.
“Sounds like anxiety, and I get it, believe me, I do. You’ve been catching a lot of curve balls out of life in a pretty short amount of time.” He picked up my hand from where it was loose at my side and raised it to his lips, lightly kissing the pad of each fingertip while never taking those dark, obsidian eyes off of mine.
I felt my pussy clench and the vague soreness that accompanied it reminded me I needed a time out for a while. I wasn’t used to so much sex after not having any for so long. I blushed furiously and he winked.
“Bet you’ll feel more yourself after some food; it’s been a while since dinner last night.”
“You’re probably right,” I said. “Where are we going?”
“Saturday brunch at the 10-13. Reflash puts on one hell of a spread, anything your heart could desire.” He got on his bike and patted the seat behind him as he started it up. I got on and held on and he patted my hands where they rested on his stomach, and took us up and out of the garage.
The ride to the 10-13 was far too short and I realized I really, really, loved riding with him. It was something I hoped we would be able to do more of and I was startled to realize I wanted that. I wanted to be able to make plans beyond the next few hours or days. I was just scared to. I’d done it once and it’d ended so badly…
“Woah-ho! Twice, bringing the same beautiful lady through our door. That’s gotta be some kind of a record, son.”
“Yeah, shut it, old man,”
I smiled at the older Hispanic man who was behind the bar, dropping a steel bin of pancakes into a frame over some sterno.
He dropped a stainless-steel domed lid on it and grinning said, “Get yourself some plates and get it while it’s hot. Go on up into the banquet room, we’re a full house this morning.”
“You got it, VP.”
“Come see you in a minute,” he called back, going into the kitchen. I looked around and he was right. It was pretty full in here, the bar set up like a buffet. Golden fell into line and handed me a plate and silverware.
I smiled at him and nodded and helped myself to pancakes, breakfast sausage, and fresh fruit. Golden fixed himself a plate of eggs, sausage, and bacon with a couple of English muffins and jam. He waited for me while I got a little stainless-steel mini-pitcher of maple syrup and then wound his way through the people waiting to get their food towards the fishbowl they’d had their meeting in. He held the door for me and I slipped through and when it shut behind us, it was blessedly quieter.
“Have a seat anywhere, Chica.”
I slid into one of the many vacant seats along the smooth, glossy table and he joined me, taking a seat beside mine. The food was really good, the companionship quiet and comfortable. I sighed in contented satisfaction and Golden looked at me, a happy expression of chill contentment mirrored in his eyes. We broke into a fit of nonsensical giggles.
“Food good?” he asked just as the door scraped open. We both looked up and the cook came through, smiling.
“I heard that, and I’d really like to know, little lady.”
“Oh, it’s fantastic,” I said, finishing a bite of pancake.
“All right! That’s what I like to hear!” He pulled out a chair at the end of the table and sat down with a gusty sigh.
“Long morning?” I asked, smiling, trying to be polite.
“Yeah, always is around here. Name’s Reflash.” He held out a hand and I smiled and took it, shaking warmly.
“Alyssa, but everyone calls me Lys.”
“Nice to meet you, Lys. You know you got the lot of us curious.”
“I do?”
Golden interjected, “Come on, man, give her a break,” he said, rolling his eyes. He turned to me and said, “Reflash is the Indigo Knights’ vice president. He owns half this place with our president, Skids.”
“Oh, that must be nice,” I said, and cringed inwardly at how lame it must have sounded.
“Yeah, we’ve been best friends for thirty years or more.”
“Oh, wow.”
“They might as well be married to each other,” Golden cracked.
“Well, if we are, it’s one of them poly situations, because both of us is married to this place, first.”
I laughed. “Sort of the nature of owning your own business,” I agreed.
“You got your own?” he asked.
I nodded, “I own a florist shop. A little place, only me and two employees.”
“Oh, yeah? Where at?”
“Around six blocks from our place,” Golden said and I was surprised. He’d said ‘our’ place, not ‘his’ place, and the phrasing suffused me with warmth at the same time my nerves fizzed to life.
Was it too soon? Should I even be going there? I mean, maybe he didn’t mean it that way. Technically I live there, so it is ‘ours’ in that I pay rent, too. Yeah, that’s all he meant. You’re reading far too much into this, girl. Slow down.
S
low down.
Easier said than done.
23
Golden…
She’d suddenly become quieter, more subdued after the short chat with Reflash and I could almost see the wheels turning in her head. Not only that, I was pretty sure I detected some smoke. I knew she had to be going through a lot inside. The girl was pro at second- and third-guessing herself, and after what her douchebag ex pulled, I didn’t think she would ever trust anyone completely again. I had to be patient, but patience wasn’t my strong suit. That was my twin’s department.
I didn’t say anything. Not at the restaurant, not on the ride home, not on the walk from the garage to the apartment, and not even when we closed the door on the outside world again. I simply stood in my living room with Lys’s hand in mine and searched her face, waiting her out. She didn’t look like she knew what to do with herself, and honestly, that made two of us. She looked tired and I suggested, “You should go put something comfortable on, maybe take a nap.”
She nodded and said, “I feel tired, not bad, just tired, and pajamas sound fabulous. I feel like I ate way too much.”
I laughed a little and said, “Easy to do, when it comes to food prepared by Reflash’s kitchen. What do you say? Your place or mine?”
“How about ours?” she suggested softly.
Ah. I think I figured out what was bothering her. I touched the side of her face gently and smiled. “As in, maybe cuddle on the couch, and find something on TV?”
She smiled broadly. “You’re a mind reader.”
“Shh, don’t tell anyone.” I winked and she laughed and it was a good sound.
“Go on, go get changed. I will, too.”
“Okay,” she said softly, almost shyly and she moved for her room. I figured it was going to be this way. Three steps forward, two steps back. Still, even knowing, it wasn’t any less frustrating. I didn’t know how to broach the topic, so for now, I let it lie, but questioned myself over whether it was the right thing to do. I mean, not communicating about these things could lead to some serious problems, but we were having such a nice weekend together, I didn’t want to bring anything up that could or would fuck it up.