by T. S. Joyce
Brighton grinned and jerked his chin in a greeting as he played a solo on his guitar. Emerson had heard they were good, but now she realized she’d truly been missing out by avoiding Sammy’s.
On the way to the bar, she was nearly squished to oblivion as she played the ball in a perfumed pinball machine of women.
Bash stood a head taller than everyone around him, and as Willa told her, “I’m going to get you another shot,” Emerson came to a stop just to take him in.
Women swarmed around him like bees on a hive, but he couldn’t look less interested if he tried. He wore a slight frown in his dark eyebrows, and his eyes had lightened from forest green to a blazing lime green that made her heart stutter in her chest. His jet-black hair was messy on top, and his facial scruff trimmed short. His gray T-shirt was tight through the chest and shoulders, and there was a dark spot across the front, as though someone had spilled on him. He leaned forward to listen to one of the ladies beside him, but when she yelled something against his ear, he winced like it hurt and clenched his jaw so hard a muscle twitched there.
She’d never seen a more stunning man in her life.
“Bash,” she said at normal volume, just to experiment.
Bash’s gaze collided with hers instantly, and his lips transformed into a breathtaking smile.
“’Scuse me, ladies,” he murmured as he detached from three sets of claws and made his way to her.
Emerson’s heart drummed hard enough to rattle her chest as he approached.
“Hey,” she said when he squared up to her.
His hands slid onto her waist, and he pulled her in for a hug. “Damn, it’s good to see you.”
She closed her eyes and hugged his neck. “You, too.” She meant that with her whole heart. “Thank you for the barbecue.”
He eased back, blazing eyes eager. “Did you like the present?”
“I freaking loved it! So, I was thinking—”
“Time’s up,” a brunette in bright red lipstick announced, pulling on Bash’s arm.
He gritted his teeth and let off a low growl. The woman must not have noticed because she kept tugging at his bicep, but Emerson was close enough to feel the vibration on the air. She rested her hand on his chest, and the sound settled. “It’s okay. This is what you’re here for. I’ll ask you my question later.”
Bash pulled his arm out of the woman’s grasp and cupped the back of Emerson’s neck. For a brilliant, heart-pounding moment, she thought he was going to kiss her, but he lowered his lips beside her ear instead. “This isn’t like I thought it would be.”
“What do you mean?” she asked breathlessly.
His chest heaved under her palms. “I thought I would be happier on the hunt, but I just want to hang out with you.” His lips brushed her ear, and she went weak against him, leaning heavily. “Layla, I choose her,” he said to the blond bartender trying to keep up with everyone’s drink orders.
“Finally,” Layla called with a wink. “Anyone else?”
“Me!” several woman around them said, raising their hands.
“Just her,” Bash said with a hard look for the brunette pawing at his arm again. He swung his gaze back to Emerson. “Ask me quick.”
“Oh! Uh, I was wondering if maybe after this you wanted to come over and have some of the barbecue you got me.”
His face went completely slack so she backpedaled. “If not, it’s no big deal.”
“No, no! I want that,” he said as he was dragged away. “It’s a date. A friend-date. Willa,” he called across the bar. He twitched his head toward Emerson.
“I’m on it!” Willa yelled, and when Emerson looked up, the tiny red-head was crawling down the bar top on her hands and knees, pushing two sloshing shot glasses across the shiny surface in front of her. She was getting nowhere fast.
With a laugh, Emerson waved to Bash, then snaked her way through the crowd toward the bar to make Willa’s apparent job as bodyguard a little easier.
“Oh, my God,” Willa groaned as Emerson reached her. “This is crazy. Who knew dangling a set of bear balls in front of the groupies would result in pussypalooza. Look at these crazies.” Willa leaned back on the bar top, her legs folded under her as she looked exhausted and downed another shot of orange juice. “No offense.”
Emerson snorted, took the offered shot of whiskey out of her hand, and downed it. “None taken. This is my first time here, and I just came because Bash invited me.”
“Yeah, come on bear-tamer. Bash said you’re some kind of recluse and in need of friends.” When Willa slid off the counter, her black miniskirt hiked up, exposing some purple striped cotton panties. She didn’t look embarrassed, though. Instead she gave a statuesque, sandy-haired man up near the stage a wink as she straightened her skirt back into place and murmured, “The trick to getting a hot man to bone you is granny panties and glasses.”
Okay then.
Following along closely, she nearly bumped into the back of Willa when she stopped in front of a pair of oversize tables with a group of people sitting around them. The speaker was turned off on this side of the stage, so it was quieter here, and one by one, Willa introduced Emerson to her Gray Back Crew. Emerson shook all their hands and committed their names to memory. Creed, Gia, Jason, Georgia, Matt, and some of the bears were back at the Grayland Mobile Park. Damon and Clara had a kiddo with a bedtime, and Beaston and Aviana were due any day now. Willa leaned closer and called over the music, “You’ll have to meet Bash’s Boarlanders later. Clinton pitched a huge fit when he found out about this, and he and Harrison bled the shit out of each other, so Audrey is back at the trailer park cleaning up the mess, and Mason and Kirk are in no-man’s land.” Willa pointed her wormy nails to where Bash was talking to a couple of titans with solemn looks on their faces. “They’re trying to keep order so Bash can meet everyone, but I’m calling it now. There is no way he will meet everyone tonight.”
“Yeah, the line is almost all the way around the building,” Emerson said. “I feel bad, though. Bash asked me to help him pick some good potentials.”
“Ha! Bash isn’t picking anyone but you tonight. Look at him.” Willa jerked her chin toward the bar.
Sure enough, Bash’s eyes were on Emerson. She answered his smile with one of her own and pointed to the hallway with the restroom sign over it.
Yes, he mouthed with a nod.
“Go get your man!” Willa whooped with a sound smack on Emerson’s ass.
“Anyone need another drink?” Emerson asked, happy to be talking with actual people instead of pretend friends.
“Tell Layla and Kong we’ll take another round when they get the chance. We’d sure appreciate it,” the dark-haired alpha of the Gray Backs said as he hugged his mate, Gia, tighter on his lap.
“Sure. I’ll be back!”
It wasn’t so crowded here near the stage, but the closer she got to the bar, the more congested it was with women desperate to get their two minutes with Bash.
When she reached the end of the bar top, Layla set another shot in front of her and winked. “For the chosen one.”
“Thank you!” Emerson called over the country song the Beck Brothers were playing. “The Gray Backs are ready for another round when you get a minute.”
“Yep, I’ll get on it. Thanks, girl.”
“Emerson,” she introduced herself, offering her hand for a shake.
“Layla. That big gorilla over there is Kong.”
“Your mate?”
“That’s right!” She wiped down the bar with a quick swipe of a damp rag and gave Emerson a little wave before she went back to work.
The third shot of the night downed, she hissed at the burn in her throat and made her way carefully through the crowd to the hallway just as Bash announced, “I have to take a leak!”
She giggled at the funny way he said things. Damn, she really liked him, and now he was shunning all those pretty ladies to come spend a stolen moment with her in the hallway. Or at least she’d thought t
hat was the plan until Bash came charging at her from the bar and ushered her into an office. He shut the door behind him and locked it, then pressed his forehead against the door and sighed. “This was a bad idea. How early do you think I can get out of this?”
“Bash! You’re supposed to be looking for your happily ever after.” Why was she encouraging this? She got green with jealousy every time she saw a woman paw at him.
He turned and crossed his arms, leaned back on the door. “My happily ever after don’t feel like it’s in that bar.”
“You’re the one who wants a mate,” she murmured, pressing her shoulder blades against the wall next to him.
“But you don’t.” It was a statement, not a question.
“I did before. I really, really wanted a partner, but it didn’t work out the way I planned. Some people don’t find their other half.”
“You ain’t dead, woman.”
“Bash…I have to tell you something.”
A knock sounded on the door, and a woman said in a whiney voice, “Baaaaaash. Come out and play.”
Bash threw the door a dirty look and then pulled Emerson between his splayed legs so close to him she could feel his warmth soaking into her skin.
“You look hot as fuck. And I know I shouldn’t say that stuff because Audrey says real ladies don’t like being talked to like that, but it’s the truth. I like your dress.” He fingered the tiny gold medallion necklace with her initials engraved on it—a gift from her sister for her last birthday. His finger brushed her skin, right above her breasts, and his eyes were locked on her collar bones. Bash’s intense attention dumped warmth between her legs.
“I like that compliment,” she admitted breathily. “I think you look hot as fuck, too.”
His gaze lifted to hers, and for a few moments, they stayed just like that, searching each other’s eyes, locked in that moment right before something big happens to change the foundation of a relationship.
He looked at her lips and leaned forward slowly, giving her plenty time to bolt. And with anyone else, she would have, but this was Bash. The man she’d had a crush on from afar for a long time, the man who she’d fallen head over heels for at the diner, the man who’d won her heart completely with his thoughtful barbecue present.
“Bash!” the woman yelled, banging on the door.
When Bash growled, Emerson couldn’t help herself. She lifted up on the balls of her feet and pressed her lips against his. He inhaled deeply and pulled her hand against his heart, pounding like a drum. When her palm was secure on his hard pec, he brushed his fingertips across her cheek, pushing her curls back. He angled his head the other way and straightened up, walked her backward as he gripped the back of her neck.
“I’m rough,” he said between soft kisses. “Too rough. You tell me when I hurt you. I don’t want that.”
Her legs were locking and knocking uncontrollably now as he backed her toward a desk. “You’re doing good,” she murmured against his lips. So good.
She’d been tipsy before thanks to the whiskey, but now she was utterly lost in this moment. Gripping his wrists to keep her balance, she parted her lips, and he slipped his tongue inside of her mouth. Something nagged at her as her butt hit the edge of the desk. She was supposed to tell him something. No! Enjoy the moment. The door was banging under multiple fists now. Tell him! His tongue touched hers again, and she melted completely against him. He deserves to know!
Guilt flooded her, and Emerson eased back, eyes closed, and rested her forehead on his.
“What’s wrong?” he asked. “You smell sad. I don’t want you sad.”
“I have to tell you something big, Bash.”
“Tell me. Tell me anything.” His voice was tainted with worry now.
Dipping her voice to a whisper, she said, “I’m going to have a baby.”
He eased back and cupped her cheeks. “Woman, I don’t know much about much, but I know we ain’t done enough to put a baby in you yet.”
“No, no, not your baby. I’m going to have someone else’s baby.”
Bash released her so fast she almost fell forward. He backed up a few steps, and his eyes looked so wary. “You cheating with me? You have a boyfriend? A husband?”
“No, it’s nothing like that.”
“But you’re pregnant?”
“Not yet, but I want to be.”
“I don’t understand, Emerson. I don’t understand.” Bash scrubbed his hand down his face and looked panicked as he backed himself against the door across the room from her.
“I’m going to go to the doctor and kind of…get a baby put in me so I can be a mother. It’s what I want more than anything.”
“But that’s what I want too. I want cubs.” He wasn’t looking at her anymore, but instead his gaze was on her heels, and he was angling his head, exposing his neck.
“Bash, I like you so much, but this was already something I had in the works before I met you.”
“But it’s different now, right? I could give you babies if you want them.”
“Oh, Bash, that is a beautiful offer, but I…” She sighed and looked at the ceiling, searching for inspiration to somehow explain this in a way that wouldn’t hurt him. “I talked to my doctor about a shifter being a donor, but she said we aren’t allowed.”
“I can’t be a dad?”
“You can. You can be a dad the natural way when you pick your mate and you’re sure about her.”
“When I’m sure about her. Emerson, I like you. My chest don’t hurt when I’m with you.”
Her eyes prickled with tears, and her face crumpled because she didn’t know if she was doing the right thing anymore. “Those men on the computer were sperm donors.”
He reared back like he’d been slapped by her hand. “I helped you pick a daddy, didn’t I?”
Her throat closed around the answer, so she nodded instead. “I’m going in at noon on Friday, and hopefully I’ll get pregnant. I’ll finally get a baby of my own. It has nothing to do with my feelings for you.”
Bash shook his head back and forth, back and forth. His hand rested on his stomach like he felt sick, and with one last look, he opened the door. Before he left, he turned and locked his eyes on hers. “I wish I was smarter so you would pick me.”
He disappeared through the door, and she doubled over her sob. Ridiculous man, he was so smart, so sweet, so perfect. Their timing had just been bad. If she didn’t do this, she was making the same mistake she had with Brian. She was giving another man power to postpone her bone-deep need to build a family. Sure, Bash thought he wanted a baby, but he was hunting for a mate, and if she wasn’t it, she could be back in this same position, full of regret and childless, in another two years…or even five or ten years.
At some point she had to go and get her happiness, and for her, having a child was the joy she’d waited so long for.
So why then did it feel like her happiness had just walked out that door?
Chapter Six
“You look like hell, man,” Harrison said over the noise of his idling chainsaw.
Bash cocked his eyebrows and looked pointedly at the long healing claw marks down the side of Harrison’s neck. His skin was splotched with purple bruising thanks to Clinton nicking an artery and causing massive damage. “You look like hell, Boss Bear.”
Harrison made a ticking sound and propped his foot on the log he’d just felled, then looked down the mountain at the evergreen valley below. “Clinton will fight you pairing up.”
“I can hear you, fuck-brains,” Clinton yelled.
“Flip me off one more time…” Bash dared him in a voice not even he recognized.
Clinton froze before retracting his stupid finger to his palm, then ripped his chainsaw cord and went back to work. Good call because, today, Bash’s normally playful bear wanted to kill everything.
“Talk to me,” Harrison said, cutting the motor of his chainsaw and sitting on a log.
Bash watched Kirk and Mason working below f
or a minute. They’d both been quick learners, and he and Harrison didn’t have to worry about them getting hurt as much anymore. Harrison patted the log. “Come on, Bash Bear.”
“Did talking help you?”
Harrison pulled his sunglasses off and hooked them onto the stretched collar of his damp, white T-shirt. He readjusted his hard hat, then gave Bash an icy blue look. “What do you mean?”
“Audrey knows everything about you.”
Harrison nodded. “A mate deserves to know everything. Even the bad parts.”
“She knows how your dad was, and how your bear don’t feel safe.”
Harrison’s eyes had gone hollow, but he nodded again.
“But you still patrol the border of our territory.”
“And I always will, because it’s a part of me. My bear thinks he’s keeping you and the boys safe by making sure our woods are quiet. But talking to Audrey, and sharing that burden with someone else, makes it to where I can patrol less. I sleep like a log beside her now where I used to get up fifteen times a night. I ain’t sayin’ talking about what hurts fixes everything, but it can help.”
“My chest hurts. I feel like I can’t breathe.”
“I can tell, man. You’ve been struggling for breath all day and wincing your face up where I’ve never seen anything but a smile. What happened last night?”
Bash stepped over the log and sat heavily next to his alpha. Resting his elbows on his knees, he said, “I think I picked a girl, but she don’t want me back.”
“Did she say that?”
Bash sighed and watched a pair of hawks flying across the sky. “I don’t know. I think so.”
“Well, women can be confusing.”
“Women will be the damned downfall of our trailer park!” Clinton called out un-helpfully.
“Shut up, Clinton,” Bash, Harrison, Mason, and Kirk all yelled at once.
“Tell me what she said,” Harrison said with a lingering dirty look for Clinton.
“We were kissing, and she seemed into it, but then she said she was gonna have a baby with another man. A man she picked on a website.”