Any delusions of self-control or power were instantly drained from me. I felt completely helpless. As helpless as a baby was certainly a fitting description since I found myself bawling and collapsing to my knees.
“I don’t understand!” I cried. “I just want to leave this place.”
The Stoaffer-thing took a step back and regarded me from the distance. After a few seconds, an expression of amused curiosity covered his face, and he said, “This is the part where most folks start begging and trying to make deals with me.”
I looked up at him from the floor and whined, “But I don’t even know who you are.”
In an instant, his face with its snake-like eyes was inches from my nose. “No idea? Come on, Thomas, take a guess! All the clues are right in front of you.”
I looked down and couldn’t force my eyes back up again. “I don’t know,” I sobbed.
He moved back as he said, “You do! Think about it, Thomas. What did that skinny old bitch in Sunday school tell you?”
His insistence that I should know turned my feebleness into anger and forced me to my feet.
“Stop with the fucking games! Just tell me who you are!” I shouted, and my sudden burst of courage and an-ger caught both of us by surprise.
After a moment, the smile of the Stoaffer-thing reappeared, and he said, “Well, yours is certainly an unusual reaction. Most of those with whom I deal never get beyond the bargaining stage. Another way in which you are clearly exceptional. However, Thomas, there is no need to get all worked up about not recognizing me. Just another example of the failing education system, I suppose.” The Stoaffer-thing chuckled at what he thought was a witty observation. “Never mind that. I will tutor you a bit. Why don’t you have a seat?”
He motioned toward a recliner as he sat on the edge of the couch near Theresa’s lifeless body. I stood still for moment contemplating how absurd everything was before giving in and sitting down.
He folded his hands on his lap and took a deep breath as if about to begin a long story. “Where to begin? Oh, I know! Let’s head back to Tabernacle Baptist Church.”
I was beyond the point of being surprised by his knowledge of my life and simply smiled.
In the next instant, we were both standing at the back of that little room where Sunday school took place. From that angle, I was reminded of the story where the ghosts take the old guy to visit Christmas past. The Stoaffer-thing and I watched as the scrawny old woman spoke to the children sitting on the floor in front of her.
“Satan may take many shapes and many names. He does that just to trick unsuspecting sinners.” Her screechy voice grew louder as she forgot about the children listening and appeared to be preaching to a grand church full of people. “He might look like your friend trying to get you to steal candy from the store. Maybe he looks like your neighbor showing you a magazine full of pictures of sinners fornicating like animals! At other times, he takes the shape of a harlot tempting your husband with her promises of sexual pleasures!” Remembering her young audience, the woman stopped to calm herself before continuing, “We have a whole bunch of names for him,” she said brightly. “He is called Satan, Beelzebub, Father of Lies, and Lucifer among other things. But no matter what he is called, be sure that he is an evil so-and-so and will drown you in the lake of fire.” The skinny old woman could not completely hide her smile at the image.
“Well, it is certainly nice to have a fan,” Stoaffer joked.
My vision suddenly became blurred as the meaning of his words became clear. “What are you saying?”
“Use your brain, Thomas,” he smiled broadly. “You know it is true. You have known it ever since you set eyes on me.” We were instantly back in the grocery store where Joey and I had met Louis Stoaffer. “Think back. Remember the first time you saw me?”
It was not hard to remember the first disturbing im-pression I had of the old man. “I remember how disgusted you made me feel,” I spat out.
What I had intended to be harsh insult only served to amuse him, which was infuriating. “Thomas, your hon-esty is so refreshing! I have long been curious just how others felt when looking upon my latest incarnation. So do you remember anything else?”
“I remember that despite my efforts I couldn’t keep my eyes from looking at you,” I answered.
He laughed loudly and said, “Well, thanks very much! It’s nice to hear that I have such animal magnetism! However, I am more interested in your impressions after leaving the grocery store. How did you feel?”
“How did I feel?” I looked at the strange not-quite-human thing in front of me. “Well, we were leaving three dead bodies behind us. But the thing I remember most is having the feeling that everything was not quite right. It was like it was all just sort of unreal.”
He nodded slowly as if carefully considering my words. “That makes sense. Apparently, I need to im-prove on recreating the world from memory.”
“What you are talking about?” I asked trying to hold on to the thread of sanity.
“I am truly sorry. You must be quite overwhelmed,” he replied. “This is a great deal to have thrown at you in such a short time. But don’t worry. You will have a long time to sort it out. Maybe it will help if I explain a bit. The reason you felt that things were a little off kilter is that none of it was real.” I began to shake my head.
“Let me try to explain. Do you remember seeing the officers who walked past the store?” I nodded quickly. “Good. Now, consider another idea. What if those officers didn’t actually walk past the store but instead came inside?”
I did not want to consider another idea and so yelled, “Your question is bullshit! It doesn’t matter what if this happened or what if that happened! What matters is that those cops walked past the front of the store, and we went out the back!”
“Yes, they did!” Louis paused and then watched my reaction very carefully as he continued, “At least, they did in your mind.”
“In your mind! What the fuck is that supposed to mean, Louis or whatever your name is?” I could feel reality sliding quickly out from under me.
“Louis is fine for now. Look, Thomas, I know you are having a tough time grasping all of this, but you admit that you been feeling the world was slightly off kilter. If you listen carefully for just a minute without interrupting, I will explain it all to you. Can you do that?” I nodded slowly like an obedient child.
“Good. Now then the reason everything around you for the last few days seemed a bit unreal is because it exists only in your mind.” I made sort of a whimpering sound and the thing in front of me stopped for a second. “Just stay with me, Thomas,” Louis said. “It will all make sense. You admit to feeling that the world around you has been somehow unreal lately, right? Have you also had the sense that your mind was being trespassed upon?” This time I nodded quickly with the excitement of having my feelings validated. “Okay, now we are moving right along!” He exclaimed. “I want you to think back to when the feelings started.”
Without having to think about it, I said, “The feelings started in the grocery store about the time I saw you.”
Louis threw back his head and roared out a laugh. “Precisely! The sense that your world had become surreal began with me. Perhaps, I should say that it began with us. We created it together. You were carrying it around in your head. This was a world made up of bits of memory scattered around your brain. Surely you noticed that different people and places reminded you of others that you have seen in your life or perhaps in stories.” Again, I nodded enthusiastically.
“I have been thinking different people and places seemed like things out of a movie or a television show,” I excitedly agreed forgetting the strangeness of my current situation. “I thought I was losing it!”
Louis laughed again and said, “Well, the feeling is certainly understandable.” He stepped closer to me, and the stench of his breath made my eyes tear up. My discomfort must have been obvious, because he pulled the worn roll of mints out of his pocket
and popped one in his mouth before continuing, “Now don’t you have a question for me?”
I was confused for a second before the obvious question formed in my mouth. “Why did you create this world from my thoughts?”
“Yes, that’s it! The question takes us full circle. What if those police officers didn’t keep walking but came into the store?”
“Are you serious?” I asked. “Well, if they had come in, there would have been some sort of fight.” I laughed nervously not wanting to think of that possibility.
“I understand your reluctance at even considering the possibility. However, that is exactly what you must do. In fact, you need to picture it in your mind. Imagine yourself back in the grocery store. Go ahead, Thomas. I want you to close your eyes.” I smiled and reluctantly followed the directions. “You are standing there watching as the two police officers appear at the front of the store. Do you remember what you did?”
“Yes, I stopped to watch them as they walked by.”
“How did you feel?”
“What the hell!” I opened my eyes and glared at Louis. “How do you think I felt? These two cops were about to walk on the middle of a robbery-murder!”
Louis chuckled and said, “No, I don’t want to know about your emotions at the time. I am interested in you physically. Please, close your eyes and think about your physical condition.”
With my eyes reclosed, I answered, “Well, I can remember holding my breath. The whole place… the air seemed suffocating. Like I said, I was stressed at the idea the cops were about to stumble into the store. My body tensed up in one big muscle cramp. Things changed to…I don’t know. A description is tough. The best thing I can think of is like when you blow up a balloon. Then instead of tying it closed, you let it go to fly around the room until the air runs out and it drops to the floor. I felt like all the energy had just blown out of me. But… somehow… instead of falling to the floor like an empty balloon, I kept moving.” I opened my eyes as I thought of what I had said. “All of this sounds like a load of mystical crap.”
“On the contrary, my friend,” Louis replied excitedly. “Yours is a superb description of the process.”
“Process?” I asked confused at the word.
He smiled and answered, “Oh yes! This is a process in the same way as life.”
“Wait! What’s a process?” The return of anger was clear in my voice. “What the hell are you talking about?”
“Death… we’re talking about the process of death.” He said matter-of-factly.
“No, what we’re talking about death! I’m talking about getting nervous about some cops passing by.”
Louis smiled with condescension and said, “As you wish. We can approach the subject in this manner. You say the world began seeming off kilter at this point, right?” I nodded my head in response. “Think back on the moment when you watched the officers walking in front of the store. Go back to how you are feeling standing there watching them outside. Try to remember every detail of your experience. Be aware of everything around you. Can you do that, Thomas?”
As soon as his words spilled out, I found myself
back inside Plymouth Quality Market. I could hear the sounds of the hostages behind me as I stood near the register and stared out toward the front door. The early afternoon sun had started to shine into the windows, and this gave a shine to the two figures passing. In my mind, I saw the two cops continuing past the store. I focused every thought on making my mental picture a reality. The result of my effort became clear within seconds. The little bell on the door jingled.
The sound of the bell made me aware of something heavy in my right hand. I peered down to my side and discovered the Glock hanging from my hand. In a flash, the pistol fired at the woman behind the counter and the businessman who walked toward me. The next instant put me back in place gaze at the front door of the store.
The first one through was a husky, freckle-faced young man. Closely following him was a tall black man. Both wore the light green uniform of the Plymouth police force. Obviously familiar with the place, neither bothered to look up until he was all the way into the store.
My shot caught the young cop in the shoulder and spun him around back toward the door.
I felt something like a punch hit my right cheek as the bullet from the black cop’s gun caught me just below the eye and pulled half my face away.
Chapter 14
We were back in the living room of Theresa’s house.
“I’m dead,” my words came out as a simple fact. “So why am I here now? How come I’m not enjoying the everlasting joys of heaven or suffering the eternal torture of hell?”
Louis smiled the smile of a teacher who has seen the light of understanding come on in a student’s eyes. “Yes, you are indeed dead. However, in response to your questions, your case is more intriguing than the typical straightforward placement. I mentioned previously that everyone hears voices. To elaborate on my comment, everyone hears voices, but sometimes the voice is their own.”
I am not quite sure of my response at this point. The sound was somewhere between a laugh and a scream, the result of an absolutely absurd situation.
Louis watched me for a moment until I recovered somewhat and then said, “Given the magnitude of the circumstance you are responding quite well. I would expect nothing less of you. The ability to silence all voices other than your own is a rare talent. Such a talent is very desirable in this kind of endeavor.”
I was amazed at Louis’ praise. Words like “talent” and “endeavor” reminded me of only one thing, and I could not stop from asking, “Louis, are you offering me a job?”
He looked at me with genuine admiration and said, “How astute of you! Yes, I am prepared to offer you a position in the organization. You have experienced what it is I do and…” He paused as if something had just occurred to him. “Perhaps, I should clarify a couple of things first. I introduced myself as the devil, the prince of darkness, but this is not exactly correct. It is more accurate to think of me as a devil or a prince of darkness.” The look of confusion on my face caused him to stop again for a moment to regroup before continuing, “Okay, let’s see if this makes it easier to understand. Every year around Christmas, the stores are filled with guys dressed as Santa Claus. It doesn’t take any child with half a brain long to realize that not every one of these guys can be Santa. And the whole notion of one person being able to deliver gifts to every house in the world in one night just does not hold water. In order to deal with logic, parents invented the term ‘Santa’s helper’”.
“Hold on a second,” I broke in. “Are you seriously comparing yourself to Santa Claus?”
“Just making an analogy, Thomas,” Louis answered. “If you allow me to explain, I am sure that you will see the relevance.” I nodded with a grin, and he continued, “Considering all of the evil in the world today, do you… Wait, allow me to rephrase that. Evil is not a commodity that has grown in the modern era. It simply seems as if there is more evil today due to our greater awareness of the world via the media. However, I digress, and I am sure that you are not interested in my views on that subject. Considering all of the evil in the world… throughout history, do you sincerely believe that one being could responsible for the entirety?”
Reflexively, the words spilled out of my mouth, “I guess not.”
“Of course not! And that is where my analogy comes in. It is not possible, either logistically or physically, for one person to deliver gifts to every house on the planet in a single night. Likewise, it is not possible for one being to direct the flow of evil streaming forth at any given second in the world. The fact is that even the devil needs to delegate!” Louis roared with laughter. “I guess that makes me one of Satan’s helper.” Again, his laughter echoed. “Do you enjoy anagrams, Thomas?”
The question caught me by surprise, but then a memory came to me. “Do you mean like ‘devil’ spelled backward is ‘lived’?”
“Yes! That is a good
one! But the one I have in mind is a possible anagram of ‘Santa’. You may have realized this previously, but ‘Satan’ is an anagram of ‘Santa’. Of course, I am not suggesting any sort of connection between the two, but it is an interesting coincidence.” Louis watched confusion stretch across my face. “Again, I digress. The main reason for our conversation is that we are constantly in search of people to take on the duties of assisting us. I believe you are a viable candidate for such a position.”
The giggles that trembled through me could not be stopped and broke out in a long stream. I tried to cut off the sound but only succeeded in making myself choke and appearing even more hysterical. Louis simply watched me without expression.
“I apologize. It appears that I have overwhelmed you by presenting too much too quickly. Perhaps I should have offered it to you in more digestible chunks rather than shocking your system with such a huge load of information.”
By this time, I was gasping for air between giggles. I struggled to reply to Louis, “‘Digestible chunks’? Yes…the main problem here is…I have indigestion!” A renewed stream of giggling and gagging broke out. It must have looked pretty close to a seizure. Stoaffer stayed quiet as he watched me.
I froze at the sound of a voice I hadn’t heard for a while.
“Thomas, yuh gotta pull yer shit together!” Joey’s voice had never sounded so good to me. My giggles turned to near sobbing. “This is a lotta stuff to get yer head around, but Lou is givin’ it to yuh straight. Now pull yerself together and hear him out,” Joey sounded as if he was discussing something which happened every day.
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